You’re dating and enjoying each other, but you’re not officially a couple. You may be casually dating—going out on dates, sleeping together and having fun without commitment.
If so, you may have casual friends with benefits situation. Or maybe you want to move your relationship forward and make it something more than that—or possibly even less.
There are many differences between Casual friends with benefits vs Committed FWB.
Either way, if you want to figure out what kind of benefits you should be getting out of your current situation, read on.
Casual Friends with benefits vs Committed Friends with benefits
Casual Friends with benefits signs:
1. You roll in the hay regularly, but you don’t really hang out much outside of it.
2. You don’t go on dates and you aren’t exclusive and no one expects either of you to be exclusive.
3. If you had to introduce your friend as my boyfriend/girlfriend, people would assume that it wasn’t true.
4. Neither of you call each other or text often outside of physical intimacy.
5. You see each other about once a week for romance; there isn’t a fixed schedule.
6. Your friendship is more important than having someone else in your life who makes you feel connected or needed.
When things are going well with one another, but not so great otherwise, that’s okay because at least there’s still good night out!
7. Neither of you acts jealous if someone flirts or hits on each other in front of each other
8. Neither bother calling or texting if something comes up last minute; such as a party invitation from someone else or an offer to go somewhere fun together
If all these criteria sound familiar then chances are high that friends with benefits might be right for both sides!
Committed Friends with benefits relationship signs:
1. Both of you make time in your schedule for each other at least once a week, but preferably twice and ideally three times, even if one or both of you are very busy and it’s a big sacrifice.
2. Both of you have made specific plans to see each other that weekend and even text/call before then about meeting up that next day or going out on Friday night specifically so you can catch up together before hopefully sleeping together later that night.
3. You don’t only hang out for physical needs; sometimes you do stuff together like go shopping or get coffee
4. If one or both of you gets hurt, annoyed or feels upset by something, say during romance, then one or both might voice their concerns without fear of upsetting their partner.
5. Your friend would tell others that you’re dating and would introduce you as his/her boyfriend/girlfriend if asked about it.
6. You go on real dates together at least once a month; that is, a set time where both of you have taken some time off from work/school and don’t have other things going on in your lives so that neither person has an excuse not to show up.
7. You aren’t just having casual flings but are actually making love in between rounds of regular int#rcourse.
8. Your friends wouldn’t think it was weird if they found out that someone wanted to date both of them; in fact they’d be jealous because they weren’t involved too.
Difference between casual friends with benefits and committed friends with benefits relationship:
Detailed guide on Casual friends with benefits vs Committed FWB
Committed friends with benefits relationships:
1. You can talk about your expectations of each other, which is important in a committed FWB relationship:
You’re not as worried that your partner will just up and leave you at some point, so you don’t keep your guard up and act nonchalant around them all of the time.
You know what they expect out of their partner and vice versa, so there aren’t any surprises in terms of where you stand or what may happen when it’s time for things to end (or move forward). While casual FWB relationships are fun, committed ones just feel a lot safer.
2. You still do things on your own, but you don’t mind it:
This is one of those cases where a committed FWB relationship requires a lot more compromise and work than something casual.
When you’re not in a committed relationship, you can use each other for physical needs when you want it, go out on dates or even see other people if that’s what you want.
In a committed FWB situation, all of that changes because now there are deeper feelings involved.
3. You and your FWB partner both want more – but aren’t ready to talk about it yet:
This is another huge difference between a casual and committed FWB situation, because in a casual situation, neither person is expecting anything beyond what they’ve agreed upon going into it (one night stands; using each other for one-time hookups).
In a committed scenario, you may want something else but be too afraid or hesitant to open up about it right away. There’s no way around that fear, but at least if you’re being honest with yourself that can help.
4. You have all of your feelings out in the open:
In a casual FWB situation, you don’t usually go around talking about how you feel or what you want from each other.
In a committed one, everything is up for discussion because both people know that it will eventually come up and affect everything.
