Friends with benefits (FWB) relationships can be a complicated topic, especially for married couples.
When it comes to FWB, there are many factors to consider, including emotional boundaries, communication, legalities, and more.
That’s why I’ve compiled 50 friends with benefits rules for married couples in FWB relationships. These rules cover everything from maintaining mutual consent and respecting boundaries to being honest about intentions and reassessing the arrangement periodically.
Whether you’re considering an FWB relationship with your spouse or you’re already in one, these rules can help you navigate the complexities and ensure that both partners feel safe, respected, and fulfilled.
So let’s dive in and explore the ins and outs of FWB relationships for married couples.
50 Friends with benefits rules for married couples
The following is a list of friends with benefits rules for married couples:
1. Ensure mutual consent.
Mutual consent is an essential factor in any sexual relationship, including a friends with benefits (FWB) arrangement between married couples.
Both partners must clearly express their willingness to engage in the relationship and give their consent at every stage.
Before beginning any sexual activity, both partners should have a clear understanding of the arrangement’s boundaries and limitations, and they must respect each other’s decisions.
Communication is the key to ensuring mutual consent. Be open and honest with your married FWB partner about your expectations and boundaries.
Ask them directly if they are comfortable with the arrangement and whether they have any reservations.
Discuss the potential consequences of engaging in the relationship and consider any potential emotional or physical risks.
Example statements for communication related to mutual consent:
“I want to make sure we’re both on the same page before we move forward. Are you comfortable with this arrangement?”
“I respect your decision if you’re not ready for this. Let’s talk about what we both want from this relationship.”
“I understand if you need to take things slow. We can revisit this conversation whenever you’re ready.”
“I want to make sure we have clear boundaries and limitations so that we can both feel comfortable and safe.”
Questions to ask your married FWB partner:
“What are your expectations for this relationship?”
“What are your boundaries and limitations?”
“Are there any potential risks or consequences that concern you?”
“Do you feel comfortable giving your consent at every stage?”
“Is there anything you want to add or discuss before we begin?”
Also read: Your guide to married friends with benefits (rules, tips, and insights)
2. No public display of affection.
Married couples in a FWB relationship must keep their intimacy private and discreet.
Public displays of affection (PDA) can cause discomfort or awkwardness for both partners and may raise questions from others.
It is important to maintain the boundary between the FWB relationship and the marriage to avoid confusion or hurt feelings.
Communicate with your married FWB partner about the importance of keeping the relationship private.
Discuss the potential consequences of being seen in public together and how it may affect your respective marriages.
It is essential to be on the same page about the level of secrecy required for the relationship.
Example statements for communication related to no public display of affection:
“I think it’s important that we keep our intimacy private and away from public view. What do you think about that?”
“I know we enjoy spending time together, but let’s make sure we don’t engage in any PDA to avoid any confusion or awkwardness.”
“I want to make sure we’re both comfortable with the level of secrecy required for this relationship. How do you feel about keeping it private?”
Questions to ask your married FWB partner:
“How do you feel about keeping our relationship private?”
“Do you think it’s important to avoid PDA?”
“What are your concerns about being seen in public together?”
“What boundaries do you think we should establish to maintain privacy?”
“How do you plan to maintain the boundary between our FWB relationship and your marriage?”
Also read: Friends with benefits with a married man (complete guide)
3. Be aware of legalities.
When engaging in a FWB relationship, it is essential to be aware of the legal implications.
Depending on your location and circumstances, there may be legal consequences for adultery or infidelity.
Both partners should consider the potential legal risks before engaging in the relationship and be willing to take responsibility for any consequences.
Be open and honest about any legal risks or concerns and discuss ways to minimize them.
It is important to make informed decisions and take responsibility for any actions that may have legal consequences.
Example statements for communication related to being aware of legalities:
“I want to make sure we’re both aware of any legal implications before we move forward with this relationship.”
“Have you considered any legal risks or consequences that may come with engaging in a FWB relationship?”
“I understand that there may be legal risks involved, and I’m willing to take responsibility for my actions. Are you?”
Questions to ask your married FWB partner:
“Have you researched the legal implications of engaging in a FWB relationship?”
“What legal risks or concerns do you have?”
“Do you feel comfortable taking responsibility for any potential legal consequences?”
“What steps can we take to minimize any legal risks?”
“How can we make informed decisions about our actions?”
