Trust is the key to any long-lasting relationship – that goes for friendships as well as romantic ones whether it is boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife.
If someone can’t be trusted, then there really won’t be anything long-lasting about your relationship.
You trusted someone, but they lied to you, and now you’re feeling betrayed and hurt. When someone has lied to you, it’s hard to trust them again, right?
You really liked this person, in fact, you loved him/her so deeply. But now you feel like they don’t deserve it. What can you do? How to get over someone lying to you?
However, if you have been in a long-term relationship with that person, before considering a breakup or preparing yourself to move on from someone who lied to you, you should ask yourself what kind of lies he or she has been feeding you. Not every lie is worth breaking up.
People lie every day, sometimes because they don’t want to face the truth, or because they want to hurt you, or they want to protect you from something terrible or simply because they’re caught up in an act and don’t realize what they’re doing until it’s too late.
If you suspect your partner has been lying to you about something serious that has the potential to end your relationship, like cheating on you or using you to meet their selfish pleasures.
Then, the relationship probably wasn’t built on trust or mutual respect – if either of those things are missing from the beginning, your chances of success are greatly reduced.
When this happens to you, it can be extremely disheartening and leave you heartbroken and disillusioned about love in general.
But how do you get over this fear and move on from someone who has been deceitful?
In this article, we explore why partners sometimes feel compelled to lie, and how to move past that hurt into a healthier future with yourself and with others around you.
This way, next time you’re looking at a relationship, you can choose someone who is more trustworthy and truthful.
- How to get over someone lying to you?
- What to do when someone lies to you in a relationship?
- 5 Steps to get over someone lying to you.
- Step 1: Be willing to acknowledge and admit that they’ve lied.
- Step 2: Figure out what led to your partner lying.
- Step 3: Decide whether or not you can trust them again—and how much it will take for you to do so.
- Step 4: Decide whether or not your relationship is worth it.
- Step 5: Make a rational decision and move on.
How to get over someone lying to you?
Getting over someone who lied to you or used you can be hard because you feel like they betrayed your trust in them or you feel like you’ve lost a friend.
Lying to people that you love or care about isn’t something that should be taken lightly, and sometimes the relationship might never recover from it.
This can leave people feeling shocked, angry, confused, and upset all at once, which makes it harder to get over the person lying to you in the first place.
You may want to get over someone lying to you, but it takes time and patience to get through the pain of betrayal.
Also read: How to get over someone who used you?
Lying is a betrayal of trust. In order to maintain a healthy relationship, it’s important that both of you should share each others feelings and be honest about your intentions.
When someone lies, it’s impossible for them to keep up appearances which lead you to question every detail of your relationship. This breeds a level of mistrust in your partner and can completely dissolve any bond between two people.
If you feel like your partner has been lying to you, don’t make excuses for them—if they were going to tell you, they would have by now! Letting go of that relationship will take time and work on your part but ultimately show that loyalty goes both ways.
If your partner lied by omission, i.e., they didn’t tell you something they felt was not important or relevant to your relationship, then it could be due to a lack of trust in themselves or in their feelings for you.
How can they have any kind of relationship with someone they don’t trust enough to share every detail of their life with them?
If that’s all there is between them and someone else, then they probably never should have been in a relationship with anyone at all.
Relationships are about trust and honesty; if there’s no trust, then there’s no reason for two people to try and build on it anymore.
What to do when someone lies to you in a relationship?
People who lie to you are trying to control you. They want to do things their way, and they don’t want you telling them what to do because they don’t like the idea of being told what to do by others (even if they like telling others what to do).
You can’t make someone love you, but you can make yourself happy again once someone has lied to you by not letting them control your happiness.
It’s important to confront them and let them know how their actions affected you, and possibly even tell them that you don’t want to see them again if they lied about something very serious or intimate to you.
Or learn from this hurtful experience and prepare yourself to move on from a player.
5 Steps to get over someone lying to you.
This guide will walk you through the steps to get over someone lying to you, including tips on how to let go of the anger and pain you’re feeling right now.
You’ll learn how to stop obsessing about what happened and move on with your life, even if it seems impossible at the moment.
Step 1: Be willing to acknowledge and admit that they’ve lied.
This might be difficult at first, especially if you still feel very attached or emotionally invested in them; but it’s vital that we recognize and accept facts before we can even begin coming up with solutions.