Of course, making sure that happens can be challenging at times, but if you and your partner are willing to talk about everything (and keep an open mind), it’s worth it in terms of having a healthy and functional relationship down the road.
Also read: 75 Questions for friends with benefits.
5. You see your FWB partner outside of physical needs:
In a casual FWB situation, you don’t usually spend much time together when you’re not getting laid or doing things that will help you get there (like going out on dates). A committed one means just that – a deeper connection that extends beyond bedtime alone.
You may not be in an official relationship, but it’s still nice knowing that your partner is thinking about you and missing you when they’re not around…and vice versa.
6. You both are emotionally attached to each other and plan to turn it into a serious relationship:
If you find yourself in a committed FWB situation, it’s because you’ve already decided that you like your partner, care about them and want more than what you have together now (at least for now).
This isn’t something that just happens overnight; instead, it usually builds up over time as you get closer to your partner, learn more about them and decide whether or not they’re someone worth having in your life on an ongoing basis.
Just because one person decides to move forward doesn’t mean that their FWB partner will feel exactly the same way…but if they do, all of these feelings can be fun and exciting.
7. You both think of each other as your person:
In a committed FWB situation, you’ve already figured out that your partner is someone special and you feel like they’re important in your life going forward.
This doesn’t mean that you’re ready to say I love you yet, but it does mean that you’re more open about thinking about and treating them as your best friend and confident instead of just as a hookup. If you’ve reached that point in your FWB relationship, great.
Now it’s time to start figuring out how serious things are getting between you two and what exactly your wants are going forward (if those things have changed since before). If not?
8. You see your FWB partner everyday if possible – or at least talk on a daily basis:
In a casual FWB situation, you don’t usually make much time for your partner outside of when you’re getting laid or hanging out in order to have-it-off (like going out on dates).
With a committed one, however, you’re both thinking about each other and making plans or simply talking throughout your day on a regular basis.
This doesn’t mean that you need to hang out every single day; after all, some people just naturally drift apart as time goes by due to different schedules and demands on their time.
If that’s happening with you and your current FWB? That’s okay…but if it bothers either of you? Talk about it.
Also read: What are friends with benefits?
9. You and your partner communicate your wants, needs and expectations:
One of the most challenging things about any relationship is figuring out what you want, need and expect from each other (in a romantic or intimate sense) at any given point in time.
A committed FWB situation is no different…and if you don’t talk about these things together? Then it can be very easy for hurt feelings or misunderstandings to fester over time, leading one (or both) people to feel unhappy in their situation.
The best way to avoid that problem? Talk things through from time to time when you have important questions or concerns – and be ready to do so whenever either person brings up an issue that’s on their mind.
10. You have a say in who they see and are seeing at any given time:
A committed FWB situation is built on honesty and trust, which means that you should feel free to ask your partner about who they’re spending time with…and vice versa. If you don’t feel comfortable talking about things like your current hookup or fling?
Then it’s probably not a committed FWB situation…and that’s okay! But if you do, then there are no limits – as long as everyone involved knows what’s going on and is happy with how things are progressing!
Casual friends with benefits Relationship:
1. You don’t hang out much outside of date nights:
There are times where you will see each other multiple times in a week—then there are times when you don’t talk for days or weeks on end. Dating isn’t always consistent, and in your case, it may be better suited as a casual thing rather than friends with benefits.
2. You haven’t met any of their family members yet—and they haven’t met yours:
While it is possible for some friendships to exist without meeting each other’s families, it’s generally rare if you’re trying to date exclusively.
If you know that your friend is taking what you have seriously, it may be time for a talk about being more than friends with benefits. If not, then enjoy what you have while it lasts.
3. You don’t exchange gifts on holidays or birthdays:
But you do exchange them when you have a date night. Some people see exchanging gifts as a sign of being in a relationship, and if that’s important to you, it may be time for a talk about what your friendship means.
For example, some couples gift each other without any expectations of more…and that may mean something different for everyone.
