People always want what they can’t have, especially when it comes to dating. It’s a fact of life:
The more unavailable or unattainable a potential mate seems, the more interested we become.
We may not consciously realize it, but whether we want a new job or a hot date on Saturday night, making something out of reach is often what makes us desire it most.
So how do you reel in that awesome new person that works down from your office or that awesome woman from your spinning class—or even just someone who lives across town who you might never run into otherwise? Make yourself hard to get.
That means leaving them wanting more and stringing them along so they don’t know whether they ever really had a chance with you.
While the typical person has the idea that it’s nice to have someone to spend time with, very few people know how to make it happen.
However, as with anything else, if you learn how to get someone to like you romantically and how to make someone fall in love with you, you can open yourself up to a whole new world of possibilities and opportunities.
Here are some tips on how to get someone to like you romantically and enjoy being in your company instead of just hanging out with you occasionally when their other friends aren’t available or when they want something from you.
21 Tips on how to get someone to like you romantically.
1. Ask yourself, what do I have to offer that other people would value?
In order to understand how you’re perceived by those around you, ask others around you what they appreciate most about your personality.
Maybe they notice something about you that might just be getting lost among all of your flaws or imperfections.
If so, examine why other people appreciate those same attributes. They might say you’re great at listening, or that they admire your strong work ethic.
2. Stay loyal and be trustworthy:
Any good relationship is based on honesty.
So being completely transparent with your partner(s) about your life goals or activities will ensure that they don’t have any doubts about where they stand with you in their life right now or in a few months from now.
Honesty builds trust, which is crucial when it comes to any kind of relationship (especially romantic ones). The thing about trust is that once it’s broken, it’s extremely difficult — if not impossible — to repair.
So be careful how much information you share with others because once they know everything about who you are as a person (both good and bad), they’ll use that information against you at some point down the road whether consciously or subconsciously.
Recommended reading: Why don’t people like me and how to get people like you? (Your Definitive guide)
3. Share humor:
Being funny shows people that they can trust you, and will make them feel comfortable around you. Humor lets people know that they can relax around you because there’s nothing there that’s going to come off as intimidating or scary.
You want your loved ones to be able to open up when things are hard for them, so if their sense of humor isn’t similar to yours, encourage them in it anyway.
Humor is one of those great equalizers, in that everybody is guaranteed some kind of enjoyment out of it…so use it.
And, most importantly- never force your loved ones into laughing at something they don’t find funny- better an awkward chuckle than fake laughter any day.
4. Be honest about who you are:
No one wants to end up in a romantic relationship with someone who is pretending to be someone else. Whether out of insecurity or dishonesty, faking it until you make it will ultimately cause more problems than benefits.
Let yourself shine through by being real about who you really are—because at least then people know what they’re getting themselves into.
If something doesn’t sound right to you, don’t say it! If you like sports and aren’t trying to impress anyone, talk about sports.
If your idea of a good time is staying home and binge-watching Netflix instead of going out drinking every night (that might also impress others), embrace that and do it.
Being true to yourself makes dating easier and helps save face when you do eventually realize he/she wasn’t The One.
5. Listen actively and respond spontaneously:
Listening is one of those skills that many people don’t necessarily think they need, but it’s an essential trait for getting through tough times with other people (namely romantic partners).
When you listen to other people, really pay attention; don’t just think about what you want to say next.
Responding doesn’t necessarily mean responding with words; sometimes just letting your partner know that he/she has been heard can be enough to feel understood—but if words are necessary, take your time before saying anything so you can collect your thoughts first.
6. Smile at him/her:
No matter how stupidly handsome or beautiful you are (and even if he/she already likes you), smile! It really makes people want to engage with you more – especially when it’s genuine.
Just think, I would bet money on more than half of guys won’t turn down a girl wearing red lipstick because it looks sexy compared to girls saying she didn’t wear any makeup.
If smiles had molecules, one molecule from her smile could easily attach itself onto one million molecules in his brain – while ten thousand wavelengths of red light can trigger fifty times more nerve endings into activity than any other color light out there.
7. Make yourself available:
Being a good partner doesn’t mean being a clingy one; don’t expect your date’s schedule and daily activities to revolve around yours, but be prepared for when he/she wants or needs something from you.
If you’re looking for a long-term relationship with that special someone, it’s important that both people can maintain their individual lives while also spending time together as a couple – being too dependent on each other will only drive both of you crazy.
