So you’ve decided to break up with your significant other, but you can’t quite bring yourself to end the relationship just yet because you’re scared of how they will react.
While it may seem like an easy way out of the relationship, keeping someone around who isn’t into you will only hurt both of you in the long run.
Plus, if you still have feelings for them, it might be too painful to keep dating them even though they are not reciprocating your love.
When deciding whether or not to end the relationship, consider some important questions to ask before ending a relationship.
We’ve all been there – that moment when we realize that we need to end a relationship, whether it’s because we don’t want to commit to the person we’re with, or because they don’t want to commit to us and we know it’s time to move on.
Ending a relationship can be an emotional and difficult time, but it doesn’t have to be that way.
There are several questions to ask yourself before breaking up with someone you love. But, you should definitely consider some important questions before ending a long-term relationship.
In this guide, the list of 10 questions can help you find clarity about whether or not this relationship should end and provide you with the opportunity to make the decision that will ultimately be best for everyone involved.
Recommended reading for you: Should we break up? 10 Things to consider when ending a relationship
Questions to ask before ending a relationship
Here are some good questions to ask before ending a relationship:
1. Are you mentally and/or emotionally damaged because of your partner?
If your partner is toxic and that affects your mental health, it’s time to think about leaving.
It doesn’t matter how bad or wrong they are for you – sometimes it takes seeing yourself through their eyes (and only their eyes) to realize how bad things really are.
A narcissist will always try and make you feel responsible for everything, but if you need an excuse as to why something isn’t working out, just look at them – most likely you will see plenty of reasons right in front of you.
2. Can you not talk about your problems anymore?
The one common denominator in successful relationships is communication, even when things are going well, it’s important to maintain good communication with your partner.
If you are finding that it is becoming more of a challenge to have these discussions, then it might be time to take a step back and evaluate what is happening in your relationship that has caused that change.
3. Are both of you happy in your marriage or committed relationship?
If one spouse or significant other is entirely unhappy in his or her relationship, it could be time to end things before an inevitable implosion occurs—it’s not fair to either party to stay together if only one person wants it to work out between them.
If you are not happy, it may be time to end things. However, take time to make sure that both of you are on board with wanting out of your relationship.
There’s no point in asking questions if one or both of you aren’t ready for an honest response. If you both feel that divorce is necessary then just proceed through these next few steps.
In order for your breakup to be amicable, both parties should feel happy and satisfied in your relationship. If you’re unhappy, your future divorce proceedings may become more difficult.
Consider meeting with a therapist if you and your partner need help repairing and improving your marriage or committed relationship.
4. How satisfied are you with the amount of time spent together?
Without fulfillment and satisfaction in your relationships, you’re more likely to end them than if you’re happy with how much time you spend together.
Ask yourself: How satisfied are we with our time spent together? And is there anything we can do to change that?
This question will prompt discussions on how satisfied your partner is with time spent together, and what needs to be changed or done in order for him or her to be happier.
5. Why do you want to end this relationship?
Part of having a successful break-up is acknowledging that it’s not because of one or two factors—it’s because your relationship wasn’t right for you in the first place.
Before you close things out, think carefully about why you want to end things. Do any of these reasons apply? If so, you may want to reconsider ending things—the reason could be an indicator that there are other problems in your relationship that need addressing.
Ending relationships can be difficult, especially if you’re not sure of your reasons. If you’re thinking about breaking up with someone, it’s important to make sure you know why; otherwise, you could end up making things more complicated than they need to be.
Before making any big decisions in your life, here are some questions to ask yourself before breaking up or ending a relationship.
- Is it healthy for me?
- Am I ready?
- What is my motivation for breaking up?
- Am I being realistic about the future of my relationship?
- Do I have any regrets?
- Do I feel like we’re growing together as a couple or is it more likely that we’ll stay where we are?
- Do I think there’s any chance of my views changing in terms of what I want and what they want and would that change be okay with me if it happened?
