How to get over someone who cheated and lied and used and played you? (5 Steps)

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By: Naveen B

At some point in life, we’ve all been hurt by someone we trusted.

Whether it’s your partner, friend, or family member, feeling betrayed is one of those feelings that can make you feel bad about yourself, feel like you made bad choices in picking them, or even leave you second-guessing everything.

It could make you question if they were right for you in the first place. It could leave you emotionally crushed with no idea how to get over someone who cheated and lied.

Because finding out that your loved one has done something like cheat on you is hard enough but when they also lie about it to protect themselves then that makes it even harder.

Recommended reading for you: How to get someone you love who doesn’t love you back? (complete guide)

Coping up with being cheated on can be one of the hardest things to do, especially if you thought your relationship was going in the right direction. 

But it’s important to remember that what they did was their decision, and it doesn’t say anything about you or your relationship.

Instead of dwelling on their cheating, try to make your own positive changes, whether that means joining an activity or taking time to focus on yourself.

Focus on rebuilding yourself in order to move forward with your life, and in time the pain will fade away.

If you are wondering how to get over someone who cheated and lied, you are not alone! While this may be an emotional time, you may feel like nothing can help or that you will never be able to trust again.

In this guide, I have written steps and tips on how to get over someone who cheated and lied.

These steps can help ease your pain and help you move on with your life after your breakup and also help you to fix your situation if you both are willing to work together.

How to get over someone who cheated and lied?

how to get over someone who cheated and lied How to get over someone who cheated and lied and used and played you? (5 Steps)

How to get over someone who cheated and lied? Learning how to deal with heartbreak, especially when the love of your life cheats, lies, and uses you for their selfish pleasures is a tough pill to swallow.

This is not just a matter of love, but the amount of trust, time, and efforts you have invested in them and envisioned yourself with them into the future of happily ever after.

However, after their single most horrible act, they just shattered your dreams, broke your heart, and ended your hopes before even love began and made you question the existence of love itself.

That’s so devastating and the amount of pain and suffering that comes along with it is beyond description.

You don’t know how to feel or react because if you think about it logically, you will start hating them for what they did to you.

I wish that no lover should ever have to go through what you are going through right now. It’s just not worth it.

It’s inhuman and unjust to treat anyone like that, let alone your lover or spouse whom you promised and vowed to love, honor, respect, and cherish till death does us apart.

Recommended reading: 23 Tips to get over someone who hurt you and used you.

 I’m not going to tell you it gets better because I don’t know if it ever does. But, what I can say is that time, though slow at first, will help numb your pain so you can go on with your life again.

To get over someone who cheated and lied to you is really more of a process than action in time. Sure, there are things you can do to get over someone who cheated and lied to you.

But what you really need is more time and less emotion. If there’s one thing that gets people through breakups, it’s time–there’s no getting around that.

We must go deep inside of ourselves and do some soul searching.

What to do when someone cheats on you?

There’s no doubt that infidelity is not uncommon for men as well as for women, regardless of the reasons for cheating.

Recent statistics from the General Social Survey show that 20 percent of married men and 13 percent of married women admit to cheating.

So how much percentage of relationships that work after cheating?

According to a recent survey by the healthcare company Health Testing Services, this may be the case.

Based on a survey of 441 people in committed relationships who admitted to cheating, more than half (54.5%) ended their relationship immediately. Only 15.6 percent survived this breach of trust among the remaining 30 percent that tried to stay together but eventually separated.

How to repair your relationship after someone cheats? Follow these 5 easy steps that I have broken down into practical tasks to make the process of getting over someone who cheated and lied just a little bit easier. 

5 Steps to get over someone who cheated and lied

steps to get over someone who cheated lied hurt played used you How to get over someone who cheated and lied and used and played you? (5 Steps)

Step 1: Figure out why your partner cheated and lied to you

This is probably one of, if not the most important step of getting over someone who cheated and lied.

First things first. You need to go deep inside yourself.

Why did they cheat on you? What made them do it? 

What were their intentions behind doing that act of betrayal on you so horribly cold-heartedly?

If you can truly understand their reasons behind it, then perhaps, just perhaps there is still hope for you two to work things out so do give it some serious thought on his or her behalf.

So, how can you do that?

Here is the solution: Sit down with your partner in a peaceful place where you two can be alone. Say something like, Can we please talk? or I need you to explain why you did what you did.

Now once they start explaining their reasons, make sure you keep an open mind and pay attention to what they are saying. Don’t try to interrupt them when they are talking or thinking about something else.

Wait for them to finish before jumping in with your own opinion on it all.

Remember, there’s no point getting angry at them or fighting back during that time because there’s really nothing you’ll accomplish by doing so.

Just stay calm and collect yourself as much as possible until they’re done speaking. Try to make eye contact while they speak too if you can.

Recommended reading: Is it possible for someone to love you and still cheat on you?

If after listening to their side of things, you still don’t agree with whatever answer they gave, say something like Why do you feel that way? What happened that made you do that? 

Then listen some more until eventually through conversation, both of your questions have been answered completely without hesitation from either party.

It doesn’t matter if you still think what they did was wrong or even how cruel it was.

