How to get over someone who hurt you and used you? (23 tips)

At some point in our lives, we have all experienced heartbreak. Some breakups are easy and clean if both partners have mutual consent. 

But what about when it’s the other way around? What if your partner or spouse cheats on you and betrays you? What if they verbally abuse you or are otherwise emotionally abusive? How to get over someone who hurt you? 

It can be very hard to move on after someone makes us feel bad about ourselves, especially when there’s still love there. 

How do you let go of someone who is hurting you when you still love them?

Getting over someone who hurt you can be very challenging. The pain you feel when they leave can be blinding, but it’s important to try and get over the person because love is not meant to be used to hurt people.

Also read: How long does it take to get over someone?

There are many reasons you might be struggling to get over someone who has hurt you emotionally. 

But the most important thing to remember is that it’s possible! No matter how much your feelings linger or how long it takes, it’s important to focus on yourself and create the life you want so that the pain of your past relationships has no space to hold you back. 

That’s why in this guide I have put together 23 tips on how to get over someone who hurt you, all of which will help you feel stronger and more confident than ever before.

These tips will help guide, how to stop feeling hurt and angry in order to move on with your life and let go of the pain that comes with letting go of someone you loved so much. So read them carefully and reflect on them consciously.

Recommended reading for you: What to say to someone who has hurt you deeply? (complete guide with examples)

How to get over someone who hurt you?

how to let go of someone who is hurting you How to get over someone who hurt you and used you? (23 tips)

How to get over someone who hurt you? The key to getting overcome who hurt you is a process of self-reflection and understanding. First, ask yourself if there was something specific about your relationship with that person that had a negative impact on your life. 

If so, consider whether or not it’s worth attempting a reconciliation. In some cases, relationships can turn into friendships.

In others, however, it may be best for you to let go and move on from your relationship with that person entirely. 

After all, even if you do attempt to reconcile with your ex, it doesn’t guarantee things will change.

On top of that, no one but you has any control over whether or not another person wants to be in contact with you after they’ve broken up with you. 

It’s important to accept the reality before moving forward; otherwise, feelings of anger or resentment can eat away at your ability to focus on future potential partners (and become an unhealthy distraction). 

Being willing to accept what happened while holding out hope for what could happen may feel like an uncomfortable compromise at first; however, if done right it makes getting through heartbreak significantly easier.

Also read: How to get over someone lying to you? (5 steps with practical solutions)

23 Tips on how to get over someone who hurt you and used you.

tip to get over someone who hurt you and used you How to get over someone who hurt you and used you? (23 tips)

Your Step-by-step guide on how to get over someone who hurt you, betrayed you or used you.

1. Write down why they hurt you.

One technique that often gets overlooked is writing out exactly why a person has been hurting your feelings and subsequently your self-esteem.

When you write something down, it becomes more tangible than when it’s simply floating around inside your head (and is, therefore, more likely to actually sink in).

Once everything has been written down, take time to reflect on what you wrote. You might begin to see things with fresh eyes—things that perhaps hadn’t occurred to you before.

2. Communicate with them clearly.

On top of taking time alone to think about how they may have hurt your feelings, make sure you also find time away from them (or even better—in front of them!).

When asking them why they did whatever it was that bothered or upset you. If they explain their reasoning clearly and genuinely show remorse for upsetting or offending you.

Then try to understand why they acted in such a way. It could be that something happened that impacted them greatly, causing them to act out unintentionally. 

If you know the purpose behind their actions, it will ease your mind and get to know their side of the story and help you to get over them even when they hurt you intentionally.

Also read: How to get over someone cheating on you? (complete guide: 5 steps + 5 ways + 50 tips)

3. Take a break from your intrusive thoughts.

Sometimes, especially in relationships that have been going on for a long time, people start taking one another for granted.

Sometimes all it takes is for one of those two people to say let’s break up before their partner feels like they were blindsided.

Understandably, the person who hurt you may not be able to think straight at first—even if he/she was only partly responsible for making you feel like they’re being used or taken advantage of.

So for a fresh perspective to deal with the situation just take a break from your intrusive thoughts and begin to see the situation from other angles after a while. Soon everything will make sense to you and help you to get over someone who hurt you.

4. Don’t blame them or yourself.

Sometimes breaking up with your partner isn’t their fault alone, and no matter how much you try to convince yourself otherwise – it can be extremely difficult to escape blaming yourself; 

You might feel responsible for something that happened in your relationship, but chances are, there were other factors at play. They had issues and demons they were dealing with too—and probably didn’t know how to deal with them.

So they took it out on you. The best thing you can do is forgive them and remind yourself that they aren’t worth holding onto if they don’t want you back.

Also read: How to get over someone who broke your heart? (3 Steps +10 Tips)

5. Confront your emotions and the damage they have done to you.

Although some people find that they’re more comfortable breaking up through text messages.

