Before deciding whether a friends-with-benefits relationship is right for you, consider a few important questions: Why do I want to have casual s#x? If you’re in a committed long-term partnership or marriage, then having s#x outside of that arrangement may not feel as natural.
Physical intimacy is supposed to be something you enjoy with someone you love. When deciding whether or not it makes sense for your situation, think about your reasons for having flings.
Do you want more excitement in your life? Are you trying to fill an emotional void in your life? Are you looking for validation from other people? Understand where your motivations lie and what you hope to get out of such a relationship before entering into one. How will my partner and I communicate our expectations?
Also read: 50+ Questions to ask your potential FWB
Friends with benefits relationships usually involve two key conversations: Whether it is going to be a casual friends with benefits relationship or Committed friends with benefits relationship. Here are some questions to ask yourself before becoming friends with benefits:
31 Questions to ask yourself before becoming friends with benefits
1. Do I like being in an FWB situation? Don’t forget about yourself here! If you are currently engaged in a friends with benefits situation, ask yourself if you really like what is going on and how it makes you feel.
Is it fulfilling or do you miss out on opportunities because of your situation? Try keeping a journal or writing down some things that bother you so that way, when you bring them up later, it won’t be too awkward for either one of you.
Again, communication is so important no matter what type of relationship/situation that you are in, so don’t hold back anything from your partner—the more open and honest that both parties are together, the better things will go.
2. Am I in a good place for an FWB situation? Don’t force anything! Make sure that you are on the same page as your partner before you get involved in an FWB situation.
If one person is looking for more and another isn’t, it’s going to cause problems eventually so make sure that you both have similar expectations of what will be happening and if either of you plans on getting attached later down the road.
If it’s meant to be, it will happen regardless if there is no set plan or timeline, so don’t think that because a deadline has been set things are going to turn out exactly how they were supposed to all along.
3. Do I want to be in an FWB situation? Not everyone is cut out for having an FWB situation, and that’s OK!
Just because someone else thinks it’s a good idea doesn’t mean that you have to as well, so make sure that you are really open and honest about where you stand before engaging in anything s#xual with another person.
You should also pay attention to how being in an FWB situation makes you feel; if things aren’t working out, try not to force anything or convince yourself otherwise just because your partner wants more from what is going on.
Instead of trying something that doesn’t fit into your lifestyle or your needs, search for other ways to meet people who might be more suited for what you’re looking for instead.
Also read: 150+ Friends with benefits questions
4. Am I being safe in FWB? S#xually transmitted infections (STIs) can be a big deal! Don’t let anything stop you from being protected when engaging in s#xual activities—not even your partner.
If you are going to be engaging in an FWB situation, then use protection so that way you don’t have to worry about getting an STI or having someone else worry about it either.
Even if both parties think they are clean and disease-free, you never know what could happen once people start getting intimate, so taking precautions is always better than dealing with potential problems down the road.
5. Does my partner want more than just s#x? If you are currently in an FWB situation and your partner has started talking about how they can’t stop thinking about you or that they miss you, then it might be time to start looking for a new FWB situation.
Make sure that everyone is on board with what is going on and if there isn’t any talk of possibly getting more serious down the road, then it might be time to move on before someone gets hurt.
Don’t get stuck in a dead-end FWB situation when what your heart really wants could be out there waiting for you; take some time away from each other so that way both parties can figure out what they really want instead of continuing something that doesn’t bring them happiness.
6. Am I happy? This might sound a little strange, but it’s very important that you are genuinely happy in your FWB situation.
If you aren’t as happy as you could be or if what is going on isn’t making you feel like everything is perfect, then it’s time to step back and take a look at things.
Make sure that what you are doing is something that brings you contentment; otherwise, try finding something new instead of forcing yourself into an unhappy situation just because everyone else thinks what you have together will work out perfectly eventually when there really isn’t any evidence for it yet.
Also read: Do guys care about their FWB?
7. Is my FWB partner happy? Again, even if you are content in your FWB situation, that doesn’t mean that your partner is as well.
Make sure that they are happy too and try not to focus so much on yourself or what you want; work together and try being open-minded when it comes to each other’s needs and desires so that way everyone can be content with what is going on.
8. Do I like my FWB partner? It might seem a little silly, but you definitely have to like your FWB partner. Without any real liking involved, it’s going to be hard for anyone to really feel fulfilled and happy in what they are doing.
If you aren’t feeling good about your FWB situation, then take some time away from each other so that way you can figure out what makes you both happy instead of continuing something that isn’t really making either party content and pleased with what is going on between them.
9. Is my FWBR partner fun? No matter what is going on between you, make sure that you are having a good time.
No one should be forcing themselves into something they aren’t enjoying and you shouldn’t either; if your FWB situation isn’t working out, then take some time away from each other so that way everyone can find someone new who will bring them joy and happiness instead of just more misery.
10. Does my FWB partner have everything they need? When engaging in an FWB situation, make sure that your partner has everything they need from you—that means love, affection, support (both emotional and physical), security, laughter…everything.
11. Am I available for my FWB partner? If you want your FWB situation to work out, then make sure that you are available for your partner—physically and emotionally.
