If you can’t stop thinking about someone are they thinking about you?

By: Naveen B

Have you ever come across a situation where you can’t stop thinking about someone? It doesn’t matter even if you just met them.

If you find yourself constantly thinking about someone in a romantic way obsessively and the feeling doesn’t seem to go away, you might hope that this person is having similar feelings about you.

Accounts of infatuation often involve thoughts of the other person, loss of sleep, and preoccupation with the thought that “they are perfect for me”

It is common knowledge that based on a psychological fact when you think about someone a lot, it means they were thinking of you first.

Although the rules of attraction are understood, there haven’t been many studies to fully explain this phenomenon.

We know the feeling when your stomach flips or your heart skips a beat when you see that certain person, or hear their voice, and we also know how elated it feels when we receive a message or call from them.

Also read: Psychological facts about thinking of someone.

It’s easy to get caught up in the what-ifs and fantasies of your imagination if you can’t stop thinking about someone are they thinking about you? And come to your own conclusion, when you think about someone a lot, it means they were thinking about you first.

Feelings such as these are important and should not be taken lightly. You could easily waste your free time by constantly thinking about the person.

If you’re curious if they are thinking about you or realize how much time you are spending on them.

Let’s discuss this in more detail in a constructive way based on psychological research including Spiritual, philosophical and my personal insights:


If you can’t stop thinking about someone are they thinking about you?

Unfortunately, there’s no scientific evidence to suggest that if you can’t stop thinking about someone, they must be thinking about you too. This idea, despite its romantic appeal, comes more from emotional attachment and wishful thinking than scientific fact. It’s more a product of our own desires and mental processes than a literal connection with another person’s mind.

Here’s why:

Thoughts are independent:

Our thoughts and emotions are internal processes generated by our own brains. And who we think about can be influenced by various factors like recent interactions, emotions, memories, and even random triggers. While there can be some mirroring or synchronization in communication, we have no direct connection to other people’s minds.

Cognitive biases:

Our thoughts and emotions are often influenced by biases, leading us to interpret events and situations in ways that confirm our existing beliefs. This can make us believe someone is thinking about us when they’re not, simply because it fits with our internal narrative.

Focus influences thoughts:

We tend to think more about things that are important to us or that hold our attention. So, if you’re fixated on someone, it’s natural to have them on your mind frequently, regardless of what they’re thinking.

Confirmation bias:

If you believe in the “thinking of you” concept, you’ll be more likely to interpret coincidental events or ambiguous signals as proof that the other person is thinking about you, even if they have no actual connection.

When we’re already focused on someone, we tend to interpret ambiguous situations as confirmation of our thoughts. For example, seeing their name mentioned somewhere or catching a glimpse of someone who resembles them might feel like a sign, even if it’s purely coincidental.

Emotional state:

Our emotions can also play a role. If you’re feeling strong emotions like love, attraction, or even anger towards someone, it’s natural to think about them more often. However, this doesn’t necessarily mean they’re reciprocating those feelings.

Mental health:

In some cases, intrusive thoughts about someone can be a symptom of an underlying mental health condition like anxiety or obsessive-compulsive disorder. If these thoughts are causing distress or interfering with your daily life, it’s important to seek professional help.

However, research does show that:

Shared experiences strengthen connections:

When people have shared experiences, their brains can become more synchronized, leading to a feeling of “being on the same wavelength.” This can create a sense of connection, even if it doesn’t necessarily mean the other person is thinking about you specifically.

Communication builds bonds:

Open and honest communication can foster understanding and connection between people. If you’re curious about someone’s thoughts or feelings, the best approach is to talk to them directly, rather than relying on wishful thinking.

Spiritual, Psychological, Philosophical and research Based insights and perspectives


Some spiritual traditions believe in energetic connections or shared consciousness, where thoughts and emotions can extend beyond the physical and travel between individuals.

In this perspective, it’s possible that your intense focus on someone might create a connection, causing them to think about you in some way. However, this is purely anecdotal and lacks scientific evidence.

  • Telepathy and interconnectedness: Some spiritual beliefs suggest a deep connection between individuals on an energetic or soul level. This could lead to the phenomenon of “mirrored thoughts,” where thoughts and emotions can be shared across connected minds. However, this remains unproven and subjective.
  • Intuition and gut feelings: Some believe intuition can pick up on subtle cues and energies, potentially hinting at someone thinking about you. However, these feelings can be influenced by various factors and don’t offer concrete evidence.


From a psychological standpoint, our thoughts and emotions are influenced by various factors, including our own experiences, desires, and biases. When we’re deeply invested in someone, whether romantically, platonically, or even negatively, our thoughts naturally gravitate towards them.

This can lead to a feeling of them being constantly on our mind, even if they’re not reciprocating the same level of attention.

