15+ Psychological reasons why you can’t stop thinking about someone

We all have our own collection of life experiences and memories that helped shape us.

Sometimes, these experiences and memories are so ingrained in our minds that they cause a flashback or strong, emotional response.

They could be positive experiences, such as graduating from college or getting married. Or they could be negative experiences, such as the loss of a loved one or someone’s ill will.

 It’s a normal part of the human experience to obsess over someone for a period of time.

You may even find yourself can’t stop thinking about someone who isn’t necessarily good for you, and sometimes the object of your obsession isn’t even someone you know.

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What does it mean when you can’t stop thinking about someone?

What exactly is constantly thinking about someone mean? According to psychology, when you can’t stop thinking about someone it means that you are feeling a strong emotional attachment to that person.

The feeling varies from person to person. Sometimes, the thought is vague, and other times, it is strong.

The feeling is so powerful that it becomes almost an obsession and causes you to distract yourself from mundane things in your life. You feel so exhausted and want to give up everything in your life

Many psychologists say that it is a sign that there’s a serious problem if that attachment is unhealthy. It’s not good for your mental health and also affects your psychological behavior.

Furthermore, when you’re desperately trying to stop thinking about someone, it’s usually because there’s something special about that person and you don’t want to forget them.

Also read: If you can’t stop thinking about someone are they thinking about you?

You may be this person’s crush, girlfriend, or boyfriend. But you’ve probably experienced similar feelings when you’ve had a crush on someone, or when you had a crush on someone and they were not interested.

You love them, but you want their attention, and you want them to love you back. When you can’t stop thinking about someone, you sometimes feel impatient, like your heart is beating out of your chest, and you can feel nervous too.

You feel like you’re losing control, and you can’t wait to do something to show this person how much you love them. You wonder if your crush likes you back, and you feel nervous, anxious, and insecure.

Also read: What does it mean when you can’t stop thinking about someone? (7 Psychological terms and tips to stop obsessive thinking)

10 Psychological reasons why you can’t stop thinking about someone.

1. Attachment theory and emotional dependence:

Our early attachment experiences with caregivers shape how we form relationships in adulthood. Individuals with insecure attachment styles (anxious or avoidant) tend to be more preoccupied with their partners’ thoughts and feelings, leading to ruminating thoughts about someone they’re fixated on.

2. Cognitive salience and emotional intensity:

People who hold significant emotional weight in our lives, whether positive or negative, tend to occupy our thoughts more frequently. This is due to the brain assigning greater cognitive resources to processing information about these individuals.

3. Mirror neuron system:

This network of brain cells fires both when we perform an action and when we observe someone else performing the same action. Some research suggests this system might be involved in understanding and empathizing with others, potentially creating a feeling of “connection” when you and someone else think of each other. However, the role of mirror neurons in real-world social interactions remains complex and debated.

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4. Brainwave synchronization:

Studies have shown that couples in love exhibit synchronized brainwave activity during certain tasks. This suggests that when two people are deeply connected, their brain activity can become temporarily aligned, potentially creating a sense of mutual understanding and shared experience.

5. Correlation vs. causation:

Even if two individuals think about each other at similar times, it doesn’t necessarily mean one caused the other’s thoughts. Other factors, like shared experiences or environmental cues, could be influencing both minds simultaneously.

6. Projection and wishful thinking:

We often project our own thoughts and desires onto others, especially when we have strong emotions towards them. So, if you’re constantly thinking about someone, you might believe they’re also thinking about you, simply because you want them to be.

7. Individual differences:

People vary greatly in their thinking styles and emotional processing. Some individuals are naturally more introspective and ruminative, while others focus more on the external world. Therefore, the frequency and intensity of thoughts about someone may not translate directly to whether the other person reciprocates those thoughts.

People Also Read: When You Think of Someone Are They Thinking of You? As per psychology

Reasons why do I keep thinking about someone

Here are some more psychological factors and reasons why you keep thinking about someone:

1. Attraction

Attraction is an intense, strong, emotional feeling one experiences when around someone. Attraction usually occurs due to factors such as physical appearance, personality, or shared interests.

2. Attachment

Attachment, on the other hand, is a stronger emotional connection. It is more intense than attraction and is often a result of a long-term relationship or marriage. Attachment refers to a strong emotional bond formed between two or more individuals.

