We all want people to love us and we’re prepared to go out of our way for it. We are, after all, a social species. However, there is more than one way to win a person over
If you approach them and they ignore you or reject your advances straight off then they may be less willing to warm up later on. Here are some psychological tricks to get someone to like you.
These tips can help establish an immediate connection and lay a solid foundation for deeper connections down the road.
After all, as social creatures—we crave human connection—and it is much easier to form bonds if we begin with small gestures of friendship than if we begin with criticism or force our personalities onto others.
There’s no better way to bond than by being happy warriors together instead of battling each other. Don’t worry about always saying or doing exactly the right thing because perfect conversations don’t exist.
Recommended reading: How to get someone to like you? (complete guide)
20 Psychological tricks to get someone to like you
Here are some psychology tricks to get someone to like you
1. Be Vulnerable:
The concept behind being vulnerable is simple – it’s about revealing something about yourself in a genuine way that proves that underneath those defenses and bluster we are all human beings who just want to feel loved.
Most pick-up artists believe that instead of building trust by giving away something about yourself, you should entice others into giving away as much as possible instead.
Your interest should only lie in gathering information from her so you know how best to take advantage of her desires. However there’s no denying being vulnerable first makes people instantly more comfortable around you – which leads me onto my next point.
2. Start a conversation by asking what rather than why –
Questions like Why do you think that? and What did you mean when tend to elicit long answers and convey a sense of judgement or superiority on your part. This can make people defensive and stop them from engaging fully in conversation.
Instead try asking questions such as; How did that happen?, When was that? etc This is also known as using open ended questions, because they don’t have yes/no answers but require detailed answers which not only draw other people out but allow them to see what kind of person you are (insecure or interested).
3. Don’t argue –
It’s about finding common ground. When we argue sometimes we use stronger language if our real intent is to convince someone else. In doing so we inadvertently push others further away.
For example, two passionate football fans come together at a pub during their team’s big match and strike up an animated discussion about strategies and favorite players etc. After 10 minutes however their argument escalates into name calling and eventually threats.
From an outsiders perspective both look equally childish yet each has built himself up as alpha male ready to fight over something they both care deeply about. But why do otherwise rational adults behave like school children when discussing politics, religion or even climate change?
Because unlike most topics these subjects have become sacred cows in our culture where few dare question dogma. Whether it’s overt peer pressure or unconscious submission to authority, we all have our pet sacred cows where we go out of our way to avoid ridicule and/or criticism.
If you really want someone to like you show some vulnerability, ask them a few benign questions about themselves and put forth your own opinions in a respectful manner. You are bound to find common ground that helps bond you faster than an insult ever could.
There is nothing more powerful than wanting something from someone. In a way, you are asking that person to give you a piece of them. However, it’s up to you to establish and maintain respect so that they have no choice but to share.
If people like you more there is a good chance they will want your input more often and end up following your advice. Now that takes some real power.
5. Imitate their body language:
Studies have shown that people prefer to interact with others who mirror their body language, facial expressions and speech patterns. If you want to get someone to like you, do your best to mimic them.
In 1999, New York University researchers documented the “chameleon effect”, which showed that people whose speech, movements and posture more closely matched their conversation partner’s were perceived as more likeable and authentic.
If you’re talking to someone who likes to lean back in their chair when listening to you, do likewise. If they cross their arms while speaking with you, keep your arms in close to your body or rest them on your knees instead of propping them up on a desk.
A study from Harvard University found that we are three times more likely to want a relationship with someone who mimics us. Mirroring is a subtle way of demonstrating your acceptance and understanding of another person, especially when you’re having an emotionally charged conversation.
As you talk with someone, subtly try to repeat their posture and facial expressions. This is a great way to win people over. Those who see you as similar will be more drawn to your personality. And those who are drawn to your personality will treat you better.
By showing that you’re like them in some way, they’ll have more of an urge to be like you in other ways too. In any conversation there is always someone who does a lot of talking and someone who does a lot of listening.
6. Make them feel like a million bucks –
In order to get someone to like you, you need to be able to arouse their emotions and help them experience intense positive feelings. Sounds crazy, but it’s true. Think about when your friends tell you they love you.
