How to get over someone who used you? (7 steps + 10 ways)

By: Naveen B

At some point in our lives, we all fall in love. It happens so much that there are now dating sites that are just for people like you and me who are looking for that special one.

By any means if we get attracted to a person either by their appearance or their personality, we eventually fall in love with them.

Everything looks perfect at the beginning. Needless to say, we believe that we have found our soulmate and are blessed to have them in our lives.

We invest our time, energy and soul into that relationship. We are emotionally attached to them and put our complete trust in them without any judgements.

Then all of a sudden everything becomes a lie because of their single mistake. The dreams, the hopes and shared future plans will come to an end and much sooner than we anticipated. 

Recommended reading for you: How to get over someone who cheated and lied?

They either lied to us or cheated or used us for their selfish reasons. That forces us to question the existence of love itself and the belief in humans. Then we wonder how to get over someone who used you and broke your heart?

Unfortunately, this is the common issue most of the relationships go through. Someone we think is the love of our life takes advantage of our kindness, innocence and trust, and plays with our lives.

They want a connection with another person but don’t want what comes with it – all they want is s#x and nothing else at all. Unfortunately, these people have been known to use lies and deceit in order to carry out their plans and if you have been used by them, there is little doubt that your heart has been broken. 

It is something most people experience. Someone you gave your all to breaks your heart. Maybe it was a serious relationship, maybe it was a one-night stand, but it hurts either way.

You are left wondering how they could betray your trust or how they could be so cruel after everything you shared with them.

We all deal with rejection in different ways, but no matter what stage of getting over someone that has happened in our lives, we all go through similar phases. It can be difficult to move on from such an incident but here are some ways that might help. 

Follow this guide on how to get over someone who used you, cheated, lied to you, played you and hurt you in ways that it has damaged your self-esteem.

Recommended reading: How to get over someone fast? ( 7 Practical steps with 50 tips)

You are not alone. And just remember someone’s actions don’t define your self-worth. Sadly, it affects our mental and emotional health. So, to help you to get through these dark times, I have written some steps and tips to move on. Continue reading.

How to get over someone who used you?

being used cheated lied played in a relationship How to get over someone who used you? (7 steps + 10 ways)

How to get over someone who used you? In not easy, however to get over someone who played you for their selfish reasons. You must reflect on what went wrong in your relationship. This reflection allows you to examine your own behavior and its effect on our partner, which is important if you want to avoid future relationships with players. 

Once you have looked at why your previous relationship failed and why they used you and what you could have done at the right moment to protect yourself from such a liar or cheater. By analyzing this you can better save yourself from possible future problems by changing certain behavioral patterns. 

This will help you to realize that you need to be more assertive in order to make sure your expectations are clear from the start. And from next time you will be able to judge who is self-centered and manipulative. 

In conclusion, with this experience you will become so mature and develop an excellent way of learning self-control and rational mind.

Having said goodbye to a player or some who used you helps reduce frustration and anger. It allows you to forgive yourself for your mistakes.

Focus on your personal growth and eliminate destructive behavior patterns that get in your way when interacting with other people. The clearer will be your attitude towards communication.

The method of revenge is not worth it, because it always returns to cause pain. This is because vengeance keeps alive feelings of anger and resentment even if we don’t deserve such feelings toward them. We must remember that we must not allow others to affect our state of mind. 

Forgiveness is essential to moving on with your life in a healthy way. Learn from your mistakes but do not blame yourself for things out of your control. What’s done can never be undone.

Recommended reading: how to get over someone who broke your heart?

What to do when someone you love uses you?

It is normal to be upset when your partner cheats on you or does something that hurts your feelings or lies to you and uses you for his/her selfish reasons.

You may feel like it is difficult to move on, but there are things that can help ease your pain. If you were lied to, deceived, manipulated, ignored or even if your partner cheated with another person or an object.

Then it is important that you do not remain in contact with them for too long. Eventually, after enough time has passed and you have made better choices about dating new people.

Eventually they will fade away from your life naturally without any effort on your part because their actions were so negative towards you.

7 Steps to get over someone who used you and played you.

get over someone who played you How to get over someone who used you? (7 steps + 10 ways)

Here are 7 steps on how to get over someone who played you:

Step 1: Confront them – Why they used you and how it affected you

They will listen if you tell them how their actions made you feel. And if not, then confront anyway; otherwise, he or she may continue hurting other people.

While talking about feelings isn’t easy for everyone, doing so can help set boundaries that help keep future relationships healthier. Not confronting is like letting him/her win — which they already did by using you.

