What to do after a break up of a long term relationship to get over them?(17 things to do)

Sometimes, it’s not easy to move on from your ex and what to do after a breakup of a long term relationship.

You may have a difficult time eating properly and sleeping soundly, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t hope for happiness in your future and the future of your relationships.

There are a number of things you can do to cope with your hurt, and loss and eventually put it behind you.

In this article, you will learn,

What to do after a break up of a long-term relationship?

How to get over a long term relationship?

Also rea d:How to let go of someone you can’t be with? (15 Tips)

How to recover from a breakup of a long-term relationship? With 17 tips

What to do after a break up of a long term relationship?

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How to deal with breakup after long term relationship? There’s no easy answer to that question, dealing with a breakup of a long-term relationship is always painful depending upon the reason behind your separation.

The truth is that there really isn’t an easy fix. Instead, it’s important to take some time off from each other and consider what led up to your breakup before trying again.

This may sound counterintuitive but generally speaking, relationships have ups and downs; every so often there comes a time when one or both parties feel as if things aren’t going well enough for them anymore.

So instead of ignoring it until you can’t deal with it anymore (i.e., cheating or any serious problem), talk about what’s been bothering you and work together on improving yourself (and possibly the relationship) for the better — even if it means thinking about breaking up eventually. 

After all, if you really care about a person, then losing them feels pretty terrible at first. 

Unfortunately, sometimes things don’t work out and love just isn’t enough to keep things going. If a relationship has run its course (or has been strained for some time), it’s best not to try forcing something that simply isn’t meant to be.

Instead of denying yourself closure or hurting your partner by acting as though nothing ever happened, realize that letting go is actually more hurtful than necessary for both parties.

  • How you part ways may differ depending on where your bond currently stands on the scale between romantic connections and purely platonic ones;
  • How often you two were together;
  • How well you communicated;
  • How strong your ties were prior to dating;
  • How long ago things end up falling apart; etc. 

Still, remember that there’s always room for change in our lives no matter where we’re headed now — whether down or upstream.

Clear reasons why a person did not want to continue? You’re still good friends, and would still be lovers if things were different.

However, Sometimes, simply letting go is best for everyone — whether for a long term relationship partner who no longer wants to get back together or for ex-girlfriends that have moved on from their romantic relationship (either way).

It’s more hurtful to deny yourself closure than it is painful for your partner; it’s also difficult seeing them with someone else.

Simply realize that time will heal most of these wounds and being together in love may have just been meant in another lifetime rather than now. Simply be glad you’ve gotten over a break up of a long-term relationship as best as possible.

How to get over a long term relationship?

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How to deal with a breakup after a long relationship? Accepting that the relationship is over, is the first step. It’s not easy, but it’s essential for healing. You can’t heal if you still think about the person who hurt you or if you are still looking for excuses for their behavior.

You need to let go of your feelings for them, even if they were good feelings. If you feel like this person was your soulmate, then let it go and move on. Don’t try to hold on to those feelings because they will only hurt you in the future.

It’s also important not to blame yourself or be ashamed of yourself for being in this situation. You did nothing wrong and there was nothing wrong with your choice either! Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty.

17 things to do after a break up of a long term relationship that help you to get over them

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Here is a list of 17 things to do get over a long term relationship

• Write about it:

Jotting down your feelings will help put them into perspective as well as provide closure when reading back over what’s been written down later.

You’ll have a record of just how much time, energy and emotion you’ve invested in your relationship, so be sure to write freely without being afraid of expressing yourself because chances are good that once things die down there will come a day where reading through these entries makes for an interesting read.

However, if feeling too emotional to write is an issue, consider journaling instead; either way, writing helps get those thoughts out of your head while also offering some sense of relief.

In fact, even though you may not want to talk about how much something hurts right now — whether it was recently or years ago — talking to others (and even just writing) could help other people understand how they can support you in ways that feel most meaningful and helpful to you right now.

• Develop self-awareness and focus on self-care:

Focusing too much attention on what happened during your break up of a long term relationship can keep you from really understanding yourself.

So, try to set aside time for introspection by creating a list of ten things that make you happy (such as music, books, movies or hobbies). Then, think about what it is about these activities that makes them fulfilling for you.

For example:

Does being in nature make you feel calm?

Does being around animals lighten your mood?

If so, then taking a walk through a park or visiting an animal shelter might be just what it takes to lift your spirits.

In addition to these activities (which can also improve your physical health), don’t forget to take some time each day to care for yourself physically as well.

• Monitor your emotions and be more rational:

From now on try to view things from an objective perspective. Improve your rational thought process, this will help you to make better decisions in your future relationships.