They’re clearly joking or being sarcastic, right? Well according to research by Philippe Rochat of Geneva University Hospital in Switzerland, they might actually be telling the truth – in a way. Dr Rochat studied infants who were lying down with their mother on a bed and noticed that as soon as she began stroking them affectionately they immediately started smiling.
Further studies showed that when babies experience something good, they automatically do something pleasurable in return without any conscious thought involved.
To get someone to like you, you can mimic their body language as a way of subconsciously saying, hey, I’m safe and then elicit a response with something that feels good.
7. Inspire them to believe you can achieve something –
The fastest way to get someone to like you is through their ego. Regardless of whether they have a healthy self-esteem or not, we all want validation and recognition from those around us. When you help someone succeed, they feel good about you, but even more importantly they are motivated to see your dreams come true as well.
Psychologists call it comparison level for achievement – in other words, how much do I want to be like you? Higher levels of comparison can lead people with low self-esteem to hurt or sabotage those who are different.
Most of us have seen it happen when jealous family members try to break up a happy couple by getting one person out of the picture entirely. On a positive note, they may also be more supportive of you in the future.
Either way, your chances of getting someone to like you increase when you can help them feel good about themselves.
8. Be selfish sometimes –
It sounds counterintuitive, but one of the best ways to get someone to like you is by focusing on yourself. This doesn’t mean being egotistical or self-centered; rather it means being confident and secure in who you are.
When you’re confident, people naturally want to be around you more because they feel good when they’re with someone that’s fun to be around. So what happens when you’re not feeling confident or secure?
If you want to get someone to like you, try asking yourself these questions: What do I have to offer? What do I want from them? What do they expect from me? Answer those questions honestly and you can quickly pick up on what it is they want.
Once you’ve figured that out, offer something of value in exchange for their attention and support. When people feel valuable, they like themselves and are more inclined to offer something in return – namely, friendship and loyalty.
9. Be persistent –
Persistence is critical if you want to get someone to like you. In a way, it’s as important as your values and principles when it comes to getting someone on your side.
However, it’s not just about being annoying; rather it means staying true to yourself even when things aren’t working out exactly how you had planned them.
Regardless of how much work you put into something, sometimes it just won’t work out. And you can’t let it get to you! If you keep going despite failure and adversity, people will admire your persistence.
Just make sure you don’t take it too far by pushing so hard that others feel like they’re being manipulated or controlled by your behavior.
Be honest and truthful about who you are and what you want – but also be willing to adapt based on changing circumstances.
10. Reveal your secrets and flaws occasionally:
One of my favorite TED Talks is by Brene Brown on vulnerability. Her theory is that courage and vulnerability are two sides of a coin, and that learning to accept your fears will help you grow as a person.
She’s done extensive research in what it means to be vulnerable and now shares her findings with large audiences in order to help people feel more comfortable about being themselves.
The point I’d like to make here is that everyone has secrets, but secrets can also be beneficial if used correctly. If you’re in a situation where someone is getting to know you, there’s no reason to hide your faults.
Don’t put them out there all at once; rather, reveal little bits of your personality over time. When it’s finally time for someone to get an accurate view of who you are and what makes you tick, they’ll be grateful that they stuck around and knew when to ask.
You don’t have to make yourself completely vulnerable at first – but here’s a good rule of thumb: If it makes you feel uncomfortable or anxious, others will probably feel the same way.
11. Let them know you are a good secret keeper too –
It’s simple, really. If you want someone to like you, make them feel good about sharing their secrets and vulnerabilities with you. In other words, give them a chance to get to know you for who you are rather than pretending that everything is perfect all of the time.
In fact, it’s those moments of imperfection that are often some of our most memorable or meaningful experiences in life.
While we may not be thrilled at first when something bad happens – sometimes we learn more from these negative experiences than positive ones.
But it’s up to us to make that choice, so why not take a chance? After all, maybe one day you’ll want someone to keep a secret for you too.
12. Make someone feel good when they’re around you:
How do you know if someone likes you? When they want to spend time with you, of course! People like hanging out with other people who have a positive influence on their lives – and it’s just like anything else in that regard.
If they get something out of hanging out with you, there’s a chance that others will too. Whether it’s an insightful story or helpful bit of advice or simply making them laugh, people want to surround themselves with others who bring positivity into their lives – and is a simple way to encourage people to see how awesome you are.
