100 Questions to ask yourself about your relationship (Whether it’s healthy or toxic; if you should stay or it’s over)

Relationships are the most complex and intricate part of our lives. It may seem simple from the outside, but it takes two people to make a relationship work.

We all want to be in a happy relationship with someone who understands us, loves us, and respects us.

But most of the time, we don’t know if we’re actually happy in our relationships or if we are just settling for what we have.

Here is a list of Important Questions to ask yourself about your relationship to see if you are in a healthy or toxic relationship; Or if you should stay or break up:

Also read: 21 Questions for a new relationship, From Deep to S#xy

Questions to ask yourself about your relationship

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1. How do I know if we trust each other in our relationship?

You need to feel secure in your relationship if you want it to last long term.

If there’s no trust, or if one partner constantly doubts the other person’s intentions, this will lead to problems later down the road.

If you feel insecure about being alone with your partner, then this could be an indication that something isn’t right in your relationship.

2. How do I feel when I’m alone with my partner? Do I feel loved and supported or not? 

A relationship should make you feel good about yourself and about your partner. If you don’t feel comfortable around them and if they don’t make you happy, then something’s wrong with your relationship.

The solution here could be either to find out what’s making you unhappy or simply end the relationship altogether if nothing can be done to change it or make it better. 

3. Is there enough passion in our relationship? Do we still have fun together? Or has life become mundane? 

Passion is what makes or breaks most relationships; without it, there will be no excitement, no fun, and no motivation to work things out between two people who love each other.

Passion is a key ingredient for any successful relationship because, without passion, love tends to fade away over time as life becomes mundane and boring between two people who once were a perfect couple.

So, ask yourself where you are heading with your relationship and realize your situation.

4. Are my past relationship mistakes affecting my present relationship?

This is such an important question because it forces you to examine your past relationships and consider how they could have been better.

It also gives you an opportunity to evaluate your current partner’s ability to handle future challenges.

5. Do I communicate openly and honestly with my partner?

You need to ask yourself this question because it’s crucial that both parties are on the same page when it comes to communication and honesty.

If not, then you need to work on making sure that you’re communicating openly and honestly with each other before taking the next steps in your relationship.

Also read: 75+ Early relationship questions to ask your partner

6. Do we have common interests and goals for the future?

This is a common question that is asked in relationships, especially in the early stages. Some might consider it a sign of compatibility, while others believe it can reveal a whole lot about the other person.

The answer to this question can tell you if there are any major differences between you two. It can also tell you how committed the other person is to the relationship.

7. Are there any red flags in our relationship? If so, what are they and how do we deal with them?

You need to ask yourself about the red flags in your relationship. This is where you should discuss what needs to be changed or fixed in order for both of you to have a better relationship.

These are things that might not be easy to talk about, but it’s important to do so if you want to have a successful future together.

8. What should I do if I see red flags in my relationship?

There’s no one size fits all approach when it comes to dealing with red flags in relationships. If something feels wrong, it probably is wrong, but that doesn’t mean it has to end the relationship.

It means that there’s work to be done and communication needs to happen between both parties so that everyone is happy with the outcome of the situation.

9. What are the expectations in this relationship? What do I expect from myself, my partner, and our relationship?

There is no right or wrong answer when it comes to expectations, but it’s important that both partners share their expectations with one another so they’re on the same page.

10. Do we have children together? If so, Have I discussed their future with my partner?

This is such an important question because you want to make sure that your children know how much love you both have for them no matter what happens between the two of you as adults.

Also read: 40 New relationship questions to ask yourself and also for him or her (boyfriend, girlfriend, or partner)

11. Do we want to buy a house together or are we renting? Have I done enough research about financial plans, savings, and investments for the future?

You need to decide if you’re ready to take on the responsibility of a mortgage, which requires more than just two signatures.

It also requires a commitment from both parties about how much they’ll contribute toward the down payment and monthly mortgage payments.

You’ll also want to discuss how you’ll handle any unforeseen expenses that may come up during home ownership — like replacing an appliance or paying for periodic maintenance — and what will happen if one person decides they want out of the relationship.

12. What are our spending and earning behaviors? 

It can be difficult to find common ground when it comes to spending habits, especially if your partner has been accustomed to going out with friends on a Friday night instead of cooking dinner at home.

