Relationship Needs: Your guide to a list of wants and needs in a relationship

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By: Naveen B

Every relationship is different, and every couple has its own unique set of needs.

A relationship needs list can help you figure out what you need from your partner in order to be happy. It can also help you identify if your partner is meeting those needs or not.

Needs in a relationship are important but it’s hard for us to know what we need or even how to ask for it. We often feel like our needs aren’t important or that we’ll be rejected if we express them. This leads us to suppress our true desires and settle for less.

What are relationship needs?


Relationship needs are the things that keep the relationship healthy, strong, and happy. To maintain a healthy relationship, couples must know what their partner needs from them.

Some of these needs are universal, while others vary from person to person.

There are many different types of relationships, and there are many ways that these relationships can be structured.

However, despite all this variety, most of us have certain core experiences that we share with one another as a result of being human beings on planet Earth at this particular point in time and space.

Also read: 70+ Questions to ask yourself before getting into a relationship

It’s important to be aware of your own and your partner’s relationship needs.

Here are some basic needs in a relationship every couple should know about: The following four needs are very important, they are not the only relationship needs that exist in a relationship.

1. Self-esteem needs: These include respect, acceptance, value, lovable, feeling attractive, and appreciated.

If your partner doesn’t feel good about him/herself, it will be difficult for them to have a healthy relationship with you or anyone else.

2. Security needs: These include stability and safety. In order to feel secure in a relationship, you need to know that you can count on your partner being there through thick and thin.

3. Physical affection (s#xual) needs: This includes touching, kissing, cuddling, etc. It is important for both partners to feel comfortable expressing their affection for one another in order for the relationship to work.

4. Emotional connection needs: This is about feeling connected with your partner on an emotional level and having someone there who understands you when things get tough.

Things a relationship needs

There are many factors that come into play when determining what your needs are in a relationship.

For example, if you are looking for a casual relationship, then you will be looking for someone who is also looking for that kind of relationship.

The same goes for a serious relationship. If you want to find out what your needs are in a relationship, then first figure out what type of relationship you want.

How to know what your needs are in a relationship?


I want you to ask yourself these questions:

What am I looking for in a relationship?

– Is it companionship?

– Is it security?

– Is it intimacy?

What do I need from this person?

Do I need someone to take care of me, or do I need someone who will be there for me emotionally, or do I just want them to listen to me when I have something on my mind?

Do I need someone who will give me advice and help solve problems, or do I need someone who will just be there when things get tough?

How much time do I want to spend with this person?

How much time should we spend together?

What happens if we don’t see each other much but still want to be together as a couple? If we aren’t spending much time together, then how can we expect our relationship to grow and develop over time if we don’t make the effort to see each other regularly?

Identifying needs in a relationship

The first step in knowing what your needs are in a relationship is to take a good look at yourself. What do you need from a partner? What do you expect from them?

If you are not sure, then it is best to spend some time alone and think about how you want your life to be. Write down all the qualities that would make up your perfect partner.

Once you have done this, write down all the qualities that would make up someone who may not be right for you. This will help prevent any misunderstandings later on and will let you know exactly what you are looking for in a partner.

The next step is, to be honest with yourself about what you can offer another person as well as what they can offer you.

Do not try to pretend that everything is perfect when it really isn’t just because you hope it will get better over time or by chance.

The sooner that both partners know exactly what they can expect from each other, the sooner they can make informed decisions about whether or not this relationship has potential or if it should end before it really starts.

The final step is to make sure that both partners feel comfortable with each other and don’t hide anything about themselves from their new significant others because this will only cause conflicts in the long run.

Also read: Checklist before getting into a relationship (healthy relationship checklist)

Let’s discuss relationship needs and wants in detail


The relationship needs and wants list:

1. Self-esteem needs:

Self-Esteem needs are about feeling good about yourself and your place in the world.

When you feel good about yourself and your life, you are more likely to be happy in your relationship.

The need for self-esteem comes from inside you, but it can be enhanced by having a partner who makes you feel good about yourself.

If a person does not get their self-esteem needs to be met in a relationship, they will eventually seek these needs elsewhere or suffer from low self-esteem.

2. Security needs:

Security needs are about feeling safe and secure in your relationship and in your life.