Psychological studies show that people like doing favors for others, but they also love to be on the receiving end of those favors. So, while you shouldn’t feel obligated to do nice things for others in order to make them like you, it can be a great way to help build relationships and encourage them to want more time with you.
Also read: How to tell if someone doesn’t like you?
13. Listen, smile and agree:
Everyone likes to feel like they’re being heard, and you can do that by actively listening to what someone has to say. But there’s more than one way to be a good listener.
Sometimes it means asking questions or commenting in ways that show you’re interested in what they have to say rather than using their stories as opportunities for self-promotion.
In other words, if you focus more on them than you do on yourself, they’ll be more likely to feel like you’re a great friend or partner to have.
14. Treat others how you want to be treated:
It’s one of those tried-and-true, basic rules that just about anyone can appreciate. Treating others like you want to be treated will help ensure that they’ll treat you in kind – and they’ll feel more comfortable doing so when they feel like they know who you are as a person.
15. Be forgiving and understanding:
We’re all human, after all, and we’re bound to make mistakes every now and then. If someone is open with their apologies or willing to admit when they do something wrong (even if it was accidental), that shows a willingness to work together as opposed to being dismissive or unwilling to engage with your point of view.
16. Don’t make someone else responsible for your happiness:
It’s easier said than done, but you’re in charge of your own happiness – and that means that no one else is at fault if you don’t feel happy. Maybe it’s just not a good day or maybe there are bigger problems in your life that need to be addressed first.
Whatever it is, take control of it by using some of these psychological tricks instead of letting others dictate how you feel about yourself and your relationships with others. And remember: if you do like something about someone else, tell them.
Knowing that someone finds something special about us can go a long way in helping us see why we like them too.
17. Don’t base your opinion of someone on what you think they think of you:
You might assume that if someone is nice to you, it’s because they want something. But being kind or trying to help isn’t a ploy – it’s just how they’re wired.
So don’t try to figure out what their ulterior motives are – just enjoy their company for who they are, not who you assume them to be.
18. Don’t try to overanalyze every interaction:
When you’re out and about in your day-to-day life, it’s inevitable that you’ll run into people you know or are at least familiar with.
So don’t get caught up wondering why they acted a certain way or what their intentions were. Chances are, there wasn’t any hidden agenda, and instead of forcing some kind of subtext into interactions where there might not be one, just relax and enjoy getting to hang out with someone new.
After all, relationships take time to build – so if you assume things too quickly without any real evidence to back it up, you could miss out on getting to know someone really cool who might have a lot more going for them than meets the eye.
In situations like that, it’s better to be open and directly ask them to clarify your intentions and actions. That way you can clear all your misunderstandings between you.
19. Show them you like them
If you’re worried that someone might not like you, but you’re still interested in pursuing a relationship with them, there’s nothing wrong with telling them that.
If they say no, it can be hurtful – but at least they’ll know how you feel instead of thinking that they did something to offend or upset you without realizing it.
Plus, if someone likes you and is too shy to tell you how they feel, having a few reassurances can help put their mind at ease. As long as your intentions are genuine – and not just let’s see where this goes or whatever – then go for it.
Psychologists call this phenomenon ‘reciprocity of liking‘ which suggests that if someone really likes you, they’re more likely to like you back.
And while it might not be instant, liking someone and knowing that they like you back is a big boost in any relationship – even just as friends.
So if you want someone to like you and there’s a chance that they already do, then showing them how much you like them can go a long way.
You don’t need to ask for something specific or try to manipulate them into doing something for you – just be yourself and let things progress naturally from there.
20. Don’t make it about you:
If someone is giving you mixed signals or acting a certain way but you don’t know what it means, then stop trying to figure out what their intentions are. Instead, try focusing on them.
Ask them questions and get to know who they are outside of your relationship with them. If they like you, then they’ll be excited about talking about themselves.
By making it about them instead of yourself, you’ll also come across as genuinely interested in who they are as a person – which is attractive no matter how old you are or how into someone else is. And if they’re not into you?
Well, getting to know someone makes rejection a lot easier to handle. Instead of wondering what you did wrong, you can move on knowing that you at least gave it a shot and respected them enough to try. Make sense?
Also read: 15 Signs people don’t like you.