Breaking up with a romantic partner can be a difficult and painful experience, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that all ties have to be cut.
For some, maintaining a friendship with their ex-partner can be a healthy and fulfilling way to move forward.
In fact, some people even choose to have a “friends with benefits” relationship with their ex, where they engage in physical intimacy without the commitment of a romantic relationship.
However, navigating this type of relationship can be tricky and it’s important to establish clear boundaries and rules to ensure that both parties are comfortable and respected.
In this blog post, we will explore 15 Friends with benefits with an ex rules from a unique perspective, drawing on insights and experiences from real people who have successfully navigated this type of relationship.
Whether you’re considering this type of arrangement or already in one, these rules for friends with benefits with an ex can help you create a fulfilling and healthy dynamic with your ex.
15 Friends with benefits with an ex rules
The following is a list of friends with benefits with an ex rules you must follow:
1. Assess the motives behind the desire for FWB with an ex:
Before engaging in an FWB dynamic with an ex, it’s important to assess the motives behind this desire.
Both parties should reflect on why they want to engage in this type of relationship and whether it is a healthy decision for them.
This may involve considering whether there are any unresolved feelings or attachments to the past relationship, or if the FWB dynamic is a means of avoiding emotional intimacy or commitment.
Example statements to use while setting fwb rules with an ex:
- “Let’s reflect on why we want to engage in an FWB dynamic with each other and whether it’s a healthy decision for us.”
- “It’s important to assess our motives for engaging in this type of relationship and be honest with ourselves about any unresolved feelings or attachments to the past.”
- “We should consider whether the FWB dynamic is a means of avoiding emotional intimacy or commitment, and if that is a healthy decision for us.”
- “Let’s be honest with ourselves and each other about our motives for engaging in an FWB dynamic with each other.”
- “We should assess whether the FWB dynamic is a healthy decision for us and be willing to reconsider if it is not.”
Questions to ask yourself and your ex while establishing fwb rules:
- What are our motives for wanting to engage in an FWB dynamic with each other?
- Are there any unresolved feelings or attachments to the past relationship that may be motivating our desire for an FWB dynamic?
- Is the FWB dynamic a means of avoiding emotional intimacy or commitment, and is that a healthy decision for us?
- How can we ensure that our motives for engaging in an FWB dynamic are healthy and sustainable?
- Are there any potential pitfalls or risks to engaging in an FWB dynamic with an ex, and how can we mitigate them?
Also read: Your complete guide to Friends with benefits with an Ex
2. Be honest with yourself about emotional attachment.
It is important to be honest with yourself about your emotional attachment to your ex before engaging in a FWB relationship.
You should ask yourself whether you still have feelings for them or if you’re simply seeking physical intimacy.
This can be a difficult question to answer, especially if there is a history of emotional attachment in the past.
If you find that you still have feelings for your ex, it’s important to take a step back and consider whether a FWB relationship is truly in your best interest.
Engaging in this type of relationship with someone you still have feelings for can be emotionally taxing and may ultimately lead to hurt feelings.
On the other hand, if you feel comfortable with the idea of a purely physical relationship with your ex, it’s important to be clear with them about your intentions from the outset.
You should also be prepared for the possibility that your emotional attachment may develop over time, which could complicate the situation.
Example statements to set rules while communicating:
- “I want to be honest with myself about my feelings for you before we move forward with a FWB relationship.”
- “I need to make sure that I’m comfortable with the idea of a purely physical relationship with you.”
- “I want to make sure that we’re both on the same page about the emotional aspect of our relationship.”
Questions to ask yourself and your FWB:
- Am I comfortable with the idea of a purely physical relationship?
- Do I have any lingering feelings for my ex?
- Am I prepared for the possibility that my emotional attachment may develop over time?
- Are we both clear about our intentions and expectations for this relationship?
- How will we handle it if one of us develops feelings for the other?
Also read: My ex wants to be friends with benefits: 20 reasons and tips to handle the situation
3. Consider potential consequences on mental health.
Engaging in a FWB relationship with an ex can have potential consequences on your mental health.
