How to let go of someone you can’t be with? (15 Tips)

You can’t be with them, but you just can’t let go of them either.

Not being able to let go of someone you love might not be easy for everyone, in fact, it might just be one of the hardest things that you could ever do.

It’s hard because you know that they are not right for you or that they never will be. But, how do you get yourself to give up on what can never really happen anyway? How do you get over them when all your mind wants is for you two to make it work forever?

The one thing that most people forget is that letting go doesn’t mean giving up completely. You need to understand that even though there are things out of your control, there are also things in which only require a little effort from yourself.

When trying to let go and get over someone, there are a few different ways you can accomplish it. Follow this guide.

Recommended reading: How to say goodbye to someone you don’t want to leave?

How to let go of someone you can’t be with?

How to let go of someone you can’t be with? Take things slow. It is natural for us to want things to happen quickly, but when it comes to breaking up, taking things slow helps make it easier.

To ease your mind take a step back from being in a relationship, have fun on your own without having too much pressure placed on you.

While you are doing that think about why it is that you both can’t be together right now or in any other way at all. When considering what happened look at all angles and try not just looking at one side of things because in most cases there will always be more than one side.

If possible talk with each other about how each person feels and what has led to where we are today. If it really cannot work out do not leave them hanging – walk away as gently as possible so that they may learn from what has occurred, grow as a person and find their happiness elsewhere.

As much as we don’t like to admit sometimes people aren’t good for each other even if they love each very deeply. We have no choice but to accept these truths even though they might break our hearts over time. Accepting realities builds character.

Learn to say goodbye; learn not to hold onto anger; learn that some relationships weren’t meant to last forever; learn kindness, forgiveness and compassion – your true self lies somewhere within those words. Learn to love yourself first before moving on into new chapters in life.

Learn by experience – success lies ahead once you have done so. You deserve better . Remember all bad relationships never truly die they only fade away overtime. Then it’s time for closure.

Also read: Can you stop loving someone you truly loved?

15 Tips to let go of someone you can’t be with

How to let go of someone you cant be with 1 1 How to let go of someone you can't be with? (15 Tips)

1. Accept that you can’t be with them:

This is one of the most important things that needs to happen in order for you let go of them. If you are still holding onto some sort of hope that maybe, just maybe, they will come back then it’s clear that you haven’t truly accepted yet that it won’t ever happen.

Accepting their decision or situation doesn’t mean giving up completely; instead it means finally seeing everything for what it really is and not letting your imagination make something more out of something less than it really is.

Once you accept they can no longer be yours, then after time your mind will eventually follow suit with reality and move on as well.

2. Don’t try to find a replacement:

One of your worst fears when you are in love with someone is that one day they will leave and not come back, never knowing what has happened to them.

To help prevent that from happening in your mind, you may have a tendency to cling onto anything or anyone else who comes along because it gives you hope that there could be someone out there for you instead.

But again, you need to get past your fear and accept that no matter what happens nothing can really change what’s already been decided.

Someone else coming into your life doesn’t mean they don’t love you anymore; maybe they just fell out of love with one another before you did and moving on was what was best for both of them.

3. Don’t think you have all the answers:

When you’re in love with someone, it’s hard not to want them to feel exactly how you do about them. You might feel like there is something that they should know that would make them fall back in love with you or miss them even more while they are gone.

In reality, all of those thoughts could be absolutely true but no matter what your intentions were when going behind their back and telling them all of these things, it could be a completely different result from what actually happened.

4. Be grateful for what you did have with them:

No matter how things end between you and someone else, you can never take away from yourself all of your memories together in your past.

No matter what you might think about them in your head, in reality they were there when you needed them most and that’s something that shouldn’t be taken for granted.

 Not everyone has someone in their life that they can rely on or help them feel better when times are tough so try not to forget all of those good times you had together no matter how much time has passed since then.

If anything, it will help give you strength when dealing with everything else because despite everything else happening, there was at least one thing in your life that was right.

5. The two of you will always be connected:

When you love someone, they become a part of your life no matter what happens or how far apart you are from each other.

Even though you may not be together anymore, they are still in your thoughts and dreams so don’t try to push them out by being mad at them or telling yourself that it’s over because that just prolongs everything even more than it already is.

You can hate them for making one decision that changed everything or happy memories you have with them may pop up without warning when least expected, but all of those things are apart of who they were in your life whether good or bad.

6. Be honest with yourself about how you really feel:

While you might feel like you still love them or want them back, ask yourself honestly if that’s really true and if it is not whether it will ever be possible for those feelings to come back.

If you can’t even say with absolute certainty that if they came back tomorrow and told you they were wrong and wanted to give things another try that your answer would be yes then there’s no sense in continuing to hope or wish that things could go back to normal between you two again because there is nothing left of what used to be between you anymore.

Also read: How long does it take to get over someone you love?

7. Let them go once and for all:

This is one of the hardest things you will ever have to do in your life, but it’s also one of the most important steps if you want to move on.

If you try to hang onto their memory or what could have been between you both because it’s comfortable, then nothing will ever change. It’s like when people who are overweight try and lose weight by cutting out certain foods from their diet without making other healthier changes;

while they might initially see some positive results, eventually they’ll end up gaining back everything they lost and more because while one unhealthy change was made it wasn’t paired with anything else positive happening at all.

8. It’s a process, not an end result:

Losing someone you love can seem like a one step process, but it’s really a constant battle of getting better every day and learning from your mistakes until one day you look back and realize that you’re no longer hurting or thinking about them as much anymore because at least for now, it’s finally over between you two.