The best way to maintain harmony is by having open communication about what each person needs in order to feel secure in their relationship.

Whether that means creating an allowance or paying rent separately so they have some autonomy over their hard-earned income.

13. Are there any issues with infidelity and/or cheating (physical, emotional, etc.) in our relationship past or present?

If so, how have they been resolved/addressed by both parties involved, and what protocol will be in place if something similar were to happen again in the future?

This is such an important question because it’s crucial that you and your partner are on the same page when it comes to communication and honesty.

If there have been issues surrounding infidelity or cheating in your relationship — whether physical or emotional — you need to talk about them before marriage so that you can come up with a solution to avoid future issues.

14. Am I able to spend time alone without feeling lonely or unloved?

When in love, it’s easy to want to spend all of your time with your partner and not want any time at all away from them.

But being able to spend time alone can really be beneficial for a relationship and help build up your independence.

It will also give you an opportunity to get some things done that may otherwise have been put on hold for the sake of being together all the time.

 15. Do I feel connected to my partner?

You have to feel connected with your partner in order for the relationship to be successful.

The connection should go beyond just physical attraction and passion.

If you don’t feel connected, it’s time to reevaluate your relationship and see what can be done to improve it.

16. Do I still want to kiss and cuddle after an argument has ended?

Arguments are inevitable when two people are together 24/7, but that doesn’t mean they need to end in hurt feelings or resentment toward one another (unless they’re serious issues).

If you still want to kiss and cuddle after an argument has ended, then there’s a good chance that both of you still care about each other.

Also read: 85 Questions to ask before getting into a relationship

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If you have trouble answering yes to more than a few of these following relationship questions, it’s time to seriously consider whether your relationship is over.

If you find that you’re having a hard time answering any of these questions with a “No,” your relationship may need some work.

Or perhaps you’ve been in an unhealthy relationship for so long that you feel unable to ask yourself whether it really is over.

You may be feeling scared, guilty, or ashamed. But if you can’t see the truth, how will you ever be able to make changes?

If your answer to most of the questions below is Yes, then there’s hope. But if most are No or even a few are No and one or two are maybe, then it’s probably time to reconsider your relationship situation.

Things to ask yourself about your relationship

The following are a few things to ask yourself about your relationship:

1. Am I happy?

2. Do I feel safe?

3. Do I have a sense of purpose?

4. Do I feel appreciated and cared for by my partner?

5. Do we support each other’s dreams and goals in life, or do we hold each other back?

6. Is there room for personal growth in our relationship?

7. Are we both willing to put in the time and effort needed to make our relationship work?

8. Does my partner respect my opinions and feelings?

9. Do I feel like myself when I’m around him or her, or do I feel like I have to change myself in order to fit into his or her world?

10. Do we have a clear understanding of what each of us wants out of life (socially, emotionally and financially), and can we support each other as we grow into our authentic selves?

11. Does he/she make me happy when he/she is not around me?

12. Do I feel more confident and empowered because of him/her?

13. Am I proud to be seen with him/her in public places like restaurants, at parties, etc.?

14. Can we compromise when necessary without compromising our values or compromising ourselves as individuals?

15. Have we had a fight where we were able to resolve it without being mad at each other for more than 24 hours?

16. What is the state of our sex life?

17. Is there any physical abuse involved?

18. Are we emotionally connected?

19. What makes me happy in this relationship?

20. What makes my partner happy in this relationship?

21. Does my partner make me feel good about myself when we are together?

22. Does my partner ever make me feel bad about myself when we are apart?

23. Do I feel appreciated by my partner for who I am and my efforts in this relationship?

24. Does my partner express his/her feelings openly, or does he/she keep things bottled up inside until they burst out with rage or anger at me, or others around them (this can be dangerous if left unchecked)?

25. If I asked my partner to stop doing something that was hurting me (such as criticizing), would he/she respect what I said and stop doing it, or would he/she continue to do it anyway because he/she “needs” to do it (this could be a sign of an abusive personality.