When you can’t stop thinking about someone due to attachment, it can mean that you are drawn to the person, or that you are drawn to them emotionally.

3. Need for emotional dependency

If you can’t stop thinking about someone because you’ve developed an attachment to them, it can mean that you have developed a very deep emotional bond with them.

4. Familiarity

Familiarity is a psychological reason you can’t stop thinking about someone. Familiarity refers to one’s comfort level with someone, and familiarity is a deeper sense of comfort.

If you’ve known someone for a long time or someone you barely know, but are still unable to stop thinking about them, it can mean that you are either feeling familiar with them or familiar with them.

Familiarity can be a result of spending time with someone, or it can simply be a general feeling towards someone.

Also read: How to stop obsessive thoughts about a person? (15 Tips)

5. Serious emotional or psychological problems (e.g., depression, low self-esteem, or emotional trauma)

If you have a habit of obsessing over someone, it could be a sign of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD).

We may think that obsessive thoughts, feelings, and behaviors about another person are signs of affection.

As such, they may be felt like a positive thing. However, obsessive thoughts, feelings, and behaviors may also be signs of anxiety and fear. 

The fear can be that the relationship won’t last. This can result in obsessive thoughts about the other person.

6. Deep desire or love

You desire someone or want something from them. When you can’t stop thinking about someone, it can indicate several different things.

Obviously, if there is a strong attraction, then you might think that you are in love with that person. However, there are other, more subconscious reasons as well.

The subconscious mind is a complex, mysterious, and very powerful place. It plays a huge role in relationships.

It governs many functions, such as breathing, heartbeat, and even our sexual desires.

Also read: How to stop thinking about someone who rejected you? (7 Tips)

7. Curiosity

Out of curiosity, you just want to know more about someone.

There is no emotional connection or attachment but if you are attracted to their intelligence and have a curious mind to know more about them and learn more about them personally. 

There are two reasons why people are curious about other people:

The first is a personal one: we want to be liked.

The second is a societal one: our curiosity helps us learn about others, and other people learn about us.

Most people are curious. And curiosity is infectious. It makes us wonder what other people think of us, and how others see us. And the more other people see us, the more likely we are to want to be like them.

This desire to connect and belong has practical benefits, too. Being around people who enjoy each other’s company can spread positivity, making everyone happier.

This desire to belong also allows us to find out about people’s quirks and foibles. Our curiosity helps us make friends, and helps us form strong bonds.

The flip side is also true: if we’re around people who aren’t as positive or fun to be around, then we’re likely to feel less positive about ourselves and our lives.

This can affect our self-esteem and bring us down. This is why you can’t stop thinking about someone.

8. You haven’t met the person yet

When you can’t stop thinking about someone, it may be that you haven’t met the person yet.

Dating someone online is very convenient, but you miss out on those crucial “first impressions.”

9. The person doesn’t feel the same way about you or has toxic behavior

If you met someone in person and felt the same way about them, you would have no problem thinking about them.

But if you didn’t, then sometimes you can’t stop thinking about someone.

Also, when you can’t stop thinking about someone, it could be that that person has an impact on the subconscious mind.

When we do things that are out of character for us, such as saying or doing something that we normally wouldn’t, or eating or drinking something we wouldn’t normally, this can have a range of effects.

For example, it could be that, at some point, you have had a negative experience with this person.

It could be that you felt pushed, or manipulated in some way, and subconsciously this has come back around and caused you not to think about them as much.

10. You aren’t exclusive with this person

When you’re in the early stages of a relationship, it’s natural to want to feel strong feelings for another person.

But if your feelings are only one-sided, it’s normal to start thinking about someone else.

Also read: What does it mean when you can’t stop thinking about someone you barely know?

Why you can’t stop thinking about someone?

In the short term, thinking about a person you like can make you happy, but in the long term, it can hurt your happiness.

Why you can’t stop thinking about someone? It’s a question that has probably crossed your mind more than once.

Perhaps you’re in a relationship with someone but can’t seem to stop thinking about someone else. Or, maybe you are single and can’t stop fantasizing about the love of your life.

You aren’t alone. Research has indicated that many people can’t stop thinking about someone they like, whether they’re in a relationship or not. 