You want to feel like someone has got your back and that if something bad happens they will be there for you.

Security needs are related to trust and dependability which is why this need often forms part of the foundation of a successful relationship where both partners have strong security needs met by each other.

Security needs are the needs for stability, safety, predictability, orderliness, and consistency in one’s life — all things that help us feel safe in the world.

These needs stem from our desire for a secure attachment to others (as well as to ourselves). People who have their security needs met often feel content with their lives and have few fears about the future.

They tend to be trusting of others, calm under stress, and adaptable to change.

On the other hand, people who don’t have their security needs met may feel anxious much of the time.

They may be unable to trust others.

They may worry constantly about whether they can take care of themselves financially.

They may frequently become upset over minor changes in plans or arrangements.

They may feel extremely threatened by anything that threatens their sense of order or prediction.

3. Physical needs:

Physical affection is a need that is often overlooked in a relationship. It is something that can be very important in a relationship, and if it is not met then it could have an adverse effect on the relationship.

It’s important for couples to be physically affectionate with each other. Intimate touching, cuddling, holding hands, hugging, and kissing are all part of the physical affection needs.

This need is often expressed through touch. When people are deprived of touch they get frustrated and unhappy. The need for touch is so great that when it’s not met, people may start to feel depressed or lonely.

These needs may be expressed as s#xual desires or through non-sexual intimacy like hand holding or cuddling on the couch.

4. Emotional needs:

Emotional connection is also another important part of a relationship. It is very important to have this connection with your partner because it means that there is someone who understands you and knows what you are feeling.

People who lack intimacy in their lives may experience a sense of emptiness as if something is missing. This feeling can be very strong, leading to depression and anxiety if left unfulfilled.

Emotional connection is when you feel close to someone and they understand you; they know what makes you happy, sad, angry, and so on.

Emotional connection means having someone to talk to about your feelings and concerns. It’s about sharing your inner thoughts and feelings with another person — someone who cares about you and wants to know what’s going on in your life.

Couples need to know that they are loved and cared for by their partners and that their feelings are heard and understood.

Pro Tip: Relationships need to be balanced and healthy. If one person is always taking and the other is always giving, there will eventually be resentment and conflict. The good news is that you can give to your partner in ways that are loving instead of selfish or controlling. You can also ask your partner for what you need.

Relationship needs list


Here is a list of wants and needs in a relationship:

Self-esteem needs in a relationship:


Acceptance is one of the most important things in any relationship. You need to accept your partner for who they are and not for who you want them to be.

You also need to accept their faults as well as their strengths.

If you don’t accept your partner, then it will be difficult for both of you to build trust in the relationship and develop a strong bond between each other.


Acknowledgment refers to giving credit where credit is due. It is important that both partners acknowledge each other’s efforts and accomplishments in order to create an environment of mutual respect within the relationship.

For example, if one person does something nice for another person, then it’s important for them to acknowledge this kindness by saying thanks or showing appreciation in some way.


The first relationship need is honesty. It’s the foundation of any good relationship, and it’s the starting point for all of the other needs on this list. Without honesty, you can’t have trust or respect.

If one partner isn’t honest with their partner, then they are not respecting them enough to share their thoughts and feelings with them.

It’s a big one, and it’s not just about keeping your word or not lying to each other. It’s about being honest with yourself and accepting who you are as a person.

Your partner should be someone who doesn’t try to change you, but rather accepts every single thing about you for what it is — even if it’s not perfect.


Respect is another essential part of any healthy relationship. If you don’t respect your partner, then you won’t feel comfortable sharing intimate details about your life with them.

And if you’re not comfortable sharing intimate details about your life with your partner, then you probably won’t feel comfortable having sex with them either.

Respect goes hand-in-hand with honesty. If you’re going to be in an honest relationship, both parties need to respect each other and their opinions, regardless of whether they agree with them or not.

If one partner respects the other’s opinion, it shows that they’re interested in what the other has to say.


Trust is another key ingredient in a healthy relationship because it allows both partners to feel secure in their love for one another and relaxed about the future together.

Trust doesn’t mean that there won’t ever be any problems; it just means that both parties know they can count on each other when things get tough.

Trust is a vital element in any relationship because it allows both partners to relax and enjoy life together without worrying about being judged or ridiculed by the other person in their life.

