The biggest obstacle to breaking up with someone you love is the fear of losing them, breaking their heart or hurting them, or losing their complete trust in you, which will eventually lead to misunderstanding, resentment, and hatred.
Every breakup or divorce begins with it. The fear of being alone, of doing something that will ultimately hurt and disappoint your partner, of failing and being seen as a failure or a coward.
But here’s the thing: Once you get past the fear, you realize that leaving someone you love is the only way to be happy and whole. The only way to be free.
Also read: How to say goodbye to someone you don’t want to leave? (10 ways)
For women in particular, and some men who don’t know how to get the strength to leave someone you love, this fear is compounded by the fact that society places a tremendous stigma on women leaving.
We are expected to be strong, independent, and capable. Even if we are unhappy with our partners, we are supposed to be able to fix them — fix them or “fix” ourselves. If we leave, we must be doing something wrong.
The fear of leaving someone you love is, therefore, a fear that stems from societal expectations and personal insecurities. But, ultimately, you need to ask yourself if this fear is really stopping you from leaving. If it is, then it’s time to face your fears.
It takes time to get past the fear of how to break up with someone you love, but it can be done. And it’s worth it.
Also read: How to let go of someone you can’t be with? (15 Tips)
Here are a few ways to eliminate this fear:
How to get the strength to leave someone you love?
The most honest and righteous way to get the strength to leave (break up with) someone you love is by making yourself completely vulnerable to them.
By showing your genuine care, hurt and honesty with your words and approach to express your feelings.
If you’re ready to break things off with someone you love, it might be tempting to just cut them off cold turkey. After all, you don’t want to get hurt, right?
But here’s the thing: While it’s true that cutting off someone’s contact with you is the best way to end a relationship, it’s also the most cowardly.
Also read: Should we break up: 10 things to consider when ending a long-term relationship
And if you’re a coward, you won’t be able to get the strength to leave someone you love until you’re willing to face your own feelings and emotions, and maybe even share them.
And to do that, you need to be honest with yourself and your partner.
Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable with your lover, whether that’s because you’re afraid they’ll reject you or because they’re afraid of rejection themselves.
Being vulnerable is all about being honest with yourself. It’s far more terrifying to feel what people really think of you than it is to feel nothing at all. And it’s the only way you can get the strength to leave someone you love.
Don’t leave someone you love until you’re willing to take that risk.
If your love isn’t strong enough to accept your honesty, maybe it shouldn’t have been a relationship in the first place.
You have the choice. You can stay and let things get worse and worse until you decide you will never leave. Or you can make the courageous choice to end things now before they become unbearable.
The choice is yours. Make the decision ahead of time. Do not let pride or fear convince you that you won’t break it off. Break it off immediately. Do it with grace, with kindness, and with grace.
But if your relationship only seems unbearable, take comfort in the knowledge that this too shall pass.
One thing is for certain – you will look back on this time in your life as a time when your life became much better. This will get better.
Also read: How to say goodbye to someone you love? (5 Steps & 11 ways)
How to break up with someone you love without hurting them?
How to leave someone you love without hurting them? The process of leaving someone you love is equal parts painful and liberating.
The pain comes from saying goodbye to a relationship, a person, somewhere you once felt at home. The liberation comes from standing on your own and saying “I love myself enough to do what is best”.
Leaving someone you love is hard. Even if your partner verbally grants you permission, it can still be difficult. Your mind can race with thoughts like “What if things don’t work out?” or “Will I be lonely?”.
But if you remind yourself that you’re doing this because you’re following your heart, you’ll find the strength to leave.
Here are some questions to ask yourself that will help you decide on how to break up with someone you love without hurting them and when it’s finally time to let go:
Are you afraid? You are the only one who knows the answers. Listen to your gut, and don’t let fear take up permanent residence in your head.
Also read: How long does it take to get over someone?
Are you committed to the relationship? If the answer is “No,” ask yourself why.
Would the relationship be better off if you left?
Does it need to be saved? Is it worth fighting for?
Are you being honest with yourself?
Are you truly happy or could it be that you are simply comfortable or content with the status quo?
Are you being honest with yourself and the person you are with?
Are you being fair to the other person?
What if you were in their shoes?
How would you feel if you were the one leaving?
Are you being responsible?
Are you being truthful to yourself about expectations?
Also read: How to get over someone you love deeply? (Step-by-step guide + 50 Tips)
What to say when leaving someone you love?
It’s hard saying goodbye to someone you’re close to. Saying “goodbye for now” is a phrase that, for many, conjures images of endless separation and devastating loss.