Also, remember not to ask for too much time or attention right away – they might be busy and over-committed until they feel comfortable being around you.
8. Spend time with children and love animals:
This is great for your date’s self-esteem, even if he/she doesn’t have any kids or pets of his/her own! It shows that you’re interested in seeing how others develop and grow.
It also reveals a fun side of yourself that he/she may not have expected – many people think of adults as serious or moody by nature, but spending some time laughing at adorable doggies (or irritated cats) will make anyone feel lighter.
Plus, what better way to win over your new mate than by investing some quality time into a kid or two?
After all, teaching a toddler how to read is way more interesting than going through another How I Met Your Mother marathon.
9. Flirt politely but not sexually:
While flirting can seem easy for some, others may find it intimidating or difficult without being drunk enough not to care about rejection.
A romantic invitation must be discretely hinted at – never overtly invited. The best type of flirting relies heavily on body language and subtle signs.
Usually telling jokes or compliments regarding someone’s appearance works best for creating attraction early on in a relationship or friendship rather than walking up and blatantly stating sexual intentions.
10. Take good care of yourself:
Take care of your body, try to stay fit and healthy, and take care of personal hygiene – all these things make a person feel more confident about himself/herself which translates directly into being more confident in social situations.
Especially when they’re put next to people who might not be as fit or healthy as them – it really makes a difference.
No one wants a couch potato in a relationship because no one likes being around people who reek of bad breath and body odor from not showering regularly.
Keep yourself physically fit by taking care of your hygiene, eating well, and keeping up with workouts when needed.
If you already eat healthy foods regularly when dating someone, he/she may think it’s simply because he/she makes sure you do so.
Otherwise, he/she may feel guilty knowing he/she had nothing to do with making you lose weight through diet change or may even feel guilty knowing s/he isn’t actively helping you stay fit.
Make sure both parties know they are equally important in keeping each other happy.
11. Be vulnerable and express your feelings romantically:
Your potential partner will never know how you truly feel about him/her if you don’t let them in on it.
Letting yourself be vulnerable is one of the toughest things when trying to impress someone.
Because it means accepting rejection if it should come along, many people are simply afraid of expressing their true selves for fear of what others might think.
But make no mistake – people appreciate honesty, even if they disagree with what they hear or see; at least they’ll know where they stand.
Being too mysterious or hard to figure out can make others feel uncomfortable or shut down altogether – there are plenty of things that keep people from loving you back without purposely keeping them out of your heart.
They’re not worth your time anyway.
12. Understand your weaknesses:
It’s true that everyone has faults but when it comes to finding a romantic partner, understanding where you need improvement becomes vital.
Though these flaws may bother you when you look in the mirror every day, others may never even pick up on them at all.
Now take a step back and try thinking from their perspective; how might they interpret these behaviors differently than you view them personally?
For example, maybe when speaking with strangers at parties, one of your biggest pet peeves is avoiding answering questions completely because you worry that revealing too much personal information will leave little left for future conversation material.
However, while you might think friends can tell when you’re trying to avoid talking about your job (or some other topic), others may attribute your response to shyness rather than frustration with your occupation.
When trying to determine whether your habits repel potential partners or attract potential partners, consider that sometimes our faults draw people closer while our strengths push people away.
13. Accept compliments:
While having humility makes you seem relatable and approachable, excessive modesty can reflect negatively on your reputation as well.
Most individuals who give genuine compliments want nothing more than for you to accept them graciously instead of reacting as though they had offered insult rather than praise.
So unless receiving gratitude genuinely depresses you, learn how to accept praise gracefully without feeling as though it was undeserved.
You might still feel as though such accolades don’t match your level of skill or talent, but appreciating kind words goes a long way towards strengthening social bonds anyway.
14. Give compliments:
While some may argue that an unreciprocated compliment hardly matters, others insist that it speaks volumes about how receptive someone is towards accepting sincere praise from others.
And while we can’t control when other people reject our kindness by failing to be thankful for our best intentions, we can choose how we react when they appear inconsiderate or even outright rude.
You could make excuses for them and blame it on someone else’s behavior earlier in life, but your destiny lies in your own hands no matter what position you’re in now.
The more you appreciate other people, the more that appreciation will come your way.
So, if someone makes you happy with a compliment, be sure to show them how much you appreciate it by showing appreciation for what they have to say as well.
