How to not get attached to people? According to psychology

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By: Naveen B

Sometimes, you can be emotionally attached to someone to the point that you have trouble moving on. That might be your boyfriend or girlfriend; wife or husband; a guy or a girl you are attracted to. This is especially true if you met someone online, where it’s easier to fall for someone you’ve never met.

Problems arise when you start to depend on another person or feel trapped by emotional attachment.

You might feel tempted to stay in the relationship even though the person doesn’t reciprocate your feelings because of these strong emotional bonds.

In this complete guide, let’s discuss how to stop being emotionally attached to someone and how to not get attached to people in different situations.

Before that, let’s understand-

What is emotional attachment?

An emotional attachment is that feeling of being connected to someone or something, usually romantic in nature. A person might have an emotional attachment because of a shared experience with another person, often one where they felt very close to the other. 

“Attachment” is a psychological term that describes the emotional bond that is formed between two people when one person is emotionally invested in another person.

In a romantic relationship, attachment can be a positive thing, but it also can be a source of anxiety and stress, especially when those emotions, feelings, and attachments are not mutual.

Also read: 10 Psychological reasons behind why you can’t stop thinking about someone.

Signs of emotional attachment


Emotional attachment has its roots in the pre-conscious mind. You don’t consciously think about how much you like someone or care about them. But if you take the time to reflect on your reactions, you might begin to see them more clearly.

Here are some of the most common signs of emotional attachment:

You are willing to do anything to avoid hurting their feelings. 

You worry about their feelings and ask them how they’re doing or if they’re okay.

You feel hurt that they’re ignoring you.

You care what they think about you.

You think that you cannot live without them. 

You cannot stop thinking about them. 

You hate them when someone says something bad about them. 

You feel jealous when you see them with another person. 

When they are sad, you want to make them happy again. 

When they are angry, you want to make them calm again. 

You let their mood control your own mood. 

You feel like you owe them something. You don’t need to do anything too much; all you need to do is be there for them when they need it.

You ask questions about their personal life too often and worry too much about them.

You are highly sensitive about everything that they say or do to you and easily get offended when they hurt you, consciously or unconsciously.

Also, there are many other signs, but if you say “Yes” to these signs, then you are emotionally attached to them.

Also read: What does it mean when you can’t stop thinking about someone you barely know?

Why do I get attached so easily? (Psychology)


As per psychology, we all get attached so easily to people because when the human brain forms an emotional bond with another person, it feels very real and powerful. The way your brain associates with another person is through your amygdala, which is responsible for receiving and processing information. 

Your amygdala is wired so that it can never tell what’s real and what’s not. Therefore, if you have an emotional bond with someone, the amygdala will accept it as true without ever being able to decide whether it’s genuine or not.

Also, one of the reasons why we fall in love or are emotionally attached to people is because of the tendency of humans to make decisions based on emotions rather than logic.

Some people tend to abandon reason when it comes to making decisions. (e.g. Picking a partner, making a career choice) And we prefer to choose those who fulfill our emotional needs such as intimacy, love, acceptance, and security.

Also read: When you feel a connection with someone do they feel it too?

How to not get attached to people?


Emotional attachment can be a very real and damaging thing. If you’re attached to someone who doesn’t reciprocate your feelings, it can make you miserable for a long period of time.

Emotionally attached people feel guilty about leaving, and they often end up making bad choices that cause them more pain in the end.

So, how to not get attached to people?

The best way to not get attached to people is by being aware of your thoughts and emotions. When you’re using your mind to sabotage yourself, it’s important to be aware of what’s happening — and why.

If you want to get rid of destructive thoughts and habits, the best way is to become aware of and accept them. You can’t control thoughts, but you can control where they go and what they do.

Also read: What is it called when you care too much about what others think?(10 tips on how to not care what people think)

So how do we learn to control and manage the behavior of these strong thoughts and emotions? The answer lies in three basic components:

The first component is self-control – this crucial element is related to cognitive control and impulse control; it’s about slowing down and making choices deliberately rather than impulsively. 

The second component is mindfulness – this term refers to paying attention and monitoring what you are doing; it helps you be aware of what you do and why you do it (i.e., the thoughts behind your actions). 

The third component is perspective – this one refers to how we view ourselves and other people; we need to be open-minded and always look at both sides of things before acting on them.

A lot of people get into relationships with the notion that they will never end. They will be together for the rest of their lives, and no one else will ever love them as much as they do. But this is not true. Love doesn’t last forever.

If you are in a relationship, you should always try to make it work, but things can change. People grow apart or drift apart due to different reasons. And if the relationship is over, you should always respect each other’s feelings and wishes.

A breakup takes a lot of energy, so don’t involve yourself with other people who could bring you down further. You don’t want to start yet another fight that could have been avoided if only you were more careful about what you do or say or about your actions.

Emotional attachment can entirely vary from different person to person; from gender to gender and from different experiences to the level of awareness of each personality. Let’s see How to not get attached to people in different situations.

Also read: What does it mean when you can’t stop thinking about someone? (7 Psychological terms and tips to stop obsessive thinking)

Frequently asked relevant questions:

How to not get attached to a guy?

How to not get attached to your boyfriend or How to not get attached to a guy you are sleeping with?

You just need to know how to set your standards and boundaries. Most women, no matter how much experience they have, will get attached to a guy.

It is the nature of the female mind and hormones. You can learn how to not get attached, but it’s easier said than done:

You must first define what you want in a man and what makes him attractive. And you should always be aware of your own level of attractiveness and masculinity/femininity.

Many women get carried away by the feeling of being “in love” and can get emotionally stuck in their partner.