Some find that they feel better after having a proper conversation about what went wrong in a neutral place – somewhere outside of where one or both of you usually hang out. 

When first talking things through making sure not to jump straight into an argument – remember, at least initially you want to explain why you’re unhappy rather than telling them exactly why they shouldn’t have done whatever upset or offended you.

If possible, try and pick a time when neither of you will be busy for several hours so that there is plenty of time for talking and expressing your emotions without distractions or pressure from either party.

6. Don’t use social media:

If possible, steer clear of using social media while trying to get over someone who hurt you – at least for a little while. Social media can be more of a hindrance than it is helpful when to let go of the past hurt.

Being able to be surrounded by other people and not interacting with your ex can help tremendously.

Also read: How to get over someone you love deeply? (Step-by-step guide + 50 Tips)

7. Realize that it was meant to happen and (only for your good sake)

The person who hurt you isn’t always going to react how you want them to or how they are expected to.

Sometimes people are suddenly confused or angry because they never saw it coming! When people suddenly find themselves in situations where they aren’t expecting something—they often respond in ways that aren’t normal for them.

However, if their response isn’t aggressive and seems genuine, then don’t push them away just yet. But, just realize that you have got the opportunity to know their dark and real side.

Whether you prepared for it or not it was meant to happen only to teach you some important lessons for the goodness of your future sake.

8. Don’t force yourself into doing anything that feels wrong.

Although most people will feel sorry for their partner when they have been hurt by another person. There are some cases where staying friends may not be ideal after all. 

If they continue to make passes at you or try to make you jealous even after hurting you or after your break up – then don’t force yourself into getting so offensive and acting violently. 

It can be tempting to isolate yourself after a break-up; we often want nothing more than space and time away from our exes and all of their reminders of happier times together.

But it’s important not to let these feelings spiral out of control by engaging in any dangerous or impulsive behaviors while struggling with heartbreak.

Just keep your temper on track and move away from that person or situation. Being bitter is never a good look—and remember that what is passed is passed.

There is no point holding grudges when things didn’t work out or dwelling on what might have been.

9. Make time for yourself and reflect.

Although many people would like to think of relationships lasting forever—they, unfortunately, don’t always pan out like most of us hope.

Unfortunately, some people just aren’t meant for each other no matter how hard they try to make it work; Keep reminding yourself why it didn’t work out.

Many of us tend to idealize our past relationships by only remembering positive experiences. Just taking a time to reflect and learn from your experience will help you in your future relationship to avoid similar patterns and mistakes.

Also read: 21 Tips on how to get over someone you never had (complete guide)

10. Don’t go back to them.

Don’t go into every interaction with your ex thinking this is it, This is the moment! 

It would be very tempting to go back and allow yourself again to be hurt by them. You need space and time in order to come back stronger than ever.

Realize that there are so many new things on offer right now which could potentially turn out better than what was.

Sometimes people may want us to feel sorry for them – but you can’t let yourself fall into their traps of temptation; 

11. Realize that some relationships aren’t meant to last forever.

Letting go of a relationship isn’t easy, especially when two people have spent a lot of time together or are still in love with each other.

But sometimes you simply have to stop fighting it. Some people aren’t destined for each other and no matter how hard they try – they will never work out. Accept the reality and allow yourself to grieve.

12. Don’t ignore your emotions.

You may know that one person is not right for you but that doesn’t mean that your heart will always agree. Give yourself time before making any decisions.

 It can take a long time to come to terms with a break-up, especially if it’s your first.

Accepting that you’re going through a difficult time and giving yourself time and space is crucial, 

So don’t worry about being told that you have too much going on or being pushed into dating too soon. That’s probably just an excuse they’ve used in their own life.

Realize what you are going through is painful and don’t avoid it. Allow your emotions but be rational about your actions.

13. Take as much time as you can to feel yourself whole again.

Everyone goes through breakups differently – some can seem like they are over their exes before ever having left them.

Others take longer to bounce back because they didn’t want things to end yet. Take as much time as you need and don’t try to rush yourself. 

Just focus on your self-care and healing process. Eventually, you become yourself again and feel whole again.

14. Don’t rush into dating again.

If your heart isn’t quite ready—don’t make any rash decisions and don’t rush into new relationships. At least not yet.

You don’t have to rush into things after a breakup. It might feel like it’s for your own good, but more often than not, it can do more harm than good.

Give yourself time to become mature, space from your ex and their memories, and reach out for help when you need it.

You are more than worthy of love—you just need some time. How long is up to you!

15. Make sure to reconsider everything before starting a new life or relationship.

If there are too many emotions attached, make sure it’s really what you want before getting your heart broken again—especially if you are married and there are kids involved.

Don’t let your desperation for a good relationship cloud your judgment. In order to be as healthy as possible, both emotionally and physically, it’s important to have time for yourself before trying again—be it a few weeks or a few months.

You may need more time than that if there are serious mental health issues involved. 