If gift-giving is important to both of you, then it’s probably time for an honest conversation about your feelings and expectations regarding one another. If not, relax: It’s nothing serious.
4. They haven’t met any of your friends yet—and you haven’t met theirs either:
If you’re not ready for that next step, it may be time to discuss it (even if only vaguely). Having a talk about what both parties want out of a friendship is important and helps everyone relax and enjoy what they do have while they can.
If there isn’t any pressure or expectation on each other, then that’s even better! Keep in mind that relationships are fluid and will change over time.
If one partner wants more than another at a given point in time, then something needs to change whether that’s working towards some goal together or moving forward in separate directions.
5. You have no idea what they are doing with their free time—because you’re not around:
If you aren’t spending enough time together, it may be hard for you to get a sense of who they are outside of work and socializing. For example, do they belong to any clubs or organizations? What about taking up a new hobby?
6. There is no emotional attachment:
You know what they like and dislike, but you don’t know how they feel about you—and vice versa! If you don’t know anything about one another outside of your date nights (or meetings for work), then that may be a problem if you want things to move forward.
For example, it’s harder to open up and share your feelings if there isn’t an established sense of trust between partners—and that takes time.
The same thing goes for them; knowing what their partner likes and dislikes helps both partners feel more secure and confident in pursuing something meaningful.
7. You don’t fight:
You’re not obligated to get into an argument every time you see each other, but it can be important for both partners to express their feelings about each other in some way.
For example, if you think your friend should be more outgoing or sociable, tell them why you feel that way! If they’re too focused on pleasing others and not enough on pleasing themselves (or vice versa), they may appreciate your opinion even if they disagree.
8. You don’t talk about your problems:
You’re both there for each other when needed, but neither of you really shares your problems outside of work (or you do, but never really listen to one another).
If there isn’t any emotional connection, it may be time for a discussion about what being just friends means and whether that is enough for both partners—if not, then changes need to be made before something more happens.
At least with a committed relationship like friends with benefits, people can make sure they are on the same page before making things more serious.
9. You just don’t feel anything anymore:
You aren’t romantically attracted to them or vice versa—and it’s weird! If you want something more and they don’t, then you may have to accept that a friendship is as far as things can go if they are happy where they are.
If neither of you are in a place for a committed friendship, then both partners should respect that and try not to push each other into something that won’t work out.
If you do decide things will be friends only (for now), it’s important to speak up before something more happens because actions speak louder than words.
Even if those words are it’s only a friendly hug. Hopefully, that helps answer some questions about what exactly is going on in your friendships and why some things happen but others don’t.
Also read: 50 Questions to ask your FWB
10. You are prepared to end your FWBR:
If you have a committed friendship, then both partners should be committed to what that means.
If things aren’t working out or one person wants more and doesn’t think their partner is in a place for more, it’s better for both parties if they breakup than if they string along their friend and keep trying to have fun together.
It may feel uncool or awkward at first, but these conversations can get easier over time—and relationships become stronger if you don’t hide feelings (or talk behind one another’s back). After all, love is work—but it’s worth it!
In conclusion, generally, there are different types of friends with benefits relationships such as Friends-with-benefits: Not a couple, but regularly have-it-off. They might say we’re just friends or we’re not exclusive when asked about their relationship.
This type is most common. Casual intimate partners: Don’t live together but spend a lot of time together in activities other than being intimate, such as going out to dinner and movies and parties with mutual friends.
This type is rarer than FWB relationships. Intimate partners: Spend almost all their time together; they may share finances and/or property, talk about getting married, etc., yet don’t live together. There are also serial FWB’s or one-time FWB.
Some people say FWBs are simply a non-monogamous form of monogamy, but I would say it is a kind of monogamy.
Because in committed FWB’s there is no extra-pairing involved and in serial FWB’s you have-it-off on a regular basis with just one person at a time.
For some people that is enough when they know they can’t get or won’t bother getting something more serious anyway.