There’s no greater pain in life than when you’re in love with someone who doesn’t love you back the same way. And especially when someone you love cheats on you.
All the good times together, all the intimate moments, all the talks, kisses and embraces turn into pain when you find out that they didn’t feel the same way about you.
Cheating hurts! If you’ve been cheated on, the feeling of betrayal is beyond description. Not only does it damage your relationship, but it also makes you question yourself and your future decisions in relationships.
If someone you love used you and lied to you, you might think that getting over the pain of your betrayal will be impossible. In fact, one survey found that most people who have been cheated on report being emotionally traumatized and depressed for several years after the event.
Whether you were cheated on recently or years ago, it can be very difficult to move on from someone who played you and start over again.
Recommended reading for you: How to get over someone you love deeply? (step-by-step guide)
One way to cope with infidelity is to learn how to get over someone cheating on you. Fortunately, it’s possible to recover from this experience and move on with your life even if it doesn’t seem like it at first.
With the right steps, getting over someone cheating on you is something that can happen faster than you think it will.
That’s why, if you’re going through a breakup after being cheated on, you should focus on healing yourself as much as possible before jumping into another relationship with somebody else.
You can do this by using the following steps to help you get over someone cheating on you and learn how to trust again!
In this guide, these five steps and different ways that can help you to get over the person who broke your heart and move on with your life.
But before that, let’s discuss:
- How does it feel to be cheated on by your partner?
- What does cheating say about a person?
- Is it possible for someone to love you and still cheat on you?
- How much percentage of relationships that work after cheating?
- What to do when someone cheats on you?
- Why do people cheat in a relationship?
- How to get over someone cheating on you?
- 5 Steps to get over someone cheating on you
- Step 1: Identify How You Feel
- Step 2: Identify What You Don’t Want
- Step 3: Figure Out What You Do Want.
- Step 4: Build a Stronger Relationship with Yourself
- Step 5: Take a Leap of Faith
- 5 ways to get over someone cheating on you:
How does it feel to be cheated on by your partner?
It may seem like an obvious response, but many people don’t even realize how they feel right after their partner cheats. Maybe you’re shocked or confused—or both.
Most people feel betrayed and wonder what’s missing in their relationship for them or their partner to want another person.
Your world is suddenly upside down and nothing makes sense anymore. Sensible people become suicidal following a betrayal of trust by their partner because everything seems hopeless and insurmountable.
In fact, some people choose not to leave because of guilt or feelings of low self-worth. But those emotions don’t last forever—and if there were problems in your relationship before, now is a good time for a change.
It is hard to go through something like that, but if there is one thing I can tell you for sure it is that life will never be as bad as it feels in those first few days or weeks after your partner cheats on you.
Over time, things will start making sense again, some feelings will begin to subside, and life will move forward for better or worse.
Recommended reading: How to get over someone who broke your heart multiple times?
What does cheating say about a person?
When someone cheats, it doesn’t say anything about who they are or who they want to be. Instead, it says a lot about how in that particular moment in time, that is how they chose to act.
Everyone makes choices—we all have free will and an ability to make decisions—and all of our actions are either driven by our needs, wants, desires or emotions.
Some people choose poorly when it comes to relationships. And while no one would argue that cheating is morally right or good for your health (emotionally).
There is no denying that when faced with making a choice between doing what’s right and doing what feels good at that moment in time, most people can relate to reaching for immediate gratification instead of thinking through consequences later.
However, in contrast, it’s a matter perspective too. When someone cheats, their actions reflect their personality. And questions one’s character, integrity and self respect; loyalty, trust and commitment to their partner.
All these things are reflections of who they are, not what they did. So if your partner cheated on you, they made choices that say something about them as a person.
Recommended reading: How to get over someone who hurt you and used you? (23 Tips)
Is it possible for someone to love you and still cheat on you?
It’s always hard to believe that someone you love could ever cheat on you, but it happens more often than you think. Research studies indicate that more than 25% of married men and 20% of married women engage in extramarital affairs over the course of their marriages
While an affair might seem like a death sentence for your relationship, many couples find that they’re actually able to rebuild their trust and love for each other after an affair — if they want to. For some couples, forgiving infidelity is just too much; others can look past it.
If your partner cheated or is currently dating other people behind your back, there are things you can do to get through it together (and not hurt yourself in the process). Don’t be so angry that everything becomes about them cheating.
Recommended reading for you: Is it possible for someone to love you and still cheat on you? (complete guide)
How much percentage of relationships that work after cheating?
In a recent survey by the healthcare company Health Testing Services, this may be the case. An online survey of 441 people in committed relationships revealed that more than half (54.5%) ended their relationship right after cheating. Among the remaining 30 percent that tried to stay together but eventually separated, only 15.6 percent survived this breach of trust.
What to do when someone cheats on you?
