You may wonder, “I like to think that I’m an intelligent, good-looking, kind, caring person with great taste in music and clothes. But it doesn’t seem like that to the rest of the world.
I’ve never really had any close friends or developed much of a dating life, and people seem to avoid me like the plague. Am I really that bad? Why don’t people like me? And what can I do about it?
We’ve all felt this way at some point in our lives, haven’t we? You wake up one day and wonder why you can’t seem to make any friends or get along with anyone.
Even the people you thought were your closest friends don’t seem to want to hang out with you anymore, making you feel all alone in the world.
People come in different forms. You may have come across different kinds of people throughout your life, but it may seem that there are some types of people that are more difficult to communicate with than others.
While they may be the same age as you, they are most likely your opposites in terms of social skills, maturity level, and overall personality traits. So, how to get along with others and improve your social skills to make more friends and how to make someone fall in love with you.
This article explores why you might not be getting the love you deserve, and how you can make yourself more likable.
- Why don’t people like me?
- 3 Basic personality types
- 5 Different cognitive personality types:
- 11 Reasons why people don’t like you
- 1. You are not compatible with other personalities:
- 2. You are not self-aware:
- 3. You are too self-absorbed:
- 4. You aren’t confident and comfortable with yourself:
- 5. You are self-deprecating:
- 6. You crave attention and seek people’s validation:
- 7. You are closed off to new friendships:
- 8. You have a narcissistic personality:
- 9. You can’t admit when you’re wrong:
- 10. You struggle to form a true emotional connection:
- 11. You think everyone has an ulterior motive:
- How to get people to like you ( 10 Tips)
Why don’t people like me?
If you think, why don’t people like me? The answer to this question most likely depends upon what kind of personality you have. Knowing your own personality type and that of others can go a long way toward helping you understand why people get along or don’t get along with each other.
When we know ourselves, we can better understand why we do what we do – and how it impacts others around us.
This awareness will enable us to communicate more effectively, resolve conflicts peacefully and lead a happier life. Knowing Yourself is at the heart of Positive Psychology.
Research has shown time and again that when we have insight into our strengths and challenges, not only do we feel more empowered, but also more motivated to move ahead in life.
3 Basic personality types
In psychology, there are 3 basic personality types: Extraverted (outgoing), Introverted (reserved) and Ambiverted (or in between). Remember that everyone is both an introvert and an extravert to some degree – it’s just that one is stronger than the other.
So, if you’re an extravert, your dominant side will determine whether or not people like you or not. If you’re an introvert, then again your dominant side will be your deciding factor as to why people like you or not.
1. Extroverts –
These are people who really enjoy being around others – they find a lot of value in human interaction – Extroverts enjoy small talk and they often feel energized by it – they especially enjoy conversations where more personal things are discussed rather than ideas or opinions.
Extroverts are eager to learn about other people – their backgrounds, their work, how long they’ve been with their current employer etc. They tend to ask questions that could lead to further conversation because Extroverts want everyone to be included in what is going on – they want everyone involved.
Extroverts can find ways to relate to just about any person as they have no trouble finding common ground with them. Extroverts may try too hard at times as they’re very excited and energetic when interacting with other people.
2. Introverts –
On the other hand, don’t gain energy from being around others – they gain energy from being alone. They’re not necessarily anti-social or shy – they just prefer to spend time alone rather than with others – they’ll usually have very close relationships with just a few people. Introverts tend to ask different types of questions as opposed to Extroverts.
Introverts often value quality over quantity when it comes to their interactions and very selective and picky when it comes to making relationships.
3. Ambiverts –
Ambiverts are those who sit right in between Extroverts and Introverts. If you’re an ambivert, it’s likely that you share characteristics with both Extroverts and Introverts. You may be more of an introvert some days, but more of an extrovert on other days.
Being somewhere in between allows you to enjoy being around others while also enjoying some time to yourself when necessary. This means that when interacting with others, they do make eye contact when engaged in a conversation but only because they actually want to know what is being said – not because they feel pressured to do so by society.
5 Different cognitive personality types:
Today we will look at five different personality types and see how they impact relationships with others. I hope that by reading these descriptions you may be able to gain some insights into yourself and those around you.