Trust allows couples to be themselves without worrying about what their partner thinks of them at all times — which is something that makes us all feel better as human beings.

Security needs in a relationship

Relationship security needs are the things that keep you feeling safe and secure in your relationship. Without this, you may feel like you’re walking on eggshells, never knowing when your partner is going to be angry or upset.

A list of relationship security needs includes:

Financial support

A person needs financial support from their partner in order to feel safe and secure in their relationship. If they don’t receive this type of support, then they may begin to feel like they are not valued by their partner and will begin to look elsewhere for support.

This means that you have a joint bank account, bills are paid on time, and money is spent wisely. If one partner is more financially responsible than the other, it can be helpful for both partners to talk about how they would like to handle money in the relationship.

For example, if one person wants to save more, then there should be an agreement on how much each person can contribute toward savings goals.


This means being able to rely on someone else when times get tough. It also means having someone there when something good happens, so you can celebrate together.

A stable relationship means having someone who will be there for all aspects of life – good and bad!

Stability refers to having consistency in your relationship. If there are issues with trust or commitment, these should be dealt with before making major life decisions together (like moving in together).

Safety and protection

Feeling safe with your partner means knowing that he won’t hurt you physically or emotionally. It also means feeling protected from outside stressors (such as financial worries or family drama).

In order for someone to feel safe and protected in their relationship, they must feel like they can trust their partner completely with anything that might happen between them – good or bad.

Physical Needs in a relationship


List of physical needs in a relationship


Touching is one of the most basic ways to show someone you love them. It can be as simple as a hug, pat on the back, or hand holding.

The need for touch is so deeply ingrained in humans that babies who are deprived of it can actually die. We all need physical contact, and the more we get it, the healthier we are.

Touch is essential to our emotional, physical, and mental health.

When we’re depressed or anxious, touch can be a great way to comfort us and help us heal. When we feel loved, hugged, or cuddled by another person, it releases hormones that make us feel happier and calmer.

When feeling lonely, touch can remind us that we’re not alone in our suffering and give us hope for the future. A hug from a friend or partner after a bad day can boost your immune system and lower stress levels as well as help you sleep better at night.


Cuddling is another form of touch that can help reduce stress, anxiety, and pain; as well as lower blood pressure, slow heart rate, and increase oxytocin levels (the “feel good hormone”).

Cuddling is great for showing affection and intimacy with your partner. It’s also an excellent way to relieve stress and fall asleep after a long day.

The type of cuddling depends on the couple, but it can involve holding hands or hugging.

It can also involve stroking each other’s hair, arms, or backs which is often seen as a romantic gesture between couples who are dating or married.


Hugging is another way to show affection and intimacy with your partner, especially if you’re not in the mood for cuddling at the moment.

It’s also a good way to relieve emotional stress when you’re feeling overwhelmed by life’s challenges.

Hugging is similar to cuddling but involves wrapping your arms around someone else’s body while they do the same to you.

This type of physical affection is especially beneficial for children because it increases their self-esteem and makes them feel loved by others.

This also helps them to be more resilient against stressors in their lives, such as bullying or peer pressure.

There are different kinds of hugs depending on the situation and how close you are to the person you’re hugging.

A ‘side-hug’ might be used by friends who haven’t seen each other for a long time, whereas a ‘full-hug’ would be used between family members or friends who have been apart for some time and want to express their feelings towards one another in this way.


Kissing is a type of physical affection that involves placing your lips on another person’s mouth with the intention of emotionally connecting with them through the act itself (most times done out of love).

You can also kiss someone on their cheeks or forehead if you want to show affection without making them uncomfortable in doing so.

Kissing sends a message that you care deeply about someone else, whether it’s a romantic partner or friend who needs support right now.

The act of kissing releases hormones in our bodies that make us feel good and happy, so it’s good for our mental health too.

S#x activities

S#x is more than just physical release; it can also be an emotional outlet for both partners because it requires trust and vulnerability from both parties.

Studies have shown that s#xual intercourse can result in several benefits other than procreation. In addition to these benefits, it is said to boost immunity and protect heart health in some people.

A positive attitude, healthy relationships, and mental well-being are also improved by s#x.

