Why does my fwb keeps coming back? (meaning, 25 reasons, tips with examples to deal with the situation)

Have you ever found yourself in a Friends with Benefits (FWB) situation where your ex fwb keeps coming back to you, even after you’ve agreed to keep things casual?

You might be wondering why does my fwb keeps coming back? It can be confusing and even frustrating to understand why they keep returning for more.

Psychologically, there are a variety of reasons why this may occur, and understanding them can be essential in navigating these types of hookup relationships. 

In this blog post, we will explore the meaning of why your FWB keeps coming back, providing you with 25 possible reasons and examples to help you better comprehend the situation.

Whether you’re trying to figure out your own feelings or simply looking for guidance on how to handle this type of scenario, this post will provide you with the insights and knowledge necessary to make informed decisions about your FWB relationship.

Why does my fwb keeps coming back?

If you are wondering why does my ex fwb keeps coming back? Your friends-with-benefits (FWB) keeps coming back may be due to attachment theory.

People can form different attachment styles depending on their experiences in relationships, and those with an anxious attachment style may feel a strong need for intimacy and fear rejection.

In the context of a FWB relationship, they may continue to seek out that intimacy even if it’s not leading to a committed relationship.

For example, if your FWB has experienced rejection in past relationships, they may feel a need for physical intimacy but also fear being rejected again. They may continue to come back to the FWB relationship because they feel safe and comfortable with you.

On a psychological level humans are social creatures who crave connection and intimacy. While FWB relationships are often seen as casual and non-committal, they still involve emotional connection and physical intimacy.

As a result, it’s possible that your FWB keeps coming back because they crave that connection and intimacy with you, even if they’re not interested in a committed relationship.

For example, your FWB may feel a sense of companionship and fulfillment when they’re with you, and they may keep coming back to experience those positive feelings.

It’s possible that your FWB keeps coming back simply because they enjoy spending time with you and the benefits of the relationship.

If the two of you have established clear boundaries and are both happy with the arrangement, there may not be a reason for your FWB to end things.

For example, your FWB may appreciate the lack of pressure and commitment in the relationship, and they may keep coming back because they enjoy the physical intimacy and emotional connection without the expectations of a traditional romantic relationship.

It’s important to communicate with your FWB about what you both want and need from the relationship to ensure that you’re both on the same page.

   If you’re looking for something more serious and they’re not, it may be time to reconsider the arrangement.

Also read: My ex wants to be friends with benefits: 20 reasons and tips to handle the situation

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25 Reasons why your fwb keeps coming back

Here are some obvious reasons why your ex friends with benefits keeps coming back to you:

1. They are not over you emotionally and want to maintain a physical connection.

Emotional Attachment: One of the most common reasons why your friends with benefits (FWB) keeps coming back is that they may not be over you emotionally.

They may enjoy spending time with you and having a physical connection but may also be hoping to reignite the romantic spark between you.

They might feel that by continuing to see you, they can keep the possibility of a relationship open. 

For example, if you both had a great time together on a date, they may believe that there is a chance for a future relationship.

2. They enjoy the familiarity and comfort of being with someone they already know.

Familiarity and Comfort: Another reason why your FWB may keep coming back is that they find comfort in being with someone they already know.

They may enjoy the familiarity of your touch, your scent, and the way you make them feel.

They might also feel comfortable with you and trust you, which can make the experience more enjoyable.

For example, they may enjoy cuddling with you after sex or sharing personal stories and secrets.

3. They may feel lonely and want to avoid the hassle of finding a new partner.

Fear of Loneliness: Sometimes, people keep coming back to their FWB because they are afraid of being alone or single.

They may feel that having a physical connection with someone is better than not having anyone at all.

They may also be hesitant to start dating again and go through the process of finding a new partner.

For example, they may feel that it is easier to maintain a sexual relationship with you than to start dating and find a new person to connect with.

4. They could be seeking validation and affirmation that they are still desirable and wanted.

Seeking Validation: Your FWB may keep coming back because they want validation and affirmation that they are still desirable and wanted.

They may enjoy the attention and admiration they receive from you and feel that it boosts their confidence.

They may also be looking for reassurance that they are still attractive and sexually appealing.

For example, they may want to hear compliments from you about their physical appearance or their sexual performance.

