Entering a new relationship is exciting and scary at the same time.
It’s exciting because you’re embarking on something new, but it’s also frightening because of all the uncertainty that comes with it.
There are so many questions we have to ask ourselves before we get into a relationship — namely, “Is this person right for me?” and “Am I ready for this?”
But there are also some other questions that go beyond just the immediate concerns about compatibility or timing. These are the questions that get to the heart of who you are as a person and what you want out of life.
I asked myself these questions when I got into my first serious relationship, and they really helped me figure out if this was someone I could see myself with long-term.
Here are some important questions to ask yourself before getting into a relationship, falling in love, or before marriage.
- 30 Questions to ask yourself before getting into a relationship
- Tips for working on yourself before getting into a relationship
- 17 Questions to ask yourself before falling in love
- 10 Questions to ask yourself in a relationship
- 11 Questions to ask yourself before marriage
- 9 Self-reflection questions for relationships
30 Questions to ask yourself before getting into a relationship
1. Am I physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically, spiritually, and financially ready for a relationship?
When it comes to finding love and having a healthy relationship, there are many things that we need to be aware of.
The first thing that comes to mind when you think of a relationship is the physical aspect of it. However, this is not just one aspect that needs to be considered when entering into a relationship with someone else.
There are many other factors that need to be taken into consideration before deciding whether or not you want to get into a relationship with another person.
It’s important that you’re in a place where you can handle having one. If you’re not ready yet, don’t rush into it.
There’s no such thing as “too soon” when it comes to love. You just have to make sure that you’re ready for what’s about to come.
For example: Are you ready to commit yourself completely to someone? Are your finances stable enough for marriage or children? Do you have enough time to spend with your partner?
These are just some of the questions that need answers before getting into anything serious with another person.
2. Am I happy right now? Do I need someone else to complete me?
If you are unhappy with yourself then getting into a relationship won’t make things better.
When we feel alone we are often attracted to someone else who seems like they will be able to fill our emptiness.
But this doesn’t work out well in the long run because once again, it becomes a one-way street that can lead to resentment and even abuse from your toxic partner.
3. Am I ready to commit? If yes then why? If no then why not?
Do I want to be in a relationship purely because it’s what other people expect me to do at my age? What is my motivation for finding love? Is it because I’m scared of being alone or because I have an actual desire for companionship? Is this about me or about him/her?
If there is someone special in your life at this moment, ask yourself if their personality traits suit yours or vice versa.
Are they similar enough to bring balance into your life or will their presence throw things out of balance?
Commitment is an important part of any relationship — both long-term and short-term. If you’re not ready for it yet, it’s best to wait until you are before pursuing something serious with someone else.
This includes being able to commit yourself emotionally and financially to the relationship as well as feeling confident that your feelings will last long enough to warrant such a commitment.
4. Do I feel comfortable talking about anything with them?
In a relationship, it’s important that both partners feel comfortable talking about each other’s past, present, and future plans with each other without any hesitation or feeling shy about anything being revealed in front of the other partner.
If you don’t feel comfortable talking about anything in front of your partner then it may mean that there are some things that are still not clear between both of you which need some more time before getting into a relationship.
5. Can I live with this person for the rest of my life in any situation?
In other words: Do I want to spend the rest of my life with this person? This is a very important question that needs to be asked as soon as you start dating someone.
It will help you understand if the person is really worth spending your life with or not.
Because the most important thing in a relationship is compatibility. Before you move forward with your love life, ask yourself if you can live with this person for the rest of your life in any situation.
6. Am I willing to compromise?
No relationship is perfect, but some are more imperfect than others. When it comes to love and relationships, compromise is key — if you’re not willing to compromise on certain aspects of your relationship, it won’t work out long term.
For example, if you want children but your partner doesn’t or vice versa, that could be an issue down the line as long as neither party is willing to budge on their stance regarding kids (or anything else).
Compromise means understanding each other and finding ways to make both parties happy without compromising who they are as people or compromising their beliefs about what makes them happy in life.
7. Do I know who I am?
You can’t have a healthy relationship with someone else if you don’t know who you are on your own.
Take some time to reflect on who you are as an individual and what makes you happy.
You should also think about what your strengths and weaknesses are, as well as any personal goals that you may have set for yourself in the future.
You must be able to identify with who you are as a person, what your likes and dislikes are, and how you respond to certain situations and the people around you.
This will help determine whether or not the person in front of you is compatible with who you really are as an individual.
8. What do I want out of life?
A relationship is just one part of life; it doesn’t define who you are as a person or your purpose in life.
