You need to ask yourself and your partner some tough questions about your relationship, especially if it’s been going on for a while.
The longer you’re with someone, the more likely it is that you get comfortable and stop challenging each other, which can lead to complacency.
If you don’t take the time to check in with each other and make sure everything is still working for both of you, then it might be time to consider whether or not this relationship is what you want.
The more you know about your partner, the better your relationship can be. And while some of us are more open books than others, there are some questions that we all need to ask ourselves at some point in our lives.
With this in mind, here are 20 tough relationship questions that can help you figure out if your relationship is good enough.
These types of questions can get pretty intimate quickly (and I mean really quickly), so make sure you handle them with understanding, patience, and maturity.
- Tough relationship questions
- 1. Am I satisfied in the relationship physically, emotionally, rationally, spiritually, and financially? Do I want to continue it?
- 2. What would be the worst thing that could happen if things didn't work out between us? Would it be worth risking everything over this person?
- 3. Can we resolve conflict calmly and maturely? Or do we just blow up at each other?
- 4. Do we want to buy a house together or are we renting? Are we saving for retirement together or separately?
- 5. How do we plan for our future finances?
- 6. What does it mean when you can't stop thinking about your partner when you both aren't together?
- 7. How long do I want this relationship to last?
- 8. What do I expect from my partner?
- 9. What happens when one person wants children and the other doesn't?
- 10. What happens if one person wants to move away from home and the other doesn’t want to leave their family behind?
- 11. Do you have any expectations about how long you'll stay together before making major decisions like marriage, kids, career, health, and wealth?
- 12. What do you think will happen if something goes wrong in your relationship — say, one of us gets sick or loses our job?
- 13. What if one of us cheats on the other or becomes abusive?
- 14. Do we have a plan for how we'll deal with financial instability or do we just hope everything works out okay somehow?
- 15. Why do we fight so much and what does it mean?
- 16. What about when we disagree on things like religion and politics?
- 17. How do we plan to raise our children? What values do we want them to have?
- 18. Do I believe they're going to change?
- 19. Do we really have chemistry? Or is it just infatuation?
- 20. Do we have enough in common? Do we want the same things in life?
Tough relationship questions
1. Am I satisfied in the relationship physically, emotionally, rationally, spiritually, and financially? Do I want to continue it?
This question is tough because it makes you really think about what you’re doing in the relationship.
If you don’t feel satisfied physically, emotionally, rationally, or spiritually then you may not be happy in this relationship.
It’s okay to not be happy sometimes but if these feelings are always present then there could be a problem with your relationship.
The last question is important as well because if you feel like your financial situation isn’t stable then it might be time for a change.
2. What would be the worst thing that could happen if things didn’t work out between us? Would it be worth risking everything over this person?
This is such a tough question to ask yourself because, at some point in every relationship, we all get hurt. And when we get hurt, there’s a common tendency to want revenge or retribution.
But sometimes what ends up happening is that we make decisions based on our emotions rather than logic and rationality. That’s why it’s so important to ask ourselves this question before taking any action.
Asking this question also forces you to think about what’s important and what isn’t. It can also help you realize why you want to be with someone, which can be useful in the long run.
Further, it helps you to put things into perspective. It can really help you to see whether or not this person is worth making sacrifices for.
If they are worth it, then you will know that you should give them a shot at being your boyfriend or girlfriend, or a life partner.
3. Can we resolve conflict calmly and maturely? Or do we just blow up at each other?
Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, but how we handle it says a lot about our character and compatibility as individuals.
Do we resolve issues calmly or do we let our emotions take over?
How does each of us respond when something upsets us
It’s important to consider these factors before taking that next step in your relationship.
4. Do we want to buy a house together or are we renting? Are we saving for retirement together or separately?
You need to decide how you want to handle the financial aspects of your relationship. If you’re not sure what you want, ask yourself these questions:
How much do we each contribute to our expenses every month?
Do we have separate accounts, or are all of our finances combined in one account?
Do we save for retirement individually, or do we contribute to a joint savings account?
You need to consider these questions because they will affect your life together and there’s no easy answer.
If you’re both still young and just starting out, it might not make sense to consider all your options and take some help from personal finance professionals.
5. How do we plan for our future finances?
You don’t want to be planning your future separately — that’s why having joint accounts is so important.
You need to decide how much money each of you should be contributing to your joint account each month and how much each of you should save separately for emergencies or other purposes like vacations and gifts for friends and family members (or even splurges).
6. What does it mean when you can’t stop thinking about your partner when you both aren’t together?
When in love, it can seem like spending time with each other is all you need for happiness. But what about when there are no romantic feelings?
Can both of you still enjoy being around each other even if there isn’t any s#xual attraction between the two of you anymore?
Can both of you still be friends even if the relationship ends?
If so, then this means that both of you care about each other enough to want them in your life even after the relationship ends.
7. How long do I want this relationship to last?
If your answer is “forever,” then great. But some people don’t know what they want from their relationships until after they’re in them for a while.
Be honest with yourself and your partner about what each of your expectations is in terms of commitment and length of time together.