5. They may be trying to hold onto the past and the memories you shared together.

Holding onto the Past: Some people keep coming back to their FWB because they want to hold onto the past and the memories they shared together.

They may enjoy reminiscing about the good times you had and may not be ready to let go of those memories.

For example, they may want to recreate a special moment you shared together, such as a romantic weekend away or a special dinner.

6. They may believe that sexual intimacy can exist outside of a committed relationship.

Different Relationship Norms: Some people may view sexual intimacy as something that can exist outside of a committed relationship.

They may not subscribe to traditional relationship norms and may want to explore different forms of connection.

They may feel that having a sexual relationship with someone does not require emotional attachment or commitment.

For example, they may be in an open relationship or practice ethical non-monogamy.

7. They may not subscribe to traditional relationship norms and believe in exploring different forms of connection.

Non-traditional Relationship Norms: Some individuals prefer to avoid traditional relationship norms and may choose to engage in FWB relationships.

This may be due to a desire to explore different forms of connection or a belief that a more casual relationship will allow them to avoid certain societal expectations.

For example, someone may have experienced negative relationship patterns in the past and prefer a more laid-back approach to intimacy.

8. They may view sex as a purely physical act that doesn’t require emotional attachment even if you both are married.

Physical-only Relationship: For some individuals, sex can be seen as a purely physical act without emotional attachment.

In these cases, an FWB relationship may be the preferred way to satisfy physical desires without the emotional commitment that a traditional relationship may entail.

For example, someone may have had a recent breakup and not be ready to commit to a new relationship, but still want to experience physical intimacy.

9. They may not have the time or energy to commit to a full-blown relationship.

Time or Energy Constraints: A busy lifestyle may prevent someone from being able to commit to a traditional relationship, but they may still want to enjoy physical intimacy.

In this case, an FWB relationship can provide the desired level of connection without the demands of a committed relationship.

For example, someone may be a single parent with limited free time or an individual with a demanding career.

10. They may not be emotionally ready for a committed relationship but still desire physical intimacy.

Emotional Readiness: Some individuals may not be emotionally ready for a committed relationship but still desire physical intimacy.

They may not want to risk emotional hurt or be ready to take on the responsibilities of a traditional relationship.

An FWB relationship can provide physical satisfaction without the emotional baggage of a more serious commitment.

For example, someone who has recently gone through a traumatic experience may not be emotionally ready for a serious relationship.

11. They may not want the responsibility and obligations that come with being in a committed relationship.

Avoiding Obligations: An FWB relationship may be a way for someone to avoid the responsibilities and obligations that come with a traditional relationship.

This can be especially true for individuals who have recently experienced a difficult breakup or divorce.

For example, someone who has been in a long-term relationship may want to avoid the responsibilities of a new commitment.

12. They may be in a transitional period in their life and not want to commit to anything long-term.

Transitional Period: Some individuals may be going through a transitional period in their life, such as moving to a new city or starting a new job.

In these cases, an FWB relationship may be preferred over a more serious commitment. This allows them to enjoy physical intimacy without the added stress of a committed relationship.

For example, someone who is starting a new job in a new city may not want to commit to a serious relationship until they get settled.

13. They may be exploring their own sexuality and want to try new things.

Sexual Exploration: An FWB relationship can provide an opportunity for individuals to explore their own sexuality and try new things.

This may be especially true for someone who has recently come out as LGBTQ+ and wants to explore their new identity.

For example, someone who has recently come out as bisexual may want to explore their attraction to both genders without the commitment of a traditional relationship.

14. They may be using the arrangement as a way to maintain control and power in the relationship.

Control and Power: In some cases, an FWB relationship may be a way for one person to maintain control and power in the relationship.

This can be especially true if one person is more emotionally invested than the other.

For example, one person may use the physical relationship to manipulate the other person into doing things they wouldn’t normally do in a traditional relationship.

15. They may simply want to have fun and enjoy each other’s company without the pressure of a committed relationship.

Fun and Enjoyment: Ultimately, some individuals may choose an FWB relationship simply because it is fun and enjoyable.

This can be especially true for people who are not ready for a serious commitment but still want to experience physical intimacy.

For example, two friends who are not interested in a serious relationship with each other may decide to start an FWB relationship simply because they enjoy spending time together.