You deserve to be treated with respect. Don’t let anyone treat you any less than that just because they don’t have any shame. By being brave enough to share your feelings, especially in front of them, you are making a very real statement about what’s acceptable behavior in your life.

If your ex thinks they can get away with being insensitive or even abusive without consequences, s/he probably won’t think twice before repeating history with another partner as well as others in your life such as friends and family members.

Ultimately, opening up about how hurtful his/her actions were allows you to take back some power in your relationship after feeling helpless.

Being honest instead of hiding helps establish trust between partners, allowing both sides to feel more comfortable communicating openly moving forward. Also note that there’s no one right way to say something—feel free to express yourself however feels right.

Recommended reading for you: How to get over someone you love deeply? (Step-by-step guide)

The important thing is getting these issues out into the open where they belong rather than leaving negative emotions festering below the surface where hurtful patterns start becoming habits.

What happened?: Have an objective discussion about why things went south between you two. He/she may have told you many times that s/he didn’t want a relationship, but in retrospect, was there ever any real indication of what he/she did want in terms of friendship or romance?

If so, were these terms agreed upon before getting involved, and if not, what changed along the way?

We all make mistakes when it comes to relationships—it’s how we deal with them after that counts. Think back on your past interactions together and decide if either of you could have done anything differently in hindsight — being open-minded is key here.

This is also a great time to learn from your mistakes for future relationships by taking note of any red flags that showed up during your relationship or problems that occurred later on after getting closer.

Sometimes our strongest lessons come from painful experiences, especially since they help us clearly understand where boundaries should be set moving forward. 

Once you’ve made your determination, be sure to have an honest conversation about all of them so that both sides are aware of their expectations moving forward.

Step 2: Understand why they did it – process your emotions and learn from them

There’s a difference between being manipulated and being conned. In other words, sometimes people just want what they want, whether that involves you or not.

In those cases, there’s really nothing more to be done except accept their desire for something different as their personal decision—it’s definitely possible that your ex could have been honest about what s/he wanted all along. 

Or maybe s/he was attracted by a quality in you that s/he found so rare and attractive at first but didn’t understand until later on.

Either way, try not to take things personally since it’s completely up to each person as an individual where his or her priorities lie at any given time.

Learning how to get over someone who used you is important here because even if your relationship turned sour quickly, it’s still important to understand why that happened before making any rash decisions.

Recommended reading: how to get over someone you never dated?

Step 3: Realize that they are not worth your tears, time or effort

Okay so let’s be honest, if they really cared about you as a person and didn’t just want something else, they would’ve done their best to keep it together with you.

However, if they took off like a bat out of hell once things got real (even though they were aware of what was happening), then it’s pretty safe to say that they weren’t ready for more than something casual.

That doesn’t mean there aren’t great guys/girls out there who truly care about others’ feelings—just make sure not to waste any more energy on someone who clearly couldn’t handle how much their actions affected you.

If anything, learn from their mistakes (or total lack thereof) and decide if you want to be with someone like them in future relationships.

It can take some time to move on after getting hurt by someone you thought actually cared, but take heart in knowing that each day is one step closer to finding someone who won’t turn their back on you when things become difficult.

Step 4: Never call, text or visit that person again for using you

This sounds harsh but it’s 100% true. Any contact with your ex after they’ve broken up with you is only going to cause more pain and frustration in your life—even if it was all their fault.

He/she already made their decision clear on what they wanted from you two, so don’t waste any time hoping s/he’ll change his/her mind later down the road.

Think of these things as poison — if he/she is still around after ditching you for something new, then s/he wants to be tempted by their cunning behavior.

That means you are not good enough for them right now, which means s/he will move onto someone else eventually anyway.

Remember your worth and spend your energy elsewhere – work hard on making yourself better than ever before! If you’re anything like most people dealing with breakups, chances are that once you pick yourself back up off the ground emotionally (and physically).

Even though that thought hurts right now, having fun at events will feel amazing without him/her constantly being a part of your life anymore.

Step 5: Do something nice for yourself

Getting over someone who used you will involve a lot of self-care and self-love. Forgetting them and removing them from your memory is one of the most difficult things in life.

You may not want to move on because they represent part of your past that is no longer existent, but it’s important that you treat yourself right.

 Every time your mind goes back to old memories with your ex, simply think about how they would rather do things without you in their life — which means s/he was never actually interested in making an effort with you.

Move forward by doing great things like enjoying what city life has to offer (going out with friends, trying out new restaurants, hitting up coffee shops), doing volunteer work or helping others in some way.