So try not to let pressure from anyone else sway your decision either way! You should not be controlled by external circumstances.

This is never a good idea because no matter how much they love one another, being in a toxic relationship can have long-term effects on you.

So make sure to think twice before coming to any conclusion about starting new relationships or new life.

16. Cut off contact if necessary and remove them completely from your memory and life.

It’s best to avoid them at all costs! If they think about contacting you, don’t respond.

It will be hard at first because ultimately, they’re hurting and lost – but remember that giving them time will help them grow even stronger after it’s all said and done! 

Remember though that while many of these steps should be easy to do, some might not apply to everyone. Take your time to make sure you are doing what works for you.

17. Be strong and always stay true to yourself.

The more confident you are in yourself, your actions, and what life has to offer – the more doors will open up.

Instead of searching for love or trying to force a relationship where there isn’t one—you can look forward to having new experiences with others.

No matter how much money or power another person has or whatever social class they belong to. These things mean nothing if you aren’t happy within yourself.

By choosing happiness over heartbreak at every turn, things will fall into place again on their own.

Remember, once you allow your emotions to overcome what’s happening – that’s when it gets bad.

18. Be active and find trusted support to lean on.

As much as it sucks, sometimes we simply need other people’s help in getting over our exes or past hurt. 

Even if they’re not exactly friends with your former flame, ask them to hang out with you so that they can provide moral support while giving you advice on how to deal with various situations when dealing with your ex; 

But being open and honest with yourself about what went wrong will help put things into perspective–and help motivate you not to repeat those mistakes again.

Make sure that your friends and family know what is going on. If they don’t, they will start assuming things and may think there is something wrong with you, rather than your ex.

Start spending time with other people again. Some of these people will be naturally inclined to ask about your break-up and how you feel about it. 

So do not lie or hide what has happened if asked—just be prepared to hear them say I told you so! They may even give great advice if they have been through a similar situation before.

19. Stay away from alcohol.

No matter what else is going on in your life—under no circumstances should you ever turn to alcohol as a way of escaping!

It may seem like a temporary fix but as soon as it wears off – everything feels 10 times worse! When your mind and body are clear—the weight loss journey ahead looks even more possible! You can make positive choices for yourself;

20. Take therapy

There is no shame in getting help from professionals and therapists and trying to pick up what pieces of your life might be broken.

The most important thing when it comes to moving on from a toxic relationship is seeking out therapy right away.

Someone who hurt you messed up in several ways, but there are definitely things you could have done differently too—and therapy can help address these issues so that they won’t be an issue again in your next relationships.

Whether you want to work through them by yourself or with a professional doesn’t matter; just start looking into making changes today so that you’ll feel better tomorrow.

21. Forgive

Don’t stay mad just because he/she cheated or did something hurtful. Forgiving them doesn’t mean that you have to take them back into your life.

 It just means that there’s room in your heart for forgiveness instead of resentment. Remember, many people do things that they regret later—it’s up to us not to let their bad choices affect our own lives.

By staying strong and being thankful for how far we’ve come, we show ourselves that there’s nothing left to be sorry about.

22. Start creating meaningful relationships.

Once you have completely healed and begun to feel yourself again consider creating meaningful relationships.

No matter how much confidence or self-esteem you have, rejection stings—and getting back into dating again after being rejected by an ex can be tough.

The best way to build your confidence is simple: start going on more dates.

Meeting new people and exploring new avenues for socializing will help keep your mind off of your break-up and distract you from any negative feelings associated with it.

Plus, chances are you’ll meet some great people along the way too.

If traditional dating isn’t really your thing (or if it just seems difficult right now), consider doing something creative with a friend instead—that might help take some of that pressure off.

23. Bounce back and get over someone who hurt you.

It’s okay if you need time before trying again. There is no rush, and it will happen when it happens—but make sure that you are not afraid of commitment or scared of being alone.

If your partner was right for you then they wouldn’t have cheated in a relationship

Don’t listen to their apologies because all they want is forgiveness.

If anyone tells you that they understand what you are going through, don’t believe them—everyone has a different experience when ending a relationship, but everyone knows exactly how much it hurts! 

So pick yourself up again and move on.

Final thoughts:

Life has its ups and downs and we all have to deal with losing someone we love – either by death or by separation.

No matter what the reason might be, we often experience immense pain and grief because of such losses and feel like there’s no way to move on from it.

 Let alone get over someone who used you and hurt you. However, it’s important to remember that time heals all wounds.

So the sooner you start the process of getting over your loved one, the sooner you will be able to move on with your life without feeling hurt anymore!

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Naveen Bommakanti

Naveen is Experienced Psychology and philosophy Writer, self-help and relationship Coach and thought influencer. He has 7 years of experience in Personal development industry.

Naveen’s expertise as a self-help and relationship Coach has been highlighted through his articles in medium and substack to name a few.

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