Emotional needs in a relationship


List of emotional needs in a relationship


The need to be loved and cherished by your partner is one of the most important emotional needs we have as human beings.

It’s what keeps us happy and content in our relationships. Without love, life seems empty and meaningless.

Intimacy (closeness)

Intimacy is a key part of any relationship because, without it, couples can start feeling distant from each other and lose touch with one another’s needs and wants over time.

Which is open with each other about every aspect of your lives, including thoughts, feelings, and s#xual desires.

Having fun together.

Sharing similar interests.

Developing a bond that makes it feel good just being together.

Having meaningful conversations.

Sharing goals in life (including those related to parenting) and building a sense of belonging to each other as a couple.


This refers to a desire to take care of others as well as yourself.

Many people have this need because they want to feel needed by others around them and vice versa.

So that their lives seem more meaningful and fulfilling than they would otherwise be without this kind of support from friends or family members around them at all times no matter what happens in life.


We all want to feel connected to other people in some way or another. This can be through friendships, romantic relationships, or even family members.

Bonding is the need to be emotionally close with another person and to feel connected to them. 

It’s based on the desire to share thoughts and feelings, to be trusted with private information, and to know that someone cares about you and will be there for you through good times and bad.


Companionship is the need for emotional support from others and sharing common interests with a friend or partner.

The need to spend time together doing things that bring joy and happiness into your lives (this doesn’t have to involve spending money on expensive dates).

This is when you enjoy spending time with someone who cares about you and listens to what you have to say.

It’s not always about being around someone who makes you feel good; sometimes just knowing that someone is there for you is enough.

This is the need for intimacy, conversation, laughter, and fun with your partner. It’s based on the desire to enjoy life together, go places together and do things together.


Understanding is the need to communicate feelings and thoughts clearly.

For example, if someone says they don’t understand what you mean by something they did or said, it means they don’t see things from your point of view.

If you think about it, this happens every day in relationships — people get angry because they think their partner doesn’t understand them or care about what they are going through.

The same goes for when people say things like “I didn’t mean to hurt you” or “This isn’t about you!” It means that someone just didn’t realize how their words would come across or what effect they would have on others.


Validation is expressing approval or appreciation for someone else’s feelings or accomplishments.

When someone needs validation, they want others to acknowledge how good they are at their craft.

Core needs in a relationship


In a study conducted by researchers at the University of California, Berkeley, they found that there were five primary relationship needs:

Love and affection: The need for love and affection is universal. We all have a desire to be loved and cared for by others.

It’s one of our most basic human needs, but not all relationships will fulfill this need. If a partner does not show you love or affection on a regular basis, it can cause feelings of loneliness and isolation.

– Acceptance: This refers to feeling accepted for who you are by your partner. If you feel like you’re always being judged or criticized by your partner, it can make you feel insecure in the relationship.

It is important that both partners accept each other as individuals with different opinions and beliefs without trying to change them into something else.

– Trust: Trust is one of those relationship needs that aren’t always easy to define but is still very important nonetheless.

It comes down to having confidence in your partner’s ability to remain loyal and honest with you over time so that you don’t have any doubts about any situation.

– Communication: Communication is the key to a successful relationship. It is one of the core relationship needs that should be met no matter how difficult the situation is.

Once you stop contacting or communicating your needs, wants and conflicts, you are leaving your relationship behind and missing the important part of life.

 What a woman needs in a relationship?

A woman’s needs vary based on her age, economic status, social class, situation, and other factors.

However, there are some things that women tend to look for in all relationships regardless of their age or background.

Women usually look for men who have good morals and values; these men may sometimes seem boring or bland to some people but they’re actually very important to most women.

Another thing that most women look for is honesty; an honest man can make any woman feel safe and secure around him.

If you want to know what your needs are in a relationship then ask yourself “how honest am I being with myself?” If the answer isn’t satisfactory then try changing it so that it does become satisfactory.

Things a woman needs in a relationship


1. A man who knows how to take the lead. Women are not natural leaders and do not always know what to do. If a man has the ability to take charge, it will make her feel protected and secure.

2. A man who is ambitious and driven. Women want to date someone who has goals and ambitions that they can be a part of or help them achieve those goals together.

3. A man who is open-minded and willing to try new things with her. She wants a guy that will go out on adventures with her rather than just wanting to stay home all the time.