Personality type 1: The Judger.
People with a judging personality enjoy structure and order. They tend to be organized, decisive and fastidious. Things have to make sense to them in a concrete, precise way. If there is any ambiguity at all, it causes them great discomfort as they need clarity about their environment before they can relax into it. In social situations, judgers are task-oriented individuals who want everything to go as planned.
Personality type 2: The Perceiver.
Perceivers need a lot of flexibility in their environment. They thrive on spontaneity and usually enjoy going with the flow, even if that means going off course occasionally. They generally have a low need for structure and organization as they want to live in an open-ended world where possibilities abound. If there is too much structure, it can make them feel stifled and overwhelmed because they take longer to make decisions than judgers do.
Personality type 3: The Idealist.
Idealists are creative, spontaneous and fun-loving. They are usually full of ideas that can easily be put into action. They enjoy brainstorming with others to generate new ideas and excitement, but because they are so future-oriented, they rarely do anything about their ideas until it is time to make them happen.
Personality type 4: The Realist.
Realists are down-to-earth, analytical and skeptical. They enjoy looking at reality in a detached way and thinking about things analytically before jumping into them. Because they like to think about everything that could go wrong before it does, they often appear cautious and overly concerned with worst-case scenarios. In social situations, they can be hard to get to know because they’re less likely than others to let their hair down and go with their gut feelings.
Personality type 5: The Investigator.
Investigators are analytical, logical and good at solving problems. They tend to be very independent-minded because they like to collect data and use their reasoning skills before making decisions. They generally focus on one thing at a time (so they do not multi-task well) and usually know how to get things done in an efficient way.
Which personality type is best at making friends and developing relationships?
The answer to that question depends on how flexible you are. If you’re a judger or realist, you will probably have an easier time meeting new people than someone who is an idealist or investigator.
Once you’ve met someone for the first time, they can be quickly classified by their dominant personality type – so it will be easy to determine whether they are more like you (and therefore good potential friend material) or not.
The idealist, for example, is very friendly with everyone initially because they are so open-minded. But their lack of skepticism can sometimes lead them to be taken advantage of by others who take their open-mindedness as a sign that they will always give in.
A realist would avoid being taken advantage of by applying some healthy skepticism into their relationships with others before jumping into them too deeply.
Researchers also have found that when it comes to friendship development, what matters most is not our personalities but how flexible we are in adapting ourselves to fit our social situations.
For example, an investigator would enjoy talking about all kinds of topics with different types of people rather than just sitting around watching TV.
And while he may need his alone time to feel energized (lonely investigators tend to be unhappy people), he won’t mind spending quality time with his friends on occasion either if he knows he’ll get something interesting out of it.
As long as you’re trying your best to make new connections—and keep in touch with your old ones—you’re likely making good progress toward enhancing your friendships over time.
A judger might find it difficult to maintain close relationships if she wants everything in her life to go according to plan; she might end up canceling plans with her friends if she doesn’t like how things turn out.
This isn’t effective for building strong, lasting bonds. If someone seems standoffish or aloof, try asking questions about him or getting involved in activities together; more often than not, there’s more behind their behavior than meets the eye.
And finally a perceiver might come across as flighty to other people because they want to do many things over time instead of sticking with just one thing at a time.
Being able to empathize with how others act will go far toward helping us reach out beyond ourselves and connecting with them in meaningful ways.
So, regardless of your personality, why people don’t like you? You can change that by becoming a friendlier person. You can get there by following these steps:
1) Think about what type of person you want to be. List qualities such as caring, energetic, friendly and honest. Set goals for yourself and remember them every day (write them down if possible).
2) Do nice things for others or help out when someone needs it: Remember: All acts of kindness count; it’s not how big they are but how much thought and effort we put into them that matters most.
3) Keep in mind that most people have difficulties at some point in their lives so do not judge them based on your first impression or one interaction with them.
5) Treat everyone kindly including those who are mean to you. And finally,
6) When you meet new people, focus on being interested rather than interesting because being interested encourages others to tell us more about themselves which helps us connect better with them. If someone doesn’t seem to like you at first meeting, try not to worry too much about it because people tend to form an opinion very quickly after meeting us which may or may not represent their true feelings.
