Breaking up with someone you love can be heartbreaking, and unfortunately, it’s something that many people have to deal with at some point in their lives.
Deciding to end the long-term relationship with your significant other can be an emotionally charged process, and it’s easy to fall into the trap of doing it quickly and impulsively without looking at all the factors involved.
The good news is that there are a few steps you can take before ending your relationship that can help you avoid some common pitfalls and painful situations later on.
You can also make sure that you give your relationship as fair a chance as possible, and that you’re not glossing over any problems that could cause greater issues in the future.
To help you with the process, here are 10 questions to ask yourself before breaking up or ending a relationship with someone you love or care about so that you can make the right decision for both of you.
Recommended reading for you: Should we breakup? 10 things to consider when ending a relationship
- Questions to ask yourself before breaking up or ending a relationship
- 1. Is this break up the right decision for my life?
- 2. Am I ready?
- 3. What is my motivation for breaking up?
- 4. Am I being realistic about the future of my relationship?
- 5. Do I have any regrets?
- 6. How will this be communicated to the other person involved in the relationship?
- 7. Will this affect my mental health or my children or family in any way?
- 8. How will this breakup affect my partner's life financially, emotionally, etc.?
- 9. Will this break up damage my career or social standing in any way?
- 10. If I end the relationship, how can I make sure that I am not repeating breakups?
- Final thoughts:
Questions to ask yourself before breaking up or ending a relationship
List of 10 questions to ask yourself before ending a relationship.
1. Is this break up the right decision for my life?
People don’t break up because they’re feeling good and strong, but rather because they’re feeling hurt or anxious or insecure.
If you’re considering breaking up with your partner, ask yourself whether breaking up is a healthy decision.
Take some time to calm down and listen to your intuition – if it feels like it would be better for you and better for them not to break up at all, maybe give it another shot.
It might take a few days (or even weeks) before your head clears and you can make an informed decision about whether or not you really want out of that relationship after all.
2. Am I ready?
Breaking up is easy, but it’s not always right. If you have second thoughts about ending your relationship, then maybe you should stay with your partner.
The world is full of opportunities for love, so take time before moving on to think about what you really want out of a relationship.
Before breaking up with someone, ask yourself if you’re ready for a new partner or if you still have unresolved issues with your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend.
Don’t rush into making big decisions without taking some time first.
3. What is my motivation for breaking up?
What exactly broke your heart? Why do you want to take this major step in your life? What influenced you for breaking up with someone you love?
This is important because knowing why you are taking such a big decision can give us clarity on what went wrong.
It will make us think about our future and how serious we are about finding our true love. It also helps us evaluate if there are things that need improvement within ourselves, before diving into another relationship.
The important thing here is to keep an open mind, listen carefully and be honest with yourself, because honesty is key to every good relationship.
4. Am I being realistic about the future of my relationship?
Don’t be afraid to ask yourself if you’re being realistic about your relationship.
A relationship isn’t just something that happens by accident or even that just evolves into what it is supposed to be.
If you don’t think your future with your partner is one of long-term happiness, don’t ignore it—now is not the time for denial.
The sooner you acknowledge your unhappiness, and why, with someone, the sooner you can move on with finding someone better suited for you.
And if no one else is better suited for you? Then maybe it’s time to reevaluate whether or not that’s what you want at all.
5. Do I have any regrets?
Do you have any regrets for breaking up? If you’ve already committed to ending a relationship, it’s time to revisit some of your past decisions—not in a snarky way, but in an earnest reflection on whether or not you’re making a good decision.
Think about some of your past breakups and ask yourself: If you had another chance at things, would you do anything differently? If so, what would it be?
Looking back on your relationships is one of the most effective ways of knowing whether or not you should break up.
The more obvious red flags there are in previous relationships, such as infidelity and abuse, the less likely it is that we’ll repeat our mistakes.
6. How will this be communicated to the other person involved in the relationship?
Break up conversation is an emotionally exhausting and scary process. Have you prepared to communicate your feeling with your partner?