Also read: 70+ Questions to ask yourself before getting into a relationship

Questions to ask yourself if you are in a healthy relationship

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There are many signs that point to a healthy relationship, but they’re not always clear. To help you determine, consider these questions to ask yourself if you are in a healthy relationship:

1. Do I feel respected?

2. Do we communicate openly and honestly?

3. Do I feel like I’m part of a team with my partner?

4. Do we understand each other’s opinions and feelings?

5. Can we talk about our problems without blaming each other for them?

6. Is there trust between us?

7. Is what we have a mutual and equal partnership?

8. Do you feel like you can be vulnerable with this person?

9. Does your partner listen when you talk?

10. Does your partner try to understand where you are coming from when they disagree with something that has come up in conversation?

11. Is there a balance in the relationship?

12. Is there a compromise in the relationship?

Also read: 10 Questions to ask yourself before breaking up or ending a relationship (Intuitive guide)

Questions to ask yourself if you are in a toxic relationship

Questions-to-ask-yourself-if-you-are-in-a-toxic-relationship

Here is a list of questions to ask yourself if you are in a toxic relationship:

1. Has there been any emotional abuse or manipulation?

2.  Is there physical abuse?

3.  Are there secrets or lies between you two?

4. Have you heard any rumors about them (good or bad)?

5. Do I feel like I’m walking on eggshells?

6. Do we argue about the same things over and over again?

7. Does our relationship feel like a partnership, or am I always doing more than my fair share?

8. Is there any part of me that feels trapped or unhappy? If so, why?

9. Does it seem like I’m only staying in this relationship because there’s no one better around?

10. How often do we talk about our feelings with each other rather than just yelling them out loud when they’re bad or ignoring them entirely until they blow up into something bigger than they need to be?

Do we ever say anything nice to each other anymore, or is everything always an argument over who did what wrong first?

11. Do I have trust issues?

12. Am I jealous of other people in his/her life?

Also read: 10 Questions to ask before ending a relationship

Questions to ask yourself if you should stay in a relationship

Questions-to-ask-yourself-if-you-should-stay-in-a-relationship

The following are some questions to ask yourself if you should stay in a relationship:

1. Can we solve problems together?

2. Can I talk to my partner about anything and everything?

3. Will I be happy if we stay together for the rest of our lives?

4. Does this person encourage my personal growth?

5. Am I happy when we’re together, but also happy when we’re not?

6. Is our relationship reciprocal (i.e., do I give as much as I get)?

7. Can I see myself spending the rest of my life with this person?

8. Is my search for a perfect partner over?

9. Do we have a future together?

10. Do we both have a natural understanding, connection and attachment to each other?

11. Am I unhappy being alone?

12. Are they in a different place in their life than I am? For example, do they want children and I don’t want kids yet?

13. Do I feel free to be myself around my partner?

14. Am I happy with the way our relationship is going right now?

15. Is there a future for us in this relationship or is it just going to fizzle out eventually?

16. Are they dependable?

17. Do they have my family’s best interests at heart?

18. Do I have their family’s best interests at heart?

19. Can we talk openly about money and finances without getting defensive or angry?

20. Can we disagree about something without taking it personally or making the other person wrong for having his or her opinion?

Questions to ask yourself if your relationship is over

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Here are some serious questions to ask yourself if your relationship is over

1.  Do I feel the same about my partner as I did when we first met?

2.  Has my relationship become more of a friendship than a romantic relationship?

3.  Do I feel like I am being taken for granted or that our relationship has become boring?

4.  Do we rarely do things together as a couple anymore?

5.  Am I happier when I am not around my partner?

6.  Does my partner make me feel guilty if I don’t spend time with them or make me feel guilty if they are not involved in every part of my life?

7.  Does it feel like our roles have reversed and you are now doing all the giving while your partner is doing all the taking?

8. Do you find yourself resenting your partner for the way they treat you or for their actions towards others (such as neglecting family members)? Or do you feel like they don’t care about how other people feel about them?

9. Have there been many times in which one or both of you have said hurtful things to each other, leading to an argument and/or feelings of resentment between yourselves and/or others close to you (family members, friends, coworkers)?

10. Have I or my partner been involved in cheating on each other?

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Author
Naveen Bommakanti

Naveen is Experienced Psychology and philosophy Writer, self-help and relationship Coach and thought influencer. He has 7 years of experience in Personal development industry.

Naveen’s expertise as a self-help and relationship Coach has been highlighted through his articles in medium and substack to name a few.

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