Try writing out lists of pros and cons for every situation that you find yourself struggling with, but don’t edit it so much that it takes all of its emotion away.

Do whatever you can to become more assertive without losing sight of how important being kind is to feeling happy and healthy.

Being self-loving doesn’t mean ignoring others or harming them; rather, it means valuing one’s own needs and feelings equally (and sometimes even more) than those of others.

• Be patient with yourself as well as give other people space:

Breakups aren’t easy for anyone involved (even if only one person is dealing with loss). If there are mutual friends who remain friendly toward both parties after a split then consider talking about what happened.

However, be sure to do so in a supportive manner and be careful to focus on being proactive rather than placing blame or reliving an old wound.

Focus instead on how your breakup has led you to more fully understand your values and desires, because from here it’s possible to live life even more fully now that you know better what’s important.

• Take comfort in knowing that breakups happen for good reasons even if its a long term relationship:

Not everyone is right for each other despite their best efforts or best intentions.

Accepting that not everyone will fit into our lives doesn’t mean we have failed at something; it just means that people change over time while others may not.

The most important thing to remember when a long term relationship ends, whether amicably or through hurtful words and actions, is that there is always hope for improvement as long as one’s heart remains open and one’s mind isn’t clouded by anger, sadness or guilt.

All of which are common emotions after even a seemingly mutual decision to part ways. Remember too that life goes on and sometimes endings aren’t really endings at all — they can actually be new beginnings.

•  Treat yourself and others as you would want to be treated:

Everyone’s mind works differently, so there are no right or wrong answers. Simply do your best to follow your own truth while respecting that of others.

It is important to try and understand why a relationship ended by listening when your ex wants to share their side of things.

But ultimately it is up to each person involved in a breakup how they choose to move forward.

For example, one person may decide it’s time for closure while another may decide it’s too soon for them to begin dating again.

If a positive future together isn’t possible then at least attempt now (and always) to keep whatever negativity exists between both parties out of mind.

•  Always consider your own true reasons for moving on:

Acknowledging one’s desire to pursue a relationship with a different person is nothing to be ashamed of.

If a positive future together isn’t possible then at least attempt now (and always) to keep whatever negativity exists between both parties out of mind.

There is no need to go behind anyone’s back if they’ve broken up because they never want to see you again or are trying too hard not too; better yet, why not try an honest approach first?

That way everyone can find new love and happiness in healthy ways that most closely align with their core values and needs — which was one reason you were so drawn together in the first place, right? 

• Realize things end when they’re supposed to end whether there is closure or not:

Attempting to force closure through anger and blame usually ends up doing more harm than good.

So instead use whatever situation has led you here as a stepping stone toward healing and self-improvement.

For example, write about what worked well about your past relationships as well as what didn’t work in order to learn from both past mistakes and successes.

While it may seem impossible at times do just say no to negativity; by extending forgiveness and compassion even toward those who hurt us we gain mastery over our emotions rather than letting them control us.

We will all mess up from time-to-time but those who seek self-improvement often find themselves developing into deeper more sincere people overall.

•  Understand that it may take time to fully heal:

Some wounds run deep and each person’s ability to heal from them will vary greatly. Try not to hold your ex accountable for how fast or slow you heal.

Just remember that our hearts don’t need to break again before they start healing.

We have already been through enough pain and there is no reason we should ever let another person make us feel worse than we already do, ever again. We all deserve better than that… much better.

• See how far you’ve come:

Think back to when you first met your ex. We’ve all been in relationships where we feel like there’s something missing or where one person didn’t feel what they made us feel.

At times it can be hard to understand why a relationship ends but ask yourself if anything has really changed? Perhaps a new love interest came into play and took your ex away from a relationship that couldn’t have worked out anyway?

For example, while reflecting on your past together try not to blame them for making you fall in love with them.

Falling in love is an experience everyone must go through by themselves and no matter who you date afterwards there will always be small pieces of their memory inside of us.

However, as time goes on perhaps these pieces will grow dimmer or even fade completely. 

Then again, maybe some experiences never truly end and are instead kept close as memories for old time sake? The way I see it, being friends with an ex isn’t about forgetting about all our good times together — no matter how many years pass by!

• A strong friendship is worth fighting for:

Not all exes are bad people and sometimes our feelings towards them change; perhaps there was a disconnect between us or even an abusive relationship?

Either way, it’s important to be cautious if considering staying close to your ex.

You might have fond memories of their company but not every situation will work out in your favor.

Instead of allowing your emotions to guide you, try taking a step back from your past experiences and imagine how a new friendship might affect each of you.

  • Has anything changed since your last date?
  • Do they want to remain friends too?
  • Are they willing to give things another shot or do they seem like their minds are made up? 