If you refuse to believe that your partner has done anything wrong, then your next steps are going to be for naught. Instead of avoiding reality, put on your mental flak jacket and gaze unflinchingly into its ugly face.
You might have been deceived—but don’t deceive yourself by refusing to accept evidence!
One of my favorite quotes about lying in relationships is from Nietzsche. He says” I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you.”
Solution: Even if it doesn’t seem like there is a solution at first, keep working towards one. Find ways to move forward without wallowing in anger or frustration.
Acceptance of things being different than how you hoped they would be isn’t easy; but it’s better than denying your partner’s behavior (or your own part in what happened) and remaining stuck in an unhappy situation.
Step 2: Figure out what led to your partner lying.
This might take some time, especially if there are multiple factors involved. Focus on one at a time; don’t try and figure everything out at once (or even in one sitting).
Did they lie because they didn’t like something about themselves?
We sometimes lie because we know that revealing our true self would lead others to not like us or stop liking us; but often it’s also because we don’t like ourselves either—and it feels better (or less scary) for us to live in fantasy than face reality.
Did they lie to cover up for a mistake?
People tend to try and minimize or conceal their mistakes, no matter how big or small. When a loved one does so, it can be very painful and upsetting—especially if you consider them being honest with you an important part of your relationship.
Did they lie to win favor or affection from someone else?
Sometimes people will go out of their way to please other people at the expense of hurting those closest to them. They might do it innocently (because they want to make someone else happy) or maliciously (to hurt another person who they think deserves pain).
Did they lie to avoid talking about things?
Some lies are created because someone doesn’t want to talk about something unpleasant—which is often just an excuse on their part.
This can be upsetting in a different way, but if that’s what happened, be honest with yourself and work through your feelings before trying again to have honest communication in your relationship.
Step 3: Decide whether or not you can trust them again—and how much it will take for you to do so.
If you decide that you can’t trust them anymore, then cutting ties completely might be necessary.
But if you think there’s a chance of being able to rebuild your relationship into one based on honesty and openness (even though it won’t ever be exactly as it was), then try making a conscious effort towards rebuilding your trust.
Solution: Once you’ve decided whether or not you can trust your partner again, it’s time to figure out what is necessary for your trust.
You don’t have to expect perfection, but if they lied about something that was important (such as cheating on you), then requiring them to earn back your trust is probably warranted.
If they lied about something relatively unimportant (that you wouldn’t even mind talking about, had you known), then making them feel uncomfortable might be unnecessary.
Talk with your partner; figure out what happened; and think about how much of a transgression it is in comparison to others in your relationship—and decide how much effort needs to be made by both of you before you can truly rebuild trust between each other.
Step 4: Decide whether or not your relationship is worth it.
The final step is deciding if your relationship (the way it is now) is still worth fighting for.
If everything about being with them, including their character, feels wonderful to you, then maybe what happened was just a bump in the road—and doesn’t change how happy you are together.
However, if there’s more than one problem in your relationship right now, and it isn’t limited to just you and your partner not communicating well or trusting each other—then asking yourself is my partner and I truly worth fighting for? might be necessary.
Solution: If answering yes, is difficult for you, go back through these steps again; keep working at communication and trust between you two.
If your answer is no!, then being honest with yourself about that, breaking up with them if that’s what you choose to do, and moving on from your relationship in a healthy way is necessary.
Some relationships aren’t worth fighting for—especially if one or both of you don’t work hard enough at making sure they are—and ending things before it becomes too late can help make a break-up easier for everyone involved.
Step 5: Make a rational decision and move on.
The last step is deciding what your next course of action will be. Breakups are hard, especially when you still care about your partner and don’t want to end things—but if there isn’t trust between you two, then it might not ever improve.
Ending a relationship prematurely because of trust issues can be tough, but try not to forget all of the good times that made it worth fighting for in the first place.
If nothing else, keep them with you as memories of what could have been. If possible, stay friends.
Even if it doesn’t work out with them romantically, remaining on good terms with an ex-partner means they won’t become someone who leaves bad feelings hanging around after they’re gone.
My final thoughts on how to get over someone lying to you. I tend to think that there are no right or wrong decisions in life, but I tend to also think that even though people make mistakes all of us have free will.
This means that we are making conscious decisions everyday whether we realize it or not. Everyone has a unique journey through life and everyone has their own way of dealing with things that come up along the way.
Just listen to your intuition and go with it if that makes sense to you. I hope you feel inspired by my tips for getting over someone lying to you. Good luck.
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