The moment you find out someone you love cheated on you, your mind will go into a whirlwind of emotions
Unfortunately, if he or she did cheat on you, chances are good that it isn’t a one-time occurrence. Before you make a decision about how to handle it, make sure you take some time to process everything that’s going through your head.
Being cheated on is painful and can be emotionally taxing; it could also lead to resentment toward your partner if they don’t seem remorseful enough.
Try talking with them about what happened—and resist judging them until after they have a chance to explain their actions and apologize for what they did wrong.
Why do people cheat in a relationship?
There’s no doubt that infidelity is not uncommon for men as well as for women, regardless of the reasons for cheating. According to the General Social Survey, 20 percent of married men and 13 percent of married women admit to cheating.
The answer is probably different for everyone. A 2015 study, however, found that about half of infidelity cases are due to mate poaching, or trying to find a more suitable partner.
This means that men are most likely to cheat when they’re unsatisfied with their relationship, while women are most likely when they’re not satisfied with their s#x lives.
It’s important in any relationship for both partners to be happy and satisfied with how things are going.
If your partner seems less interested in you lately—or if one or both of you have been looking at other people—it might be time for a conversation about why that’s happening and what can be done about it.
How to get over someone cheating on you?
The key to get over someone cheating on you is to think logically. It’s very easy to get lost in your feelings and thoughts while getting over a breakup, but it’s important not to let your emotions take control of you.
Remember that there are many reasons for someone to cheat on their significant other, but you should try to understand why they decided to do it.
It might be something simple or serious. It might have been just a one-time mistake or something recurring that will happen again in the future if they stay together with their partner.
Talking about it calmly with your ex could help both of you understand what went wrong and move forward positively towards better things in life.
First, identify how serious your feelings are. Do you still love them or are they in your past? If your love for them is lost, then it’s not hard at all to stop loving them
There’s no need to linger in pain, sorrow or anger because it will destroy you. The reality is that they cheated on you because of something lacking in their life
They didn’t find enough fulfillment in their relationship with you so they sought it elsewhere. Recognize that fact and move forward without all of those negative emotions eating away at your heart.
5 Steps to get over someone cheating on you
Step 1: Identify How You Feel
Everyone is different, so it’s difficult to pinpoint exactly how one feels after being cheated on.
That said, almost everyone experiences some sort of feeling of rejection. Feeling as if a close person doesn’t respect or trust you can be devastating and challenging to work through.
Some people feel sad, others become angry and maybe even vengeful toward their ex-partner. It’s important not to label your emotions as wrong or bad, but rather recognize that they are an essential part of moving forward from something like a breakup or affair.
But let yourself experience them for what they are at first without judging yourself. It might help to write them down in a journal if it makes sense to do so.
5 tips to identify how you feel about someone cheating on you
1. Identify what is going on with your emotions. For example, maybe you are angry that your partner cheated or perhaps it hurts that they didn’t confide in you or they only cared about their needs and not yours.
2. Acknowledge that all your feelings are valid, but that they are yours and that no one can make you feel a certain way.
3. It’s okay to feel whatever feelings that come up for you, but try not to overly indulge them if they don’t make sense in a healthy way.
4. It’s important to not pass judgment on your feelings or blame yourself for them. For example, maybe you are feeling shame that your partner cheated, but it’s not something that is under your control.
5. Recognize that when people are in love they sometimes don’t behave rationally because of their emotions and end up hurting others in some way (and they may not even know that they are doing it at first).
Step 2: Identify What You Don’t Want
Letting go of a relationship is one of the hardest things to do in life, but it’s important to let go of what you don’t want in order to move toward what you do want.
In other words, turning your attention from lack and refocusing it on abundance is crucial for changing your life. To begin with, if there was a behavior that was unhealthy or wrong within your relationship.
Be sure not to repeat it going forward! It can be tempting after a breakup or infidelity to want revenge or try and forget about it all together by going out and having more fun or spending time with other.
But remember that these feelings are normal and important because they allow us growth as people.
5 tips to identify what you don’t want in your future relationships
1. Identify what parts of your relationship were unhealthy or toxic and then figure out how to avoid them in future relationships.
2. Think about what your values are and how they can help inform future relationships (for example, perhaps it’s important for you to find a partner who shares similar values or desires).
3. Think about what behaviors are helpful in relationships and which ones aren’t—it might be useful to write them down or make a list of them so that you can refer back when needed.
4. It’s good to have compassion for yourself, but also try not to wallow in sadness either. In other words, it is important not allow sadness from a past relationship hold you back from future relationships that can provide joy and happiness in your life.
5. Remember that time heals all wounds! Give yourself permission to grieve if you need to, but then commit yourself to moving forward.
Step 3: Figure Out What You Do Want.
Once you’ve identified what was wrong in your past relationship, it’s time to figure out what would make future relationships more meaningful and fulfilling for you.
This is called creating a vision board or affirmations—you can start with just one or two items until you are feeling more confident about leaving your partner behind.