It’s important to consider how this type of relationship may impact your emotional wellbeing before making a decision to pursue it.
For example, if you are still emotionally attached to your ex, a FWB relationship may not be a healthy choice for you.
This type of relationship can be confusing and may cause you to feel more emotionally vulnerable, which can lead to anxiety and depression.
Additionally, engaging in a FWB relationship with an ex may cause you to dwell on the past and prevent you from moving forward.
This can be particularly true if the relationship ended poorly, which can lead to resentment and bitterness.
It’s important to consider the potential mental health consequences of a FWB relationship with an ex before moving forward.
If you are experiencing feelings of anxiety or depression, it may be helpful to speak with a therapist or mental health professional to work through these emotions and determine whether a FWB relationship is right for you.
Example statements to set rules while communicating:
- “I want to make sure that we’re both emotionally prepared for the potential consequences of a FWB relationship.”
- “It’s important to me that we prioritize our emotional wellbeing throughout this relationship.”
- “I want to make sure that we’re both aware of the potential mental health consequences of engaging in a FWB relationship.”
Questions to ask yourself and your FWB:
- How do I feel about engaging in a FWB relationship with my ex?
- Am I emotionally prepared for the potential consequences of this type of relationship?
- How do I think this relationship will impact my mental health?
- Am I willing to seek professional help if necessary to navigate any emotional challenges that arise?
- How can we prioritize our emotional wellbeing throughout this relationship?
4. Evaluate past patterns of behavior in the FWB dynamic.
Before entering into a FWB relationship with an ex, it’s important to evaluate past patterns of behavior in the dynamic to determine whether it’s a healthy choice for both parties.
This includes examining how you both acted during the previous FWB relationship and what may have contributed to its end.
For example, did one person develop feelings while the other did not? Did communication break down at a certain point? Did jealousy or resentment come into play? It’s important to identify these patterns to determine whether they are likely to repeat themselves.
Examining past patterns of behavior can also help you establish clear boundaries for the current FWB relationship.
If certain behaviors or actions were problematic in the past, it may be necessary to establish rules to avoid these issues in the future.
Example statements to set rules while communicating:
- “Based on our past behavior, it’s important that we establish clear boundaries to ensure that this FWB relationship remains healthy.”
- “I want to make sure that we learn from our past mistakes and establish a healthy dynamic this time around.”
- “We need to be honest with each other about what went wrong in the past and how we can avoid those issues moving forward.”
Questions to ask yourself and your FWB:
- What patterns of behavior contributed to the end of our previous FWB relationship?
- How can we avoid those issues this time around?
- What boundaries do we need to establish to ensure a healthy dynamic?
- Are there certain behaviors or actions that we need to avoid?
- How can we communicate effectively to avoid misunderstandings and miscommunications?
5. Establish clear and realistic expectations.
Establishing clear and realistic expectations is crucial in any relationship, including a FWB relationship with an ex.
Both parties should have a clear understanding of what they want out of the relationship and what they are willing to give in return.
This includes being honest about expectations for the level of emotional involvement, the frequency and type of physical interaction, and the overall dynamic of the relationship.
It’s important to be realistic about expectations and recognize that they may change over time.
It’s also important to communicate openly and honestly about any changes in expectations to avoid misunderstandings or hurt feelings.
Example statements to set clear expectations:
- “I want to be clear about what I’m looking for in this FWB relationship, which is (insert expectations). What are you looking for?”
- “I think it’s important that we establish clear expectations for what this FWB relationship will look like. How often do you want to see each other? What type of physical interaction are you comfortable with?”
- “It’s important that we communicate openly and honestly about any changes in our expectations for this FWB relationship. Let’s revisit this conversation periodically to make sure we’re both on the same page.”
Questions to ask yourself and your FWB:
- What are my expectations for this FWB relationship?
- How often do I want to see my FWB?
- What level of emotional involvement am I comfortable with?
- What type of physical interaction am I comfortable with?
- How will we communicate changes in our expectations?
