How can someone say they love you and then hurt you?

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By: Naveen B

We have a tendency to think that people who love us deep down inside will never hurt us.

Unfortunately, this is not always the case. The people who are closest to us, the ones we hold most dear, are also the people who can hurt us the most.

They may not intend to do so, but they do nonetheless. 


How can someone say they love you and then hurt you?


How can someone love you and hurt you? The short answer is, there is no rule that people do not hurt the ones they love. In fact, in life, we hurt the ones we love the most.

Sometimes people consciously hurt the ones they love for some good reasons. Sometimes it’s unintentional, because we’re stressed or tired or feeling misunderstood, and sometimes it’s purposeful when we want to hurt them with some evil motives in mind.

But most of us don’t consider the possibility that we ourselves may be hurting the people we love.

Can someone love you and still hurt you?

Yes. It’s possible someone can hurt you and still love you. If someone you love hurts you deeply, then there are many possible intentions behind their words, actions, and behaviors that caused you to feel hurt.

People who hurt us are not always bad people. In fact, they can be trying to release their own pain. They may have been hurt in the past, and they want you to hurt so that it feels less real.

In many cases, the person who hurt you was not even trying to hurt you. It could be because they were too busy with their life and forgot to include you in it, or didn’t know how to say what they wanted to say. 

We should not take someone’s words too seriously without thinking about why they said it and what they meant by it.

When someone you love hurts you deeply?

The one thing that unites us as human beings is the fact that we all have been hurt at some point in our lives – even those who think they haven’t. This pain can manifest as anger, sadness, and resentment towards the person who inflicted it.

The 7 situations when someone you love deeply hurts you:

1) When someone is immature.

2) When someone is toxic or cheats.

3) When someone is a drug addict.

4) When someone struggles with depression and/or mental illness.

5) When the one you love loses a key aspect of their identity.

6) When the person you love doesn’t want to be intimate with you anymore.

7) When their love is fake.

Recommended reading for you: 15 Situations when someone you love hurts you deeply (complete guide)

Reasons someone say they love you and then hurt you.

1. The most common reason is that the person who says they love you may not be acting on their true feelings. They might be scared about showing these feelings, or they might not feel safe enough to act on them.

2. Another reason why someone would say “I love you” and then hurt you could be because the person who says it doesn’t really know what it means to love, or because they have a personality disorder.

3. They want to protect you. It is a human instinct to be selfish and this is why we hurt the ones we love the most.

We want to keep them happy and satisfied so they will not leave us and will stay with us. This is why we do things that we know will make them unhappy but it’s for their own good.

4. In general, someone you love hurting you can happen when they are not showing their true self to you, or when they are being selfish and think only about themselves instead of thinking about what is best for both of you.

5. They hurt you to reassure their own ego. They feel better about themselves by making others feel bad. They want to be strong and better than you.

6. They have an aggressive personality and want to intentionally hurt you for no logical reason.

7. They are insensitive and have a lack of empathy for others.

8. They’re too eager to show off when they’re feeling left out.

9. They don’t know how to cope with jealousy or envy.

10. They want you to change or fix yourself.

11. They don’t know what they really want in your relationship.

12. They love you and they don’t know how to show it. Or unable to articulate it.

13. They love you, but another person comes along.

14. They don’t agree with your views on important topics such as religion, money, politics, etc., making them feel like they can’t connect with you in a meaningful way.

15. They’re looking for a thrill in their life and they think that hurting somebody else will give them some kind of relief from their own pain and suffering

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Experienced Psychology and philosophy Writer, self-help and relationship Coach and thought influencer. He has 7 years of experience in Personal development industry. His expertise as a self-help and relationship Coach has been highlighted through his articles in medium and substack to name a few. To be updated with his latest work, connect with him by following his social media accounts.

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