You need to know what makes up the bigger picture of your life so that when things don’t work out with someone else they don’t take over all aspects of your life and become the only thing that matters anymore.
9. How well do we communicate?
Communication is key in any healthy relationship, especially if you’re getting serious about someone new.
If you’re having trouble communicating with each other (or anyone else), this could be an indication that there may be some problems down the road that could lead to bigger issues later on down the road if not addressed immediately upon discovery thereof by both parties involved therein present at any situation.
10. Do I want children? If yes, when? If no, why not?
Many people don’t think about this question until they find themselves married and then realize that having children was never on the agenda at all.
So, it’s better to decide early than late when it comes to kids.
11. Why do I like this person? Am I only attracted to their looks or more?
As per recent studies, most people easily get trapped in relationships because of physical attraction.
But is it enough for a long-term relationship? Ask yourself if you really like the person for who they are and not just for their looks.
12. Is this a one-way relationship or two-way street?
Have you ever noticed that some couples have a power imbalance in their relationship?
It may be because one partner has less experience with relationships or simply is more dominant than the other.
This can lead to resentment and even abuse from either side eventually ruining the relationship.
The key here is to be aware of how your partner treats you and what kind of treatment you expect from them before getting into a relationship with them.
13. What are their flaws? Are they going to be someone who will support you through thick and thin?
If there are any flaws in your partner, then it’s best to know about them before entering a relationship with them.
It’s important for both of you to accept each other for who they are. If you are with someone who has flaws, then it’s okay as long as he/she accepts those flaws too and tries hard to overcome them.
14. Do we share similar interests and lifestyles? How does our lifestyle affect our relationship?
The interest level between two people can determine how their relationship will go forward.
If both of you have similar interests then there is nothing stopping your relationship from growing stronger day by day.
However, if there is no common ground between both of you then it might lead to some serious issues in the future which might end your relationship.
15. Do I value this person?
This is one of the most important questions because it involves knowing yourself as well as knowing what you want out of life.
If you know what kind of person you want to spend time with, then you can use that knowledge to weed out anyone who doesn’t fit the bill.
For example, if you want someone who is funny but also serious when it counts, then don’t date someone who never takes anything seriously (even though they may be funny).
16. Is this person my partner?
Many people think they have found their partner when really they have just found someone who makes them feel good about themselves at that moment.
This is one of the biggest ways that many relationships fall apart because we tend to look for someone who will make us feel good about ourselves rather than someone who compliments us and brings out our best qualities.
It’s important for us to value ourselves and know what we deserve before we can expect anyone else to do so as well. If we don’t love ourselves first then we won’t be able to love anyone else either.
17. Am I looking for love or validation?
The truth is that we all need validation from time to time, but this does not mean we should look for it through someone else’s eyes.
We need to learn how to validate ourselves first, so we can then be able to give others the same gift in return.
When we look for validation from other people instead of ourselves, we set ourselves up for failure because no one will ever be able to make us feel enough until we believe that about ourselves first! So ask yourself: am I looking for love or validation?
18. Are we compatible?
Is this person someone who shares your interests and values? Do they also want children? Are they willing to compromise when it comes to things like money or religion? Do they want what you want out of life or do they want something else entirely?
If so, then ask yourself how long these differences will last and whether or not their presence will make things difficult for both parties over time.
19. Do we trust each other enough for this relationship to work?
Healthy relationships require trust from both sides. Relationships are built on the foundation of mutual respect and understanding, and you need to be able to trust each other completely.
The ability to let your guard down and be vulnerable with the other person. If you don’t trust someone, it’s hard to open up and share your feelings.
And if they don’t trust you, they’ll be more likely to be suspicious of everything you say and do, which can lead to serious problems down the road.
20. Are our priorities in line?
If there’s a big discrepancy between what is important to each person, that’s going to cause problems down the road.
For example, if one person values family life while another values career goals, it could lead to conflicts over how much time is spent together versus how much time is spent working toward their career goals (or vice versa).
21. Do we have similar views on money and finances?
Money issues are some of the most common causes of arguments in relationships, especially if both parties earn an income and contribute financially to the relationship.
So it’s important that both people feel comfortable talking about them openly and honestly from the beginning.
If there is no money coming in from one partner or both partners contribute equally then there shouldn’t be any problems with finances as long as both people are honest about how much money they make and what is spent where.
22. How does our relationship make us feel?
A relationship should make you feel good about yourself, not bad about yourself.
