21 Tips on how to get over someone you never had (complete guide)

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By: Naveen B

It’s a situation many of us have been in: You’re stuck in a relationship, but it’s pretty one-sided and unrequited love.

This happens when you date your friends. It may be frustrating when they see your involvement as something more than it is. 

The fact is, even if they were interested in dating, they don’t see you as such. This may hurt you and make you confused about how to confess your love feelings for them.

Over time, you bottle up all your emotions and when the time comes, either you want to give up on them before even expressing your love towards them.

That is because of the fear of rejection or to protect your self-respect.

 If your love falls into that category right now, don’t despair. If you don’t know how to get over someone you never dated, you’re not alone.

Recommended reading for you: How to get over someone you love who doesn’t love you back? (10 Tips)

This guide will help you how to get over someone you never had. Just make sure to reflect on each of the following steps and tips, and apply them in your life right away to control your emotions and obsessive thoughts about your crush.

How to get over someone you never had?

Best tips on how to get over someone you never had 21 Tips on how to get over someone you never had (complete guide)

How to get over someone you never dated? The best way to get over someone you never had is to try and stop thinking about them.

Of course, that’s easier said than done, especially when your mind is always wandering and they’re always popping up in your head. 

If you want to stop thinking about someone you never dated but still has a place in your heart, try these four steps: 

4 Steps to get over someone you never dated

Step 1: Accept their absence.

Don’t fight it. Whether it’s because of distance or death or something else entirely, if your relationship is no longer a part of your life, let go and move on.

Step 2: Don’t force yourself to think about them.

Allow yourself time not to think about them instead. Force isn’t needed here; just don’t intentionally go looking for them either.

Step 3: Surround yourself with friends and family.

Once you’ve accepted what happened, keep them close. You should be able to spend lots of time with people who love you so much they will distract you from anything. And soon enough, their constant presence will fade your thoughts away.

Step 4: Remember that everyone moves on at different speeds.

Letting go doesn’t have one solution that works for everyone all at once, so take things slowly as you decide how much time needs to pass before being over someone becomes possible. Time heals all wounds after all!

Recommended reading: How to get over someone who hurt you and used you? (23 Tips to move one)

21 Tips to get over someone you never had.

Best tips on how to get over someone you never dated 21 Tips on how to get over someone you never had (complete guide)

1. Stay busy 

It sounds so cliché, but when you stop worrying about how he or she is doing, and start focusing on what matters most to you—your friends and family, work—it gives your mind less time to ruminate on what happened in your relationship with him or her.

Besides, if it didn’t work out because of something missing in him or her (or both of you), not having them around shouldn’t make much difference. They weren’t making life more meaningful anyway, right?

Staying busy helps hold off those nostalgic moments when his/her face keeps popping into your head just when things were looking good for that new hot guy at work.

2. Don’t wallow in regret

Think about all of the mistakes that brought you to where you are today – they aren’t who you are any longer! So don’t waste your energy thinking what if or if only.

This will only keep you stuck, miserable and full of self-pity. Those three words should never go together! You need an environment where positive energy surrounds you 24/7 – otherwise there’s no moving forward. 

3. If depression has kicked in, find a therapist

Many people choose to go through a breakup alone, since it feels safe and familiar.

There is nothing wrong with spending a few weeks alone after a breakup; however, going through extreme depression may lead one to harm oneself physically or mentally.

If your symptoms feel unbearable, contact a therapist immediately. They know how best to deal with these symptoms and take away any pain you’re experiencing from past relationships.

For immediate relief from severe depression seek professional help immediately…much quicker than waiting till later!

4. Change Your Frequency in choosing your ideal partner

Frequency refers to finding that person who resonates on a frequency level equal to yours.

Finding someone with whom you share common values and interests can be extremely difficult, especially if you have been hurt before, fear of getting hurt again or if your ego is involved.

In order to attract Mr/Ms Right back into your life you must change your frequency first.

5. Put yourself first

He or she was a part of your life, and it is perfectly fine to mourn your loss. However, do not let your loved one come between you and putting yourself first.

A broken heart can still serve a valuable purpose in your healing process if you allow it to become a source of wisdom rather than pain.

As poet Joyce Kilmer once said, We don’t receive wisdom; we must discover it for ourselves after a journey that no one can take for us or spare us.

recommended reading: How to get over someone you never dated? (complete guide)

6. Don’t settle! Set high standards and boundaries with guys/girls

Don’t settle for anything less than what you want and deserve. If you have been hurt in your previous relationships, do not continue to engage in behaviors that won’t lead to a healthy loving connection. 

7. Focus on what you have learned from your past relationships

Going through a breakup is one of life’s greatest teachers, particularly if you are open to learning what you did not realize about yourself and your own behavior patterns.

Instead of focusing on what went wrong in your last relationship, focus on how that experience can benefit you in your next one. The tools are within!

8. Do not get into another serious relationship immediately after a breakup!

Be alone for a while – take time to get to know yourself better, reflect upon where it went wrong with your last partner and learn who you are without being in a relationship.

You have never been single. So spend time alone getting used to it.

9. Give yourself time to heal after a breakup. 

Grieving is a natural process that follows when you lose someone or something that matters deeply to you.

It involves acknowledging your feelings, accepting your loss, and healing in ways that help you move on with your life in a healthier way.

While getting over someone you never dated or had, the stages of grief: Shock & Denial are normal; As they allow us to survive an intolerable situation.

