Self-forgiveness: A complete guide on How to forgive yourself


At some point in our lives, we all lose the core identity of our lives without even realizing it. 

That may be either with the actions; or with words; or even by our mere thoughts. And such point of life is called ignorance. 

 By saying the words that were not supposed to be said; By doing the things that were not supposed to be done – we all do terrible things to ourselves and to others which eventually lead to regret and guilty and unnecessary suffering. Later search for forgiveness – “How to forgive yourself?” for those mistakes.

But, to get that identity back, we must have to pay a terrible price. Sometimes, we may never get it back. Because there is no forgiveness to certain actions. (some of us never even know what our core identity is!)

No matter what actions you have done to yourself or to others –

If you are here to seek “How to forgive yourself?”

My question is –

“Are you really ready to forgive yourself?” 

“Have you gone through necessary pain before beginning your healing process?”

“Have you realized the essence of life and are ready to begin the new chapter of  your life?”

I ask that because, I too had made mistakes with or without my conscience and I know how it feels when we were no longer the same person.

Although we seek for forgiveness only after going through pain, regret and shame. If we didn’t feel guilty or didn’t seek for self-forgiveness for our faults then it shows that we never realized our stupidity and continue to make the same mistake.

A mistake can be only done once. If it’s more than that, it’s called a sin or ignorance. And there is no forgiveness for sin but ignorance can be undone by realization.

In my perspective “Sin is something you do it willfully and consciously.” And almost all of our lives we do things things at least with a little consciousness. 

So, it’s not a good idea to make ourselves better by hiding our mistakes in ignorance. In reality whatever we do regardless of ignorance or consciousness, we are responsible for our each and every action.

Nonetheless, there is a remedy for everything if we are willing to sacrifice. If a mistake or a sin can be forgivable then there is only one path to such forgiveness which is – “paying the price.” Even if it takes a lifetime.

(If you have not yet come to your consciousness, it is the right time.)

“Now” is the right moment for the true transformation to lead a sincere and modest life.

If you think you are ready, then continue reading.

(“No offense” We are all beautifully broken people in one or another way. It’s okay to feel sorry; to be broken and do mistakes unless they don’t cost someone’s life.)

We are all terrible people who lack “Understanding.”

When I say “Terrible” that may refer to even the smallest mistake. Because everything is relative in life. Some people are highly sensitive than others. For highly sensitive people even shouting at them with a loud voice is a terrible thing. Because they are such gentle souls.

So, do not worry. I feel you and I have already gone through it. By keeping all the things in mind I have written this post to guide you and heal yourself completely with the process of self-forgiveness. 

Note: ( In the process of writing this post, I have also realized so much about myself. So, I encourage you to take time for yourself, pay attention to your thoughts, observe everything, and write for yourself now and then to realize life.) 

Self-care is the best self-healing or self-realization or self-forgiveness technique I can possibly advice to you.

I have taken so much time and energy to write this post. So, Keep reading till the end. Learn, understand, realize, and act upon it now itself. Feel free to ask questions to me in the comments and subscribe to my newsletter and for daily wisdom, quotes, self-help, relationships, productivity, and much more interesting philosophical concepts from me.

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Before discussing the process of how to forgive yourself? 

Let’s understand –

What is self-forgiveness?


In my own words the definition of self-forgiveness is nothing but a stage of self-realization or self-awareness – where you begin to recognize your personal mistakes, sins or terrible actions and identify their natural consequences. Feel guilty, resentful and be in shame of your own existence for your evil intentions. 

However, with inevitable regrets and grief – you take complete responsibility for what happened and decide to make peace with yourself regardless of your life’s choices. 

Bearing that pain with constant suffering, willing to change yourself for better, by forgiving yourself. And slowly, take necessary steps to overcome the traumatic past; and replace your wrongful thoughts with good deeds, although you cannot justify the wrong things you did to yourself or to others. Yet, be brave to learn from experiences and become ready for the next stage of life only with a purified soul.

In other words, briefly – Self-forgiveness is a slow self-healing and spiritual process. It encourages to be kind with oneself irrespective of one’s ignorant or conscious mistakes. And helps to come into awareness and continue life by learning; evolving; purifying themselves with good deeds or by serving to the world.

Why you should forgive yourself?

There is a 

That said, there are many reasons for a person to forgive oneself,

Here are the list of reasons you should forgive yourself at least if one or more resonate with you.

  • Forgive yourself for cheating on your loved ones.
  • Forgive yourself for something terrible you have done to yourself or to others.
  • Forgive yourself for hurting someone physically or emotionally or psychologically.
  • Forgive yourself for something unforgivable.
  • Forgive yourself for past mistakes.
  • Forgive yourself for being toxic.
  • Forgive yourself for ruining a relationship.
  • Forgive yourself for lying.
  • Forgive yourself after an affair. (Though it’s really unforgivable)
  • Forgive yourself for being harsh to yourself.
  • Forgive yourself and forgive others if you really want to lead a happy and peaceful life.

