When it comes to love, there is no limit to how much one can give or receive. There are very few people in our lives that we can call family, and when it comes to unconditional love, relationships with family members always take priority over any other person.
However, that is not always true when it comes to romantic relationships. It doesn’t matter whether they’re new or old relationships, trust me; when things go wrong between two people in a relationship –and they do—it can be painful for both parties involved.
Love is often thought of as one of mankind’s greatest strengths but in reality it is also one of its greatest weaknesses because when things go wrong, so do your emotions.
You find yourself second-guessing everything about yourself and all those what if questions start coming at you…then what? How can you let go of someone who has caused great emotional harm (abuse) on your heart(s)? If only that were possible!
Follow this guide to reflect on your emotions, irrational thoughts and apply these tips on how to let go of someone who hurt you.
Recommended reading: How to get over someone who broke your heart? (complete guide)
How to let go of someone who hurt you?
Getting over a past love can be one of life’s most difficult challenges especially if it is abusive, cheating or lying involved in that relationship. A breakup, whether mutual or unilateral, is often accompanied by strong emotions and a sense of grief.
You may feel shocked or confused, sad or angry—or all of these things at once. And while it might seem overwhelming to cope with your feelings on your own, taking some time to step back and assess your situation will help reduce some of that stress.
To get started, keep in mind that falling out of love takes time; don’t rush it. Accept that you may need professional help if moving on seems impossible. Once you’ve done everything in your power to move forward, consider engaging in healthy activities that will take your mind off your troubles (and remind yourself how wonderful it feels to live life fully).
Remember that getting through heartbreak will make you stronger in ways that just aren’t possible when you’re caught up in your relationship drama.
Also read: How to get over someone lying to you?
Love does exist, but it’s also important to learn how to let go when love doesn’t work out—and focus on maintaining an attitude of positivity instead.
The only way to move forward from an abusive situation is learning how to move forward through forgiveness.
Forgiveness isn’t about excusing bad behavior – it’s about healing yourself, your life. Holding onto anger is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die.
Research suggests that forgiveness helps us create inner peace and outer peace. Holding onto anger gives us headaches, body aches and stress; holding onto hate gives us bad luck; holding onto sadness makes us lose sleep; holding unto jealousy keeps us from enjoying anything good that might come our way.
Let go of all negative memories by saying I choose forgiveness instead because…when you forgive someone else you release him/her but far more importantly…you free yourself too!
Also read: How to get over someone cheating on you?
15 Tips to let go of someone who hurt you deeply
There are many reasons why you may want to stop loving someone that you previously loved very much, including the fact that they have hurt you or that they no longer love you as much as you do them.
At some point, however, the question will arise as to whether it’s even possible to stop loving someone who has wronged you in some way. The answer is yes… but there are certain actions you must take before you can reach a place of total detachment from an old flame.
If you find yourself unable to stop loving someone who once betrayed your trust or broke your heart, there are specific steps that can help facilitate forgiveness and ensure that you have moved on for good.
Follow these 15 tips on how to let go of someone who hurt you deeply
1) Understand what caused your feelings for them:
If your feelings for someone were rooted in infatuation or lust rather than deep-seated feelings of love and affection, then it should be easier to let go after their betrayal. It takes time and self-reflection to figure out if love was actually at play here, so don’t rush through this step!
Pause long enough to discover what inspired genuine care for another person — if nothing else, acknowledging true romantic attraction gives you something solid upon which to base forgiveness later on down the road.
2) Look at what caused your breakup:
Was your breakup abrupt and heartless, or did it come about gradually over time? If they tried to end things respectfully but things simply didn’t work out between you, then allowing yourself to move on may be easier than if they betrayed you and left with no warning.
Accept that it’s okay for your relationship to end and that people aren’t always compatible in relationships, which will allow you to begin moving on with your life.
Also read: How to get over someone who used you?
3) Understand that there are good reasons to forgive:
This may not be true for every type of betrayal, but in many cases it’s possible to forgive your ex because they need forgiveness themselves.
Whether or not they realised their actions were wrong is irrelevant — they still did them and if left unaddressed, it could result in similar actions again in future relationships. An act of forgiveness on your part is an act of love on behalf of another person.
They may no longer deserve your love after what they did, but there are some things that are more important than personal feelings.
4) Do not communicate with them for at least a month:
The only way to fully separate yourself from an ex is to cut off all communication with them, which can be extremely difficult because human beings are social creatures.
Unfortunately, prolonged contact just keeps your emotions tied up in an unhealthy relationship that needs to end so that you can move on to better things.
Make it clear to your ex that you are no longer interested in being friends or communicating with them in any way — give yourself enough time away so that their memories of your friendship begin fading.
Then, set out on a new path towards personal growth and happiness. Although it might seem impossible, moving on from someone you loved very much is not only doable but also very rewarding.
5) Find an outlet for your emotions:
The truth is that many people fail to stop loving their exes because they haven’t found healthy ways to cope with their anger and pain.
If you spend all of your time dwelling on how much they have hurt you, then it will be difficult for your heart to move on. You can talk about these feelings with a therapist, join support groups or just find close friends that are willing to listen when it’s needed.