Don’t forget about them when you get busy with other things or distracted by something else that might be going on in your life; make time for them just as they do for you so that way both parties can feel like their needs are being met without a hitch.
12. Do I want more than s#x from my FWBR? If not, it’s going to be tough for either party involved in an FWB situation if one of them does want more than just s#x and intimacy because they aren’t getting what they need in their current arrangement.
13. Am I comfortable in my own skin? This might sound a little strange, but if you aren’t comfortable in your own skin and have issues about yourself or your body, it will be hard for your FWB partner to be satisfied as well because they are probably wanting more from you than just s#x—they want love and affection too.
If you can’t give it wholeheartedly, then try stepping back from each other so that way both parties can find someone who will appreciate them for all of their traits instead of only looking at a few.
14. Is my FWBR comfortable in their own skin? As mentioned before, your FWB partner is probably wanting more than just s#x; they want love and affection too.
If you can’t provide that for them or don’t feel like you are able to give it because of some issues going on within yourself, then step back from each other so that way everyone can find someone who will appreciate them as a whole instead of looking at only one aspect of their lives.
15. Am I as happy as I would be with a new partner? If not, it might be time for an end to your FWB situation so that way you can try out something new instead of continuing on with something that isn’t making you happy and fulfilled.
16. Am I satisfied enough with my current lifestyle/relationship status quo? If not, maybe it’s time for an end to your FWB situation so that way you can find someone who will bring more joy and satisfaction into your life.
17. Is my FWBR okay with whatever decision we make about our s#xual intimacy? If not, maybe it’s time for a change of plans and finding someone who feels good about what is going on between you.
18. Am I physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually ready for Friends with benefits relationship? This is very personal ; you must be sure you are comfortable in your own skin, having no problems that may cause difficulty later on.
Your FWB partner needs to feel good about it too! Ask yourself: Are we both clear on what we expect from each other? Are you an equal partner in every way? Are you of legal age to participate? Is it okay if our s#xual relationship ends but we still see each other as friends?
Make sure your feelings won’t be hurt or your feelings won’t get crushed if one or both of you meet someone else.
19. Is my FWBR willing to be tested for s#xually transmitted diseases frequently? S#xually transmitted diseases are a common risk of having a s#xual relationship outside of a committed, monogamous one.
Take care of each other so that way you don’t contract any STDs and your FWB arrangement doesn’t become any more complicated than it already is.
20. Am I ready to spend time and money on dates (if desired)? Relationships take effort and time and sometimes money too! Are you and your FWB partner on equal ground when it comes to allocating time, energy, financial resources or anything else involved in keeping things up in between times?
21. Am I prepared well for heartbreaks, unhealthy emotional attachments and series of breakups? FWBR is difficult if not impossible to maintain in long term because when it ends, it usually ends badly.
Some people try several FWBRs before finding a partner that will work as a serious committed partner on a long term basis; others prefer not get hurt again and so never try FWBR again at all—it’s up to you which way you go but be sure that whatever choice you make is what YOU want.
22. Do I have personal intimacy issues (and am I dealing with them)? In order for your FWB situation to work out well in short-term or long-term, both partners need to feel emotionally safe, relaxed and ready to share themselves emotionally as well as physically.
23. Do I feel emotionally bonded and connected to my FWBR? An emotional bond is not a necessity for everyone; but if you want it, don’t enter into a FWB situation unless you have good reason to believe your partner does too.
24. Am I able (and willing) to resist becoming jealous? Being able to trust that your FWBR loves you as a friend and will always put that love first makes jealousy easier; but even so, jealousy can rear its ugly head from time-to-time—how will you deal with it then?
25. Am I ready for possible pregnancy or illness? As mentioned before, STDs are common in FWB situations! Some s#xually transmitted diseases can lead to infertility or permanent s#xual dysfunction.
26. Am I in love (and does my FWBR love me)? If so, you might not want a FWBR at all! You’ll have a much better chance of developing an open, honest and mutually beneficial friendship if you don’t start out with any s#xual expectations or restrictions.
27. Am I willing and able to accept my FWBR’s new physical relationship partners? This is something that may or may not come up; but if it does, be sure you know exactly how you’re going to handle it before it happens.
Also read: What are friends with benefits?
28. Am I physically/mentally/emotionally ready for a potential serious long-term FWB relationship? Remember that friendships can change into relationships—don’t get into FWB thinking that way won’t happen.
29. Am I ready for s#xual rejection? If your FWBR feels that you’re in a FWB relationship only because of your physical attractiveness and/or social power, they may reject you if they don’t find you physically attractive or can’t relate to you on a professional level.
30. Is my FWBR willing to communicate and express their feelings—and do I feel comfortable doing so myself? You need to be able to talk about your emotional state in order for an FWB situation between two adults (or more) who are not already in a committed, monogamous romantic relationships—to work.
31. Does my Friends with benefits partner have enough maturity not just understand me but also accept me as a person and we act like good friends when we are around each other? If you can answer yes to all of these questions then you might want to seriously consider having a FWBR.