  • Projection and wishful thinking: We often project our own thoughts and desires onto others, especially when we strongly think about them. This can lead to the false belief that they must be thinking about us too, even if it’s not true.
  • Obsession and intrusive thoughts: When fixated on someone, our thoughts can become intrusive and persistent, creating the illusion that they’re constantly on our minds and vice versa. This can be a symptom of anxiety or other mental health conditions.
  • Memory and association: Triggers like shared memories, locations, or experiences can unexpectedly bring someone to mind, even if they haven’t actively thought about you.


Philosophers have long pondered the nature of consciousness and the mind-body problem. Some believe our minds are independent entities capable of influencing each other through thought alone.

Others argue that thoughts and emotions are merely products of the physical brain and have no inherent power to reach beyond the individual. Ultimately, the question of whether someone’s thoughts can “reach” you remains a philosophical debate.

  • The problem of other minds: The philosopher Thomas Nagel famously argued that we can never truly know what it’s like to be someone else, including their thoughts and feelings. This makes it impossible to definitively know if someone is thinking about us based solely on our own experience.
  • Interconnectedness and shared reality: Some philosophers argue that we are all part of a larger interconnected reality, where thoughts and emotions can influence one another in subtle ways. This could potentially explain a feeling of being linked to someone even if they haven’t consciously thought about you.


While research doesn’t offer a definitive answer, it has explored the potential connections between minds. Studies on emotional contagion suggest that our emotions can be influenced by those around us, even unconsciously. Other research has investigated the possibility of telepathic communication, but findings remain inconclusive.

  • Limited evidence: While some research explores telepathy and mind-to-mind communication, the evidence remains inconclusive and often subject to methodological limitations. There’s no scientific consensus on whether our thoughts can directly influence others’ minds.
  • Correlation vs. causation: Just because you think about someone often doesn’t mean they’re thinking about you. There could be entirely different reasons for their thoughts and actions.

Ultimately, whether someone is thinking about you just because you can’t stop thinking about them remains a mystery. It’s important to be aware of the various factors that can influence our thoughts and feelings, and to avoid jumping to conclusions based solely on our own internal experience.

If your constant thoughts about someone are causing you distress or interfering with your daily life, it might be helpful to talk to a therapist or counselor. They can help you explore the underlying reasons for your thoughts and develop healthy coping mechanisms.

Also read: 20 Psychological tricks to get someone to like you

What does it mean when you can’t stop thinking about someone?

What does it mean when you cant stop thinking about someone 1 If you can't stop thinking about someone are they thinking about you?

What does it mean when you can’t get someone off your mind?

According to psychology, when you can’t stop thinking about someone – if the nature of your obsession is constantly thinking about the person you love or are intimately related to, then it means that you are dealing with attachment anxiety, loneliness, self-esteem, need to belong and heightened sensitivity to social cues of rejection.

According to new research, love isn’t defined as a single emotion as before, but rather as a mix of fast-moving feelings that have different meanings depending on the individual’s experiences and personality.

Recently, neuroscientists have concentrated their research on its neural bases in an attempt to determine how various emotions combine to form love. 

They found that romantic love activates specific brain regions, some of which are also activated during sexual arousal and in the reward system.

It simply means then your thoughts and emotions are more intense to the person you are deeply attached to or in love with. But less intense to your friends, acquaintances, and family.

Also read: 20+ Psychological facts about crushes and falling in love

If someone is on your mind are you on theirs: psychology


In reality, someone who is emotionally attached to you is often thinking about you, too. In fact, they may be thinking about you constantly but only if your feelings are mutual and you shared a deep relationship before.

So, when someone can’t stop thinking about you, it’s a sign that they are interested in you and also you are on their mind all the time.

Also read: How to not get attached to people? (Complete Guide)

Why You Can’t Stop Thinking About Someone?


In psychology, the process of thinking about a person is called “cognitive drifting.” It entails thinking about a person for a prolonged period of time, say, an hour. During this time, thoughts usually revolve around how the person looks and acts.

Mind drifting (or mental wandering, wandering mind, daydreaming, etc.) is a cognitive phenomenon in the brain wherein one’s attention becomes distracted from the task at hand and strays into unrelated thoughts

Cognitive drifting is related to daydreaming, though daydreaming involves thinking about a person only in brief moments.

It is also referred to as “mental time travel,” because it involves thinking about a person in the past or future. This is the reason why you can’t stop thinking about someone.

Here are some signs why you can’t stop thinking about someone:

  • Frequent dreams about them 
  • Experiencing goosebumps or chills
  • Sudden, unexplained shifts in your emotions
  • Random memories of them popping into your mind

Also read: How to stop obsessive thoughts about a person?