- Are there reasons why we shouldn’t be together that aren’t just based on me being unhappy right now, but on who we are as people?.
These might help you answer whether or not you should end your relationship so your decision is informed.
6. Do we fight mostly over s#x vs personality issues?
If you both have physical intimacy issues and argue about your personality compatibility, then it’s probably not worth putting in an effort to save things.
However, if you see all those fights as just one part of the many reasons why your relationship is healthy, then now is definitely not the time to bail.
There’s no definite answer or test that can tell you whether or not there’s hope.
That said, sometimes it’s good to pay attention to how well your needs align with your partner’s — especially if those needs are conflicting.
When things like sex and finances feel unbalanced — e.g., he wants it more than she does, or vice versa — try talking them out with each other first.
7. Has there been cheating or lying?
Couples that expect their partners to be monogamous should feel free to break off relationships where partners cheat—it’s just unfair otherwise.
Similarly, cheating shouldn’t mean that leaving is impossible; couples should talk openly and honestly about whether they want to continue even after infidelity has occurred.
Is there someone else? Do you wonder if your partner is thinking about that other person?
If there’s another person on your partner’s mind, it can be hard to feel secure in a relationship. Talk about it with him or her – don’t waste time playing games!
It’s healthy and valuable for you both to have good communication in a romantic partnership.
You might find out that nothing is going on with another person – or, you might find out that your partner knows how hurtful it is for them not to tell you things, and they’re sorry they haven’t been more open with you.
No matter what, it’s valuable for you both to have honest communication with each other about your feelings.
8. Are there kids involved in your relationship?
There are no easy ways to dissolve a relationship when children are involved. The potential damage of splitting up can far outweigh any benefit of staying together, but how do you go about determining if your children are really ready for you to leave your partner?
If so, you’ll want to consider them before going through with a breakup. While it can be necessary for parents to end relationships that have become unhappy and toxic.
children should always come first. In some cases, spouses might need to stay together until their kids are ready to be on their own—you wouldn’t want a family broken apart simply because you didn’t know what was best for your child, would you?
When it comes down to it, whether or not a break up is necessary will depend on how willing both parties are to stay together.
Make sure that if a decision has been made to go forward with a separation or divorce that both partners really want it and will be able to find happiness away from each other.
9. Are you ready to be alone?
Are you really prepared to be alone and start an independent life?
Even if you are confident about your breakup, it’s important to look at what went wrong—and, if possible, learn from those mistakes so they won’t happen again.
Take some time alone and really think about why your relationship didn’t work out. Consider talking with friends, family members or even a therapist who specializes in these kinds of issues.
Regardless of where you turn for advice and guidance, try not to let unresolved issues linger—you’ll only cause yourself unnecessary stress and anguish by bringing up old feelings too soon after parting ways.
10. What can I learn from my current partner regarding future ones?
No matter what we decide we want in terms of romantic partnerships moving forward, we can still learn valuable lessons about ourselves and our expectations when dating new individuals.
As much as it might hurt in order to do so, it’s important to take a good look at your current partner’s strengths and weaknesses in order to find out what traits you would want in your next mate.
After all, you can’t expect a future spouse or long-term partner who doesn’t have any of your best qualities. It will take work for both parties, but if you can agree on these things then there is hope that future partners won’t put up with the same issues you did.
We all bring issues from our previous relationships into new ones, but hopefully we can learn from our mistakes.
Ending your relationship is not easy, but with some planning and support, you can make it work.
You need to make sure you have the space and time to move on. You need to get rid of any reminders of your ex. If you live together, don’t go back home after the breakup.
Ask for help from friends and family members who will not judge you or be too involved in your life right now. Remember that even if they are there for you now, it is okay for them not to always be there when they can’t be there all the time.
Consider therapy if this is the first long-term break up you’ve had in your life or if this breakup has caused a breakdown of other.
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