Also read: How to tell if someone doesn’t like you?
15. Ask open-ended questions:
Open-ended questions are intended to elicit an in-depth response, whereas closed-ended questions are more appropriate for one-word answers.
When your love interest is speaking with you about what’s on his or her mind, think twice before interrupting with a comment, question, or a joke.
Not only does it come across as inconsiderate, but it can make them uncomfortable
Although learning how to start a new business from conception to execution can take years of practice and honing your skills, there’s no reason you should wait until you’re 100% ready when there are so many available resources that can speed up that process in just months.
Ask yourself these questions to better prepare yourself for success.
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Answer these questions by sitting down and writing out detailed responses on paper. Once that’s done, grab a pen and begin drafting an outline for how to get someone to like you romantically.
Also read: 15 Signs people don’t like you
16. If you’re shy, fake it ’til you make it:
What does that mean exactly? Fake being extroverted.
Being a people person doesn’t come naturally to all of us, but there are plenty of things you can do to teach yourself how to overcome introversion and make connections with others despite your shyness.
Just as a muscle can be strengthened through consistent use, your communication skills can improve through persistent use as well.
The more conversations you have with people from all walks of life, about different topics ranging from insignificant small talk to deep conversations about what really makes them tick on a deeper level, will eventually allow you to become more comfortable talking with anyone about anything.
It’s all about slowly getting used to being in front of an audience.
So get out there and be proactive by talking to strangers at your local library, coffee shop, or grocery store.
This will help you to build up your comfort level so that if and when you come across a person who really seems like they might be compatible with you, things will be much easier to talk about than they would have been previously.
17. Know what you want:
There’s no sense wasting anyone’s time including your own if all you’re looking for is casual sex, a one-night stand, or something similar.
If that’s what you’re after, then say so from the get-go. If not, be upfront about your romantic intentions instead of making someone fall for you only to reject them in person or worse, by ghosting them.
There’s no sense in putting yourself through unnecessary emotional pain when all you need to do is tell someone who isn’t looking for something serious that you’re just not it.
18. Stop pretending to be someone you’re not:
You don’t need to spend every waking moment talking about your feelings or your past relationships.
Most people want a partner who is independent and has their own friends, goals, and interests — so if that’s not you, then just say so.
There’s no sense in putting yourself through unnecessary emotional pain when all you need to do is tell someone who isn’t looking for something serious that you’re just not it.
Most people aren’t willing to play second-fiddle to someone else’s life goals — so if yours are currently non-existent or still up in the air, do everyone a favor and hold off on getting into another relationship until your current one becomes more concrete.
Also read: How to be friends with someone you love?
19. Say what you mean and mean what you say:
Communication is extremely important when it comes to dating and relating in general, but that doesn’t just apply to words — body language plays a huge role in how people perceive us, too.
Avoid using sarcasm or teasing as a way of making someone feel better because more often than not, they’ll misinterpret your intentions and think that something else is going on when it’s really not.
Instead of worrying about saying something offensive, focus on communicating honestly and openly so that there aren’t any misunderstandings later on down the road.
Once both parties know exactly where they stand with each other, there will be no reason for anyone to be upset or confused at all about their relationship status moving forward.
20. Be open and develop a flexible mindset:
You don’t need to lay out every dirty detail of your entire life story about a first date.
But it’s important that whoever you’re getting involved with knows whether or not they’re pursuing a relationship with someone who is interested in moving forward with their life goals.
Or if they’re dealing with someone who still hasn’t figured things out for themselves yet.
The one thing everyone should have in common when beginning a new relationship is being open-minded and willing to learn from each other while growing together over time.
So if there’s any doubt about whether or not either party shares these same qualities, then maybe you should just stick with being friends for now rather than trying to pursue something more serious that might ultimately lead nowhere.
21. Help them grow spiritually and professionally:
It’s important that both people involved in a relationship are moving forward with their lives — including continuing education, taking classes, or getting promoted at work.
This goes along with being open-minded — no one should ever be interested in staying stagnant for any significant amount of time, so if you’re currently happy with your current situation then that’s great.
Just make sure that your partner feels exactly the same way before you enter into anything long-term because trying to change someone who isn’t ready is a lot harder than living your life on your own terms.
It also might be helpful for either party to have similar interests when it comes to spirituality or religion since these are both important aspects of forming positive relationships with others as well as developing an overall sense of self.