6. Create and adhere to a strict schedule.
Creating and adhering to a strict schedule can be helpful in maintaining boundaries and expectations in a FWB relationship with an ex.
It can also help to prevent any misunderstandings about availability and avoid any potential conflicts with other commitments.
Example statements to use while setting rules for a fwb relationship with your EX:
- “I think it would be helpful if we established a schedule for our FWB interactions to avoid any misunderstandings or conflicts. How does every other weekend sound?”
- “I have a busy schedule, so it’s important that we stick to the schedule we set for our FWB relationship. Can we agree to avoid last-minute changes?”
- “I think it’s important that we are both respectful of each other’s time and other commitments. Let’s create a schedule that works for both of us and stick to it.”
Questions to ask yourself and your FWB:
- What days and times work best for our FWB interactions?
- How often should we schedule our FWB interactions?
- What other commitments do we have that could conflict with our FWB schedule?
- How can we be respectful of each other’s time and avoid last-minute changes to our schedule?
- Is a strict schedule necessary or can we be more flexible?
7. Avoid mixed signals and ambiguous behaviors.
In a FWB relationship with an ex, it is important to avoid mixed signals and ambiguous behaviors that can lead to confusion and emotional distress.
It is important to be clear about your intentions and to communicate openly and honestly with your partner.
Example statements to use while setting rules for a fwb relationship with your EX:
- “I just want to be clear that our FWB relationship is purely physical and there are no romantic feelings involved.”
- “I don’t want to give you mixed signals, so I think it’s important that we establish boundaries and expectations from the beginning.”
- “I understand that our history together can make things complicated, but I want to be honest with you about my intentions and avoid any confusion.”
Questions to ask yourself and your FWB:
- Are we both on the same page about the nature of our relationship?
- Have we established clear boundaries and expectations for our FWB relationship?
- Are we communicating openly and honestly about our feelings and intentions?
- Are there any behaviors or actions that could be sending mixed signals or causing confusion?
- How can we be more clear and direct in our communication to avoid mixed signals and ambiguity?
8. Refrain from discussing personal details or relationship issues:
It’s important to maintain boundaries in an FWB relationship with an ex and refrain from discussing personal details or relationship issues.
This can lead to emotional entanglement and confusion about the nature of the relationship. It’s important to focus on the present and keep the relationship strictly physical to avoid any potential hurt feelings or misunderstandings.
Example statements for setting rules in communication:
- “Let’s avoid discussing personal details or relationship issues to maintain clear boundaries.”
- “Our communication should focus on the logistics of our FWB relationship.”
- “If one of us feels uncomfortable or needs to discuss something, we should bring it up in a respectful and clear manner.”
- “We should avoid discussing past relationship issues or bringing up any emotional baggage.”
- “It’s important to keep our conversations light and focused on the physical aspect of the relationship.”
Questions to ask:
- How can we ensure we’re not discussing personal details or relationship issues in our communication?
- What are some potential topics we should avoid discussing to maintain clear boundaries?
- How can we ensure our communication is respectful and clear?
- How do we handle past relationship issues or emotional baggage if it comes up in conversation?
- How do we keep our conversations focused on the physical aspect of the relationship?
9. Do not engage in public displays of affection:
In an FWB relationship with an ex, it’s important to avoid public displays of affection to prevent any confusion or misunderstandings about the nature of the relationship.
Engaging in physical displays of affection in public can also lead to unwanted attention or judgment from others.
It’s important to maintain a level of discretion and respect for each other’s privacy.
Example statements for setting rules in communication:
- “Let’s avoid engaging in public displays of affection to prevent any confusion or misunderstandings.”
- “Our physical relationship should be kept private and respectful.”
- “We should be mindful of our behavior in public and avoid any actions that could be misconstrued.”
- “If we feel uncomfortable with any public behavior, we should discuss it and come to a mutual agreement.”
- “It’s important to prioritize respect for each other’s privacy and discretion in our physical relationship.”
Questions to ask:
- How can we ensure we’re not engaging in public displays of affection?