Why do I keep thinking about someone from my past?


Researchers have found that cognitive drifting is more prevalent among people who have developed emotional attachments to people, and who tend to have stronger memories of people. 

For example, psychologists have found that people who have experienced trauma are more likely to drift toward memories of traumatic events.

These researchers also found that people who drift toward memories of a person’s past are likely to behave very intensely and this can help strengthen emotional bonds.

People also tend to keep thinking of people they admire, because it helps them feel closer to that person.

For instance, thinking about your crush or favorite role model can trigger mind wandering because it makes the admired person seem almost perfect one ever existed.

Also read: What does it mean when you can’t stop thinking about someone? (7 Psychological terms and tips to stop obsessive thinking)

So, you keep thinking about someone from your past because 

1. The person you keep thinking about either caused you extreme trauma in the past or created extreme joy in your life.

2. You are not thinking about the person but you are missing those moments you had spent with him/her.

3. You keep thinking about that person because you are emotionally attached and so far you haven’t found any better person than him/her. 

4. You have a fear of connecting with new people that’s the reason you keep thinking about some from the past and want to seek your past relationship because you are familiar and feel comfortable with that person.

Here are some more factors and reasons that might make you think more about someone:

Strong emotions: If you have strong feelings for someone, positive or negative, you’re more likely to think about them frequently.

Recent interactions: If you recently interacted with someone, it’s natural to think about them more.

Unresolved issues: Unresolved issues with someone can keep them on your mind.

Also read: Why can’t I stop thinking about someone? (According to psychology)

What does it mean when you can’t stop thinking about someone you barely know?

What does it mean when you cant stop thinking about someone you barely know If you can't stop thinking about someone are they thinking about you?

Cognitive drifting can also happen among people who don’t know the person they’re drawn toward, but who share similar traits with the drifting person. 

For example, consider people who have had romantic relationships with each other in the past, or people who have worked together on projects.

Psychology Professor Dr. Julianne Holt-Lunstad conducted a study asking subjects to think of someone they were attracted to.

Then, she measured brain activity using functional magnetic resonance imaging (FMRI) to see if those subjects’ brains responded to the object of their affection.

What she found was that, as subjects were thinking about the object of their affection, their heart rates spiked. The brain’s response to the object was so strong that Holt-Lunstad was able to detect the heart activity.

Holt-Lunstad wasn’t surprised. Research indicates that our biological responses are triggered when we think about something, no matter what it is. The desire we feel for someone is biologically based.

Of course, there’s always the possibility that the person you’re talking to doesn’t think about you at all.

He or she might be caught up in the moment and unable to focus on you. There could also be another explanation for her behavior.

Even if you can’t stop thinking about someone, it doesn’t necessarily mean that he or she thinks about you.

For the vast majority of people, thinking about people is a way of making social connections — it’s how we make friendships. That’s why people do think a lot about their friends or close relationships.

When someone is heavily on your mind?

When someone is heavily on your mind If you can't stop thinking about someone are they thinking about you?

Someone is heavily on your mind when you are so preoccupied with another person. Sometimes you don’t even recognize it as the mind wandering happens subconsciously because of your unhealthy attachment style.

In another survey, when Dr. Farley offered 7,000 people an online test, he discovered that about 7 percent were preoccupied with another person and unable to think about anything else.

These people had low confidence in their ability to think about anything else,” he says. “They said, ‘Even if I don’t think about you, I think about you all the time.’”

That kind of obsession is relatively rare, but it happens. “It’s also possible for someone who’s obsessed with you to have thoughts about you that aren’t positive,” Dr. Farley says. “For example, he or she may think, ‘I hope she doesn’t think of me like that!’”

Of course, there are all kinds of ways to think about someone, even if you can’t stop thinking about them.

Maybe the person reminds you of someone you used to be close to, or maybe you’re motivated by their bad qualities.

“You can think about someone in many different ways,” Dr. Farley says. “How you think about someone has a lot to do with the type of relationship you have.”

So, the question is, if they’re thinking about you, are they thinking about you romantically?

Not necessarily. Opposites do attract, but most of us are far more attracted to those who are similar to us than we are to people who are wildly different.

This may be because our brains seek comfort and familiarity. Given that, it makes perfect sense that if my brain is thinking about someone romantically, it’s going to seek to identify that person as similar to me. And I’ve got plenty of built-in cues for how to do this.

For example, if we like someone, we’ll spend time trying to understand how they think and process information. We pay attention to the details of their appearance, their speech, and the way they hold themselves. 

The similar cues we use when choosing a romantic partner are the same cues we use when choosing a friend, boss, or peer, so we tend to look for the same cues with romantic partners as well.

But just because someone is “like you” doesn’t mean they’re “your type.” Indeed, what makes someone attractive isn’t necessarily how similar they are to us but rather how dissimilar they are from the average man or woman. 

