85 Questions to ask before getting into a relationship

It’s easy to rush into things when you really like someone, but you should take some time to consider what you want from your relationship.

When it comes to navigating the treacherous waters of the dating scene, there’s no substitute for a little pre-relationship soul-searching.

And in the end, that’s what it’s all about: ensuring that your needs are met and maintaining balance so that you can be happy in your relationship.

I’ve compiled a few questions to ask before getting into a relationship if this person is right for you.

Also read: Checklist before getting into a relationship (healthy relationship checklist)

My suggestion: don’t make your answer to any one question the sole deciding factor. At the end of the day, love and relationships are a complex equation made up of several important factors beyond what’s just on paper.

Just keep in mind that these questions are meant to be guides and not rules set in stone. So, be realistic when considering your answers. And when making your decision to choose the right life partner, do plenty of gut-checking as well.

Let’s begin,

Here are some good questions to ask a guy or a girl before getting into a relationship:

Questions to ask before getting into a relationship

questions-to-ask-a-guy-or-girl-before-getting-into-a-relationship

1. What is your definition of a healthy relationship?

This is an important question that can help you understand how this person thinks about relationships and what is their definition of a healthy relationship.

For example, if they expect you to do everything for them without reciprocation, it’s going to be more difficult.

If the person expects your affections to be unconditional, that’s not a good sign.

If he or she thinks that love means spending every waking moment together, that’s not a good sign either.

And if they expect you to put them first at all times, that’s definitely not healthy behavior — nor is it something that should be tolerated in an adult relationship.

2. What do you expect from me?

In order for you both to be happy, you need to define what you expect from each other and from the relationship itself. You need to know what they want out of this relationship.

For example, if one partner wants children and the other doesn’t, they will have a hard time in their future together.

If one partner is super jealous and the other isn’t, there will be problems as well. Ask about their expectations and try to see if they match up.

3. What does kindness mean to you?

Kindness is the most important factor in any relationship, romantic or otherwise.

It doesn’t matter how smart someone is, how attractive they are, or how successful they are — if they’re not kind, you won’t be happy with them.

Kindness is not just about being nice and polite (although it certainly includes that!) It also means being compassionate, caring, and considerate of others’ feelings.

So if your partner isn’t kind, think twice before getting into a relationship with them.

4. Why do you want to be in a relationship?

If the person you’re dating answers this question with something like, “I’m tired of being alone,” or, “I want to have someone to spend my life with,” that’s cause for concern.

People who are already in relationships may be looking for companionship or to meet their physical needs.

But people who aren’t in relationships (and especially those who are single by choice) may be looking for something deeper than that.

5. What do you think about spending the rest of our lives together?

Living with someone your entire life isn’t exactly easy — especially when you’re young and just starting out.

But one thing that can make it easier is knowing that the person you live with has similar ideas about what constitutes a healthy relationship.

If your partner is willing to move in with you, then there’s no reason why things shouldn’t work out between the two of you.

However, if he or she has reservations about this step or simply wants more time to think about it, then maybe it’s best not to rush things.

Also read: Relationship Needs: Your guide to a list of wants and needs in a relationship

6. Can I trust you for sharing everything with you?

Trust is another crucial aspect of any relationship. Without trust, there can be no happiness or peace of mind in a relationship — even if everything else seems great.

Trust comes from knowing that your partner will treat you well and respect you as an equal human being who deserves to be treated with dignity and respect just like everyone else does.

If your partner does not show trustworthiness in their actions and words, then this is something you need to be aware of before entering into a relationship with them.

Because it could lead to disaster down the road if left unaddressed now when there is still time for a change.

7. What are your values?

The answers to this question can be very different depending on where you grew up or what kind of environment you were raised in.

For example, some people may not believe in any religion while others practice some form of faith every day.

Some people might feel strongly about politics while others don’t care at all. Talk about what matters most to each person as well as how each person’s family influences them today.

8. What is your definition of love?

In order to get a good idea of what kind of relationship you want, it’s important to know where your partner stands on the topic.

You need to know whether or not they believe in monogamy, how they feel about marriage and children, and if they think, a casual fling is only appropriate within those confines.

These are all things that will affect your future, so it’s best to have an open discussion about them before you get too serious.