Also read: 50 Psychological effects of friends with benefits
4. Prioritize the marriage.
When engaging in a FWB relationship, it is essential to prioritize the marriage.
The primary relationship should always take precedence, and both partners should be aware of the potential risks to their marriage.
It is crucial to maintain a healthy balance between the FWB relationship and the marriage.
Example statements for communication related to prioritizing the marriage:
“I want to make sure that we both prioritize our marriages and maintain a healthy balance between them.”
“I understand that our FWB relationship is important to us, but we need to make sure it doesn’t interfere with our marriages.”
“How can we make sure that our FWB relationship doesn’t impact our marriage negatively?”
Questions to ask your married FWB partner:
“How important is it for you to prioritize your marriage?”
“What boundaries can we establish to ensure that our FWB relationship doesn’t interfere with our marriage?”
“How can we maintain a healthy balance between our FWB relationship and our marriage?”
“What compromises are you willing to make to ensure that we prioritize our marriage?”
“What concerns do you have about balancing our FWB relationship and our marriage?”
5. Accept the reality of the arrangement.
A FWB relationship between married couples is not a traditional arrangement, and it is important to accept the reality of the situation.
It is essential to recognize that the relationship may not develop into something more, and both partners must be willing to accept that fact.
It is important to set realistic expectations and be willing to accept the outcome.
Example statements for communication related to accepting the reality of the arrangement:
“I want to make sure we’re both on the same page about the reality of this relationship.”
“I understand that this may not develop into something more, and I’m okay with that. How do you feel?”
“I think it’s important to be realistic about our expectations and accept the outcome, whatever it may be.”
Questions to ask your married FWB partner:
“What are your expectations for this relationship?”
“Are you okay with the fact that this may not develop into something more?”
“How do you feel about accepting the reality of our arrangement?”
“What are your concerns about the outcome of this relationship?”
“What can we do to ensure that we both accept the reality of our FWB relationship?”
Also read: Can friends with benefits fall in love? Research says “Yes.”
6. Maintain separate identities.
In a FWB relationship between married couples, it is crucial to maintain separate identities.
Both partners must respect each other’s privacy and personal space, and they should not feel obligated to disclose personal information or details about their primary relationship.
Example statements for communication related to maintaining separate identities:
“I want to make sure we both have the privacy and personal space we need. How can we respect each other’s boundaries?”
“I understand that we have separate identities outside of this relationship, and I respect that. How do you feel about it?”
“I think it’s important that we maintain a healthy balance between our FWB relationship and our personal lives. How can we do that?”
Questions to ask your married FWB partner:
“What personal boundaries do you have that I should respect?”
“Do you have any concerns about this arrangement interfering with our individual lives or our marriages?”
“How do you think we can balance our separate lives and this relationship?”
“What are some things that you enjoy doing outside of this relationship?”
“How do you see us keeping our personal lives separate from our FWB arrangement?”
7. Keep the FWB relationship discreet and private.
Keeping the FWB relationship discreet and private is crucial for married couples who are engaging in this kind of arrangement.
Discretion and privacy are essential for maintaining the boundary between the FWB relationship and the marriage, avoiding awkwardness or suspicion from others, and protecting everyone’s reputation and emotional well-being.
Discuss how you can both maintain secrecy and avoid arousing suspicion from others.
Consider practical ways to keep the relationship hidden, such as choosing a neutral location to meet or using discreet communication methods.
Example statements for communication related to keeping the FWB relationship discreet and private:
“I want to make sure we’re both comfortable with the level of secrecy required for this arrangement. How do you feel about that?”
“I think it’s important that we keep this relationship private to avoid any potential consequences. Let’s talk about how we can do that.”
“Let’s agree to keep our communication discreet and use neutral locations to meet. How do you see us maintaining secrecy in this relationship?”
“I want to protect both of our reputations and avoid arousing suspicion from others. How do you feel about keeping this relationship private?”
Questions to ask your married FWB partner:
“How do you feel about keeping this relationship discreet and private?”
“Do you have any concerns about being discovered by others?”
“What are some practical ways we can keep this relationship hidden?”
“How do you see us balancing our need for secrecy with our desire to engage in this relationship?”
“How do you feel about using discreet communication methods, such as secure messaging apps or private email addresses?”
8. Don’t let it interfere with marriage.
The most important rule for any married couple engaging in a FWB relationship is to prioritize the marriage and not let the arrangement interfere with it.