The next time you run into someone again, give him another chance and see if he treats you differently. Many times our initial impressions are wrong. As people learn to know each other better, they tend to discover common ground with each other and begin liking each other naturally.
Research shows that it is best to surround yourself with individuals who are like you in terms of personality type.
By doing so, you will make more meaningful connections in your personal life. If you tend to be a judger or an investigator, find someone who also tends to be a judger or an investigator. And if you are an idealist or a realist, look for others who have similar personalities.
11 Reasons why people don’t like you
If you wonder why doesn’t anyone like me, here are 11 reasons for that.
1. You are not compatible with other personalities:
Some personality types do not mesh well together. A person’s lifestyle and interests can greatly influence whether or not two individuals will have a positive relationship.
Compatibility is more of an art than a science, but there are certain patterns of behavior that indicate poor compatibility between two people.
If you know what to look for, it is easy to spot someone who has bad chemistry with another individual; they tend to avoid one another at all costs and usually only remain in each other’s company when necessary.
2. You are not self-aware:
Even if you are compatible with someone else, if you do not understand your own personality type, it is very difficult to anticipate how your interactions will affect others.
A person who is unaware of their own strengths and weaknesses cannot effectively balance competing social forces that could lead to harmony or strain in any relationship.
When something goes wrong in a friendship or romantic relationship, one of these two factors—compatibility or self-awareness—is usually to blame for any problems that arise.
3. You are too self-absorbed:
Everyone has a need to feel appreciated, but if you are not careful, it is easy to turn your focus inward and forget about those around you.
Self-absorption can be toxic because it makes others feel unimportant and unloved; even if no malice is intended, habitual narcissism erodes healthy relationships over time.
You may need to confront your own habits before you will be able to foster meaningful connections with other people again.
4. You aren’t confident and comfortable with yourself:
It’s hard to get close to someone when you can’t open up and be your true self. As long as you are carrying around a secret or feel ashamed of something about yourself, it will be difficult for others to see past your insecurities.
Secrets make it easy for you to fool yourself into thinking that everything is okay when in reality something is holding you back from being more open and vulnerable with others.
5. You are self-deprecating:
Being self-deprecating is not the same as being humble, which is a good thing. Being humble implies an ability to accept compliments and praise, while some forms of self-deprecation are actually harmful to your psyche and your relationships with others.
Constantly putting yourself down will lead others to have low expectations for you—and they may not care enough about you to help you become better or try harder.
6. You crave attention and seek people’s validation:
Validation is a basic human need that must be satisfied in order to grow and move forward in life, but if you are always seeking someone else’s approval to feel better about yourself, it can have a negative impact on your relationships with others.
If you do not understand how to respect other people’s boundaries, you may find yourself manipulating them into paying more attention to you than they would otherwise want to—and when they no longer offer adoration or praise, your feelings of self-worth could plummet quickly.
7. You are closed off to new friendships:
If you are not careful, you may end up sabotaging your own ability to make new friends because of your past experiences with others.
You could become scared that all of your relationships will end in heartbreak or disappointment, but by trying to escape from one bad relationship after another, you will never have a chance to meet someone who is right for you.
8. You have a narcissistic personality:
Narcissism is not always about vanity—it is also about thinking that you are better than others or entitled to special treatment because of your achievements or qualities.
If you see nothing wrong with exploiting others for your own gain, it may be difficult for you to have close friendships with other people because you are focused on what they can do for you rather than on what they can contribute as equal individuals in your life.
A healthy sense of self-worth comes from seeing value in others as well as yourself and knowing how to balance those forces properly.
9. You can’t admit when you’re wrong:
Admitting mistakes is hard work, but it makes relationships so much easier down the road because everyone knows where they stand with each other.
When everything feels all right all of the time, there’s no need for honest communication or healthy confrontation—and these things are crucial to keeping strong connections with friends and loved ones alive over time.
10. You struggle to form a true emotional connection:
If you have trouble understanding others’ feelings and being sensitive to their needs, it will be impossible for others to feel truly close to you.