And, while not everyone who thinks about someone they might be interested in romantically will eventually act on those feelings, research does suggest that thinking about someone you like can make you feel happier in the short term.

Also read: How to stop loving someone who doesn’t love you back? (14 ways)

However, the more time elapses, the less likely it is that the happiness you feel will endure.

To better understand why thinking about someone you like can make you feel happy, it’s important to understand how your brain works.

The human brain is a social organ. In fact, the brain’s prefrontal cortex — a part of the brain associated with complex social cognition — is twice as large as other primates’. This brain region evolved to help primates work together, fight, and reproduce.

Because the brain’s social nature evolved to help primates work together, it makes sense that thinking about someone you like can make you feel happy.

When thinking about someone you like, your brain fires up the reward system, which prompts feelings of pleasure and happiness.

Think about your best friend. Think about the last time you saw your best friend. Do you feel happy, or do you feel sad? Chances are you felt happy.

That’s because the brain tends to associate happy feelings with positive emotions, like seeing your best friend or spending time with someone you love.

This association between positive emotional reactions and seeing someone you like holds true even when you’re not interacting with the person you like.

Also read: Can you ever stop loving someone you truly loved?

Furthermore, the mind is a strange thing. It often works against itself.

And when it finds something it wants or needs, or when it perceives a threat, it fills in the gaps with beliefs — and these beliefs often become fixed over time.

The mind tends to fill gaps with beliefs, or “cognitive distortions,” when it’s faced with uncertainty, fear, or threat.

These distortions may be logical, but they’re also often irrational, and they’re hard to overcome.

For example, “all or nothing” thinking is a cognitive distortion. It means you view the world as a binary system, where you either succeed or you fail.

Or you either succeed or you fail as a person, or you either succeed in relationships or you fail in relationships.

All or nothing thinking can also prevent you from viewing things in a more “middle ground” way.

So, for example, if you’ve been in an argument with your significant other and you were both wrong, you might convince yourself that the relationship is over.

These consequences will affect your brain and that’s why you can’t stop thinking about someone.

Also read: How to stop overthinking?

7 reasons why you constantly thinking about someone.

You can’t stop thinking about someone because you really like that person, and you want to spend as much time with them as possible.

You can’t stop thinking about someone because you feel jealous and insecure. You can’t stand the thought of someone else being with this person and being happy.

You can’t get someone off of your mind because you want to be with that person so badly, and they don’t understand why this person wouldn’t want them in their life.

You can’t stop thinking about someone because you fear rejection, and you don’t want this person to be unhappy.

You can’t stop thinking about him/her because this person makes you happy, and you don’t want to lose that person.

You can’t stop thinking about them because you love that person, and you feel nervous and insecure if you lose that person.

You can’t stop thinking about him/her because they accepted you, understood you, and made you feel at home.

When you can’t stop thinking about someone: Psychology

In the majority of cases, you can’t stop thinking about someone when you fall in love with them and are emotionally attached to them.

That’s because you are strongly aroused by their presence and completely obsessed with their thoughts.

This is the moment when you decide that you like someone, and the person decides that they like you as well. According to psychologists, falling in love happens quickly, within a matter of minutes.

The reasons why this happens vary, but according to psychology, there are a few reasons why you can’t stop thinking about someone is:

• You are extremely attracted to them.

• You feel a connection with them.

• You are fascinated by them.

• You are drawn to their personality.

• You notice their good qualities.

• They notice your good qualities.

• You notice you share common goals, values, interests, passions, and dreams.

• You share similar life experiences.

Also, psychological research has found that our minds forge powerful associations between certain stimuli (e.g. a person’s face) and emotions (e.g. love, fear, or sadness) and that these associations stay with us long after the original experience has ended.

The human brain tends to treat faces and emotions similarly, and this can lead people to link certain faces or emotions together. 

For example, a face associated with fear or sadness may evoke memories of similar emotions. This means that some people may find themselves unable to stop thinking about a specific person.

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If you can’t stop thinking about someone, are they thinking about you?

This question is often hard to answer because thoughts are private. But research suggests that when you can’t stop thinking about someone, they think about you too.

This doesn’t mean that every time you think about someone they’re also thinking about you. 

Most often we all constantly think about someone all the time, and they think about other people only occasionally.