But in reality, parting can be a positive thing, freeing your relationship to evolve and flourish.
Whether you’ve decided to end things or you’re simply saying goodbye, for now, there are a few phrases that can help smooth the parting. Here is what to say when leaving someone you love.
- “I love you”
This is a tricky one, because if you’ve committed to staying together, “I love you” may not be the most appropriate thing to say.
But if your ex is still interested in you and the relationship, a simple “I love you” can convey your affection and hope for the future.
“I’ll be here for you”
Often, when a relationship ends, one of the partners needs additional support. And they now need time to heal. In this situation, giving your ex your full support can be crucial.
- “Thank you for being you”
This may come as a surprise, but your ex may have something to teach you as you move on.
This phrase, which acknowledges the special qualities your partner brought into your relationship, can also serve as a gentle reminder that your ex is a good person.
“For now, we’ll be okay”
This phrase acknowledges the fact that your relationship is over, and that you’ll both be okay with that. Saying “for now” acknowledges that in the future, you might both want your relationship to blossom again.
Also read: 10 Questions to ask yourself before breaking up or ending a relationship (Intuitive guide)
Step by step guide to get the strength on how to break up with someone you love without hurting them
Love is the most powerful force in the world. It can lead us to do incredible things, both for ourselves and for others. It can also lead us to do incredible things for ourselves.
Love can make us feel invincible — powerless, even to the desires we have for ourselves.
When we’re in love, we occasionally do things that would hurt other people, like cheat on our partners or neglect our responsibilities to our families.
And that’s precisely the trap we want to avoid. Breaking up with someone can be heartbreaking, especially when you are still in love with them.
But it can be worse because at its most destructive, love can cause us to do things we know are bad for us, even dangerous. The antidote to emotional pain is self-empowerment.
This may sound obvious, but most people struggle to tell their partners why they want to leave.
You may have tried everything you can think of to mend the relationship, and your partner may feel abandoned or betrayed if you don’t share your feelings. But it’s better to say now than later before the relationship becomes too serious.
Here are 16 steps to help you cope with difficult emotions so that you realize how to get the strength to leave someone you love and how to break up with someone you love without hurting them:
1. Release your stress and fear.
If you really love someone, you probably don’t want to leave them. But, sometimes, you have to.
It’s tough to decide when enough is enough, but knowing when to say “no” is essential to being a happy, fulfilled person.
If you’re struggling with the idea of breaking up with someone, chances are, you’re wishing you hadn’t said “yes” in the first place. If you’re already in the situation, it’s natural to feel scared and anxious.
If you truly care about someone, though, you know it’s for the best. It’s especially hard because sex, passion, and romance often play a big part in relationships.
But relationships aren’t about sex or passion. They’re about love. And love has to be a conscious decision.
If the thought of leaving someone you love is too much, see if you can break that thought down into smaller chunks.
The thought, “I don’t want to leave my partner” can be broken down into, “The thought of leaving my love is overwhelming,” and “I think I can face the feelings of being overwhelmed.”
Think about one of the smaller parts, and work your way up. If you can face that, you can face the rest of it.
Also read: When is it time to leave a long-term relationship? (13 signs)
2. Avoid negative talk, but allow the pain and grief.
It can be extremely difficult to walk away from someone you love, and it’s even harder if you have children together. In fact, it’s even tougher when that person has hurt you in the past, and you’re still hurting from that experience.
As difficult as it may be, it’s important to let yourself be affected by the person’s feelings. Allow them to express anger, sadness, and confusion, and acknowledge that you’ve both felt this way.
Avoid cursing yourself, don’t be a victim mindset. If you constantly sabotage yourself with negative self-talk, it becomes extremely painful to make the decision.
Just allow the pain and grief to make yourself emotionally strong before leaving the relationship. So, that you won’t feel any resentment in the future.
3. Take a breath and step back.
Take a breath and step back. You’ve been emotionally invested in this relationship for a long time, and perhaps you’ve convinced yourself that there’s no choice but to leave the person you love.
That’s fine, but take a moment to step back and tell yourself: “Everything that happens for a good reason, and things will change for the better.”
This can be difficult, especially if you think you’ll be left picking up the pieces alone. But taking a breath and stepping back can help you better understand whether this relationship is really what you want to end.
If you’re truly unhappy, then it’s time to find the courage to break free. Discover your inner strength. The breakup is a chance to discover who you are again. It’s often said that emotions are like the weather. You’re either having a good day or a bad day.
