How to be friends with benefits? (12 steps)

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By: Naveen B

Are you thinking about having a FWBs? If so, there are a few things you should know before getting into one.

Some people do it for recreational purposes and others treat it as a means of emotional fulfillment.

However, in both cases, communicating with your partner is crucial if you’re ever going to get what you want out of it.

In order to find out whether or not your FWB wants more from their friendship.

Here are some questions that might help:

What does each of us expect from our friendship?

How would we feel if either one of us starts seeing someone else?

Do we like each other enough outside of bed?

Is there anything we’d like our FWB arrangement to change without upsetting either one of us too much?

Also read: 100+ Questions to ask your potential FWB

Friends with benefits relationships are becoming increasingly popular in today’s society.

Even so, it is not always easy to define what an FWB relationship actually entails and some people may find that it is harder than expected to turn a friendship into a purely s#xual one or to be casual friends with benefits.

Therefore, you need a few helpful tips to get you going – because getting started on your FWBs journey will surely prove difficult if you don’t know where to begin.

How to be friends with benefits?

tips to be friends with benefits How to be friends with benefits? (12 steps)

How to be friends with benefits? The best way to enjoy a FWB is simply by being upfront about what you want and your expectations from such a relationship.

It is important for both of you that neither one starts feeling like more than a friend before things really go forward.

If you decide to remain just friends then there shouldn’t be any confusion between each other and that way there won’t ever be any awkwardness.

You’re enjoying each other’s company without any strings attached, which means no jealousy if they have s#x with someone else or if he/she wants nothing more than an intimate friendship (which is actually quite common).

The beauty of FWBs lies in their simplicity: no drama, no feelings involved, and a mutual understanding on what each person wants out of it. Being friends with benefits is, at times, a difficult task.

Also read: What does friends with benefits mean to a guy?

However, when you and your partner are able to keep your minds open and talk about your expectations together it can certainly make things easier for both of you.

There’s always a chance that feelings may develop at some point, so don’t go into things expecting not to feel anything.

But what should you do if feelings do occur? Well, first of all, I’d say don’t run away from them – just accept them as they are and try talking about it together.

If either of you is not ready for such a relationship, then perhaps FWBs isn’t for you. On other hand, if both of you consider moving on from friendship to something more serious – give it time.

Keep in mind that FWB situations can sometimes last longer than relationships developed from casual dating due to the natural ebb and flow of emotions.

Also, note my last tip above: be honest about your feelings but always remain respectful towards one another even when parting ways in FWB situation.

Also read: Your guide to best friends with benefits relationship

12 Steps to be friends with benefits

steps to be friends with benefits How to be friends with benefits? (12 steps)

1. Know exactly what does FWB mean:

At first, have an idea about friends with benefits relationships before getting into one. It’s better to research topics related to FWBR and ask yourself questions such as,

What are friends with benefits?

Is friends with benefits a relationship?

Is friends with benefits a good idea?

Why friends with benefits is good?

Why friends with benefits is bad?

Friends with benefits rules, Can friends with benefits fall in love? and so on. Make sure you get acquainted with its meaning.

Also read: Does friends with benefits actually work?

2. Decide if Friends with benefits relationship is really what you want:

People often go ahead and create relationships they think they should be having but when things start moving forward they aren’t ready for them or change their minds halfway through.

That is why at least at the beginning of your journey it’s important to make sure that you really want something like FWBs or if there isn’t something else – something less complicated perhaps – that would better suit your current needs or desires.

Make your intentions and goals clear. It’s best if you figure out why you want a FWB – because some people will have different motives behind their decision than others.

You may not think it makes a difference but knowing exactly why you’re seeking FWBs will help you define what kind of s#x-friendship combo works for you in practice – because your true intentions can easily cause misunderstandings or even hurt feelings between partners.

Ask yourself questions like How far do I want things to go? Or What are my expectations? And Does FWB suits me? You don’t need to spend too much time analyzing, but you must know for sure that both of you agree on your terms and conditions regarding a FWB.

Also read: How to turn your relationship into friends with benefits?

Otherwise, both of you might end up feeling hurt by thinking that something else was agreed upon only later on finding out it wasn’t.

It’s best just not to complicate things from the very beginning if you’re not 100% sure and all set on going through with it.

Your friendship could easily get ruined. Don’t rush things and give yourself some time, if possible until Valentine’s Day.

 3. Choose carefully who can become your friend with benefits:

Choose your FWB partner wisely. It might sound obvious but you will end up spending more time with them during the s#x-only phase of your relationship so make sure they’re someone you truly like as a person.

This will be crucial not only for your sake but also for theirs because you’re basically choosing someone who will share all intimate aspects of your life together for a considerable amount of time – possibly even indefinitely.

The most important thing is that both of you must feel comfortable talking about it, even if there are disagreements and arguments; otherwise, it’ll be hard if not impossible to maintain any sort of FWBs.