9. Life will be better when it’s over:

Once things are over between you and someone else, your life really can start again in so many ways no matter how much time has passed since everything happened. With all of those thoughts out of your head about them, you’ll find that there is a lot more room for new people and positive experiences.

While there might not be a lot on your plate at first after breaking up with someone because a big part of what made your life full was them being a part of it.

Eventually that space they once occupied will open up again only now for something better to come along into that spot instead of them which makes everything totally worth it if anything just so long as you don’t go back to old habits.

Or try fighting against reality by lying to yourself about who they really were from day one or wishing things would have been different somehow even though they never could have been otherwise.

10. Never settle for less than what you deserve:

No matter how bad things get at times, make sure you never give up on yourself and think about all of those who love you and believe in you.

After a breakup with someone else or them ending things with you, it’s easy to lose faith in your own self-worth because they always made it seem like everything was great even when it wasn’t between both of you anymore and now that everything’s out in the open.

Even though everything really does happen for a reason, ask yourself why things happened that way if not for a lesson that could only be learned by going through every step along the way of that experience.

11. Be thankful for what you have, not jealous of what you don’t:

Don’t worry about how much other people are getting out of life when they aren’t nearly as successful or popular or wealthy as you are or seem to be online because at least for now they’re happy being who they are and doing what makes them happy in life.

Even if it doesn’t always look like you want things to be right now for yourself. Be patient, take things one day at a time, and keep reminding yourself that everyone has their own cross to bear just like you do so just because another person’s problems may seem more obvious on paper doesn’t mean their world is any easier than yours is when it all comes down to it.

12. Don’t focus on what you’re missing, work on improving yourself instead:

There will always be more of something you want than what’s already there no matter how much you have so if you really want something in life, don’t be afraid to go out and get it even if it means doing whatever it takes no matter how long or hard of a road it may be.

A lot of times people miss their dreams because they never take that first step toward achieving them because they’re too busy focusing on all of their current problems instead of looking ahead into what could be.

13. Get professional help if you need it:

While sometimes break-ups hurt badly enough that we feel like there is no one else who understands how we feel, that’s just not true.

There are tons of professionals out there who will help us through difficult times – if your heartbreak/breakup is causing you serious distress or affecting your ability to function on a daily basis, talk with a therapist about what you are going through.

Not only can they provide helpful insights, but seeing an objective professional can help remind you that other people have dealt with what you are experiencing now too.

They might even be able to recommend some resources for you depending on where your feelings of sadness and hopelessness are coming from.

If you still can’t get over your ex, go see a therapist: Even if you know all of these steps and still don’t feel like yourself yet, seeing a therapist or counselor can help you recover from heartbreak.

They will help point out things that might be holding you back from moving on and work with you through any emotional hurdles along the way

 But ultimately, it is up to you whether or not you choose to see a therapist – there is no time limit on when we should be over our exes! This step is just another thing that may help your recovery along.

14. Have fun! Enjoy yourself! Be social!:

After a breakup, we tend to isolate ourselves and only focus on how sad we are. It’s easy to forget that there is more than just feeling sad – try doing things that make you happy again: spend time with friends, go out and party, travel and experience new things.

Remember that your ex isn’t your whole life! You have so much else going for you – use those other aspects of your life as fuel for getting through tough times in order to get back out into them again.

Spend less time thinking about what led up to a breakup, and more time focusing on everything ahead of you now that it’s over! You can’t go back in time; all you can do is move forward.

15. Heal yourself and move on:

This is a personal thing – you need to do whatever it takes for you personally to heal from your breakup in order for you to move on with your life.

That can be trying something new or different, taking more time alone, seeking professional help, seeing your family more often, practicing self-care through exercise/meditation/yoga/faith/etc., etc.

 It’s important that while some things are common parts of healing after a breakup (like being around supportive people or being active), some things are not healthy for us all so pay attention to what’s making you feel better instead of worse.

Take care of yourself during difficult times so that someday soon you can be out there doing what makes YOU happy again! You are worth it.

Final thoughts:

In conclusion, how to let go of someone you can’t be with? In times of heartbreak, it is so easy to get lost in our emotions and forget about what made us happy before a breakup ever happened.

However, if we can focus on remembering how we got through bad times in our past, we can use that same strength and hope for a better future when going through a breakup. It doesn’t mean that you won’t still have some really sad days – it just means that you will know you will get through them.

You are strong enough. So for whatever reason you can’t stay with someone you love and trying your best to let go , remember that time does heal all wounds, but it isn’t always quick or easy – at least not without support from family/friends/therapists etc.

After all, time only goes by no matter what you do. But eventually there’s light at end of the tunnel. There’s happiness again. Don’t give up.

Recommended reading:

10 Questions to ask yourself before breaking up

When is it time to leave a long term relationship?

close

Relationships

Guide

Join newsletter to receive intuitive & life-changing insights on dating, relationships, human behavior, psychology, philosophy of life, love and everything in between.

We don’t spam! Read our privacy policy for info.

This page may uses affiliate links. When you click an affiliate link, we get a small compensation at no cost to you. See Our affiliate policy for more info.
Photo of author
Author
Naveen Bommakanti

Naveen is Experienced Psychology and philosophy Writer, self-help and relationship Coach and thought influencer. He has 7 years of experience in Personal development industry.

Naveen’s expertise as a self-help and relationship Coach has been highlighted through his articles in medium and substack to name a few.

To be updated with Naveen's work, connect with him by following his social media accounts.

Leave a Comment