- What are some potential situations where we might feel uncomfortable with public behavior?
- How can we ensure our behavior in public is respectful and discreet?
- How do we handle any potential misunderstandings or discomfort with public behavior?
- How can we prioritize respect for each other’s privacy in our physical relationship?
10. Establish boundaries for social media interactions:
In today’s digital age, social media can play a significant role in our relationships, including FWB relationships with an ex.
It’s important to establish clear boundaries for social media interactions to prevent any confusion or misunderstandings about the nature of the relationship.
This may include unfollowing or unfriending each other on social media, avoiding liking or commenting on each other’s posts, or setting clear rules for how to interact on social media.
Example statements for setting rules in communication:
- “Let’s unfollow or unfriend each other on social media to avoid any confusion.”
- “We should avoid liking or commenting on each other’s posts to prevent any mixed signals.”
- “If we need to communicate on social media, we should keep it respectful and focused on logistics.”
- “Let’s establish clear rules for what is and isn’t appropriate behavior on social media.”
- “It’s important to prioritize our boundaries and respect for each other’s privacy on social media.”
Questions to ask:
- What are our guidelines for interacting on social media?
- How can we ensure we’re not sending mixed signals on social media?
- How do we handle any uncomfortable situations or misunderstandings on social media?
- How can we prioritize our boundaries and respect for each other’s privacy on social media?
- How do we navigate potential social media interactions with mutual friends or acquaintances?
11. Avoid using sex as a means of coping with emotional distress:
In an FWB relationship with an ex, it’s important to avoid using sex as a means of coping with emotional distress.
Using sex as a coping mechanism can create unhealthy patterns and expectations in the relationship, which can ultimately lead to hurt feelings and emotional distress.
It’s important to find healthy and constructive ways to manage emotional distress, such as talking to a trusted friend, practicing self-care, or seeking professional help if needed.
Example statements for setting rules in communication:
- “We should prioritize finding healthy ways to manage emotional distress outside of our physical relationship.”
- “Let’s support each other emotionally without relying on sex as a coping mechanism.”
- “If we’re feeling emotionally distressed, we should take a break from our physical relationship until we feel more stable.”
- “It’s important to communicate openly and honestly about our emotions and find constructive ways to manage them.”
- “We should avoid using sex as a way to distract ourselves from emotional challenges or negative feelings.”
Questions to ask:
- What are some healthy ways we can manage emotional distress in our relationship?
- How do we support each other emotionally without relying on sex as a coping mechanism?
- How do we recognize when we’re using sex as a way to cope with emotional distress and address it?
- How can we communicate openly and honestly about our emotions in our physical relationship?
- How can we prioritize our emotional well-being while still maintaining our physical relationship?
12. Be mindful of the potential for jealousy and resentment:
An FWB relationship with an ex can be complicated and may lead to feelings of jealousy and resentment.
It’s important to be mindful of these feelings and address them in a healthy and constructive way. Jealousy and resentment can arise if one person feels like the other is moving on, or if one person starts to develop feelings for the other.
It’s important to communicate openly and honestly about these feelings and work together to find a solution that works for both parties.
Example statements for setting rules in communication:
- “Let’s be honest with each other if we start to feel jealous or resentful.”
- “We should work together to find solutions that work for both of us if jealousy or resentment arise.”
- “If we’re feeling jealous or resentful, we should take a break from our physical relationship until we can work through these feelings.”
- “We should avoid comparing our physical relationship to our past romantic relationship.”
- “It’s important to communicate openly and honestly about our needs and expectations in the relationship to avoid feelings of jealousy or resentment.”
Questions to ask:
- How do we recognize when one of us is feeling jealous or resentful?
- What are some strategies we can use to manage these feelings in a healthy way?
- How can we support each other through feelings of jealousy or resentment?
- How do we avoid comparing our physical relationship to our past romantic relationship?
- How can we communicate our needs and expectations in the relationship to avoid feelings of jealousy or resentment?
13. Remain open to the possibility of meeting new people:
It’s important to remember that an FWB relationship with an ex is not a commitment and both parties are free to see other people.
