40 New relationship questions to ask yourself and also for him or her (boyfriend, girlfriend, or partner)

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By: Naveen B

The best relationships are those where you and your partner are able to grow together, but also grow individually.

That’s why there are so many new relationship questions. So, it’s important to consider questions to ask yourself and your partner about your new relationship to understand where you are going and what’s coming ahead for you both.

Your relationship is in a rut. If you’re like most people, you fantasize about how it would be different if you were with someone else. You can’t help but notice other couples and think, “If only I had what they have.”

Also read: 75+ Early relationship questions to ask your partner

But what you may not realize is that your relationship is just fine as long as it meets your needs. 

In fact, there are some things that are better than perfect because they come with challenges that make them more interesting and satisfying than a perfect life partner or soulmate ever could be.

In this guide, let’s discuss some New relationship questions to ask yourself and for him or her (boyfriend, girlfriend, or your partner)

New Relationship Questions


1. Is my search for a soulmate or a perfect life partner over with this person?

This is such an important question because so many people are looking for something more than what they have right now.

I’m sure many of us have asked it. Is this person the one? Are they the one who will make me happy? Do they have all the traits that I need in order to be happy?

And when we don’t find it, we feel disappointed and frustrated — which makes us want to leave our current relationships even more.

The answer to this question will determine how far you’ll go with your relationship, whether it’s just casual or something more serious.

If you believe that there is no such thing as “the one”, then asking yourself this question is pointless.

However, if you do believe in it, then it’s important that your relationship allows both of you to flourish as individuals while still being together.

The reason why so many couples fail after years of being together is that they’ve lost their individuality and identity within their relationship.

Also, most importantly, sometimes the problem isn’t our partners at all; it’s our expectations of what love should look like and how relationships should feel.

If we can let go of these expectations and accept our current relationships for what they are — imperfect but good enough — then we are good to go.

Also read: 21 Questions for a new relationship, From Deep to S#xy

2. Am I in a relationship because I want to be or because I feel like I have to be?

A lot of people get into relationships for the wrong reasons and don’t realize it until it’s too late.

If you aren’t sure why you are with your partner, ask yourself what your expectations are for this relationship and how happy you are with the answers.

Also, if there is any pressure for you to be in this relationship, do not succumb! You’ll just end up resenting your partner for making you feel pressured.

On a philosophical note, Friedrich Nietzsche says it best: “Beware that, when fighting monsters, you yourself do not become a monster.”

You must ask yourself if you’re in the relationship for the right reasons.

Is it because you truly love this person or are you trying to escape from something else?

Do you want to spend your life with this person?

If your answer is yes, then proceed with caution and make sure that they want the same thing as well.

While it’s true that some people get married out of convenience or because they think it’s what they’re supposed to do.

Others end up in relationships because they feel obligated to stay with someone who isn’t right for them — whether it be for financial reasons or because they’ve been together so long that they don’t want to break up.

Nietzsche also says “He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.” If you have a reason for being with someone, no matter what, you can make it work. You’ll find the strength and determination to make things better.

Also read: 85 Questions to ask before getting into a relationship

3. Is there any part of me that doesn’t fit into this relationship?

If you’re having a hard time answering this question, that’s a good sign. A healthy relationship should be something that brings out the best in both people involved.

It’s hard to know what you’re getting into when you first fall in love, but if there are aspects of yourself that you’ve been suppressing, it’s important to recognize them.

The question here is not whether or not you can change those aspects; it’s whether or not you want to change those aspects.

So, if there’s any part of you that feels like it doesn’t fit in, then it may be time to re-evaluate your relationship.

The thing about relationships is that they require more than one person, so you have to find a match with someone who shares similar interests, values and beliefs.

But what if there’s some part of you that doesn’t fit in? Maybe it’s a hobby or interest that you’ve always wanted to try but have never had time for because it doesn’t seem like something your partner would enjoy.

Or maybe it’s an attitude or mindset that you’ve been hanging on to from the past — like being competitive or jealous — that doesn’t belong in this relationship.

If there’s any part of yourself that seems out of place in this relationship, then maybe it’s time for some soul-searching to find out why.

What do you need as an individual aside from romantic love?

Are you getting enough time alone or with friends?

Are there any unresolved issues from your past (like trauma or abuse) that might be affecting your current relationships?

If so, I recommend seeking professional help through therapy or coaching so you can deal with these issues once and for all so they don’t keep popping up again.

Also read: 70+ Questions to ask yourself before getting into a relationship

4. Do I feel like I’m constantly giving more than receiving?

This is an important question to ask yourself because it can tell you a lot about your relationship.

If you’re always giving and never getting anything back in return, then it’s time to reevaluate how much of your time and energy you’re investing into the relationship and how much you’re getting back from it.

If your partner isn’t giving back in the same way that you are — emotionally, physically, and financially — it’s time to reevaluate your relationship.

If they won’t commit or if they don’t show interest in your interests and goals, then this could be a sign that something isn’t right in your relationship.

It may be a sign that they are selfish or that they don’t care about your needs as much as they should. Or perhaps it might mean that they don’t see things from your perspective.

Whatever the reason, these feelings should definitely be addressed because otherwise, it will only lead to resentment and bitterness which will eventually destroy any love that once existed between the two of you.

Also read: 10 Questions to ask yourself before breaking up or ending a relationship (Intuitive guide)

5. Am I settling for less than what I deserve?

This is another question we should ask ourselves because too many people (especially women) settle for less than what they deserve simply because they think it’s better than nothing at all; 

If the answer is yes — and especially if it’s been a long time since you’ve felt fulfilled by your partner — then it might be time for some serious self-reflection about whether this relationship is right for you or not.