But sooner or later we have to admit our pain and suffering and grieve for what we have lost or never had.

10. Embrace being single: 

When we try too hard – we often scare others away by coming across as desperate or needy…so have fun being single even if you’re hurting inside..

You can do anything when you put your mind to it. Don’t worry about what he/she is doing on Friday night, ask out that girl/guy at work, take a yoga class with your best friend.

Do whatever makes you happy! Remember that it’s ok not to be in a relationship right now. Maybe there’s nothing wrong with just wanting some time on your own for once, so don’t beat yourself up about having feelings of loneliness.

Enjoying life and feeling good about yourself is what matters most, not anyone else’s approval.

And remember, one of these days he/she will realize what they are missing out on—it could be you 😉 

11. Think back to how things started going downhill:

If you find yourself still obsessing over him/her, really think hard about why things didn’t work out in the first place.

Take a moment to actually remember something from when you were together. Were things falling apart before all those sweet loving moments began happening less frequently? Or did everything go sour from day one?

The answers may surprise you—or better yet might help provide answers for why things went south. In either case , writing down your answers will help give them more clarity 

12. Accept that some relationships just aren’t meant to be:

Even though he/she treated you poorly, understand that sometimes people mean well but aren’t good for each other.

For example, maybe you were made for Mr./Ms. Right Now while she was only Mr./Ms. Right Now.

Accepting that simple fact instead of letting bitterness consume you allows you to move forward without self-destructive behavior taking control.

13. Understand that getting upset isn’t worth it.

As hard as it is to accept, no matter how much you miss his/her bad habits – his bad breath, her selfishness – understanding and accepting why things didn’t work out serves as an important lesson and helps avoid destructive behaviors like sitting around sulking over someone who has already moved on to someone else .

It sounds crazy, doesn’t it?! But trust me, getting angry won’t make any situation better.

However, staying positive will keep you focused on what’s ahead instead of dwelling on mistakes made in the past.

 14. Just because it’s easy to be with someone that you know is bad for you, it doesn’t mean that love is gone:

Bad relationships allow us to learn valuable lessons about what is right for us in a partner. So although he/she wasn’t very thoughtful of your feelings, or kind to you, or supportive of your goals.

There’s a reason you’ve picked up these new ways of looking for love. Even though he/she treated you terribly.

Do not use your past as an excuse to keep screwing things up. Everyone deserves respect and kindness. 

15. Don’t forget to remind yourself that you are better than someone who used to bring you down.

 Remind yourself daily of your personal qualities, like how you always tell it like it is, how you stay on task, or how resourceful and creative you are. These things about yourself will help build your confidence. 

16. Spend time with your friends:

You’ll be amazed by how good it feels when someone’s got your back instead of stabbing it . Hang out with buddies that love spending quality time with you just as much as being by themselves . 

 17. Focus on what’s right in front of you:

Another way to stop spending time thinking about your crush or ex or someone you never had—and why it didn’t work out—is to pay attention to what’s going on around you right now and in your future.

By doing that, you become completely immersed in what’s real and alive rather than caught up in a past that probably doesn’t feel all that great anyway…right? Focus on how awesome today is and try to visualize how awesome tomorrow will be too. oops, I mean project. 

18. Write it down:

This is an especially good idea if your significant other left you for someone else. Having all that negativity swirling around in your head does absolutely no good for you, and nobody else wants to hear about it—not even close friends or family members.

Write out why you’re angry, why he or she hurt you, how he/she broke your heart…and then put it away for at least a year. Burn it, shred it. Just do whatever you need to do to get rid of it.

Then write about what happened—but focus on yourself and how you felt, not on his/her poor choices or betrayal of trust. and when you’re feeling alone in your bed. 

19. Put away reminders:

Don’t keep photos of him or her in your wallet or on your desk—they just add to that awful mix of feelings, making it all that much harder to get over someone. If possible, put them away entirely out of sight and out of mind. 

20. Don’t call and don’t be in contact.

Avoid trying to hold onto what you once had by being in touch with him or her every chance you get. or that hot girl you met at yoga. They could be your key to ending your preoccupation with what ifs and I wish I’d thoughts.

21. Move on.

If you don’t want to ruin your physical, emotional and psychological health. The only choice you have is to come out of your emotional state and see reality with a rational mind. That will help your mind to be at peace and guide you on how to get over someone you never had.

Final thoughts.

My final thoughts just realize that people come and go in your life. Some are pleasant experiences and others are painful.

No matter whether they are good or bad, all those experiences, emotions, and connections are real. So, own them, embrace them and learn from them to move on and apply them to your future relationships. Good luck.

Related reading: How to get over someone you like? (step-by-step guide)

Image credits: Abstract vector created by vectorjuice – www.freepik.com


  • Naveen B

    Experienced Psychology and philosophy Writer, self-help and relationship Coach and thought influencer. He has 7 years of experience in Personal development industry. His expertise as a self-help and relationship Coach has been highlighted through his articles in medium and substack to name a few. To be updated with his latest work, connect with him by following his social media accounts.

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Experienced Psychology and philosophy Writer, self-help and relationship Coach and thought influencer. He has 7 years of experience in Personal development industry. His expertise as a self-help and relationship Coach has been highlighted through his articles in medium and substack to name a few. To be updated with his latest work, connect with him by following his social media accounts.

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