If you feel like you’re constantly fighting with your partner and he or she never seems satisfied with anything you do, then it might be time for a change in partners or at least in how you communicate with each other.
23. Do we respect each other’s differences?
In order for a relationship to last long term, the two people involved need to respect each others’ differences and accept them as part of who they are as individuals — not just as a couple.
If one person is more outgoing than another person and likes going out every night while their partner would rather stay home and watch TV, there needs to be some compromise between the two of them so that both people feel like they’re getting what they need out of life without sacrificing.
24. What do we value most in our lives?
When it comes down to it, what we value most is always going to be the foundation of any good relationship — whether it be friendship or romance.
So ask yourself what matters most to both of you in life: family, friends, and career? Or something else entirely?
If there’s a big discrepancy between what each person values most in life, then there could be trouble down the road if one person values something more than the other does
25. Are we on equal footing?
The most successful relationships are those in which both partners are equals — they make decisions together, they treat each other with respect, they can communicate openly and they support each other when times are tough.
A relationship where one partner is always subservient or inferior to the other is not a healthy one and will not last long.
26. Are we on the same page when it comes to physical and emotional needs?
Connection, attachment, intimacy, and s#x are an important part of any relationship, but if you and your partner have different ideas about what constitutes “making love” versus “having s#x” or different s#xual histories, this could cause problems down the road.
If you’re not sure how your partner feels about these issues, ask before taking things further physically than either of you might be comfortable with at first.
27. How do we deal with conflict?
Every couple fights — it’s normal. But how do you fight? Do you try to solve problems together? Are you able to get past these arguments without letting them cause damage to your relationship? Or do arguments end up turning personal quickly?
You need to approach a relationship from another person’s perspective in order to lead a healthy relationship.
So, before getting into a relationship, get to know them deeply and understand how he/she handles conflicts.
28. Do I want what this person wants?
If someone is looking for someone who is career-focused and has little time for dating or relationships, then don’t waste their time and yours by pursuing something that won’t work out in the long run.
Be honest about your intentions and desires from the start so there are no misunderstandings later down the road.
29. What am I looking for in a relationship?
Are you looking for a casual hookup, an exclusive relationship, or something in between? Knowing what you want out of a relationship will give you an idea of what kind of person to look for.
30. How do I want my partner to treat me?
It’s important to know what type of treatment is acceptable and what isn’t before entering into a relationship with someone else so that you can avoid any potential problems down the road.
Think about how you want them to treat you and how much space they need from time to time as well as how much freedom they need from time-to-time too.
Tips for working on yourself before getting into a relationship
In the same way that it takes time to get to know someone, it takes time to get to know yourself. And this is why I believe it’s so important to work on yourself before getting into a relationship.
If you’re constantly looking for other people’s approval and validation, then you’re always going to be chasing after something that isn’t real. You won’t have a solid sense of self and this will lead to an unstable relationship.
This is why I believe it’s so important for women (and men) to work on themselves before getting into a relationship.
No one has the power over you except yourself — not even the people who claim they love you most in this world (and certainly not any guy who wants something from you).
Relationships are a lot of work. And you can’t really do the work until you know who you are and what you want. If you’re not comfortable with yourself, it will be impossible to be comfortable with someone else.
It’s easy to get swept up in the excitement of new love and lose sight of yourself. But if you don’t take time to figure out who you really are, how can you expect anyone else to?
Here are some questions that may help:
- What’s important to me?
- How do I want to spend my time?
- Am I happy on my own?
- What do I want from a relationship?
- What do I want from myself?
- What am I doing now that’s not working for me?
- What do I need in order to feel fulfilled?
One of the things I hear most often from my friends is, “I’m worried that I’ll never meet anyone because I’m not doing anything that people can see me doing.”
And honestly? That’s a pretty normal fear.
What if I’m not doing anything exciting enough on social media?
What if no one sees that picture of me having fun with friends?
What if this person doesn’t think I’m interesting enough?
What if this person doesn’t think I’m attractive enough?
It’s important to remember that you’re never going to be perfect. Your best friend isn’t going to post photos of you at your worst moments.
They’re going to post photos where you look good and are having fun. And that’s okay! It’s okay for someone to only see part of who you are.
But it is also important to remember that people don’t want perfection.
They want someone real, someone authentic, someone who makes mistakes and has flaws but still has them around anyway because they accept you for who you are.
The truth is that there is nothing wrong with being single right now. If you really want a relationship, then there will be one waiting for you when it’s time for it to happen—and it will be worth waiting
The problem with most people is that they’re not secure enough with themselves to be able to give their love and attention to someone else without fearing that they’ll lose them in some way.
