We often entertain negative thoughts about people we care about i.e. friends, family members etc. We tend to think what if they do this or that in future?
Obsessive thoughts about a person could be due to several reasons. One could be that you may really like the person. Another reason could be that you might have some unresolved issues with them.
Thoughts about someone to a certain extent are normal and we all have our fair share. However has there been a time when you found yourself thinking about this person all the time?
Also read: Why can’t I stop thinking about someone?
Have you gone over every little detail that you can remember with regards to any interaction that you had with them?
If so, then chances are that you might be experiencing obsessive thoughts about someone you love or have a crush on.
You need to know ways to deal with and overcome this condition. In this guide let’s discuss various ways to stop obsessive thinking about someone.
How to stop obsessive thoughts about a person?
How to stop obsessive thoughts about a person? The best way to stop obsessive thoughts about someone is to try and deal with their underlying causes. You have to understand what is triggering them.
Obsessive thinking is when a person fixates on something, often excessively. Most people with this type of thinking have an obsession with a certain topic that they find themselves unable to control.
These thoughts tend to be repetitive and they can be considered harmful to the mind.
You can work on your self-esteem, or you can find ways of dealing with uncomfortable feelings (such as depression) and stressful situations that contribute to these unwanted mental intrusions.
In other words, give your mind the peace and quiet it needs to stay calm and relaxed.
Obsessive thinking is a common and debilitating mental disorder.
Feelings of worry and uncertainty affect many people who have suffered trauma in their life or may have other underlying mental problems, involving anxiety about being abandoned.
If you are being affected by obsessive thoughts, you should seek help from a professional psychologist to analyze your condition and determine the right steps to take in overcoming them.
When you obsess over a person, it’s likely because of insecurities you have about yourself. Take a moment to explore your values, ambitions and fears.
What do you really want out of a relationship? Set specific goals that will require action on your part rather than just focusing on the other person or feeling jealous.
It takes practice to learn how to control your thoughts. But you can do it, and the rewards can be great for you.
Of course, if you’re obsessive about someone else, work on that by yourself. If it involves another person, the best thing to do is talk with them about it.
If you’re not in a relationship, use one of the tips below on how to stop obsessive thinking about someone. Again, know that this is temporary. Some things just aren’t meant to be.
So how do we begin breaking free from these negative thought patterns and getting our heads back on straight?
15 Tips on how to stop obsessive thinking about someone
1. Develop self-awareness:
For many people with obsessive tendencies, watching ourselves continue down a path toward destructive behavior can help us figure out ways to shift our focus away from those negative ideas and onto healthier ones.
In order to achieve self-awareness, though, you must first take stock of your emotions: why are you really feeling angry/jealous/afraid?
That’s right – identify exactly why YOU’RE having these feelings rather than just assigning them away as I’m jealous or I’m lonely, etc.
Once you get clear on where these emotions actually come from (think: Is it because my boyfriend flirting with another girl at work?), then go ahead and deal with those issues directly instead of sticking with harmful reactions like jealousy tantrums or silent treatment.
2. Have a dose of self-love:
This is not just some silly, love yourself – do you have any idea how many people have said that phrase in passing without really taking it to heart?
It’s easy for those of us who struggle with attachment issues to lose sight of ourselves as individuals, using our relationships with others as a crutch.
But if you’re unable to enjoy being alone or like yourself completely separate from anyone else, finding your own happiness is going to be an uphill battle at best.
So next time you find yourself feeling depressed or anxious because your partner has yet again been noncommittal (or worse), try making plans for some low-key fun instead of putting off happiness until they’re ready for it too.
3. Develop a new, healthier pattern of attachment:
If you know that you tend to over-worry or are overly clingy in relationships, it’s important to put a plan into place beforehand so that you don’t find yourself struggling to recover from unhealthy patterns once your relationship is established.
This means looking at your relationship before you start it – for example, saying things like I won’t allow myself to start worrying if my partner does not text me within a reasonable amount of time or I will focus on being independent and confident if we break up.
As time goes on, continue checking in with yourself (or working with a professional counselor) regarding your progress so that when relationships end up not working out, you have no trouble extricating yourself from unhealthy behaviors.
4. Seek connection that doesn’t involve people:
If you find yourself falling into unhealthy attachment behaviors as a result of your anxieties, it may be time to take a step back from relationships altogether.
This isn’t always an easy decision, but many people with anxiety disorders have found that they’re simply not capable of dealing with romantic connections until they’ve dealt with their own issues first – which is fine.
An individual who’s just learning how to cope with anxiety may find it easier to focus on enjoying time with friends or family instead of trying to navigate dating or romantic relationships; if you choose that route, don’t beat yourself up for it.
After all, we’re all different and some people need extra time before finding themselves ready for emotionally-committed relationships again.
5. Look for positive reflections instead of seeking approval:
Getting approval from others is one of those things that we all need in order to feel happy, but it’s really easy for people with attachment issues to take that need too far.
If you find yourself getting upset when your partner doesn’t respond right away or worrying incessantly when they don’t want to talk on the phone while they’re out running errands.
Try swapping out approval-seeking behaviors for something else – like a reward system or looking inwards at how you feel about your relationship instead of focusing on how your partner feels.
The change might seem strange at first, but after a while, you might find yourself feeling more confident in your love without worrying over whether it’s okay all of the time.
6. Take a step back from attachment issues as a whole:
If you find yourself in a constant struggle with your attachment issues, it might be time to take a step back from romance entirely until you’ve learned how to deal with your emotions in healthier ways.
This isn’t something that everyone needs or wants, but it’s definitely something worth considering if you’re struggling tremendously with these feelings.