How to forgive yourself?


It is difficult to forgive yourself.

Life is a tragedy. It is not easy to let go of someone we love or something that is dear to us. 

It is too difficult to let go of the pieces of the past. We are too weak to flush the memories of the most loving moments of our lives. we are weak because weakness represents strength. We are weak because we are beloved humans. And we are weak as we tasted most of life’s naked truths. Therefore, it is hard to get over someone we love deeply.

Still, we are breathing in the bit of hope to experience the clear rays of love as a whole, instead of phases.

If you come across your dark past in the near future, perhaps you tend to be still as if you have no feelings left to weave the present. You will be in deep sorrow even your tears fail to express such intense suffering.

In such moments let it go, just forgive yourself, remain calm and remind yourself. It’s no one’s fault. We are our own choices trapped in our own responsibilities, traveling as a lonely stranger in the path of a very strange reality. Accept it and move on.

How to learn to forgive yourself?

There are no mistakes in life, there are only choices. There are no perfections, only perceptions. – Naveen Bommakanti.

How to forgive yourself for cheating?

If you want to know how to forgive yourself after an affair? With my whole heart I can say, cheating is a terribly cheap act for which there is no forgiveness at all(Considering the feelings of a loyal partner).

You have to bear the pain and learn to live with it for the rest of your life. (If at all you have any regrets and genuinely suffer for your mistake and for hurting your beloved partner.)

However, to make you feel better I would also say that, cheating doesn’t mean that you are an evil person. 

Even sometimes, Some situations forces us to lose control over our senses. And go along with the psychological, emotional and physical needs. 

It’s a test for one’s self-respect, control, awareness and what kind of person you actually are. Simply, if you cheat or do any acts that’s a sign of ignorance and lack of self-awareness.

Ignorance is different from bad or evil, but it influences them. In my view any good person can also cheat. It’s a matter of morals, ethics, values and self-awareness. Everyone’s needs and desires are different from others.

Nonetheless, it’s a matter of your self-identity, self-respect and respect towards your partner. (In the first place if you have them, you would have never done anything like that. But that’s fine)

Here I would suggest 3 possible solutions(early steps) to forgive yourself for cheating or for having an affair.

1. Genuine confession and seeking forgiveness from your partner:

2. Detach complete connection and contact from your affair.

3. Self-acceptance, self-compassion and self-care.

How to forgive yourself for hurting someone?

The best approach to forgiveness for hurting someone is not forgiving yourself. But, communicating with the person you hurt, apologizing with sincerity, expressing your quilt in such a way that you show your love and care towards them and will be responsible for your actions. Clear any misunderstanding between both through your self-realization.

“Change in yourself for better is the best sign to the path of forgiveness.”

When the person you hurt notices that better change in you. He or she will appreciate the efforts you made and willing to accept your mistake and forgives you naturally.

When someone you hurt forgives, then it will help you to find peace within and automatically leads to self-forgiveness.

How to forgive yourself for past mistakes?

Past mistakes are something that can never be undone. The only thing we can do is to learn from them and keeping bitter experiences in mind – with conscious efforts become responsible for our future actions. 

A practical solution to forgive yourself for past mistakes is to not to repeat them ever again. And to make that happen –

Here are some tips for practicing self-forgiveness:

  •  Self-reflect,
  • Self-care,
  • Self-compassion,
  • Have patience,
  •  Completely understand yourself.
  •  Make your thoughts pure, 
  • intentions clear,
  • Actions resonate with your words,
  • Replace guilt with positive affirmations,
  • Be kind to yourself and others,
  • Serve selflessly,
  • and remember that we all do mistakes.

But the question is do we realize our ignorance and work on ourselves to recover from the respective damage; and bring great changes in our lives and the lives of others to heal from the past.

Surely, it takes time but just remember you are not alone. 

“With patience and efforts you can move the mountains if you put your mind into.”

So, be prepared to be such change.

How to forgive yourself for being toxic?

If you think you were being toxic to someone and yet hurting yourself for the same reason is still the sign of toxicity. Whether you are hurting someone or hurting yourself it’s still the same toxic behaviour.

However, one best thing is that you recognizing your unhealthy behaviour and seeking for self-forgiveness is one of the good characteristics of a person

If you want to find how to forgive yourself for being toxic, then the solution begins with asking yourself the right questions. First of all make sure that are you really a toxic person. 

Here are the questions to ask yourself to know whether you are a toxic person or not –

  • Do you use hatred language?
  • Do you constantly feel jealous of others who are in a better position than you?
  • Do you always blame others for your insecurities and problems?
  • Do you complain everything?
  • Do you shame others for who they are?