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Here are some more sure reasons why your fwb keeps coming back to you:

16. They may be using the arrangement as a way to cope with a recent breakup or traumatic event in their life.

17. They may have commitment issues and prefer the freedom of a friends with benefits relationship.

18. They may be trying to prove something to themselves or others, such as their sexual prowess or desirability.

19. They may have a fear of intimacy and want to keep the emotional distance that a friends with benefits arrangement provides.

20. They may believe that monogamy is not natural or necessary and want to explore non-traditional relationship dynamics.

21. They may believe that sex is a form of self-expression or creativity and want to engage in it without the restrictions of a committed relationship.

22. They may be in a long-distance relationship and want to maintain a physical connection without cheating.

23. They may be in an open relationship where both partners have agreed to see other people.

24. They may be in a situation where they cannot be in a committed relationship, such as being in the military or working a demanding job that requires frequent travel.

25. They may be experimenting with their sexuality and want to explore different types of sexual encounters.

Fwb ghosted me then came back: why did they do that and how to handle the situation?

There could be a few different reasons why your friend with benefits (FWB) ghosted you and then came back. One possibility is that they simply got busy or distracted with other things in their life and didn’t have time to maintain the relationship.

Another possibility is that they started developing deeper feelings for you and got scared or overwhelmed, causing them to pull away.

It’s also possible that they were seeing someone else at the same time and decided to pursue that relationship instead, but it didn’t work out and they came back to you.

If your FWB ghosted you, it’s important to take care of yourself emotionally and not let their behavior affect your self-worth.

It can be hurtful to be ignored or rejected, but try to remember that their actions are not necessarily a reflection of you.

Communicate with them about how their behavior made you feel and listen to their perspective as well. If you’re open to continuing the relationship, discuss your boundaries and expectations moving forward to ensure that you’re on the same page.

Example: “When my FWB stopped responding to my texts, I felt really hurt and confused. But when we finally talked about it, he explained that he had a lot going on with work and family and didn’t mean to ignore me. We agreed to keep in touch but not put too much pressure on the relationship.”

Example: “After my FWB disappeared for a few weeks, I was hesitant to let them back into my life. But when we talked about what happened, they admitted that they had started seeing someone else but things hadn’t worked out. I had to decide whether I was comfortable continuing the relationship knowing that they were seeing other people.”

Another possibility for your FWB’s behavior is that they are emotionally avoidant and struggle with intimacy. 

This could manifest as them pulling away whenever they start to feel too close to someone, then coming back when they feel ready to re-engage.

It’s important to recognize that this behavior can be harmful and unfair to you, and to set boundaries that prioritize your own emotional well-being.

You may need to take a break from the relationship or end it altogether if you feel like it’s not meeting your needs.

Example: “I’ve noticed that every time I try to get closer to my FWB, they seem to disappear for a while. When they come back, they act like nothing happened. I’m starting to realize that this pattern is hurting me and I need to set some boundaries around how much emotional energy I invest in this relationship.”

Example: “My FWB has a history of being avoidant and we’ve talked about it before. When they ghosted me this time, I decided to take a step back and focus on myself for a while. When they came back, I was honest about how their behavior made me feel and we had a productive conversation about what we both want from the relationship.”

Final thoughts:

In conclusion, understanding why your FWB keeps coming back is an important step in navigating this type of relationship.

Whether it’s a desire for emotional connection, physical attraction, or simply convenience, it’s essential to establish clear boundaries and communicate openly with your partner.

By using the insights and tips provided in this blog post, you can make informed decisions about your relationship and ensure that your needs are being met.

Remember, the key to any successful relationship is mutual respect, honesty, and communication.

With these tools, you can build a strong foundation for a fulfilling FWB relationship, or transition to something more meaningful if that’s what you desire.

So, take the time to evaluate your situation, communicate openly, and make decisions that align with your values and goals. With these steps, you can create the fulfilling relationship you deserve.

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Naveen Bommakanti

Naveen is Experienced Psychology and philosophy Writer, self-help and relationship Coach and thought influencer. He has 7 years of experience in Personal development industry.

Naveen’s expertise as a self-help and relationship Coach has been highlighted through his articles in medium and substack to name a few.

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