Also read: How to know when to leave a relationship? (complete guide with 25 signs and questions to help you decide)
But that’s simply not true. Emotions are more like seasons — they’re part of an overall pattern. Just because it’s storming outside doesn’t mean you can only feel angry, sad, or overwhelmed. You can be joyful, thankful, inspired, and even hopeful during a storm.
It can be challenging to choose a course of action, especially if you’re still trying to maintain the relationship.
But it’s important to remember that you’re the one who’s in charge, and you can choose what direction to take. Finally, give yourself permission to make the decision that’s best for you.
Despite how difficult it may be, it’s never too late to end a relationship that you are no longer interested in.
4. Listen to your gut.
Your gut is telling you something. Recognize those feelings. Then you’ll better be able to determine whether sticking it out or leaving is the right decision.
It’s a weird thing, but we all have our own internal moral compasses. They’re usually shaped by a combination of experiences and influences, but we all have them.
Figuring out when to follow these internal signals, and when to follow your intellect, can be tough. Sometimes, head knowledge wins over heart knowledge.
Most of the time, though, it’s not so cut-and-dry. Sometimes, heart knowledge trumps head knowledge. When dealing with a breakup, it’s often not a matter of which is better, but a matter of when.
Sometimes, a breakup happens for a reason. Sometimes, it’s the result of poor communication. Sometimes, it’s just a matter of being too young and stupid to realize we should’ve left a long time ago.
So, how do you know when it’s time and how to get the strength to leave someone you love? Listen to your gut.
Training your intuition can help you become rational and make better decisions.
It’s natural for people to trust their gut instincts — emotions like fear, anger, or sadness often precede intuitive insights. But a gut instinct is only valuable when it triggers a meaningful response.
The questions below can help. Some questions prompt you to consider a situation from multiple angles. And helps you to step into another person’s shoes to get a feel for how they would respond to certain situations.
5. Be patient.
It can sometimes take weeks or months to find the right words or find the right time to think things through.
Give yourself some grace along the way. Learn to have patience, and make yourself still and calm.
This will prepare you to become more empathetic and deal with the situation with much more ease and comfort and with a matured mindset.
Also read: How to tell someone you can’t be friends because you like them? (13 Tips with examples)
6. Be honest with yourself and with the person you love.
Whatever the situation, if you’re feeling depressed, insecure, or confused, be honest about those feelings. It’s better to be honest than to stay in a relationship and be miserable.
Your partner deserves the truth. It’s not always easy to find the courage to say it, but you owe it to yourself, to be honest, and forthright.
When faced with the decision to end a relationship, it’s tempting to look for excuses. Maybe your partner is mean to you. Maybe you think she’s not as wonderful as you think she is.
Or maybe you just don’t think it can be repaired. But if you can be honest with yourself, you might find that you’re being unfair to the person you love more than anyone in the world.
Bring courage. Telling someone you want to leave them can feel a little uncomfortable at first.
After all, you’ve spent plenty of time building up your defenses around a relationship. But being honest with yourself is the best way to help you move forward.
7. Question yourself if you are ready to break up with someone you love.
Think about why you’re unhappy. Is it because you’re unhappy in the relationship, or is it because you’re unhappy yourself?
Maybe you’ve decided to end the relationship because you’re unhappy in the relationship.
If that’s the case, you’ll also want to think about why you want to leave.
Are you being mistreated?
Are you being disrespected?
Are you being cheated on?
Are you being controlled?
Are you being abused?
Are you being taken advantage of financially?
Are you being ignored?
Are you being taken advantage of emotionally?
Are you feeling unheard, unappreciated, or unsupported?
Ask yourself these questions, and write down your answers. before you open your feelings for them.
8. Decide if you’re prepared for the consequences.
Consider the relationship from all angles. Check in with yourself first. Are you really ready to leave a relationship that doesn’t seem like it’s going anywhere?
Maybe you love the partner you’re with, but the relationship isn’t fulfilling.
Perhaps the relationship is causing you a great deal of stress, and the stress is impacting other areas of your life.
Are you physically, mentally, emotionally or financially ready for this next step?
If not, maybe you should consider staying. Sometimes giving up on someone you love is not a good decision. Just reconsider your situation and your decision. The difficult situations may come and go. But it’s really hard to get true love again.
9. Be self-aware.
Don’t expect your partner to completely understand the situation, or to understand why you’re leaving.
Sometimes it’s easier to justify staying in the relationship than to leave, and your partner might not really understand what’s driving you out the door.