Regardless of what happens you deserve to feel happy and loved — take control over your heart instead of allowing your thoughts go crazy wondering why something didn’t work out.

Why can’t we stay friends? Sometimes friendships can grow into relationships or new relationships can turn into friendships.

Especially when both parties care deeply about one another. When dealing with an old flame it doesn’t mean either party has lost interest.

Everyone deserves happiness. So maybe consider being friends if neither one wants to lose contact after breaking up?

There’s no guarantee that things will ever go further than just platonic companionship but at least you’ll know where they stand while doing so!

•  Don’t hold grudges:

Unforgiveness can be an unhealthy coping mechanism for those who struggle to cope with hurt and/or trauma but that doesn’t mean it’s wrong.

Try to focus on what works well about your past relationships and what didn’t work to learn from past mistakes and successes instead of only focusing on what went wrong.

Instead, remain mindful of one’s true intentions, and don’t allow bad behavior or hurtful words to consume our mind — instead, we should use them as teaching tools while making sure they don’t become a habit.

•  Don’t forget that human connection is a wonderful thing:

If we allow ourselves to fall into false beliefs about how others see us or act toward us it can lead to unhealthy thinking and ultimately, relationships.

To prevent these types of problems in our own lives one should first evaluate their relationship with themselves before moving on to anything else; no one ever truly knows what we’re going through and if they do they shouldn’t be able to judge us for it.

If anyone tells you otherwise remember that your power lies within and no matter what, keep moving forward.

Even when a friendship ends in sorrow, there is always something good left behind… even if only gratitude for having known a person like that at all. Now get out there and make some new friends.

• Stay strong:

If both parties truly care about each other they should be able to coexist without interfering with one another’s lives.

Remember that fighting makes relationships stronger but only if both sides share equally in repairing whatever damage was done between them — do whatever it takes (communicate, apologize) and you’ll surely find a way to get things right again.

Don’t hold grudges as revenge rarely makes people happy; unfortunately keeping score often leads to everything ending badly.

Focus instead on taking responsibility for yourself while working towards achieving common goals together.

Even though being friends with your ex is not ideal given your history together never underestimate how amazing moving forward can turn out after doing some soul searching!

•  Take time to put things in perspective:

If one person cannot see another’s perspective and/or sees life differently than they do, that doesn’t mean they are wrong, it just means we can never fully understand or agree with everyone.

No matter what, we must remember that our opinions are ours alone and that no matter how often we have experienced something similar — nothing is ever truly equal.

For example, each relationship will be different because while you may both have been hurt by each other there was a reason why you chose them at some point.

It’s important to learn from these past mistakes but don’t hold onto them as if they define who you are — for now, work on defining yourself on your own terms.

Being friends with an ex can end up being amazing after all! However, when setting expectations between one another try not to make any assumptions about whether or not a friendship is going to work out.

Focus instead on keeping everything clear and honest so you don’t end up wasting anyone’s time.

If one decides dating isn’t appropriate yet then respect their decision and even try seeing them from time-to-time without letting anything come between you two.

Whether that means sharing a fun experience together like going out for dinner & drinks with your closest friends (i.e., making new ones) or simply hanging out outside of a date environment.

Keep whatever negativity exists between both parties out of mind; forgive whenever possible.

• Be mature enough to forgive and move on:

While it’s true that there are some instances where forgiveness is not possible, it’s also important to know that forgiveness isn’t always necessary.

Most of us are prone to taking things personally and it can be difficult knowing how much we let others affect our moods — that said, learning how to stay positive during tough times is a skill we must constantly work on.

At times it can feel like an uphill battle but over time we learn coping mechanisms that help us get through our day.

It might take days or weeks but if any friendship were worth salvaging then remember one simple thing.

I forgave you because I love myself. Now go out there and make some new memories.

• Letting go takes time:

We’ve all been hurt at some point in our lives by something or someone we cared about. No matter what happens in life it’s inevitable to have bad experiences.

So when deciding whether or not to remain friends with your ex try practicing self-love along with patience.

Sometimes even old wounds need more than just forgiveness before they start healing.

After all, everyone deserves happiness and we shouldn’t let past problems interfere if no harm has been done since then.

The past is behind us for a reason. Perhaps another day we’ll reflect back on these painful memories fondly, knowing just how far we’ve come from letting those feelings dictate who we would become? 

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Author
Naveen Bommakanti

Naveen is Experienced Psychology and philosophy Writer, self-help and relationship Coach and thought influencer. He has 7 years of experience in Personal development industry.

Naveen’s expertise as a self-help and relationship Coach has been highlighted through his articles in medium and substack to name a few.

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