This may be why so many people are obsessed with finding their ‘soul mate.’

Dating someone with similar tastes and values to our own is comforting, but dating someone very different can make us feel like we have something to offer. And, as we all know, variety is the spice of life.

So if you’re having trouble finding someone who’s similar to you, try to expand your horizons.

Also read: How to stop being emotionally attached to someone?

Signs you can’t stop thinking about someone

Signs you cant stop thinking about someone If you can't stop thinking about someone are they thinking about you?

Yes, there is such a thing as thinking about someone too much. If you’re wondering if you suffer from this condition, here are some common signs:

When you’re obsessing over a person, it’s difficult to pay attention to other things. You might find yourself sitting on the edge of your seat when you talk to this person. You may have difficulty focusing on your work or school because your mind is filled with thoughts of them.

You might find yourself replaying the last time you saw this person in your mind over and over again.

Or maybe you keep going through conversations that you could have had with them or ways that you could have acted differently.

You may find yourself checking up on this person’s social media profiles several times each day, hoping for an update or new post by them.

You might feel an intense urge to know everything that they are doing and who they are spending their time with. This is especially true if they seem to be keeping their distance from you lately.

Also read: What is it called when you care too much about what others think?(10 tips on how to not care what people think)

What to do when you can’t stop thinking about someone?

What to do when you cant stop thinking about someone If you can't stop thinking about someone are they thinking about you?

Don’t assume that when you think about someone a lot, it means they were thinking about you first. If you can’t stop thinking about someone, it doesn’t always mean they are also thinking about you.

As per a study, there is no evidence that imagining oneself in another person’s shoes increases one’s ability to understand another’s thoughts.

In a series of experiments, researchers determined that putting oneself in another’s shoes did not help a person understand how the other feels more accurately.

In fact, perspective-taking decreased accuracy overall while occasionally increasing confidence in judgment.

When we imagine another person’s perspective, we might feel like we’re making better judgments. However, this does not directly improve our ability to recognize how someone feels or thinks.

The results did not differ based on gender. It is very difficult for most men and women to put themselves in another’s shoes when trying to guess their perspective.

Even when their insights were incorrect, they kept a sense of self-confidence in their predictions.

So, if you don’t know what to do if you can’t get someone out of your head, then my advice to you is, either stop thinking about someone constantly or bring courage to yourself and approach them by expressing your thoughts and feelings for them.

Only this way, you can bridge the gap between both of your interpretations and put an end to your anxiety.

Also read: When you feel a connection with someone do they feel it too?

How to stop thinking about someone?


If you’re struggling to stop thinking about someone, it’s important to focus on healthy coping mechanisms. Here are some tips:

Distract yourself: Engage in activities you enjoy to take your mind off the person.

Limit contact: If you can, try to avoid seeing or talking to the person.

Talk to someone you trust: Sharing your feelings with a friend or therapist can help you process them.

Practice mindfulness: Mindfulness exercises can help you become more aware of your thoughts and feelings without judgment.

Focus on yourself: Make time for self-care activities and prioritize your own well-being.

While there’s no magic link between your thoughts and another person’s, it’s important to acknowledge and address the emotions behind your constant thinking. Here are some tips:

Remember, your thoughts and emotions are valid, but they don’t necessarily reflect someone else’s reality. Focus on managing your own mental state and engaging in healthy coping mechanisms.

Here are some more helpful tips you need to do if you can’t stop thinking about someone.

1. Don’t assume, your thoughts are not actual facts. Keep that in mind always.

2. Talk to the person directly so that most of your assumptions will become clear. And you can have a better understanding of the true situation. 

If they have similar thoughts or feelings for you then plan for a series of dates to know each other better. Otherwise walk away from them permanently.

3. Divert your mind by focusing on the things you value and the people you care about. Especially take care of your body, mind, and health. Focus on your life and become better at your perspectives. 

So that similar-minded people eventually encounter in your life, if you keep improving yourself.

4. Be optimistic about the future. Just realize that time is a very crucial and limited resource anyone can have.

5. Take some help from your friends, family, or an expert to deal with the issues. If your thoughts are very obsessive and completely destructive then they will cause you serious mental health issues. 

Recognize your kind attachment very soon and receive some help from professionals. That way they will guide you to stop thinking about someone you can’t have.

Recommended reading for you: What does it mean when you can’t stop thinking about someone you barely know?

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Experienced Psychology and philosophy Writer, self-help and relationship Coach and thought influencer. He has 7 years of experience in Personal development industry. His expertise as a self-help and relationship Coach has been highlighted through his articles in medium and substack to name a few. To be updated with his latest work, connect with him by following his social media accounts.

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