4. A man who is romantic and thoughtful towards her feelings, whether it’s big or small gestures like sending flowers randomly or bringing her breakfast in bed on a Sunday morning after waking up late from the night before. The little things matter too!

5. A man who takes care of himself physically, mentally, and emotionally so he can treat you well too.

We love knowing that our partners are taking care of themselves because it makes us feel secure knowing that they have their life together so they can focus on ours as well.

6. Women need a man who is going to be strong for them, protect them from harm, and provide for them financially so she doesn’t have to worry about her bills or her children’s needs.

7. Women need a man who can stand up for himself when someone talks bad about him or tries to hurt him physically or mentally. Women do not want their man to be afraid of showing his emotions or letting people know how he truly feels about things.

8. Women need a man who is willing to compromise more often than not because most women are more emotional than men so they tend to have more problems dealing with conflict in relationships than men do.

9. Women need men to be their best. Women want a man who makes them feel safe, secure, and protected.

A woman wants a man who will treat her like his number one priority in life because she will do the same for him. Women like being treated special and appreciated for all that they do for their partners.

Things a man needs in a relationship


1. A man needs someone to listen to his problems, especially when he is feeling down.

Men are less likely to talk about their feelings and more likely to bottle up their emotions. It can be hard for them to express themselves, especially if they have been taught that it’s wrong or unmanly.

So, a woman needs to be there for him when he needs someone to talk to. She should also make it clear that she will always listen without judging him or telling him what he should do.

This will give him confidence knowing that he can always come to her if he needs help.

2. A man needs a partner who is supportive of his goals and dreams in life. He wants someone who will encourage him when things get difficult and remind him of why he started doing whatever it is he is doing in the first place.

If a woman cares about her man, then she should support his goals and dreams because it will mean so much more to him than just saying “I love you.”

3. A man needs affection from his partner on a regular basis; this does not mean sexual intercourse only, but other forms of physical affection as well such as holding hands or kissing.

4. Men are very visual and respond well to displays of affection and attention. They want a woman who makes them feel important and loved.

5. Men also need women to be their best but not in the same way that women need men to be their best. Men need women to be strong, independent, intelligent, and capable of taking care of themselves without having to rely on the man for everything.

6. Men want a woman who challenges them intellectually by asking questions and thinking outside of the box with new ideas that they may never have thought about before.

7. Men also want women who talk about other things besides just their feelings or what happened at work today.

8. Men want women who are confident enough in themselves that they don’t need constant reassurance from their partners every time they say something positive about themselves.

9. A man needs a woman who will help them grow as a person. They also need someone who is going to be there for them no matter what happens in life.

Unmet needs in a relationship


Unmet needs in a relationship are those needs that are not being met by the partner.

Unmet needs are a phenomenon that applies to relationships, especially in the beginning.

When we love someone, we tend to focus on what they can do for us and not what we can do for them.

We forget about their needs, wants, and desires and instead focus only on our own.

This is where unmet needs in relationships come from. We think only about ourselves and do not consider how our actions affect our partners or how they feel about us.

It is important that both parties understand each other’s needs so that they can work together to make their relationship stronger instead of weaker over time.

If these unmet needs aren’t addressed, they can lead to resentment, anger, and even the end of a relationship.

Here are some examples of unmet needs in relationships:

– Physical intimacy (e.g., hugs, kisses)

– Emotional intimacy (e.g., being heard when you’re upset)

– Financial support (e.g., having money for things like vacations together)

– Recreational activities (e.g., going out dancing)

 There are a lot of unmet needs in relationships. If you look at them from the outside, it seems like it should be easy to meet these needs.

But, when you’re in a relationship and trying to meet these needs, it can seem impossible.

Here are some more common unmet personal needs in a relationship:

* Respect

* Trust

* Commitment

* Love

Unmet needs in a relationship are like invisible walls that get erected between you and your partner. They can lead to resentment, conflict, and even the breakup of your romance.

Unmet needs can be emotional (e.g., feeling like you’re not being listened to), physical (e.g., wanting more intimacy), or relational (e.g., feeling like your partner isn’t as committed to the relationship as you are).

