How can someone love you but leave you and what to do about it? (complete guide)

By: Naveen B

The one universal truth of relationships is this: they all end. There is no exception.

But the only beautiful end is where both partners share their entire life together and die hand in hand at the same time when their entire family is around. With a great sense of contempt, satisfaction, and a feeling of living a full life with immense respect and honor by a completely natural death in their old age. That’s almost everyone’s dream. Right? (At least mine)

Nonetheless, each relationship will have its fair share of difficulties, and if your relationship is one of them, then you’re not alone.

In a strong relationship, you feel like you’re hanging on by a thread. There are plenty of things that keep you together — like love, loyalty, passion, mutual respect, understanding, and so on. But there are also times when these threads come undone, and one or both partners give up. Then the relationship loses its tracks and eventually comes to an end.

And when the relationship ends, you may think how can someone love you but leave you? But the reality is, at least one partner will go through all the suffering because they completely trusted the other person and were completely attached to them physically, emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually too.

Once they choose to leave, your world completely shatters, not feeling like yourself again, and the belief in love breaks you in ways that no one can ever imagine. Sadly, that’s how love feels like when we entirely make ourselves vulnerable and fall for someone whom we really cared about, but left us.

Recommended reading: What to say to someone who has hurt you deeply? (complete guide)

But to be sure if they really left you, then they stop making plans with you. They stop calling you at all. And the worst part is, you don’t understand why. You might be heartbroken. Feel betrayed, angry, confused, and rejected. You might feel like you’ve lost them forever.


How can someone love you but leave you?

The classic conundrum: How can someone love you but leave you?

The simple answer: People change. And sometimes situations force people to leave you, even though they truly love you. Or perhaps they never loved you, but just stayed with you until they met their physical and psychological needs and fulfilled their curiosity about love and being loved. But there are also situations in which you might be the one changing, rather than the other person.

These are just a few of the considerations, but the fact is we never really know the truth unless you communicate with them clearly and ask why they said they loved you but left you. 

Most often, there are three sides to every story. One is yours, two is theirs and three is the truth. Or sometimes at least two, if you both are really honest and are truthful about each other’s words and actions.

Here my advice is if you really want to get over your emotional attachment and all the suffering, it is necessary to know their side of the story, before coming to any false conclusions. (That’s your assignment)

So, before coming to any harsh judgments, let’s figure it out with constructive feedback and a rational mind instead of emotional baggage such that you can see the reality and it will guide you to move on quickly.

So, how can someone love you but leave you?

Just think in this way, we are really living in a shallow world where we think we know much about the people we trust. But in actuality, we don’t. We only see what others show. But if you are completely self-conscious and, that’s another story. Because it will be easy for you to get into the human psyche.

In romantic movies, people fall in love and get married, and they live happily ever after. But in real life, love and relationships don’t always work out the way we want them to. In fact, there are millions of couples all over the world who have fallen out of love, and they don’t know why.

Recommended reading for you: How to stop being emotionally attached to people?

When someone you love leaves your life?

Is it possible that someone loved you and yet left you? And how can someone love you one day and leave you the next?

The answers aren’t always rational. But there are some patterns we see over and over again, and if you’re going through a rough patch in your love life, sometimes it helps to know why.

That said, there are many scenarios of why the person leaves if they love you. It really depends upon,

What type of personality are they? (introvert or extravert)

Whether they are matured or immature. (open and understanding or self-centered and ignorant)

What kind of childhood experiences do they have? (Toxic or healthy)

What situation they are going through personally right now? (Physically, emotionally, psychologically, financially or with family)

Whether they just left you temporarily or permanently. (Because of some sudden accidents or planned future)

If you answer these questions and have an idea about who they actually are, then you can move on to the reasons why they left you to understand the situation exactly.

Recommended reading: 15 situations when someone you love hurts you deeply

10 Reasons why someone love you but leave you


A relationship, no matter how strong, can be terminated by a number of reasons, some of which are beyond your control.

Sometimes, the person you love the most turns out to be someone you just can’t live without. But, often, it’s they who leave, for whatever reason.

Whatever the reason, here are a few Reasons Why People Leave the Person They Love.

1. They are dealing with some personal problems

If the person you love truly cares for you and if they go through some personal problems or dealing with some health issues, they don’t want to bother you. So, instead of troubling you in the future, they might choose to hurt you deliberately for your own good and leave you even though they truly love you.

2. Their parents or family didn’t approve your relationship

Some parents are very strict and stick to their firm beliefs. They give no freedom for their kids to love someone and choose their own partner. (This is especially true in some parts of Asian countries) Although, it appears to be a cliche. But that’s a hard-hitting truth.

And to that matter, in favor of their parents’ sentiments, some people choose their parents over everything and everyone else. And decides to sacrifice their true love. 

That’s completely an emotional bias and irrational decision. It’s like self-scarification. But in their guts, if they really know that’s wrong. Then they will face the consequence of their wrong decisions for the rest of their lives and regret hurting someone who really trusted them and loved them.

3. They Don’t Know What They Want

The person you love is still figuring out himself/herself. They might be going through multiple mood swings and dealing with an emotional roller coaster, like sometimes, they say they love you and next time, they act like they don’t care. And one day they say they love you and the next day they leave you. 

The fact here is they are not sure about what they want in life or in a relationship. If they don’t know what they want in it’s hard for them to be committed in a relationship. That’s a sign of lack of self-awareness or immaturity. So, they just play the love games and once they get bored they just leave without regretting anything.

4. You live too far away. (Maybe in a long distance relationship)

If you both are in a long-distance relationship and if that person feels that the chances of working your relationship are very slim. Then they think the relationship isn’t working out. Or they didn’t feel things were going anywhere. So instead of being responsible and taking risk, they choose to leave you although they love you.