9. How do you plan to handle differences in opinion?

It would be ideal if every couple agreed on everything, but this isn’t realistic or possibly most of the time.

You both need to have an idea of how you would handle disagreements or disagreements that arise in the future when there isn’t any one right answer or solution available.

10. Do you think we respect each other?

This seems like an obvious one, but so many people overlook it because they’re blinded by love or lust or whatever other excuse they use to justify their behavior.

If you don’t respect each other’s boundaries (s#xual or otherwise), then you probably shouldn’t be together. Respect isn’t just about s#x.

it’s about communication and understanding what your partner wants from life and from the relationship itself so that both parties are happy with how things are going.

Also read: Things to talk about before getting into a relationship (complete guide)

11. How do you feel about your parents?

This is a tricky question because it’s not something that people usually talk about openly, but it can be very telling of how they’ll treat you in the future.

If they’re happily married and happy with their family life, then they’ll likely try to emulate those same qualities in their own relationship.

It’s important to know how they view their parents’ relationship and how that affects their views on marriage.

If they don’t have good things to say about them, it may be best to end the relationship now rather than later.

12. Have you ever been involved with someone who was married?

Most people would agree that being with someone who has been involved in an affair is not ideal — if not a deal breaker.

But there are many other reasons why someone would want to keep this information from you (e.g., shame).

It’s important to know this information before getting into a relationship because it could indicate a pattern of behavior that could put them at risk of cheating or breaking up with you unexpectedly without warning.

You should also find out how they felt when they found out their partner had been married.

If they say they didn’t care and didn’t understand why it mattered so much, then there may be some red flags here that show they don’t respect other people’s boundaries and might not respect yours either.

13. How important is it for you to be with someone who shares your religious faith?

You may share a lot of other interests with someone who does not share your religious beliefs, but if this is a deal-breaker for you then it may be best not to pursue a relationship with them.

14. Do you want kids?

This may seem like an odd question but it’s important because not everyone wants kids right away (or ever).

If you don’t want children right away then it’s good to know that early on so you two can avoid arguments later on when one person wants them and the other doesn’t.

15. Do we have similar goals and aspirations?

If you want to travel the world while your partner wants to settle down with kids right away, this could be an issue later down the road when money starts becoming tight.

If one person wants kids right away and the other doesn’t want any, then this could also cause problems down the road because there will always be something missing from one of your lives.

Talk openly about what you both want out of life so that your goals are aligned as much as possible before getting into a serious relationship with someone else.

16. What are your dating red flags?

There are certain things that we all know make us uncomfortable when it comes to dating someone new: lying about past relationships, wanting to rush things, being overly possessive, etc.

But what about those things that aren’t so obvious? Ask your partner about their dating red flags so you both have an idea of what might come up in the future.

17. What do you want out of life?

This question is the most important because it’s about the future. You need to know what your partner wants out of life and how he or she plans on getting there.

If you have different goals, it will be difficult to achieve them together as a couple.

18. Are there any physical traits that are important to what kind of partner you generally choose, such as height or hair color, or is that not very important to you at all?

(Note that this can have an impact when raising children, who would then resemble one parent more than the other.)

19. How do you feel about having s#x with someone before marriage?

If s#x is part of your relationship from the start, have an honest conversation about how often it will happen and what both of your expectations are regarding birth control and protection against STIs/STDs.

20. How would you describe your ideal partner? What qualities do they need to have in order for you two to be compatible?

Here are some more questions to ask your partner before getting into a relationship

Questions to ask your boyfriend or girlfriend before marriage

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1. What are your feelings about double-dating?

2. Do you expect me to share everything with you?

3. What past mistakes have taught you important lessons so that you won’t repeat them in the future?

4. Have you ever cheated on a partner? What do you think makes people cheat on their partners?

5. Are you a jealous person? If so, how do you deal with those feelings of jealousy?

6. Who would do the chores around the house if we were living together? Would we split things evenly or take turns doing certain household tasks?

7. How much time should we spend together every week or month and how much time would be too much for you to spend together?

8. Would it bother you if I spent a lot of time working late into the evening or at my computer if we were living together?