If all those things match your personality then What would you do if someone is being toxic to you and do exactly as you do? “Just give yourself a deep thought and have an inner self-talk to realize your mistake. Also,

Here are some ways to forgive yourself and start moving forward:

  • See yourself through the lens that you would hope to see others through and be such person.
  •  Instead of seeking forgiveness without working on yourself, change yourself completely. And let your actions show them that you deserve forgiveness.
  • Help them to understand what you want and be crystal clear about it.

No one wants to be in friendship or in relationship with toxic people. Therefore, make sure you exhibit positive vibrations wherever you go and whomever you meet. So that you will find joy and peace in your life.

How to forgive yourself for ruining a relationship?

There are many unethical actions involve in order to reach such extremes and ruin a relationship. 

Whatever the lead to end your relationshi with your partner. 

if there is still a room for love, connection and reunion, plan for a healthy matured communication; and recover from both individual damage 

How to forgive yourself for lying?

How to forgive yourself for something terrible?


You can forgive yourself for any action by becoming a better person, a beautiful human and a divine energy.

When sincerity, loyalty, efforts, truth, honesty, humanity exhibits from you, that’s an unrecognizable transformation for self-forgiveness and opportunity for endless self-growth.

Work on yourself period. Completely focus on improving your personality inner self and outer self as well.

Above all focus on yourself, everything else is a distraction. Then you will begin to experience the true side of life.

How to forgive yourself for something unforgivable?

Steps to forgive yourself

  1. Realize that you made mistakes.
  2. Accept pain and be responsible for whatever happened, whatever happening and for whatever is going to happen.
  3. Express your guilt and shame to yourself or to the people you hurt.
  4. Repair the damage and give your everything to rebuild the trust.
  5. Focus on the change and adapt to new life.
  6. Move on.

Benefits of forgiving yourself

  1. According to research, those who practice self-forgiveness have better mental health, healthier relationships, and a more positive attitude. It has been suggested that self-compassion is associated with greater success, productivity, focus, and concentration.
  3. The people who are capable of self-forgiving realize that not forgiving themselves leads to suffering, and therefore are kind to themselves, thereby reducing anxiety and depression.
  5. Negative feelings, stress, and pessimism are more likely to accompany individuals who are highly critical of themselves.

self-forgiveness exercises

Here are the list of self-forgiveness exercises:

  • Depending on the level of your belief and your connection to spirituality, mindfulness activities would ignite the positive energy, peace and calm environment inside your mind. Therefore, practice mindful activities such as 
  • meditation, 
  • positive self-talk, 
  • uttering self-forgiveness affirmations,
  • Talking to yourself from other person’s perspective,
  • Writing a forgiving letter to yourself and the person whom you hurt,
  • And seek apology.


Self-forgiveness affirmations

If you are a kind of person who believes in the magic of words, positive self-talk and positive affirmations. Here are the list of self-forgiveness affirmations that make you feel grateful for everything.

  • Every I am learning, realizing, evolving to become a better version of myself. Now, my every motive is pure. Every glance is compassionate. Every word is true. I am making my every moment as holy as possible. I am turning my body into a temple and changing everything into divine.
  • I forgive everyone in my life from the past to the present. I continue to understand, love, and forgive myself and everyone regardless of their mistakes.
  • I forgive myself for my ignorance. Because I am human, I am imperfect too. Nevertheless, despite all my difficulties, I strive my best to be a good human.
  • As I look back, I realize that my parents gave me everything they had. If they unknowingly did any harm to me, I forgive them.
  • With love, I replace shame, guilt, anger, hatred, and judgment with openness and acceptance.
  • I am aware that forgiving someone does not mean forgetting what they have done to me. I just want to let go of his/her hold on my life so that I can move forward.
  • I have learned to see the other’s perspective. As a result, I can avoid resentment and focus on love.

Quotes about forgiving yourself

  • Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn’t know before you learned it. — Maya Angelou
  • If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete. – Jack Kornfield
  • We cannot change anything unless we accept it. –Carl Jung

Final Thoughts:

The good thing about life is – Irrespective of what we do – self-reflection and self-realization is the key to begin a new life. Before it’s too late we need to realize and transform our lives for the better. And then we are never going to be the same.) 

Be kind to yourself and take care of yourself and your loved ones no matter what.

Wish you the best life ahead.


Kudos to your new beginning. 

If my you find my thoughts as insightful, inspiring and life changing, kindly share with your friends and family. You may never know, this might change their life forever. Thank you.

Related resources:

Complete guide on how to overcome challenges

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Love vector created by freepik.

Self-forgiveness: A complete guide on How to forgive yourself

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