There’s nothing wrong with choosing not to date for an extended period of time.
Many people choose not to date for at least part of their late teens and early twenties, relying on close friends instead of romantic partners for connection until they’re ready to try again – or at least know how they feel about themselves when not in a relationship.
7. Practice dealing with your negative emotions in healthier ways:
If you tend to lean on other people for support when you’re feeling down, there are lots of healthier ways that you can handle yourself instead.
For example, learning how to talk back to negative self-talk is a fantastic way to boost your mood, no matter how you feel – as is trying out mindfulness techniques or going on a walk by yourself whenever things aren’t going your way.
The more that you practice being kinder and more supportive towards yourself (and not expecting others to be it all), the easier it’ll be for you to handle issues with confidence – regardless of whether they’re romantic or not.
8. Remember that romance is just one aspect of life:
If you tend to let yourself feel anxious over your relationship(s), it might be time to start reminding yourself that there’s more to life than what goes on between two people.
One great way to accomplish that is by reconnecting with old friends or developing new hobbies – whether it’s learning how a play an instrument, reading a new book every month or taking up sewing.
If you find something outside of relationships that makes you feel great, try focusing on doing more of it instead of worrying all the time.
There are so many amazing things in life besides finding the one; make sure that you’re exploring them.
9. Remind yourself that you’re worth more than what your dating status is:
One of our biggest needs as human beings is feeling loved, but sometimes it can be tough for people with attachment issues to feel good about themselves if they’re in a relationship where they don’t feel cared for all of the time – or are in a relationship where they’re treated poorly most of the time.
In cases like these, it’s important not to rely on your romantic partner for self-esteem; remind yourself that you deserve so much better and that no one should make you feel bad – whether or not they’re part of your life at all.
You should always do what makes you happy first before worrying over other people, no matter how close you are to them!
10. Spend time with people who make you feel good:
On a similar note, it’s important not to hang out with other people when they don’t treat you well; don’t be afraid to walk away from friendships if they’re making you feel worse instead of better.
As much as you might love hanging out with your friends, if they’re constantly putting you down or using their words as weapons against you, it’s best to leave them behind until they’ve changed their ways – or at least realize that their behavior is affecting you negatively.
Some of your friends will stick by your side no matter what happens, but others won’t be so loyal.
Make sure that those who stick around aren’t adding unnecessary drama into your life by being critical of how well things are going for you.
11. Do activities that don’t require you to rely on a romantic partner:
It’s also important not to let your relationship(s) define who you are as a person – especially if it’s going well.
If you’re content in your life and feel like you’ve got everything that you need, do yourself a favor by stepping back from relationships for a while; focus on cultivating other aspects of yourself instead of worrying over love so much all the time.
Whether it’s pursuing hobbies or focusing on work, make sure that there are some things in your life where dating isn’t making or breaking how happy you feel overall.
12. Give yourself enough space and alone time to recharge your energy:
One thing that helps people with attachment issues is understanding that it’s okay for them to have their own space – especially if they’ve been feeling smothered or restricted by their romantic partner.
It’s easy for a relationship to feel less like an equal partnership and more like a trap when both parties are too attached – so make sure that you give yourself plenty of alone time, even if you don’t want it all the time.
The easiest way to do so is by setting aside some hours of your day as alone hours, where you’re not going anywhere near your phone or computer (except maybe at work); during these times, spend as much time doing whatever makes you happy as possible!
13. Leave your significant other if things don’t get better:
If you’re trying to figure out how to get over a breakup, you may be worried that ending it might be too much of a risk – but make sure that you know when enough is enough.
No matter how much you love or care for someone, if they don’t treat you with respect or consistently keep you feeling down, it’s okay to call it quits.
If they’re unwilling to change their ways even after talking things through with them and giving them time to work on themselves, your relationship isn’t fair in your eyes.
Breakups are never easy, but if your relationship is based on unhappiness rather than happiness, take steps toward separating from your significant other instead of continuing a toxic relationship.
14. Approach your relationship with more open-mindedness:
Remember that change is possible; if you’re looking to get over a breakup, there’s no reason why you shouldn’t be able to do so with practice.
Some of these tips may work better for some people than others – but remember that there are as many ways out of a bad relationship as there are good ones, as long as both parties want it.
So approach things positively and calmly, rather than negatively – and never think for a second that being attached or enmeshed in an unhealthy relationship is somehow your fault or that you aren’t worthy of love.
15. Seek professional health and heal yourself through a holistic approach:
There’s a reason why people see counselors or psychologists, as well as alternative healers and energy healers, after suffering a breakup.
If you’re feeling like your life just isn’t how it should be, perhaps it’s time to reach out for support.
Sometimes dealing with attachment issues is best handled with professional help – not just by reading how-to guides on self-care and recovery.
If you’d like to speak with a counselor before taking steps towards physical separation from your partner, don’t be afraid of reaching out.
And remember that there are plenty of options when looking for one; ask friends for recommendations or look up therapists in your area based on what you need help with.
Obsessive thoughts about someone can be hard to deal with, but by following the above-mentioned steps it is possible to minimize them.
By gaining a better handle on your thought process, you can improve the quality of your life in no time.
You might find it helpful if your loved ones are supportive during that process so they can help remind you of your strengths while also validating how difficult breakups can be.
A professional psychotherapist or counselor who specializes in interpersonal relationships can also offer insight into more effective ways of dealing with intense negative emotions, such as anxiety and depression, which could get in the way of moving on after a breakup.
One thing that you need to understand when breaking up is that there are resources available as well as many books on coping strategies.
People who are going through a divorce, breakup, or even losing a loved one should never feel alone or like they’re suffering alone in silence.