Can you ever stop loving someone who hurt you? 4 Steps

By: Naveen B

If you’ve ever experienced deep love, then you understand how hard it is to make your feelings known to another person. It takes trust, openness and complete honesty.

If those things are lacking in a relationship, then love can be very difficult if not impossible to cultivate.

Love is an act of giving, but there is only so much that one person can give until they are depleted of everything that is within them. This is especially true when dealing with a toxic partner or spouse.

In most cases, once trust has been broken no amount of love will ever bring it back. Some might be able to forgive their significant other for actions taken before marriage, but few can stomach being hurt after being married for more than a few years.

Recommended Reading: How to let go of someone who hurt you?

How long do you have to go on loving someone who wronged you or betrayed you? Can time heal all wounds or does forgiveness come easier for some than others? Here are some deep insights you should consider that might help you let go of someone who hurt you and move on with your life.

Can you ever stop loving someone who hurt you? 

can you stop loving someone who hurt you Can you ever stop loving someone who hurt you? 4 Steps

Can you ever stop loving someone who hurt you? Not unless you make that choice; otherwise, no. Moving forward will require bravery. Forgetting and forgiving is a choice we must consciously, deliberately and thoughtfully choose to move past our pain and focus on healing within.

Loving does not mean forgiving or ignoring abusive behavior. It means accepting that someone is part of your life and choosing to love them without expecting anything in return.

This is why you can’t just simply stop being in love with a person, because if they have been an important part of your life it doesn’t just go away, but what can change is your perception of them and how much they mean to you at any given time.

Your ability to accept that person for all their flaws and shortcomings will ultimately determine whether or not you will continue to love them.

If you are able to look past their faults and see only what makes them wonderful then no matter how badly they hurt you, it’s impossible to give up on that one person who holds your heart.

Also read: How to get over someone who broke your heart? (Complete guide)

This may seem like cold logic, yet there is also an emotional side. You should never keep people around that bring you down or feel bad about yourself, but if someone has truly made you happy at some point during your relationship then letting go isn’t as easy as moving on from a purely logical standpoint.

It’s more than just having shared memories together or having mutual friends – sometimes people come into our lives to help us grow as individuals so even if they turn out to be toxic later on there might still be something worth remembering about them later down the road when things are different between both parties.

Forgiveness is essential when learning how to move on and not carry grudges around anymore, but true love comes in many forms and often times we find ourselves caring for others in ways we don’t always understand.

All we can do at those times is ask ourselves honestly: am I hurting myself by continuing to hold onto anger over something that happened months or years ago? If our answer is yes then forgiveness becomes easier because resentment can get in the way of happiness more than most people realize which leaves us vulnerable to depression.

Do you want to live a good life free from negativity holding back potential future relationships from blossoming? Are you tired of feeling bitter towards others due to a broken promise here or a betrayal there? Then follow these steps: Get closure.

 Step 1: Ask yourself what it is that’s causing you to hold on to your anger.

Be honest with yourself, don’t lie to make it seem more justified because if there are no consequences for your actions then it’s not really hurting anyone.

If someone let you down, take time to process that until every last detail is out of your system, but don’t bottle up those emotions or try to find ways around them because nothing good will come from that.

Instead, let them out through creative outlets like drawing or writing about how they made you feel so that all those negative feelings have somewhere to go.

In addition, self-awareness is important in knowing how much something affects you and why so being able to verbalize these things can help.

Remember – no one else needs to know any of these details unless you want them to know what happened in order to get a proper apology, otherwise keep these things in a personal journal and never share them with anyone else especially not online where only trolls exist!

Step 2: Know when enough is enough and move on.

This can be hard when we’re still upset over a betrayal or a broken promise since by our nature we want to avenge ourselves when wronged in some way.

Yet living with bitterness isn’t healthy so it’s important to take time out of your schedule for meditation, prayer, exercise, singing in a choir – whatever it takes for your mind to clear itself of all negativity because there’s no telling how far it might carry if left unchecked.