The good news is that unmet needs can be addressed. You just have to figure out what they are by asking yourself questions like:

What do I need from this relationship? What am I afraid might happen if I ask for what I want? What would happen if my partner didn’t give me what I want? How to communicate my unmet needs with my partner?

Long distance relationship needs

Long distance relationships require a lot more work and effort than most people think. It’s not just about being in love with someone, but also about understanding what they need in order to survive the distance.

If you’re looking for a long-distance relationship, then here are some wants and needs in a long-distance relationship.

Communication: Communication is the key to any successful relationship, but it is especially important when you are in two different locations.

You need to make sure that you talk to each other often and tell each other your feelings and thoughts.

Compromise: One of the biggest challenges in long-distance relationships is compromise.

You need to give up some things for the sake of your partner’s happiness because there will be times when one of you needs something that doesn’t fit within the other person’s schedule.

Simplify: In order to maintain a healthy relationship while away from each other, simplify as much as possible with technology.

Find an app that will let you send pictures back and forth, such as Google Hangouts or Skype video chat. Also, use social media such as Facebook or Twitter so that you can keep up with what’s going on in each other’s lives without having to worry about texts or phone calls all day long!

Set boundaries: Set boundaries for yourselves and stick to them. It’s important to discuss what kind of communication will be allowed and set guidelines for each other about how often you will call or text each other.

This can help cut down on arguments about who is neglecting whom.

Make time for dates: Even if it’s just a phone call or Skype session, try to schedule something once a week so that both people feel like they are important in each other’s lives even when they aren’t physically together.

Don’t get jealous: Jealousy is natural, but it can really hurt a relationship if you let it control you too much! If your partner says that he/she doesn’t want to talk until later because they have company over

Here are some more needs in a long-distance relationship to be met.

1. Communication is the key to a successful LDR.

2. Emotional support and understanding

3. Regular visits or phone calls

4. There should be no secrets, especially not from your partner.

5. It’s okay to miss each other and talk about it!

6. Be there for each other when it matters most, even if it’s only online or on the phone.

How to communicate your needs in a relationship?


Communication is the key to any successful relationship. If you can’t talk to each other, you can’t be in love.

The problem is that we all have different ways of communicating. This can lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings, which can cause resentment and even break up relationships.

Whether you’re dating or married, this article will help you understand how the other person communicates so that conflict doesn’t arise.

When it comes to your partner’s communication style, there are two important things to keep in mind:

Their mode of communication (body language, tone of voice, words used)

Their preferred channel of communication (written text or spoken word)

It’s not just about what you say, but also how you say it and when you say it. Communication can be difficult, but it doesn’t have to be. Here are some tips on how to communicate your needs in a relationship:

Be honest and direct

It’s important to be honest with your partner, especially when you have something important to say.

You don’t want to start off a conversation by saying something that isn’t true or cause them unnecessary worry by withholding information from them.

If something is bothering you or making you unhappy, tell them why without beating around the bush.

Make time for each other

When life gets busy with work and family commitments, it can be hard to make time for each other — especially if you’re living together.

However, it’s important that both partners make an effort to spend quality time together at least once a week (preferably more often).

This will help strengthen your bond as a couple and allow you both time to relax and unwind after a stressful day at work or school.

Don’t assume anything

The most common mistake couples make when communicating their needs is assuming they know what their partner wants without asking them first.

Use “I” statements instead of “you” statements when expressing your feelings or opinions.

For example, instead of saying “You never help me around the house!” try saying “I would really appreciate it if you could help me around the house more often.”

Using ‘you statements’ can make the other person defensive and unwilling to listen because they may feel attacked by the words being spoken rather than understood what is being said.


Both women and men have different relationship needs as it depends on individuals. However, In order for your relationship to work, both parties must have the same goals and aspirations in life.

A man or woman needs to feel as though he has found his soul mate when he meets the right woman.

Trust and communication are two vital relationship needs of any healthy relationship. Without trust, there is no relationship.

Without communication, how can you expect your partner to know what your needs are?

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Experienced Psychology and philosophy Writer, self-help and relationship Coach and thought influencer. He has 7 years of experience in Personal development industry. His expertise as a self-help and relationship Coach has been highlighted through his articles in medium and substack to name a few. To be updated with his latest work, connect with him by following his social media accounts.

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