It is essential to maintain clear boundaries between the FWB relationship and the marriage, and to ensure that both partners are aware of the potential consequences of allowing the relationship to interfere with their marriage.
Both partners should regularly check in with each other and be open and honest about any concerns or issues that arise.
It is also important to establish clear rules and boundaries to ensure that the relationship remains fun and enjoyable without causing harm to the marriage.
Example statements for communication related to not letting the FWB relationship interfere with marriage:
“I want to make sure that this arrangement doesn’t negatively impact our marriage. Let’s talk about how we can keep the two separate.”
“I think it’s important that we regularly check in with each other to make sure we’re both comfortable with the arrangement. How do you feel about that?”
“I don’t want this relationship to cause any harm to our marriage. Let’s establish some clear boundaries to ensure that doesn’t happen.”
“Maintaining the health of our marriage is a top priority for me. How do you feel about that?”
Questions to ask your married FWB partner:
“What are your concerns about this relationship impacting our marriage?”
“What steps can we take to ensure that the relationship doesn’t interfere with our marriage?”
“How do you see us balancing the FWB relationship with our commitment to our marriage?”
“What are some boundaries that we should establish to ensure that the relationship remains separate from our marriage?”
“How often do you think we should check in with each other to make sure we’re both comfortable with the arrangement?”
9. Avoid attachment and possessiveness.
One of the biggest challenges in a FWB relationship is avoiding emotional attachment and possessiveness.
It is important to remember that the arrangement is based on mutual enjoyment and fun, without any expectation of commitment or exclusivity.
Both partners must be aware of the risks of developing feelings and be prepared to handle them appropriately.
Example statements for communication related to avoiding attachment and possessiveness:
“I want to make sure we both understand that this arrangement is based on mutual enjoyment and nothing more. Are you on the same page?”
“I enjoy spending time with you, but I don’t want to develop feelings that may interfere with our arrangement. How do you feel about that?”
“I think it’s important that we respect each other’s boundaries and avoid any behaviors that suggest possessiveness or exclusivity. How do you see that working for us?”
Questions to ask your married FWB partner:
“How do you feel about the risk of developing feelings in this arrangement?”
“What are some boundaries that we can establish to avoid any behavior that may suggest possessiveness or exclusivity?”
“What would happen if one of us developed feelings for the other?”
“How can we ensure that we both remain aware of the risks of emotional attachment?”
“What are your expectations for the emotional aspect of our relationship?”
10. Respectfully decline advances.
In any FWB relationship, there may be times when one partner is not interested in sexual activity.
It is important to respect each other’s boundaries and to decline advances in a respectful and understanding manner.
Both partners must be aware of the importance of mutual consent and respect for each other’s decisions.
Let them know if you are not interested in sexual activity. Respect their decisions if they decline advances and avoid pressuring them into anything that makes them uncomfortable.
Example statements for communication related to respectfully declining advances:
“I appreciate your advances, but I’m not interested in sexual activity right now. Is that okay with you?”
“I think it’s important that we both feel comfortable and respected in this relationship. If you’re not interested, please let me know.”
“I want to make sure we both understand the importance of respecting each other’s boundaries. If you’re not interested, that’s okay with me.”
Questions to ask your married FWB partner:
“How do you feel about declining advances in a respectful and understanding manner?”
“What can we do to ensure that we both feel comfortable and respected in this relationship?”
“What are your boundaries when it comes to sexual activity?”
“How do you want me to handle it if you decline my advances?”
“Do you feel comfortable expressing your boundaries to me?”
11. Respect boundaries and privacy.
Clear boundaries and privacy are essential in any FWB arrangement, especially between married couples.
Both partners must communicate their boundaries and respect each other’s privacy to avoid confusion or hurt feelings.
It is important to maintain the boundary between the FWB relationship and the marriage to avoid any confusion or hurt feelings.
Example statements for communication related to respecting boundaries and privacy:
“I understand that you have boundaries, and I want to respect them. Can we discuss them?”
“I don’t feel comfortable discussing our relationship with others. Is that okay with you?”
“I want to make sure we both have our privacy respected. Can we discuss what that looks like for both of us?”
“I want to make sure we both feel comfortable in this relationship. Can we revisit our boundaries and privacy periodically?”
Questions to ask your married FWB partner:
“What are your boundaries regarding our FWB relationship?”
“How do you feel about discussing our relationship with others?”
“What does privacy look like to you in this arrangement?”
“Is there anything that makes you uncomfortable that we should avoid?”