It’s important to have a sense of self-awareness and self-compassion as you navigate this step.
10. Be thoughtful about your approach and tell the truth.
When it comes time to tell someone you’re leaving, it’s best to approach the situation with thoughtfulness and compassion.
You don’t want to be abrupt or hurtful, and you also don’t want to say it in a way that suggests you’re leaving because you’re in a bad place.
Saying the right thing isn’t always easy, but it’s easier than saying the wrong thing. It’s not unusual for people to struggle with the decision to end a romantic relationship.
Before you can leave someone, you have to decide if you actually want to break up with them. But once you’ve determined that you do, it’s not always easy to say so.
While it’s difficult to say the right words, it’s even harder to have the courage to actually tell them the truth.
Be thoughtful about your approach. Be clear about what you want to say. Don’t leave subtle hints or miss the point. Take time to listen and be clear about what you want.
Sometimes the hardest part of leaving a relationship is just making the call. (Or text. Or email.) Bringing courage to this step can help you avoid making that call or sending that text.
11. Find an exit strategy.
Leaving someone you love is a lot like giving up on your passion. It’ll feel wrong and sometimes you’ll feel guilty, but you have to do it.
Make a list of the reasons why this relationship isn’t working, and have a plan for getting yourself out of pain.
If you’re afraid of hurting someone, it’s helpful to think about what you want to say in advance. That way, you’ll know what to expect and you won’t be caught off guard.
You may have to be more direct. And if you’re worried about hurting the person’s feelings, tell them you’re thinking about ending the relationship, but you haven’t made a decision yet.
Some relationships end on good terms, but others end suddenly, painfully, and destructively.
Here are five strategies to extricate yourself from the relationship.
- Take it slow.
- Work on your mental health and emotional attachment
- Renegotiate the terms of your relationship.
- End the relationship on good terms.
- Decide what you’ll do next.
12. Tell yourself you’re capable of leaving.
You’re stronger than you think. So, when you say to yourself, “I can, but I can’t,” ask yourself: “What’s stopping me?” Is it fear of the unknown, lack of courage, or fear of being alone?
If you can pinpoint your fear, then confront it. You can overcome it, and when you do, you’ll find the strength to leave someone you love.
The strength to leave someone you love is in your separation. You can accept the situation and not look back. You can feel the pain, the loss, the sadness, and the guilt.
You can let the memories of the life you shared together overwhelm you. You can hold onto the past. You can cry until your tears run out. Or you can make the conscious decision to move forward.
You can remove the guilt. You can forgive yourself. You can move forward. You can make new memories. You can build a new future. You can be happy again..
13. Don’t blame yourself.
When you’re going to break up with someone you love, it’s easy to blame yourself. After all, you probably didn’t choose to be with this person.
Maybe they were someone else’s choice. Maybe you weren’t strong enough to walk away. But if you can let go of this blame, you might find that it’s easier, to be honest with yourself and to get the help you need.
Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Some people feel guilty or feel like they’re failing when they end a relationship, but those feelings are normal. If you end a relationship for the right reasons, it’s for the best.
Remind yourself that your relationship wasn’t working. Sometimes, it’s hard to see that, but it’s important to remember that.
14. Find someone who understands or talks to an expert.
It can be scary to think about leaving someone you love. If you’re struggling with the idea of leaving someone you love, try to find someone who understands the situation.
Someone who has been in your shoes, someone who has been through what you’re going through. Someone who understands what it’s like to be in this kind of situation.
If you have friends and family who love you, they’re probably more than willing to lend an ear. They’re not going to judge you, and they’re going to be there to offer advice when you absolutely need it.
If you don’t feel comfortable sharing your breakup with close ones, take expert help or a relationship coach. As they have experience in these matters. They will definitely guide you through the break-up process.
15. Forgive yourself.
Forgive yourself for breaking up with someone you love. Life is very unpredictable. Sometimes we need to take the tough decisions even though they are not in our favor.
It’s no one’s fault. Just understand that the decision of ending your relationship is only better for both parties.
Once you are strong enough to see the situation from a logical mindset, you will clearly see things from a different version. Then it will become easy to forgive yourself and express yourself better to that person.
16. Move on
Realize it’s over and without being resentful just get over your emotional baggage and get yourself a new perspective.
Make yourself familiar, this is going to be painful.
So, instead of becoming emotionless, allow the complete pain and grieve until you get to a point where you have suffered enough and now it is the time to start afresh life. So, that it will become easy for you to move on.
Recommended reading for you: How to stop being emotionally attached to someone?
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