5. They realized that your both personalities were incompatible.

In love, sometimes (not always), opposites attract. Someone who’s very shy might be attracted to someone who’s the life of the party. Someone who’s very outgoing might be attracted to someone who’s extremely shy. Someone who’s very frugal might be attracted to someone who’s extravagant.

But overall, people aren’t attracted to people who are exactly like them. They’re attracted to people who remind them of themselves, only better. If you tend to be very organized, a person who’s messy might be your soul mate. If you tend to be very spontaneous, a person who’s very planned might be your soul mate.

So in the beginning you both got attracted to each other’s physical appearance but later that person you are in love with realized that you weren’t meant to be together as your personalities clashed and there is no compatibility between you both. So they think it’s the right decision to leave the relationship before it becomes serious.

6. You’re never a priority for them.

Maybe their words are merely just words. They always considered you as an option. If they really loved you, they wouldn’t have left you in the first place. So, since the beginning of your relationship, you’re never a priority for them. They looked for a better opportunity to come and once it came, they just left you without even considering your feelings.

7. They Love You, But Don’t Feel It

The person may like you. They may even love you. But for whatever reason, they don’t feel as strongly about it as you do. This doesn’t mean they don’t love you. It means they don’t feel able to communicate their feelings to you.

You may have told them in the past that they were the one, but they weren’t sure, or didn’t believe it. Perhaps they aren’t ready for a relationship right now.

Whatever the reason, if the person who loves you but still leaves you then they don’t feel the same way, or just falls out of love very quickly. In that case you can’t force someone to love you and be there for you. it’s time to move on. And respect their decision.

8. They Have Feelings For Other People or are looking for a better partner.

Maybe your ex is just having feelings for another person. Maybe they can’t stop thinking about their crush. They could be flirting with others, thinking you were just a fling. Or they may see you as someone they can depend on. 

If this is the case, you have no control over it. So, accept it. It’s better to let them go. Anyhow, that kind of unreliable person would do no good for you in the future.

9. They Had a Bad Relationship With You or you didn’t meet their expectations.

If your relationship ended poorly, it can have a lasting effect on how they view you. Some people have very strong opinions and expectations about their future life partners. 

Even though they said they loved you, but after spending time with you they might realize that your both partnership isn’t that great and you might have not reached their expectations of a good partner. So, instead of working on your relationship, they left you for immature reasons.

10. They just lied to you and used you to meet their needs.

It can sometimes be difficult to identify if someone does or does not love you. If people don’t like or love you, they’ll rarely show it.

Sometimes they’ll say they do, but their actions and behaviors might speak louder than their words. Or they might act like they like you, but keep secrets or lie to you. And just use you as their need for physical and emotional dependency. 

People might lie or say they want your relationship to work, but their actions say otherwise. If that’s the case, then they are not good for your soul. Actually, it’s better they left you. Otherwise, they might torture you or abuse you for your whole life.

Recommended reading: 10 Psychological reasons behind why you can’t stop thinking about someone

21 Situations when someone you love leaves your life.


If you are still not sure, how can someone love you but leave you, because the reasons someone loves you but leaves you are endless, but here are 21 popular ones:

1. They are opportunists

2. They couldn’t commit.

3. They get bored with you.

4. Your relationship isn’t serious enough.

5. Financial problems

6. Your relationship lack intimacy.

7. There is quarrel all the time and no peace of mind for each other.

8. They felt they weren’t ready to commit to a permanent relationship.

9. They felt they had other future plans.

10. You never were one of their choices, but they made you anyway.

11. They were in a rush to find someone, so you became “convenient”.

12. They liked your looks when you first met, but then they decided you weren’t their type.

13. You weren’t available when they were available.

14. You’re too different.

15. You’re too needy.

16. You’re too good for them.

17. They’re too good for you.

18. You’re just not right for each other.

19. You don’t mesh.

20. You just don’t know each other well enough and have no mutual understanding.

21. It’s complicated.

What to do when someone you love leaves you?

What to do when someone leaves you?

After someone you leaves you, emotions tend to run high, and it’s easy to jump to the conclusion that someone didn’t love you back, or that they simply didn’t care enough. But it’s also possible that someone loved you, but circumstances changed. Instead of blaming yourself for what happened, here is what you should do when someone who loved you but left you.

For one last time think of their good side, give them a chance, and try to communicate with them to know the truth behind their betrayal. If they are going through some difficult situations alone. Be there for them in these hard times. Give your emotional support. And if possible reach out to them personally. So that they can realize how much you love them and care for them.

Even though you tried your best and you did everything you could do. If he/she already made up their mind to leave you for no reason. Then it’s time to be mature, let yourself grieve for trusting someone who really didn’t deserve your kindness and love. 

Keep the lessons and experiences in your mind, heart, and soul. Forgive yourself. Forgive them and Move on. You deserve a person who is equal to your worth. Just have patience and let time decide your destiny or give you the opportunity to meet your soulmate. Just make yourself a better human, the right person will eventually get attracted you. Good luck.

Highly recommended reading for you: Psychological facts about soulmates

How to find your soulmate (complete intuitive guide)

Signs your soulmate is coming

Image credits: Couple vector created by freepik –


  • Naveen B

    Experienced Psychology and philosophy Writer, self-help and relationship Coach and thought influencer. He has 7 years of experience in Personal development industry. His expertise as a self-help and relationship Coach has been highlighted through his articles in medium and substack to name a few. To be updated with his latest work, connect with him by following his social media accounts.

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Experienced Psychology and philosophy Writer, self-help and relationship Coach and thought influencer. He has 7 years of experience in Personal development industry. His expertise as a self-help and relationship Coach has been highlighted through his articles in medium and substack to name a few. To be updated with his latest work, connect with him by following his social media accounts.

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