But this doesn’t only happen with individuals who are married or living together. It happens all the time with people who are dating or even seeing each other.

The best way to not get attached is to realize that any emotional attachment is usually only temporary; it’s not something that will last forever, and there is no need to be afraid of that realization.

Also read: Why can’t I stop thinking about someone? (According to psychology)

There are many ways you can deal with the emotional side of things if it gets too much, but the best way is to stay emotionally detached from your partner so you don’t get too deep into your emotions towards them.

To stop being emotionally attached, keep yourself busy so that you don’t have time for any romantic thoughts about your partner to develop further.

If you find yourself thinking about your boyfriend or girlfriend over and over again, it’s time for you to move on.

Make sure that you’re not getting too involved in these romantic thoughts because they’re just going to cause problems in your relationship if they go on for too long.

How to not get attached to friends?

If you have friends who are your “support system”, you need to be aware of this. You are likely to be emotionally attached to such friends. Because they are helping uplift you in difficult times and providing you with emotional support and comfort.

However, this is a dangerous situation and it could also lead to developing an unhealthy emotional attachment. This is more common among many men and women who are highly sensitive and possess the extreme Empath nature.

When you get attached to your friends, you are going to emotionally depend on them for each little adversity. Because you are obsessed with their gentle characteristics like warmth, understanding, and caring nature.

You become vulnerable and might become more submissive. Because you do not see any other option but complete trust and trust can turn into love quickly.

If you want to avoid ruining yourself emotionally, then the best way to stop being emotionally attached to your friends is to establish necessary boundaries or distance yourself from them.

As much as you might want to spend time with them, try to limit your time with them. This will help you grow as an individual and not become so wrapped up in what other people think of you.

Also read: 25 Psychological facts about crushes and falling in love (Scientific research based)

You’ll also be able to spend more time on yourself because you won’t have so much free time.

If you don’t have many friends, it’s even more important that you avoid getting attached to any person or group of people. You can find friends that are similar to the ones that you like, but this should only happen after you’ve worked hard on yourself first.

How to not get attached to a girl?

A woman’s mood swings and emotions can be very difficult to handle and handle well. When you get to know her deeply, you tend to fall in love with her and start caring about her.

This can be really hurtful for the girl and for you as well if you find out that she is not interested in you.

Here is my advice to not get attached to a girl.

You need to understand that getting attached is an emotional process. And it’s not something that you can control suddenly.

So if the girl really likes you, it’s very likely that she will not want to break up with you and it will be difficult for her to say no to your request.

Because every girl is different, they have their own needs and sets of priorities. What is right for one girl may or may not be right for another. There is no one-size-fits-all solution to this problem.

Also read: If you can’t stop thinking about someone are they thinking about you?

For this reason, try asking yourself these questions:

Does she love me?

Is she ready for a relationship?

Does she possess a similar emotional attachment to me?

Is she seeing herself with me for a lifelong partnership?

If You say yes, then try to communicate your feelings with her in a mature way.

Otherwise, my suggestion for you is don’t become a slave of emotion, don’t let your emotions guide you into a rough situation. You should always try to act rationally.

The practical way to not get attached to a girl is, it is necessary to have your own identity. You are responsible for yourself, so you need to know who you are and what you do before you can be responsible for someone else.

Once you develop a powerful personality, a girl with similar values will eventually get attracted to you. Then you can lead your relationship with much more maturity and emotional stability.

Also read: Psychological facts about thinking of someone (Research-based)

How to not get attached to someone online?

Getting too attached to someone online can be a common pitfall for people who are just getting into online dating. If you’re not careful, you might find yourself making an emotional investment that doesn’t pay off or that could lead to heartbreak.

It’s not always easy to determine if someone you’re chatting with online is interested in a real-life relationship. But here are some things you can do to make sure you don’t get too attached.

Don’t respond to every message, no matter how good it sounds. If the conversation is going nowhere, don’t give your real number or your real name, and don’t provide any information that would make it easy for the person to learn your identity.

After a few months of chatting, consider cutting off contact with a person who has been persistent. It’s a good idea to keep track of who you talk to so you can decide whether it’s worth chatting with them again.

In order to not get attached to someone online, one should make sure that they are staying in control of their emotions when communicating with them. In other words, you should stay rational and keep in mind that you are only communicating with someone online.

How to not get attached to a married man?

It is normal to be attracted to a married man for some women. But if you start considering him your boyfriend, don’t do it. You can get attached to married men, and this creates problems in the long run.

Just remind yourself that you will feel guilty when you want to end things with them.

There are times when it may be difficult to end things with someone, but if they start telling you how much they love you or that they can’t live without you then something might be wrong with them

It could be all an act designed to make you stay on the line longer so that they can get some more information on how to find their wife/girlfriend on Facebook.

Here are two tips on how to not get attached.

  1. Always put your mental health first: First of all, be sure your mental health is healthy before you enter into any relationship again. You cannot expect any good results if you are not mentally prepared for it.

You need to be emotionally strong enough to withstand any kind of emotional pain that may come your way in this process of breaking off your emotional attachment with any person.

If you are not emotionally ready for this process, it will be too difficult for you to handle it at all, especially if someone else comes in between the two of you in the form of another person.

  1. Keep your distance and remove him from your life: It is important for you to move away from that person. And if possible You should also understand the importance of keeping your distance from him. This helps your life run smoothly and prevents you from getting hurt when you least expect it.
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Experienced Psychology and philosophy Writer, self-help and relationship Coach and thought influencer. He has 7 years of experience in Personal development industry. His expertise as a self-help and relationship Coach has been highlighted through his articles in medium and substack to name a few. To be updated with his latest work, connect with him by following his social media accounts.

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