15 Situations when someone you love hurts you deeply

When someone you love hurts you deeply, it affects you physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually as well.

Relationships, by nature, are complicated. They involve emotional attachments, which can make us vulnerable. This vulnerability makes it all the more painful when someone we love hurts us.

It hurts on a lot of different levels. It can hurt our sense of self-worth, our confidence in our relationships, and our trust in others.

It can make us feel embarrassed, ashamed, or angry. It can make us question our value, our attractiveness, or our sense of security. It can make us feel vulnerable, scared, or insignificant.

Also read: Can you ever stop loving someone who hurt you? 4 Steps

We may feel alone or rejected. We may believe that we’ve failed ourselves and those we love.

It can make us feel like we’re not good enough, or that there’s no point.

Learning to deal with these emotions after a hurtful situation is the first step toward recovery.

You may feel like you want to lash out at the person who hurt you. Or you may feel like running away or giving up.

But this isn’t realistic.

Learning to handle emotions after someone hurts you involves learning to recognize them, develop coping skills and strategies, and take ownership of your feelings.

Recommended read for you: How to deal with someone who hurt you emotionally? (complete guide)

Don’t expect someone to know how to best help you. It’s important to realize that you’re not a burden and that it’s not your fault that others hurt you.

In this guide I have mentioned some of the instances when someone you love hurts you deeply, also I shared some of the signs and what to do when someone hurts you.

But, before getting into it’s important to remember not every hurt is bad. Somehow they help us to reflect on our thoughts and actions and help us to become mature and deal with our emotions rationally instead of victim mentality.

Here are the five situations when someone you love hurts you deeply and the ways in which our loved one’s actions or words make those situations worse:

Also read: How to let go of someone who hurt you? (15 Tips to move on)

15 Situations when someone you love hurts you deeply


1. When they’re stressed.

Stress can make it hard for anyone to think clearly, and for relationships, it can make matters even worse. Sometimes, when people are stressed out, it’s because they’re facing a difficult challenge, like money troubles or health problems.

Sometimes, stress comes from a difficult situation with a spouse, partner, or family member. Maybe they’re going through a tough time at work, or they’re going through a divorce.

Being stressed out is no excuse for hurting others. If someone you care about is stressed out, the most important thing you can do is encourage them to talk to a professional.

Also read: How to tell someone they hurt your feelings? (7 Tips with examples)

2. When they love you too much.

Sometimes, people get hurt because they care about you too much. They care so much that it clouds their judgment.

If someone you care about hurts you, it’s important to remember that they probably genuinely love you.

Chances are, they hurt because they didn’t know what to do, or because they care about you so much that they didn’t realize what they were doing was hurting you.

They love you, but they’re hurting. Sometimes, people get hurt because they’re trying to protect you from something.

Maybe they’re trying to protect you from something painful like divorce or illness or from some mental health issues.

Also read: How to get over someone who hurt you and used you? (23 tips)

3. When they’re angry.

There is nothing more frustrating than having someone you love to lash out at you when they’re angry. We know what we’re dealing with, of course, but our emotions can make it difficult for us to take that in and respond appropriately.

4. When they’re depressed and dealing with their own psychological issues.

When someone we love is depressed, it can be difficult to know what to do or say. We may not know how to comfort them or help them. They may act irrationally, or they may withdraw entirely.

When someone you love hurts you deeply when they’re in a depression, it’s not because of hatred, it’s just because they don’t know what to do to get over their issues.

So, you need to understand what influences your partner to behave strangely instead of getting mad at them. That may save your relationship.

Also read: What to do when you are hurt by someone you love?

5. When they’re afraid or worried.

When someone is scared, it can show in the way they act, the decisions they make, and the way they speak about the things that are worrying them.

Most people when they are in fear of something rarely acknowledge their own behaviors.

And show their dark sides to the people they love. When your partner is dealing with his/her own fears, try to communicate with him/her and make them realize how their actions are affecting you emotionally.

Also read: How can someone say they love you and then hurt you?

6. When you’re in an unhealthy or abusive relationship.

A not matured person in a relationship can show many abusive or toxic traits. Without their realization, they hurt their partners literally for no reason. That’s purely a sign of an unhealthy relationship.

They blame you for something that you did or something that someone else did.

They may blame you for a relationship that didn’t work out, or they may blame you for something that they did. Whatever the cause it may be, they will continuously torture you because of their sick mentality.

7. When They Don’t Care About You and your feelings.

Some relationships are one-sided. Someone is there for you when they need you, but it’s a one-way street. You love them, but they don’t love you back. 

They won’t take the time to actually listen to you. They may speak over you or interrupt you when you’re talking. They may not speak to you for days, weeks, or even months on end. They may not acknowledge that you’re feeling hurt or upset.

Also read: What to say to someone who has hurt you deeply? (8 Tips with example conversation)

8. When they Don’t Respect You

Because of their own ego and self-righteousness. Some people become very arrogant to their partners.

They’ll treat you like you’re nothing, and won’t respect your opinions and feelings. They may even intentionally embarrass you or treat you like you don’t matter.

9. When they hold grudges

Some people are not good at forgiving others and they hold all their bitter experiences and wait for the perfect time to take revenge. That’s not at all good for any relationship.

With disappointment, they become so offensive and defend themselves and lash out their hurt on people even whom they love the most. 

If that leads to hatred, they may build grudges and make serious accusations that result in damage to your relationships

10. When they take you for granted

When they take you for granted, they stop noticing and expressing thanks for the things you did. They stop showing their appreciation.

They don’t remember the last time they said a heartfelt “thank you” to you. And hurt you constantly to make you feel low until you get emotionally exhausted.

11. When you give them too much power or when you are too submissive.

Some people take advantage of others’ kindred spirits. If you are too submissive in your relationship, the person you love may become over-controlling and hurt you for each little thing you do in your own way. 

They always want you to be dependent on them. If you take your own decisions and try to become an independent person, they become jealous and try to hurt you in some way to keep you under their control.

12. When they fall out of love.

For some people, love only lasts until the honeymoon period. Once they have fulfilled their desires and fantasies, they become manipulative and act selfishly or maliciously towards us.

It hurts. It hurts even more when they’re doing it intentionally, or when they feel that it’s acceptable to do so. They treat you unfairly or unkindly until you give up on them.

13. When they betray or abandon you.

When the person you love gets a new boyfriend or girlfriend they no longer behave the same way as you.

And they don’t treat you the way you deserved to be loved. It means the relationship is over, and there is nothing left to offer you.

He or she hurts you and leaves you. It can be devastating. You may feel rejected or abandoned, or the person may have done something to hurt you. Either way, it’s painful.

14. When you cause them pain, hurt them, or make any mistake.

It’s not always about them. Everyone makes mistakes. Sometimes we too hurt our loved ones without our awareness.

We may hurt them by not paying attention, not caring, refusing to acknowledge their achievements, or failing to support them in their dreams. That may make them hurt you.

15. When they become jealous of you.

Sometimes our loved ones may become so overprotective or oversensitive to us. If we are being too close to someone else, they may get irritated and become jealous easily.

If they don’t know how to approach and convey that to you, they may indirectly hurt you in order to make you realize it by yourself.

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Naveen Bommakanti

Naveen is Experienced Psychology and philosophy Writer, self-help and relationship Coach and thought influencer. He has 7 years of experience in Personal development industry.

Naveen’s expertise as a self-help and relationship Coach has been highlighted through his articles in medium and substack to name a few.

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