Being able to understand how someone else thinks or what someone else wants from a relationship requires that you take into account that person’s individual needs—which means taking their perspective into account as well as your own.
By developing empathy and compassion toward others, you can build stronger relationships because people will sense that they can trust you and count on you.
11. You think everyone has an ulterior motive:
Always seeing deceit in other people makes it hard to trust them enough to allow yourself to open up emotionally; once again, paranoia makes it difficult for anyone to really get close enough to see who you are inside without making judgments about your intentions first.
It’s much easier to have a good relationship with someone when you believe that person loves and cares about you just as much as he or she loves and cares about himself or herself—and that requires suspending judgment until all of your interactions can prove otherwise.
How to get people to like you ( 10 Tips)
Here are 10 tips on how to get someone to like you.
1) Always ask questions.
You never know when someone might be able to give you good advice. People love talking about themselves and helping others so take advantage of that! Don’t think of it as prying, but more so as an interview for an insight into their lives.
Furthermore, most people are very flattered if they’re asked for guidance. It’s always better to have friends who are genuinely interested in what you have to say rather than just wanting something from you.
So talk with everyone, not just your friends or cool people! Everyone has something valuable to offer.
2) Smile at people.
Smiling is contagious (for both positive and negative emotions), so make sure you smile at everyone you see around you. Not only will it help them be happier, but also treat them with kindness.
Remember to always return a smile with a smile because some people may actually want to engage in conversation even though they don’t approach you first.
You can then use these small opportunities to increase your chances of forming friendships down the road.
3) Pick up on social cues.
A big part of being likable is being perceptive and knowing how to respond appropriately to different situations. First impressions often create long lasting impressions so try not to do anything too drastic or unpredictable unless you really know how things will play out.
4) Listen actively.
The art of listening actively involves asking meaningful questions, paraphrasing, summarizing important points back to the speaker, using encouraging body language and eye contact while paying attention 100% without distracting thoughts running through your head.
If you keep all of these tips in mind while interacting with people, I guarantee you’ll find yourself becoming friendlier over time! For extra credit I recommend reading How To Win Friends And Influence People by Dale Carnegie
5) Be honest.
When meeting new people there is no need to pretend to be someone else. They want to get to know you for who you are, so embrace it.
Everyone makes mistakes, but a person worth getting to know will understand that everything happens for a reason and learn from those experiences instead of dwelling on them forever.
Sharing past mistakes can make others trust you more because they feel as if there is no need hiding any information from each other.
6) Follow through with commitments.
One way to gain respect and credibility is making and keeping promises. This shows other people that you follow through with what you say which helps build trust between each other. When commitments aren’t met, many people lose faith in another person; whether it be due to laziness or poor communication skills.
7) Practice gratitude.
In everything you do or say, always keep a positive attitude. Even if something unfortunate happens that doesn’t go your way, there are many things for which to be grateful so try your best to stay positive.
The more thankful you are for what you have in life, the less likely it is for you to be lonely or depressed because having an optimistic outlook on life is contagious.
As an added bonus, being grateful is proven to make individuals healthier and feel better about themselves
8) Give compliments freely.
Compliments can help build rapport with others. If you notice something nice about someone that isn’t directly related to appearance, tell them without hesitation! Not only will they appreciate it, but also they’ll probably want to compliment you as well creating a positive cycle of positivity between each other.
A good way to become more likable is by improving yourself as a person. This can come in many forms such as learning something new, perfecting a skill or starting a positive habit.
Most likely it will be out of your comfort zone at first, but if you make an effort and succeed you’ll feel great about yourself which helps you gain confidence and become more attractive to others.
If I had to suggest one thing for self-improvement, I would say meditation is absolutely necessary.
10) Be compassionate.
One of my favorite quotes is, When you realize how perfect everything is, you will tilt your head back and laugh at the sky.
The person who said that sums up perfectly how I view life. It may not seem like it right now, but there is beauty in every aspect of life; even when it’s hidden behind pain or suffering. Many people are too consumed by negativity to notice it though.
They often forget that everyone they come across on a daily basis is fighting their own battle of some sort. Some things aren’t obvious until we take a step back and recognize them for what they really are.