“Can we discuss our boundaries and privacy periodically to make sure we’re still on the same page?”
12. Be honest about intentions.
Honesty is crucial in any relationship, including a FWB arrangement between married couples.
Both partners should be clear about their intentions and desires to avoid misunderstandings and hurt feelings.
It is essential to communicate openly and honestly with each other to ensure that both parties understand the nature of the arrangement.
Example statements for communication related to being honest about intentions:
“I want to be honest about my intentions for this relationship. I’m not looking for anything serious, but I enjoy spending time with you.”
“I think it’s important to be clear about our desires and limitations. What are your thoughts on that?”
“I don’t want either of us to get hurt, so I think it’s important that we communicate openly and honestly about our intentions.”
“I want to make sure that we’re both on the same page regarding our desires and boundaries. Can we discuss them?”
Questions to ask your married FWB partner:
“What are your intentions for this relationship?”
“What do you hope to gain from our FWB arrangement?”
“Are there any limitations or boundaries you want to set for this relationship?”
“Can we discuss the potential emotional or physical risks associated with this relationship?”
“Do you feel comfortable being completely honest with me about your intentions?”
13. No expectations, just fun.
In a friends with benefits (FWB) relationship between married couples, it is important to understand that the arrangement is purely for fun and pleasure.
Neither partner should have any expectations for the future or develop feelings of attachment or possessiveness towards the other.
This can lead to complications and hurt feelings and could potentially harm both the FWB relationship and the respective marriages.
Make sure that you both understand that the relationship is purely for fun and that you are not seeking a long-term commitment.
Example statements for communication related to no expectations, just fun:
“I want to make sure we’re on the same page about our intentions. I’m not looking for anything serious, just some fun and pleasure.”
“I enjoy spending time with you, but I don’t want either of us to develop any feelings of attachment. Let’s keep it casual and fun.”
“I appreciate the time we spend together, but I want to make it clear that I’m not looking for a long-term relationship. Are you okay with that?”
Questions to ask your married FWB partner:
“What are your expectations for the future of our relationship?”
“Do you feel any attachment or possessiveness towards me?”
“How can we ensure that we are both on the same page about our intentions?”
“Are there any potential risks of developing feelings for each other?”
“Do you have any concerns about keeping the relationship purely for fun?”
14. Don’t take advantage of the arrangement.
A friends with benefits arrangement between married couples should be based on mutual respect and trust.
Taking advantage of the arrangement by using it for personal gain or manipulating the other person is not only unethical but can also harm the relationship and potentially the marriage.
It’s important to maintain a sense of fairness and equality in the relationship.
It’s important to be clear about what you’re looking for from the relationship and to respect the other person’s boundaries and wishes.
Example statements for communication related to not taking advantage of the arrangement:
“I don’t want you to feel like I’m using you for my own benefit. How can we make sure that we’re both getting what we want out of this?”
“I know we agreed to keep things casual, but I don’t want to hurt you. Can we talk about our expectations and make sure we’re on the same page?”
“I appreciate that we’re both honest with each other. Let’s keep the lines of communication open and make sure we’re both comfortable with how things are going.”
Questions to ask your married FWB partner:
“Do you feel like I’m taking advantage of this arrangement in any way?”
“Are there any concerns you have about how this relationship is affecting us?”
“What can we do to ensure that we’re both getting what we want from this?”
“Do you feel like we’re on equal footing in this relationship?”
“Is there anything you want to discuss or clarify to ensure that we’re both comfortable?”
15. Reassess the arrangement periodically.
It is important to periodically reassess the FWB arrangement to ensure that both partners are still comfortable with the relationship and that it is not interfering with their marriage.
As time passes, feelings and circumstances may change, and it is essential to be aware of any potential risks or issues that may arise.
Discuss whether the arrangement is still fulfilling both of your needs and whether there are any changes or adjustments that need to be made.
Be open and honest about any concerns or issues that have arisen and consider whether it is still a sustainable arrangement for both parties.
Example statements for communication related to reassessing the arrangement periodically:
“I think it’s important that we check in with each other periodically to make sure we’re still comfortable with this arrangement. When would be a good time for us to do that?”
“I’ve been thinking about our relationship, and I wanted to talk to you about whether it’s still fulfilling both of our needs.”
“I want to make sure that this arrangement isn’t interfering with your marriage or causing any issues. How do you feel about it?”