They don’t trust themselves enough; they don’t believe in themselves enough; they don’t think they’re worthy of being loved by someone else because they don’t love themselves enough and therefore feel unworthy of being loved by anyone else.
If you’re new to the idea of self-improvement, it can be hard to know where to start.
The good news is that you don’t have to do everything at once — as long as you start somewhere.
Here are a few tips for working on yourself before getting into a relationship and getting started with self-improvement:
1. Take care of yourself.
2. Learn how to say no.
3. Set boundaries and stick to them.
4. Know what’s really important to you and live accordingly.
17 Questions to ask yourself before falling in love
Here are some good questions to ask yourself before falling in love and getting into a relationship
1. Am I ready?
2. Do I have the capacity to love another person? (And do I want to?)
3. Am I willing to respect this person’s needs and desires?
4. Do I want to be committed to this person — body, and soul?
5. Can I handle the responsibilities of being in a relationship?
6. If we had children together, would they benefit from having both parents involved in their lives?
7. Is there anything in my past that could cause problems in the future?
8. Would it be OK if things changed over time (for either of us)?
9. Do we have similar goals and values?
10. What would happen if we broke up?
11. Why do I like this person? Am I only attracted to their looks or more?
12. Do I have enough time for a relationship? Can I give this person the same amount of attention and care as I would other people in my life?
13. What are my goals right now? Do they fit with what the other person wants?
14. Can I handle the ups and downs of being in a relationship?
15. Do I trust this person enough to allow them into my life on this level? What will happen if things don’t work out between us? Will it be worth it?
16. What are our common interests and values (family, friends, hobbies)? How can we make sure we have enough in common to make this work long-term?
17. How do we communicate with each other when something bothers us or we need advice or help? Is there enough respect between us so that we can hear what the other person has to say without feeling attacked or judged in any way (even if they’re wrong)?
If not, how can we improve in this area moving forward so that when problems arise, we’re able to talk through them together?
10 Questions to ask yourself in a relationship
Here are some questions to ask yourself in a relationship:
1. Is this the right person for me?
2. Do I have a history of making rash decisions?
3. How will this affect my family/friends/other relationships?
4. Is there anything else I need to be considering first (like finances, etc.)?
5. Do I want children in the future or am I fine with being single forever?
6. What are my family and financial goals for the next 20 years (and beyond)?
7. Are there any issues in this relationship that might cause problems down the road (e.g., alcoholism, drug abuse, gambling addiction, depression)?
8. How well do we communicate with each other?
9. Do we have a good support system of friends and family who can help us through difficult times if things go wrong between us?
10. Do we feel comfortable talking about our feelings with each other or do we avoid discussing sensitive topics because it causes tension between us and makes us uncomfortable?
11 Questions to ask yourself before marriage
The following are some deep questions to ask yourself before marriage:
1. Do you like the person for who they are, not for how much money they have?
2. Do you like them because of their looks or personality?
3. Do you get along with their friends and family? If not, why?
4. Do you feel comfortable around them? If not, why?
5. Are there any red flags that make you uncomfortable? (i.e. lying, cheating, etc.)
6. Does this person have similar interests as you? If not, can you compromise on these things, or do they have no interest in them at all and will never change their mind about it?
7. Do they make plans with friends regularly or just stick around the house all day doing nothing productive?
8. Are our communication styles compatible?
9. How often do we argue and why do we argue so much?
10. How do we resolve conflicts between us?
11. Are there unresolved issues from previous relationships that might negatively impact our relationship now or in the future?
9 Self-reflection questions for relationships
The following are a few self-reflection questions for relationships:
1. Can I live with this person for the rest of my life in any situation?
2. Would I trust them with my life?
3. Would I want to take care of them if they were sick or injured?
4. Do I want them to be part of my family and introduce them as such to others?
5. Do I think this person is worth having children with?
6. Do I want him/her to be with me when I am old and feeble?
7. Would I want him/her as a friend if we didn’t have all these romantic feelings for each other?
8. Is he/she someone who will make me feel good about myself, regardless of what happens between us romantically and s#xually?
What would happen if we had s#x but never got married (or divorced) — would our relationship still be worth having at that point, if it ever came about in the first place?
9. Does he/she have any major character flaws that would prevent us from having a healthy relationship — e.g., substance abuse, violence/abuse towards others, etc.?
Every relationship is different. But there are some basic questions that can help you evaluate whether you’re ready to be in a committed, monogamous relationship.