Getting through these tough emotions may not be fun but it is an important part of letting go.
6) Watch what you post on social media:
Once you have made a clean break from your ex, it’s best to avoid posting about them or looking at their social media accounts. If they are friends with your friends or family members, they may begin to worry about why you’ve changed so much and start asking questions.
It’s also a good idea to prevent yourself from stalking other people in order to get over them — instead of thinking about how amazing someone else is, put that time and energy into yourself by taking up new hobbies or working towards goals.
Don’t wait for something better; make something better for yourself! By finding creative ways to make your life more fulfilling, it will be easier to move on when (and if) another relationship ends.
7) Don’t expect them to call:
The biggest mistake people make after a heartbreak is waiting for their ex to change and reach out first. This typically doesn’t happen because they’re usually as wrapped up in feelings of resentment as you are.
Since neither of you will want to be first, don’t wait around for that phone call or email that never comes. If it does, then great — but if not, then just accept it and move on with your life without feeling like there’s something missing from your days.
Everyone has bad days and nights where thoughts of them come rushing back; however, no matter how many times it happens, remember that time heals all wounds and there is no amount of thinking about them that will make them appear out of thin air.
8) Understand that they might not be in your life forever:
A relationship is a lot like a garden — if it’s given too much care and attention, then it will continue to grow even when there is no longer any love or interest in it.
If you have tried everything in your power to save a relationship but nothing has worked, then it’s time to let go of what was and move on. In many cases, people only realize how important their exes were when they’re gone from their lives.
Even if there were some great moments together, these memories may start fading over time without them around.
9) Do your best to focus on yourself:
No matter how hard it may be, try to avoid thinking about what they’re doing and how happy they seem. As long as you continue to focus on them and keep tabs on their life, then it will be impossible for you to let go and move forward.
Even if they reach out and apologize for all of their past actions, don’t fall back into their web of lies.
Remember that nothing has changed — even though they’re trying to win your heart back, at some point in time they didn’t respect yours enough not to break it in the first place.
10) Take comfort in knowing that some relationships are not meant to last:
The way people act during their first few months of a relationship can say a lot about how they will treat others later on.
While most people think that love at first sight is only possible in movies, it does happen in real life — but not very often.
It’s important to understand that although it may feel like true love, most couples who claim to be in love do not actually have what it takes to make their relationship last through thick and thin.
If there was no trust or respect for your ex early on, then it’s likely that these issues will continue throughout your entire relationship together.
11) Start to trust your gut again:
Even though you may find yourself questioning everything, if something doesn’t feel right about your ex’s attempts to get back together, then try not to ignore these feelings.
There are many ways that they can win back your heart without really meaning any of it — by flattering you, promising to change or showing up at unexpected times.
If you catch them in a lie or notice other inconsistencies in their stories, don’t allow them to convince you otherwise.
Unless they’re truly remorseful for what they did and have taken measures to ensure that it will never happen again, there is no way that someone can change from being an insecure person into a confident one over night.
12) Don’t ignore your values:
Sometimes it can be hard to let go of a relationship because of all of your shared memories. The easiest way to keep them in your life is by making sure that their memories are still around, but not attached to them — by holding onto happy photos and other mementos that remind you of your love for them.
However, do not get rid of anything else until at least 6 months have passed, which should give you enough time to get over them completely.
Whether it’s old clothing or keepsakes from special occasions, never get rid of these items without thinking about how it will make you feel when you no longer have them around.
Also read: How to get over someone you love deeply?
13) Remember that time heals all wounds:
This may not be easy to do when you’re still deep in your mourning period, but it’s important to remember that no matter how long it takes for you to get over them completely, each day will get easier.
It may feel like you’re stuck in a painful cycle of looking at old photos and listening to love songs, but eventually these reminders will become less painful over time.
Keep your mind occupied with things that make you happy instead of focusing on what they did or any other painful memories. Go out with friends more often and focus on living an active lifestyle so your body can start healing itself naturally.
14) Be sure to take care of yourself:
It’s important to remember that although you’re not with your ex anymore, it doesn’t mean that they don’t still have a role in your life.
Before you were together, they were an important part of your life — but during and after your relationship, they can still be a big part of what makes you happy.
Don’t forget to continue doing things that make you feel good about yourself without them around. This way, no matter what happens with them or other people in your life, there will always be at least one person who loves and cares for you unconditionally.
15) Move on:
Eventually, you will have to move on from your ex. It doesn’t matter if he or she was your first love, last love, or one of many loves in between — you just need to accept that things didn’t work out and move on!
You’ll never be truly happy if there’s a piece of your heart missing because of a failed relationship…so focus on moving forward and learning something new about yourself!
Can you really forgive them and let go of what they did to you in order to move forward with my life? Yes, you can! It’s your choice and it’s going to benefit your life in every single way.
Why would you choose not to when that kind of happiness is right there waiting for you? If you’re still struggling, remember that forgiveness, letting go of attachment and healing is a process, not an event.
And sometimes it takes time for our minds and hearts to be ready. Forgiveness isn’t about forgetting; it’s about finding peace and moving on with your life.
Holding onto anger will never make things better; holding onto pain only causes more pain; holding onto hate keeps us from experiencing true joy. Good luck.