“I think it’s important for us to be honest with each other about any concerns or issues that have arisen. Let’s talk about any potential changes or adjustments we need to make to ensure that we’re both happy and comfortable.”
Questions to ask your married FWB partner:
“How do you feel about our arrangement now that some time has passed?”
“Are there any concerns or issues that you’ve been hesitant to bring up?”
“Do you feel that the arrangement is still fulfilling your needs?”
“Are there any changes or adjustments that you think we need to make to ensure that we’re both happy and comfortable?”
“How do you think our arrangement is affecting our respective marriages?”
35 Tips to set friends with benefits rules for married couples
Here are some tips and strategies to establish friends with benefits rules for married couples:
1. Communication: It is crucial to communicate openly and honestly about your needs, desires, and boundaries with your partner. Discuss your expectations and establish clear boundaries to avoid misunderstandings.
2. Mutual respect: Respect each other’s feelings, opinions, and boundaries.
3. Frequency and timing: Set clear guidelines for how often you’ll see each other and when.
4. Exclusivity: Discuss whether you want to be exclusive to each other or open to seeing other people.
5. Protection: Discuss the use of contraception and protection against sexually transmitted diseases.
6. Emotional attachment: Discuss what kind of emotional attachment you are willing to have with each other.
7. Public display of affection: Decide if you will engage in public displays of affection or not.
8. Sleepovers: Determine if sleepovers are allowed or not.
9. Privacy: Discuss how to maintain privacy to avoid creating any awkwardness in your social circle.
10. No strings attached: Make it clear that it’s just a physical relationship and that there are no strings attached.
11. Honesty: Be honest about your intentions and expectations from the start.
12. Respect for the partner’s marriage: Agree to respect each other’s marriages and not interfere in any way.
13. Communication with spouses: Decide whether or not you will disclose the relationship to your spouse.
14. Frequency of communication: Discuss how often you will communicate with each other, both in person and online.
15. Jealousy: Discuss how to manage any jealousy or feelings that may arise.
16. Ending the relationship: Establish how to end the relationship if needed.
17. Professionalism: Maintain a professional attitude and avoid bringing any personal issues or drama to the relationship.
18. Family and friends: Decide how to handle interactions with each other’s family and friends.
19. Taking a break: Discuss the option of taking a break from the relationship, if needed.
20. Reassessing the relationship: Agree to reassess the relationship periodically to ensure that it’s still working for both parties.
21. Setting boundaries: Establish clear boundaries around communication, such as not texting or calling after a certain time or when with family.
22. Social media: Discuss how to handle social media, such as whether or not to follow each other or post photos together.
23. Alcohol and drug use: Set guidelines around alcohol and drug use when together.
24. Expectations around the relationship: Discuss what you hope to gain from the relationship, such as exploring your sexuality or simply having fun.
25. Discuss feelings: Encourage open and honest communication about your feelings, including any potential changes in feelings over time.
26. Respect for each other’s time: Agree to respect each other’s time, such as not showing up unannounced or canceling plans at the last minute.
27. No pressure: Make sure that both parties feel comfortable and not pressured into anything.
28. Protection of personal information: Agree to keep personal information private and not share it with others.
29. The role of communication: Decide how to communicate about issues that arise, such as using “I” statements and avoiding blame.
30. Plan for any potential fallout: Discuss how to handle any potential fallout if the relationship is discovered.
31. Enjoyment of each other’s company: Remember to have fun and enjoy each other’s company, without getting too caught up in rules and expectations.
32. Mutual agreement: Both parties must agree to the terms and conditions set for the relationship.
33. Clarity on what you want: Be clear about what you want from the relationship and avoid leading the other person on if your intentions change.
34. Financial transactions: Avoid any financial transactions or obligations related to the relationship.
35. Keep it drama-free: Avoid any unnecessary drama and prioritize respect for each other’s feelings, opinions, and boundaries.
Final thoughts:
In conclusion, friends with benefits arrangements can work for some married couples, but only if they are entered into with care and consideration for each partner’s feelings and needs.
By following these 50 rules, married couples can create a safe and enjoyable FWB relationship that enhances their sexual experiences without jeopardizing their marriage.
Remember to communicate openly and honestly, prioritize each other’s feelings, and respect boundaries and privacy.
If at any point the arrangement becomes uncomfortable or detrimental to the marriage, it’s crucial to reassess and potentially end the FWB relationship.
With these guidelines in mind, married couples can explore their sexuality and have fun with a trusted partner without damaging their relationship.