8. What do I expect from my partner?
Do you want someone who can be completely spontaneous and adventurous — or someone who is more predictable?
Are there certain things that are deal breakers for you (e.g., smoking, drinking heavily)? Is there anything specific that makes a person more attractive to you than others (e.g., sense of humor)?
9. What happens when one person wants children and the other doesn’t?
This is one of the personal, but tough relationship questions to your girlfriend or boyfriend and can cause a lot of conflict in a relationship.
You need to consider what it would mean for both of you if one of you wanted children and the other didn’t.
It’s important to have a conversation about your feelings about having kids early on so that you don’t waste time together thinking that you might want children in the future.
10. What happens if one person wants to move away from home and the other doesn’t want to leave their family behind?
You need to think about how much time you will spend together when one of you moves away for work or school — this could be difficult if neither person is willing to compromise their career goals or lifestyle choices for the sake of their partner.
In addition, if neither party wants to move, they may end up resenting each other because they feel like they are being held back by someone they trusted.
11. Do you have any expectations about how long you’ll stay together before making major decisions like marriage, kids, career, health, and wealth?
How will you know when it’s time to make those decisions?
This is tough because there is no set rule for how long one should stay in a relationship before making such decisions.
Some people may want to know whether their partner is willing to commit to them after knowing them for only a short period of time, while others might feel that being with someone for years does not guarantee anything.
Sometimes, people get married after dating for just a few months.
As long as both parties are happy with the decision and consider the future consequences, it is okay to make such decisions right away.
12. What do you think will happen if something goes wrong in your relationship — say, one of us gets sick or loses our job?
If something goes wrong in our relationship (for example, one of us gets sick or loses his/her job), then we may need support from each other in order to overcome this problem together as a couple.
This question reveals how much support we can expect from our partner during difficult times and whether he/she will be there for us through thick and thin.
13. What if one of us cheats on the other or becomes abusive?
Cheating is never acceptable in any relationship, but I believe forgiveness is possible if both people are willing to work on themselves and make changes for the betterment of their relationship.
Abuse is not acceptable under any circumstance; if someone hits their partner or threatens them physically or emotionally then they need help immediately before things escalate further out of control.
14. Do we have a plan for how we’ll deal with financial instability or do we just hope everything works out okay somehow?
Money and relationships are a tricky combination. If you don’t have a plan for handling money, then things can quickly get out of hand.
The only way to fix this is to sit down and create a plan that addresses your current situation, as well as your future goals and dreams.
Money management is one of the most important issues to consider when thinking about potentially tying the knot.
If you’re not already on the same page about things like debt, savings, and retirement, now is the time to figure it out.
How will you handle big purchases?
What will your budget look like?
How much should you save for an emergency fund?
Will one person take care of all the bills while the other handles everything else?
15. Why do we fight so much and what does it mean?
Fighting is normal in any relationship — even in healthy ones. However, fighting too often or too intensely can be a sign that something deeper is going on beneath the surface.
Are your arguments about things that could be solved if you worked together toward an agreement or did you both come from families where arguments were used as weapons?
Can you both agree to stop arguing first before trying to solve any problems?
If not, maybe this isn’t the best time for marriage after all.
16. What about when we disagree on things like religion and politics?
There is a fine line between respecting each other’s opinions and being completely closed-minded when it comes to these topics.
If you disagree with each other on these matters, then sit down and talk about them.
You may not always agree with one another but at least you can respect each other enough not to argue every single time there’s an opinion difference.
If you’re able to respect each other’s perspectives while still having conversations where both sides are heard and respected, then this shouldn’t be much of an issue in your relationship.
But if one person always gets his or her way or if there’s no room for compromise, then this could become a problem over time.
It’s important to discuss these concerns before creating a major issue down the road.
17. How do we plan to raise our children? What values do we want them to have?
This is very important because these two things will shape the future of your relationship and your kids’ lives.
If one or both of you disagrees on basic principles like religion, education, or discipline, it’ll be hard for either one of you to give in on this issue without feeling like they’re compromising their beliefs or losing control over their child’s future.
If there are disagreements on these topics, try talking out your feelings before making any decisions together as a couple — especially if they involve finances or other major issues that may come up later on in life when your kids get older.
18. Do I believe they’re going to change?
When you’ve been with someone for a while, it’s easy to get into a routine and stop paying attention to their character.
This can lead to issues down the road when things really matter. If your partner has always been rude or mean, do they have the potential to change? Are they willing to change?
These are questions that need answers before you commit yourself fully.
19. Do we really have chemistry? Or is it just infatuation?
Infatuation can be exciting and intoxicating, but it’s not necessarily sustainable long-term.
You need to ask yourself if the way you feel right now will still be there once the excitement wears off (because it will). If not, then maybe this isn’t right for you after all.
20. Do we have enough in common? Do we want the same things in life?
This tough relationship question will help you determine if there will be any sort of conflict down the road. If you aren’t on the same page as your partner, then there will definitely be some issues down the road.
You want to make sure that both of you want similar things in life so that there won’t be any arguments about what each of you wants out of life and about your future together (or lack thereof).