But it’s safe to say that thinking about someone — even just for a few seconds — means that person is thinking about you.

It’s just human nature. When people think about things, they also think about other people.

Also read: How to get someone to like you? (complete guide: 15 tips)

What to do when you can’t stop thinking about someone?

You may not be able to stop thinking about them. It’s possible, though, that you’re just reminding yourself of all the great things about them.

But what to do when you can’t stop thinking about someone? and How do you know if your obsessions are signs of anxiety or a sign that you’re in love with them?

You need to ask yourself some important questions. 

Here is the list of questions you need to ask yourself to get someone off your mind.

• Does your obsession involve constant thought? 
• Do you constantly check your phone or social media? 
• Is it difficult for you to stop thinking about them?

The more you ask yourself these questions, the more you will be able to discern whether your obsessions are a sign of anxiety or love.

Also read: Why does nobody like me romantically?(9 Reasons & 14 tips to deal with it)

How to stop thinking about someone?

When you can’t stop thinking about someone, it’s a sign that your feelings are very intense. Negative attraction is very powerful and can actually have detrimental effects on your life.

There are a number of reasons why you can’t stop thinking about someone, but it’s important to recognize when you’re obsessed and take steps to overcome your obsession.

Also read: How to get over someone faster: 7 Practical steps with 50 tips.

8 practical tips to stop thinking about someone.

Here are some ways that will help you, how to stop thinking about someone you like but can’t have.

1. Don’t make assumptions and communicate clearly your emotions.

If you’re talking to someone new, don’t assume anything. Nothing bad can come out of getting to know someone.

Just because someone isn’t ready to tell you much about themselves doesn’t mean you’re being led on.

You may think that the feelings you have for the person are too strong, and it’s best that you don’t give those feelings a chance to grow.

However, ignoring the feelings you have for someone is only going to cause more problems for both of you.

It’s time to face your feelings head-on. See if they’re interested in talking. If they aren’t, then leave them alone.

2. Separate your feelings from logic.

Feelings are subjective. So is logic. It’s natural to want the person you’re dating to be perfect.

But perfection doesn’t exist, and it’s unfair to expect someone to treat you perfectly. Just because someone isn’t perfect doesn’t mean they’re not right for you. 

Develop your intuition and see things from a rational point of view, instead of burning yourself with unserved emotions.

Then you will get clarity to make the right decisions.

3. Set boundaries or dissociate yourself from the person.

Don’t be afraid to walk away. Don’t trap yourself in a relationship because you’re afraid of being alone. (if possible) by imagining that they are not real.

Try to disassociate yourself from the person’s image or name, too.

4. Let go of the past.

It’s important not to dwell on the past. Instead, focus on the future and set goals for yourself.

Remember that the feelings you feel in thinking about this person aren’t real. You’re simply remembering a past relationship, not reliving it.

5. Pick an activity or do exercise.

Tell yourself that you’ll think about the relationship (and the person) again in the future; however, for now, you’re better off thinking about other things.

Instead of thinking about your ex, do something that distracts you. Call a friend, watch a funny TV show or write in a journal. do some 

Do something nice for yourself. Exercise and physical activity can distract your mind and bring on good feelings.

Plan a bubble bath, get a massage or get a manicure. After a breakup, people are often too preoccupied with the other person. You deserve to do something nice for yourself.

6. Forgive yourself and others.

Mental peace is important. Gather up any anger or resentment you have toward your ex and let it go.

It’s OK to be disappointed or hurt, but it’s healthier to decide to move on. Remember, you can’t change what happened.

Fill your mind with positive thoughts about someone else, and it’ll fade faster.

Try to think about pleasant or neutral things, rather than negative things.

You can also try changing your environment; for example, you could do some mindful activities such as meditation, and yoga. Or you could listen to music.

If you are interested in spirituality you can try praying, positive affirmations can also do wonderful things to you.

7. Avoid social media.

Try to avoid situations where you might be reminded of this person.

For example, avoid situations where the person might see you, and avoid social media where you’re likely to be reminded of the person.

8. Talk to someone you trust or a therapist.

If thinking about this person triggers strong negative emotions, Try talking to other people who you trust.

Talk to a friend or therapist about how you’re feeling. They will help you based on the current situation.

Also read: How to get over someone you never dated? (complete guide in 5 steps)