Some things that might be on your vision board are being with someone who shares similar core values, being with someone who inspires you.
Being with someone who takes care of themselves physically or emotionally so that they feel secure enough to take care of others around them, or maybe even wanting to find a partner that has similar career aspirations as yourself.
5 Tips to figure out what you do want.
1. Write down what qualities are important in a partner, both physically and emotionally.
2. Make a list of characteristics that are unattractive or unappealing to you—this will serve as your guide for things not to do or repeat in future relationships.
3. If there was something that made past relationships unfulfilling, take some time to think about why it was missing—you might even consider talking it through with friends who can help provide perspective (sometimes others can see what we cannot see ourselves).
4. It’s good to give yourself some leeway in how long you want to be alone before getting into another relationship.
Remember though, if our vision boards begin coming true immediately after writing them they may feel less special when they manifest so enjoy each step along the way.
It is helpful when making vision boards or affirmations to keep them private so you don’t feel any pressure when manifesting something from them.
5. Keep practicing these steps until you start attracting people into your life who embody all of those traits/qualities/values.
Step 4: Build a Stronger Relationship with Yourself
You can’t attract a new love into your life if you don’t have a strong relationship with yourself.
How are you going to be able to set boundaries or put up walls around your heart when needed if you are not sure of who you are as an individual first?
Before getting into another relationship, it’s important that we learn how to first love ourselves—in order for another person to feel safe doing so, they need to feel like they matter and that they are number one in our lives.
5 tips to build a stronger relationship with yourself
1. Figure out what your core values are—make a list, write them down, or paint them in a mural around your room! Whatever helps to remind yourself of what’s important is best.
2. Start practicing mindfulness and meditation (there are many great apps and websites available if you don’t know where to start).
3. Get involved with things that make you feel good about yourself and show off your talents.
4. Spend time taking care of yourself and valuing your own self-worth (don’t wait for someone else to do it for you!).
5. It’s OK to spend some time pampering yourself—it doesn’t mean you are being selfish when you give yourself positive attention.
Step 5: Take a Leap of Faith
If you’ve made it through all four previous steps, then trust that these actions will lead to attracting your ideal partner into your life (even if they haven’t manifested yet).
And know that whatever their looks, background, or hobbies are—they are exactly what they should be for your personal evolution at this time.
It can take anywhere from 6-12 months for an ex to get out of our heads and hearts so don’t push for something too soon—let things unfold naturally.
5 tips to take a leap of faith and trust the process
1. Trust that being single is not a sign of anything negative, but rather a time where we have a chance to discover more about ourselves and become better individuals overall (plus, it helps make us appreciate our future partner even more!).
2. Don’t avoid intimacy because you fear rejection. The best way to learn how to be intimate with others is by being intimate with yourself first.
3. You are worth it! You are worthy of love. A healthy relationship takes hard work. But it’s totally worth your while when you find someone who has your back no matter what comes up in life!
4. Remain true to yourself—otherwise you will attract people who only want to use or abuse you. If something feels off, then maybe it is (or perhaps you need some alone time).
5. Make sure you feel safe and comfortable before getting involved with anyone else. The last thing we want after coming out of an unhealthy relationship is another unhealthy one.
5 ways to get over someone cheating on you:
1. Let yourself cry or be vulnerable:
Greive until there’s nothing left inside of you that wants to let out more tears. Crying is good for releasing emotions and feeling better afterwards. So allow yourself time to grieve properly.
2. Reevaluate your relationship:
Was it toxic or unhealthy in any way? Sometimes it’s hard to see things objectively when caught up in feelings, but take some time apart from your partner and look at things with a clear head.
3. Do something different:
Do something new, go somewhere different, try something new, meet new people basically anything that gets you away from what you’re used to doing while grieving will help move your mind into a better place (easing into these changes helps too).
4. Don’t blame yourself:
Realize that no matter how much you loved them, how good of a person you are, how much trust there was in your relationship. It’s not your fault they cheated on you! Don’t waste another minute blaming yourself because all it does is weigh down everything else going on in your life.
5. Focus on other relationships in your life:
Focus less time being sad about being cheated on and spend more time enjoying other relationships in your life—that way, when one doesn’t work out as planned.
You have others who love and care about you standing beside you instead of putting all that weight solely onto just one person.
You are not alone in feeling hurt or betrayed by your partner. If you think they are no longer interested in being with you, it’s time to move on.
Getting over someone who cheated is easier said than done, but once you set yourself free, there will be no looking back.
It may take some time for your heart to mend and your scars to heal, but try your best not to get lost in self-pity because it only hurts more.
There are many things that love experts suggest doing when trying to get over a person who cheated, but sometimes getting through each day one step at a time is all it takes.
Learning how to accept their betrayal instead of remaining bitter about it helps put things into perspective and helps you to move on quickly.
Related resources: How to get over someone you never dated?
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