Because right now what matters is just figuring out why your partner thinks/feels in a certain way so when you understand them, it will be much easier for you to move on in terms of forgiveness.

So give it a try by asking them lots of questions in order to open up an honest dialogue between each other.

Step 2: Accept responsibility for your part in what happened

Another thing you need to do is take full responsibility for your own actions. The one thing I see so many people do is blame their partner for what happened when in reality they should be looking at themselves instead. 

Here’s an example. A man (let’s call him Steve) might cheat on his girlfriend (Rosie) because she hasn’t paid enough attention to him or hasn’t given him enough time recently or hasn’t bought him nice things.

You see? He blames all of these things on Rosie even though it has nothing really to do with her because, in reality, he cheated on her because he couldn’t control himself anymore and wanted someone else more than he wanted Rosie at that moment.

Although, this is not always the case but just one of the possibilities that could cause your partner to cheat on you. So there might be a few more reasons why they did it than just what I said here.

The key thing that’s important here though is that no matter what, Steve has done something wrong too and he must admit that he wasn’t completely innocent in his relationship with Rosie before she will be able to forgive him for cheating on her.

He needs to understand how he hurt her as well by doing what he did.

Remember someone cheating on you doesn’t reflect who you are, no matter whether you give attention to your partner or not.

If he or she really loved you they won’t even dare think of lying, cheating, or playing with your feelings in the first place.

Their actions represent their own character or even just having too much fun in a relationship that they want to play around with other people.

Even though it’s not your fault that your partner did what he or she did in any way, you have still done something wrong.

Because you allowed them to do so much wrong by letting them treat you badly when they should’ve appreciated you more than anyone else.

So if they wanted attention but weren’t getting enough from you then why would they be satisfied with someone else when all they are trying to do is fill an emptiness inside themselves with another person when it should be filled with love for only one special person like you instead.

So, my point here is just to be cautious when choosing people and trusting people. Hope you would keep this in mind for the sake of your peaceful future.

Step 3: Cut them off from your life or forgive them

So, now that you have admitted both of your faults in what happened between you two, it’s time for you to make a decision on whether or not you are going to be with him/her again. Whether you are ready for forgiveness at all.

If there is still some kind of love left in you for him/her after everything has been said and done then by all means try again because nobody deserves hurt feelings in a relationship if possible, but before doing so please ask yourself these questions first.

If there is no love left anymore then why would he/she want back into your life if he/she was an irresponsible jerk before? That’s simply wasting time on something that won’t lead anywhere.

So how can you decide whether to cut them off from your life or forgive them?

Here is the solution: You make a list of everything you like about them as a person on one side and on the other side make a list of everything you don’t like.

Like if they’re very honest but too unpredictable. Or maybe they’re kind-hearted but irresponsible. Etc. If there are more things that you like about them, then there are things that you don’t.

The chances are that it might be worth giving them another chance because they obviously have some good qualities in them.

Otherwise, you wouldn’t have ended up with him/her in the first place if they didn’t so let’s see what happens when he/she comes back into your life again.

Step 4: Giving them another chance

So, what would you do if they come back to you after all of these mistakes that they’ve made or maybe even really didn’t make any mistakes in your relationship like you thought he/she did. 

What would you do if they apologized for cheating on you and lying about something serious when it wasn’t actually their fault at all? I mean, we’re just assuming here that he/she wasn’t responsible for everything in your relationship.

If so, what kind of decision will you make in your future with him/her now that he/she has come back into your life again after already making so many mistakes towards their partner in a past relationship before even knowing each other personally.

Here I am not suggesting you give them another chance. But, consider it only if you both have faults.

However, if he/she cheated and lied to you then listen to your intuition and do what’s best for your future.  

My suggestion is if your partner is completely toxic, narcist, abusive, and causing you so much emotional and psychological trauma.

Then it’s best to remove them from your life without a second thought just to save your soul.

Recommended reading for you: How to get over someone you never dated? (guide)

Step 5: Move on

After all of those questions have been answered between you two, it’s time for you both to move on. You need a fresh start without any regrets or bad feelings towards each other.

It’s very important that you know what you want from a relationship so that your next one can be better than ever if possible.

Make sure that he/she doesn’t leave his/her past behind as soon as he/she comes back into your life again or else he/she will just do it again.

Because trust isn’t there anymore even if they’re taking it slow with you now until everything has been figured out which means they could also break up with you later on in a relationship.

That shows they didn’t realize their mistakes before hurting their partner again if not careful.

Final thoughts:

My final thoughts on how to get over someone who cheated and lied to you –  If you’re trying to get over your partner for cheating and lying then give him/her another chance if possible or move on right away with your life.

However, if they are completely toxic, abusive, narcissistic, etc. Then remove them from your life without a second thought because it’s not healthy for anyone.

Move on with your life without any regrets because it will make you stronger in relationships in the future if possible. Good luck.

Related resources: How to get over someone you love deeply (50 Tips)

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Experienced Psychology and philosophy Writer, self-help and relationship Coach and thought influencer. He has 7 years of experience in Personal development industry. His expertise as a self-help and relationship Coach has been highlighted through his articles in medium and substack to name a few. To be updated with his latest work, connect with him by following his social media accounts.

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