Remaining open to the possibility of meeting new people can help avoid attachment and emotional complications that may arise from the FWB relationship.
It’s important to be honest with each other about seeing other people and respect each other’s boundaries.
Example statements for setting rules in communication:
- “Let’s be honest with each other if we start seeing someone else.”
- “We should communicate our boundaries for seeing other people and respect each other’s choices.”
- “If one of us starts to develop feelings for someone else, we should communicate and reassess our FWB relationship.”
- “It’s important to be supportive of each other in dating other people.”
- “We should prioritize our emotional and physical safety when seeing other people.”
Questions to ask:
- What are our boundaries for seeing other people?
- How can we support each other in dating other people?
- How do we address jealousy or discomfort with seeing other people?
- What do we do if one of us develops feelings for someone else?
- How do we navigate seeing other people while maintaining our FWB relationship?
14. Be prepared for the FWB dynamic to end at any time:
An FWB relationship with an ex is not a guarantee and both parties should be prepared for the dynamic to end at any time.
It’s important to approach the relationship with a sense of detachment and not become too emotionally invested.
It’s also important to be honest with each other about any changes in feelings or circumstances that may affect the FWB dynamic.
Example statements for setting rules in communication:
- “Let’s be honest with each other about any changes in feelings or circumstances that may affect the FWB dynamic.”
- “We should communicate our expectations for the duration of the FWB dynamic.”
- “If one of us wants to end the FWB dynamic, we should communicate respectfully and prioritize our emotional and physical safety.”
- “It’s important to approach this relationship with a sense of detachment and not become too emotionally invested.”
- “We should be prepared for the FWB dynamic to end at any time and communicate honestly about our feelings and circumstances.”
Questions to ask:
- How do we navigate the possibility of the FWB dynamic ending?
- What are our expectations for the duration of the FWB dynamic?
- How do we communicate honestly about any changes in feelings or circumstances?
- What do we do if one of us wants to end the FWB dynamic?
- How do we prioritize our emotional and physical safety if the FWB dynamic ends?
15. Seek professional help if needed to navigate complex emotions:
An FWB relationship with an ex can be emotionally complex, and it’s important to seek professional help if needed to navigate any difficult emotions.
Both parties should be open to seeking help from a therapist or counselor if they are struggling with any unresolved feelings or issues related to the past relationship or the FWB dynamic.
Example statements for setting rules in communication:
- “Let’s prioritize our emotional well-being and be open to seeking professional help if needed.”
- “We should communicate openly about any struggles we may be having with complex emotions related to our past relationship or the FWB dynamic.”
- “If one of us feels they may benefit from professional help, we should support and encourage each other to seek it.”
- “It’s important to recognize the signs that we may need professional help and not hesitate to reach out if necessary.”
- “We should acknowledge that engaging in an FWB dynamic with an ex can be emotionally complex and be proactive in seeking help if needed.”
Questions to ask:
- How can we prioritize our emotional well-being while engaging in an FWB dynamic with an ex?
- What are the signs that we may need professional help to navigate any complex emotions?
- How can we support each other in seeking help if needed?
- Are there any particular issues or emotions that we anticipate struggling with that may warrant seeking professional help?
- What are the potential benefits of seeking professional help to navigate our emotions and the FWB dynamic?
Final thoughts:
In conclusion, maintaining a friends with benefits relationship with an ex can be a complex and nuanced experience.
While it can be a great way to maintain physical intimacy without the commitment of a romantic relationship, it’s important to establish clear boundaries and rules to ensure that both parties are comfortable and respected.
By following the 15 rules outlined in this blog post and drawing on the insights and experiences of others, you can create a healthy and fulfilling dynamic with your ex.
Remember to prioritize communication, honesty, and respect in all interactions, and be open to adjusting the rules as needed to ensure that the relationship remains positive and beneficial for both parties involved.
With a thoughtful and intentional approach, a friends with benefits relationship with an ex can be a rewarding and satisfying experience.