Whether you are over text, email or phone, it’s important to prepare yourself for what you will say.
Having a pre-written script or draft of what you are going to say could make it easier if things get heated during your breakup.
Follow these steps to communicate your break up conversation:
1. When will you bring it up?
Identify a good time when both of you are relaxed and not stressed out by work or other tasks.
If you are about to go on vacation together, now might not be a good time for your partner, as he/she may think it is because of something else that has happened recently.
2 What will you say?
Find out what words that will make things clearer instead of blurting out hurtful things that may only anger them more.
Have an open mind if they want to talk about what has been bothering them, instead of assuming it’s all your fault and react negatively back to them without giving them a chance to share their side of story first.
7. Will this affect my mental health or my children or family in any way?
Will this break up affect your mental health, family or children, if you had?
The whole idea behind breaking up is to make a better life for everyone involved. The thing with breaking up is that it affects everyone around you as well.
That’s why it’s important before even thinking about breaking up, to make sure it won’t be affecting anyone else in a negative way.
If that sounds hard then take a look at these questions and see what you need to work on. To be happy again there are things we need to do first and one of them is letting go of someone who isn’t good for us anymore.
If someone makes us unhappy, they have no place in our lives so don’t let them stick around just because they have been there from day one.
8. How will this breakup affect my partner’s life financially, emotionally, etc.?
Are you financially stable enough to end your relationship?
Have you thought about how this breakup will affect your partner’s life financially and emotionally?
Are you both mutually agreed to part your ways?
If you’ve answered no, then it is time for a serious talk. The benefits of being with a person only come if that person makes us happy.
The breakdown of a relationship can be a painful process, but remember that there is always light at the end of every tunnel.
It may take some time, but soon enough you’ll be able to think back on these moments with fondness instead of regret.
Take comfort in knowing that whether or not things worked out between you two, breaking up with someone doesn’t have to destroy them completely.
As long as they’re willing to work through their feelings and take responsibility for their actions, they should eventually move on from what happened without too much trouble.
9. Will this break up damage my career or social standing in any way?
Sometimes breakups or divorces impact our social lives and careers as well.
This is not something that should be ignored, but sometimes it can happen anyway. Oftentimes, negative emotions like jealousy, resentment, anger or regret cause people to act out in ways that are ill-advised at best and destructive at worst.
If you’re having trouble separating your emotions from your actions, it’s likely time for a reality check on how they will affect your professional image and relationships with co-workers in particular before you do anything rash.
Your job is most likely important to you; if not now, soon enough when starting over doesn’t sound so fun anymore because of your termination/dismissal/resignation on your resume because of petty drama that could have been avoided.
10. If I end the relationship, how can I make sure that I am not repeating breakups?
If your breaking up decision is final, how can you make sure that you won’t repeat this in your future relationships?
What lessons did you learn in this current relationship?
Why didn’t it work out despite your efforts and intentions?
Once you understand where things went wrong, will help prevent similar situations from happening again.
It’s always good to evaluate what worked well and what didn’t so you can take away valuable information for future endeavors.
You don’t want to waste time repeating mistakes over and over again! Only after careful reflection should you move on—and even then with caution. It might be difficult but it’ll ultimately save both of you a lot of stress later on.
This step requires introspection which means looking within yourself or into your past for answers or solutions rather than looking outside yourself or into something else.
The above list is some essential questions to ask yourself before breaking up or divorcing or ending a relationship.
Break ups are not always easy if you truly love someone and if that person didn’t commit any mistakes. So make sure to think twice or thrice before coming to the final conclusion.
Life is full of second chances, but there’s no need to take a chance on a relationship that may have run its course. If you suspect your partner might be cheating, understand what your needs are in a relationship and don’t allow jealousy to rule your decisions.
When two people decide they’re just better off as friends, it’s important for both parties to focus on getting their individual needs met outside of a romantic partnership so they can ultimately move forward with their lives.
And don’t forget: break ups happen, but so do new beginnings! Once you’ve broken up with someone, there’s no reason why you can’t find new love again down the road.