9. How often would you want to go out together as a couple, either to restaurants or to other events and places?

10. What kind of physical affection do you need in order to feel loved? Is it holding hands? Kissing? Hugging? Cuddling? Or something else entirely?

11. What do you want out of this relationship? Do you want something casual? Serious? Long-term?

12. What kind of relationship do you want? Do you want a casual relationship, or something more serious and long-term?

13. What are your values and beliefs about relationships? Does it matter if your partner has the same ones or not?

14. Do you have any deal breakers when it comes to dating someone with kids?

15. How long do you want to wait until marriage? Do you want children? Do you want them right away or later on in life?

16. What kind of role do you expect your spouse to play in raising children? What kind of role do you plan on playing yourself?

17. How much time can you devote to taking care of children and keeping up with housework? What kind of help will each person need from their partner?

18. How much money will each person make and what will be expected from them financially (housework, childcare costs etc)

19. What are your respective views on marriage, gender roles, and having children?

You can call it the “talk”, or “big talk,” or whatever you want. It’s also important to consider whether you would be willing to have an open marriage should your partner make different choices along those lines.

20. How do you feel about more casual sex? Do you only want monogamous sexual relationships, or are you a little more open to people outside of that relationship? How does each person feel about sex without any emotional attachment?

21. Are you comfortable with the possibility of your partner cheating? Do you know what kinds of things below-the-belt the other person may do when cheating?

Think about the sexual things, and are there things that you would do that the other person may not be expecting?

22. Are you willing to compromise?

23. Have you ever been in a long-term relationship?

24. Do you like children?

25. Are we going to get married someday?

26. What do you think of online dating?

27. If I asked your friends about you, what would they say?

28. Are you ready to make a commitment?

29. Are we on the same page when it comes to our s#xual history?

30. What do you really want from this relationship?

31. How would you describe yourself in three words or less?

32. How do you show affection to other people?

33. What are your biggest fears and what can I do to help ease them?

Questions to ask yourself before entering a relationship

questions-to-ask-yourself-before-entering-a-relationship

Here is a list of questions to ask yourself before dating a guy or a girl:

1. Are you in love?

2. How do you feel about your partner’s family, friends, and past relationships?

3. Is he/she as committed to this relationship as you are?

4. Can you be yourself around him/her?

5. Do you really like his/her friends?

6. Do you share common interests and values?

7. Is it safe for both of you to get involved with each other given your respective circumstances (work, family)?

8. Do the two of you have similar goals for the future?

9. Is there any chance that one or both of you might lose interest over time? If so, how would that affect your relationship now and in the future?

10. What kind of commitment do each of you want from this relationship right now (i.e., exclusive dating)?

11. Do you have similar goals?

12. Do you want the same things in life?

13. Are you willing to compromise?

14. Do you have similar beliefs on religion or politics?

15. Do you enjoy each other’s company?

16. Do they make you feel good about yourself?

17. Are they respectful towards others, including strangers and children?

18. Are they respectful towards you, even when frustrated or angry?

19. Does this person bring out the best in you?

20. Can he or she be vulnerable and let you see his or her true self? 

21. Does he or she have the same interests as you? 

22. Are there any red flags that should make you cautious?

23. Are you financially stable?

24. Do I want this person in my life?

25. What do I bring to this relationship?

26. What do I expect from this relationship?

27. Can we handle conflict?

28. Do we have similar hopes and dreams?

29. How will we be able to manage our time together?

30. How can we both make each other better people?

31. Will our families get along if we marry or live together?

32. Are our values compatible?

Also read: 70+ Questions to ask yourself before getting into a relationship

Final thoughts:

In conclusion, it’s not just important to have these questions answered. It’s most important that you feel comfortable asking and answering them – along with your partner – so that you know each other as well as possible before making a commitment.

After all, this is a big step. That said, don’t be afraid to dig deep and ask some hard questions if need be.

No one said love was easy, but it beats settling for the wrong person just because they came along at the right time. Good luck!

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Author
Naveen Bommakanti

Naveen is Experienced Psychology and philosophy Writer, self-help and relationship Coach and thought influencer. He has 7 years of experience in Personal development industry.

Naveen’s expertise as a self-help and relationship Coach has been highlighted through his articles in medium and substack to name a few.

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