It’ll help to set up boundaries with yourself too like I won’t read their page/messages/check them out at work so that you know exactly what not to do while tempting situations are minimalized. 

Remember, they broke your trust! They could easily do it again! Don’t let yourself get caught up in them again just because they seemed kinder than before, things change which means old habits might return even if they promise otherwise unless you don’t let them close again.

Also make sure you keep up communication between friends and family (if you have any left after betraying them) since having outside support will make dealing with any issues easier and give yourself reminders why there’s no reason to put up with manipulative people.

Step 3: Learn how to forgive yourself for falling into their trap in the first place.

If there’s one thing I would recommend is, it’s that every act of betrayal is only made possible because of an unwillingness to speak up or tell them no in one way or another so by doing so, you take responsibility for allowing any bad behavior in your life. 

That doesn’t mean we can’t be upset over things we should’ve done differently, but if we truly wanted to make a change and prevent something like that from happening again then we should practice self-compassion and instead find ways to heal and move on with our lives.

We all make mistakes; it’s what makes us human! Instead focus on those lessons learned as well as all those good times that might’ve been forgotten about.

Also read: How to get over someone who cheated on you?

Step 4: Finally, forgive yourself and start a new life.

This is a hard step because we all have a tendency to dwell on our own mistakes so much so that we forget about all those wonderful people in our lives who would be more than happy to help us get over any issues we have.

As important as it is to learn from your mistakes, it’s equally important to know when you’ve learned enough and that there’s no reason to wallow in self-pity anymore especially since that time should be spent making things better.

If nothing else, then just remember that they still think of you from time to time which means what you meant wasn’t lost – just hard for them to face up too since their actions show otherwise.

If it’s been a long time since your partner has made amends or apologized for their behavior then there’s a good chance that they don’t actually care all that much.

If they’ve managed to avoid confronting their own faults and working on themselves as a person, they probably won’t make a huge effort to make things right again.

On the one hand, it can be incredibly painful to finally realize how little some people care about us even when we think we know them inside and out.

It feels like rejection or even betrayal after investing so much of ourselves into making our relationships work, but once you’ve said everything you needed to say there’s no point in holding onto anger anymore if your goal is self-growth.

Forgiveness comes with accepting reality for what it is instead of living in denial; do not let yourself off easy by pretending everything is alright because it isn’t.

Those feelings need to go somewhere else before you get better because otherwise all that negative energy will continue to seep into other areas of your life which will only lead down an even darker path than before.

Take steps towards improving yourself every day. Working on personal growth doesn’t just mean resolving issues with others – taking an interest in hobbies, finding new sources of inspiration, reconnecting with old friends/family members, etc.. 

All these things help keep us happy because they give us an outlet to express ourselves while also building confidence along our journeys through life.

Final thoughts: 

In conclusion, Can you ever stop loving someone who hurt you? After everything that has happened, you will be finally starting to heal. It will take a long time to get there and there will be moments when you will wonder “If I would ever be OK again.” 

In those moments you had to remind yourself that it’s never been about you being okay with what happened, but rather it was about you being able to accept what happened so that you could move on with your life.

Things aren’t perfect now, but they will be someday…all things take time. And for now all that matters is that no matter how far we have come, you will always love that person – even though he/she hurt you – because sometimes love just hurts too much to walk away from.

Recommended reading:

How to get over someone lying to you?

How to get over someone who used you?


  • Naveen B

    Experienced Psychology and philosophy Writer, self-help and relationship Coach and thought influencer. He has 7 years of experience in Personal development industry. His expertise as a self-help and relationship Coach has been highlighted through his articles in medium and substack to name a few. To be updated with his latest work, connect with him by following his social media accounts.

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Experienced Psychology and philosophy Writer, self-help and relationship Coach and thought influencer. He has 7 years of experience in Personal development industry. His expertise as a self-help and relationship Coach has been highlighted through his articles in medium and substack to name a few. To be updated with his latest work, connect with him by following his social media accounts.

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