When you settle for less than what you deserve from a partner, it typically leads to resentment and disappointment down the road — which is not something you want in a marriage or long-term relationship.

Make sure you’re with someone who pushes your buttons in all the right ways instead of just being “

If you’re unhappy then there’s no point in continuing the relationship. It’s better to be alone with dignity than be with someone who doesn’t respect you as much as they should.

6. Are we committed to each other?

There’s nothing worse than being in a relationship where both people aren’t 100 percent committed to making it work.

It takes two whole people who are willing to put in the effort and time needed to make things work out right.

If you find yourself questioning whether or not your partner is fully committed to the relationship, then there may be some serious issues within your relationship that need addressing before they become too big of an issue for both parties involved.

Trust and communication are the most important aspects of any healthy committed relationship because without them there can be no real connection between two people who care about one another deeply enough.

People Also read: 100 Questions to ask yourself about your relationship (Whether it’s healthy or toxic; if you should stay or it’s over)

7. Are we compatible with each other?

This is another big question because it helps determine if you two have similar values and beliefs when it comes to certain topics in life (as well as other topics).

If there’s nothing that either of you feels comfortable talking about without getting into an argument or raising your voice, then that’s a problem — at least for now.

If you have different morals and goals, then the relationship may not work out. If you both want kids and settle down quickly, while they’re ready to party all night long, just think about how long that would last.

At least you need to have some core common interests and understand what each other wants out of life (even if those things change over time).

That way, when there’s a conflict later on due to differing priorities or interests, at least one of you can compromise without feeling like their partner for something else has left them behind.

Because their needs don’t matter anymore or aren’t important enough anymore in the grand scheme of things.

8. Does our relationship make us happier together and grow as individuals?

I think most people enter into relationships hoping that they will improve their lives or make them happier. But relationships are so much more than that.

They can also help us grow as individuals by forcing us out of our comfort zones and making us learn new things about ourselves.

Relationships should make both parties happier, and they should also bring out the best in each person in the relationship.

If you find yourself becoming more bitter than better after being with someone for an extended period of time, then it might be a big red flag.

Psychologist Carl Jung says that “love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction” (Jung, 1955).

This means that we should be growing together as individuals and a couple at the same time and in the same way; otherwise, it will be difficult for us to stay together long term.

It also means that when one person changes something about themselves, it impacts their partner as well — it can either push them forward or pull them back depending on how they react to it.

That’s why it’s important for couples to work on themselves individually before trying to work on their relationship together.

Carl Jung says we need other people for our development, but only if we’re ready for them and if they’re ready for us — otherwise, it won’t work out well over time. In addition, he says we need other people in order to feel complete as human beings.

9. Do I feel like my partner loves me unconditionally?

A healthy relationship is one where both partners feel secure enough in their relationship to know that no matter what happens in their lives — good or bad — their partner will always love them for who they are and not for what they do or don’t do for them.

That being said, if you don’t think your partner truly does love you unconditionally and/or vice versa, then this may be an indication that it might haunt you in the long run.

People Also read: 100 Questions to ask when starting a relationship

10. Do I feel comfortable enough with myself to be in a relationship?

The answer to this question can tell you whether you should continue pursuing your love interest or move on.

If you don’t feel comfortable with yourself, then chances are that you won’t be comfortable with them either — and vice versa.

New Relationship Questions For Him


 A new relationship is only as good as the conversations you have with your boyfriend or husband.

The early days are all about getting to know each other and figuring out if there is a future together.

So, here are some more new relationship questions to ask him

1. What do you think is the best part of our relationship?

2. What do you think could be improved in our relationship?

3. If we were going to take a trip together, where would you want to go?

4. What was one thing that made you fall in love with me? (If they hesitate, don’t worry — they probably fell in love because of all the great things they see in you.)

5. What do friends and family think about us being together? Are they supportive or not so much?

6. How do you feel about spending rest of your life with me?

7. Do you think we both are soulmates?

8. What do you think about my family/friends?

9. Have I met all of your friends?

10. How many s#xual partners have you had before me?

New relationship questions for her


These are some more new relationship questions to ask her

1. How many kids do you want?

2. Are you religious or spiritual? (Or do you believe in God?)

3. What’s your idea of a perfect man?

4. Do you believe in love at first sight?

5. Have you ever been in love before, if so how and why did it end?

6. What are your thoughts on soulmates?

7. Do you believe in a marriage and why do you think many people are divorcing in recent years?

8. How long have you been single/taken and what do you look for in a partner?

9. When did you feel we are perfect for each other?

10. Would you quit some habits that I am not comfortable with if I asked you to do so?

New relationship questions to ask your partner


The following are some best new relationship questions to ask your partner for fun:

 1. What’s the first thing you notice about me liked instantly?

2. What makes you angry in general and what do you want me to do to make you calm at that moment?

3. Do you like to watch movies at home or go out?

4. When do you feel the most comfortable?

5. What are your plans and goals to both of us for the rest of this year?

6. How do you feel about traveling and what are your favorite destinations?

7. What’s your worst habit and did you get over it?

8. Are you a morning or night person?

9. How do you deal with stress and anxiety?

10. What’s one thing that would make our relationship better right now?


  • Naveen B

    Experienced Psychology and philosophy Writer, self-help and relationship Coach and thought influencer. He has 7 years of experience in Personal development industry. His expertise as a self-help and relationship Coach has been highlighted through his articles in medium and substack to name a few. To be updated with his latest work, connect with him by following his social media accounts.

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Experienced Psychology and philosophy Writer, self-help and relationship Coach and thought influencer. He has 7 years of experience in Personal development industry. His expertise as a self-help and relationship Coach has been highlighted through his articles in medium and substack to name a few. To be updated with his latest work, connect with him by following his social media accounts.

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