All these activities can help show you there are so many great people around — so let go of those negative thoughts holding you back from being happy!

Step 6: Remember that everything happens for a reason

There’s a silver lining within any cloud. There’s always something positive we can take away from anything bad – even if we don’t see it at first.

For example, when breakups happen unexpectedly and often suddenly, we could become very depressed and feel completely hopeless.

But after reflecting on why your relationship ended, maybe it helps you discover where things went wrong and helps prevent further heartbreak down the road. 

Think about why you did certain things too. Why did you allow yourself to be used? Have fun asking yourself questions such as Did I make mistakes along the way too? Or What should I have done differently?

This step will give you more clarity into what led up to that breakup – giving insight into how to approach other relationships in a better manner next time around.

Step 7: Move on

Now that you have reflected upon why your relationship didn’t work out, let go of any negative feelings toward your ex.

Let them go, accept what happened and move on! Think about how much stronger you are for making it through that rough breakup experience, then see how fun being single can be.

You should also celebrate getting rid of an unhealthy relationship – just because things didn’t work out with that one person doesn’t mean there aren’t plenty more people out there right now trying to make new friends. 

Maybe even start a new relationship too. Start by reaching out to others – be friendly with coworkers or ask other co-workers if they know anyone looking for friends or something more serious.

Recommended reading: How to get over someone you love who doesn’t love you back?

10 Ways to get over someone who used you, hurt you and played you.

tips to get over someone How to get over someone who used you? (7 steps + 10 ways)

1. You should really take some time to reevaluate where things went wrong between you and find out why he/she betrayed your trust. Then think about if anything can ever really change his/her actions toward other people.

Once you’ve come up with some answers, don’t forget to question yourself as well; most people use others because something isn’t right in their own life and most likely will never change unless they want to do something about it themselves.

If that person is not willing to face those issues then neither should you waste any more time on him/her. 

2. Believe it or not, breaking up with someone doesn’t mean you cut ties with them forever! It just means they were not right for you at that moment in time and sometimes timing is just everything.

The next step is to decide when would be a good time for you two to reconnect and when would be better off moving on (if at all). Remember: life is full of chances and opportunities – make sure yours counts! 

3. Use positive coping mechanisms. This can be done by distracting yourself from negative feelings and replacing them with positive ones.

When bad memories creep into your mind, try making new ones by putting on your favorite music or by doing things you enjoy with friends.

Set new goals that will pull you away from unhealthy behaviors such as drinking too much alcohol to cope with sadness and start living an active lifestyle instead. 

4. Accepting that this might not work out may sound extremely hard, but once you do accept it, put whatever energy you have left into something else.

Instead of constantly waiting for your ex to apologize or somehow redeem himself / herself, focus on improving yourself by working out, studying hard or spending quality time with family members and friends 

5. Don’t allow others to tell you how to feel! Don’t feel like you owe your ex any explanation; whatever explanation they deserve should only come from you 

6. Love is always followed by pain and loss – whether it’s mutual or unrequited love, both end up hurting like hell no matter what point of view you look at it.

Heartbreak can easily become addictive, which makes sense considering love releases dopamine; an important chemical that makes us happy even if temporarily. 

Recommended reading: Is it possible for someone to love you and still cheat on you?

Feelings become especially addictive when self-esteem is low leading to addiction to thoughts & memories of the one who got away. 

7. Time heals all wounds. You can’t rush the process of healing but you can speed it up by allowing yourself to feel the hurt for a while.

Let yourself be angry, sad, disappointed or upset, but remember that if you let yourself stay in that space of comfort long enough, you will eventually begin to smile again!

 8. If none of these methods worked for you and your situation is extremely complicated and emotional, it is best to seek professional advice from a psychologist or psychiatrist who will be able to guide you in the proper direction.

You can also write down your feelings on paper or journal about them; writing usually helps sort out thoughts more than talking does 

9. Remain optimistic. No matter how ugly a situation seems, you can’t stop loving someone or move on from them if you don’t believe that it’s possible to do so. 

If you really care about your ex, it’s time to see things from a positive perspective and believe that your breakup will bring nothing but good to both of you! 

10. Finally, be grateful for what you have in your life right now and appreciate everything around you.

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How to get over someone who hurt you?

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Experienced Psychology and philosophy Writer, self-help and relationship Coach and thought influencer. He has 7 years of experience in Personal development industry. His expertise as a self-help and relationship Coach has been highlighted through his articles in medium and substack to name a few. To be updated with his latest work, connect with him by following his social media accounts.

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