You don’t need to agree on everything – in fact, there mustn’t always be an agreement between partners in FWBs relationships.

However, there should definitely be some type of balance that can let everyone feel at ease discussing issues without feeling judged or scolded by one another.

It’s best just to talk openly and honestly about what each party wants and doesn’t want so that both parties know exactly where they stand and where they’re headed concerning their FWB-relationship.

Don’t let misunderstandings build-up just because no one talks about them.

Also read: 20 Benefits of friends with benefits

4. Set boundaries and rules for your FWB relationship:

Making a set of rules and agreements is best to keep things clear from day one.

It will prevent any confusion in your s#x-friendships or further down in FWBs relationships that have gone on for quite some time without much change because everyone has forgotten about their initial plans.

Of course, there are no guarantees that things won’t change in the future – people often end up getting hurt or feel dissatisfied when what they planned turns out not work out according to their original expectations.

However, at least you’ll both know what you agreed upon originally if you decide to change anything in future.

5. Don’t become emotionally attached:

Make sure there are no strings attached. When entering an FFWB setup, both partners should make it clear that they are not interested in establishing anything serious or long-term with each other – despite mutual attraction being involved at times.

In fact, there should be an explicit agreement between two parties that after their physical relations are done for good, they won’t be friends anymore either.

It’s important not to get any feelings involved in your FWBs relationships – you’re basically having an affair after all so emotions are bound to be involved.

If it gets serious and one of you really does start developing some type of deeper affection towards someone else it’s best just to break things off even if that person doesn’t want that kind of ending or breaking up right now.

Otherwise, you could end up hurting them more than they’d have ever hurt you in a million years.

Think about how they would feel and what they would say if they knew everything as it actually is – in fact, don’t let anything slip out just because they don’t need to know what’s going on outside their little bubble.

Also read: Why do friends with benefits end?

Your main focus is having fun, enjoying each other’s company, and being there for each other – nothing more, nothing less.

 If one of you does end up getting attached, then it’ll likely destroy your friendship and make things awkward between you both in every possible way.

That would be more than enough reason for one or both of you to completely stop seeing each other altogether.

6. Communicate your expectations, needs, fantasies, goals effectively:

There must be a level of openness between you and your partner that doesn’t result in jealousy or misunderstandings.

Because one person simply isn’t comfortable or willing to engage in certain s#xual activities that their friend-with-benefits is okay with.

It’s best just to talk things through and figure out what you can both do without either party feeling awkward; otherwise, it might end up hurting feelings – especially if one person feels rejected.

There is absolutely no need for that if you just keep talking about what you’re comfortable with and what’s off-limits, so there are no surprises later on because someone didn’t feel like opening up from day one.

Also read: How to be friends with benefits without catching feelings?

7. Have a plan of action and stick to it:

Having a direction you’re taking your FWB arrangement in will help reduce confusion and make things clear for both parties – otherwise, it can get out of hand very quickly.

Be sure that you decide from day one what is acceptable for either person and how things are supposed to go – otherwise, there might be disagreements or hurt feelings down the road.

For example, making plans is best not only because you’ll get into routines but also because they’ll know what they should expect out of your friendship.

Similarly, it’s important to set boundaries and rules so that no one oversteps them; however, at least having those set rules allows both parties more security as far as future expectations are concerned.

8. Don’t rush things

If there’s anything that’s wrong with having FWB relationships, then that would be rushing things too much and engaging in actions that are expected from people already in a relationship.

No matter how well you get along with your friend, don’t try to go further than you’re both comfortable with at any given moment. Being FWB means always respecting boundaries when it comes to physical intimacy.

You might find someone incredibly attractive – but if they aren’t willing to engage s#xually right now, respect their choice and don’t push them into something they’re not ready for.

The best way is just to let time pass by so that eventually, they might come around; remember – never force or pressure anyone into doing something they’re not ready for.

It’s especially important to know that going out on dates together or meeting each other’s parents doesn’t mean you should start jumping into bed together as well.

It isn’t fair to either of you because being intimate before being able to establish trust is considered cheating in some situations.

Also read: Why friends with benefits is bad?

9. Discuss about STD status and have regular physical tests:

You should be upfront regarding your current health condition and discuss your s#xual history as well.

This is especially important if you or your partner are known for being promiscuous because it’s one of those things that can ruin a friendship for good if not taken care of properly.

It’s best to decide in advance whether or not you’re going to get tested together before engaging in any s#xual activities; that way there are no surprises when it comes down to it.

Cond#ms aren’t really necessary in most FWB relationships, but they do help prevent STDs such as HIV/AIDS as well as other types of infections.

10. Turn your FWB into a relationship if you think he or she is the one:

If you think you both were easily connected as soon as you began your friends with benefits and have the potential to become the best couple in the long run don’t shy off and express your thoughts and deep feelings with your FWB partner.

Explain why you both are made for each other and if he/she connects with you in a similar turn your friends with benefits into a relationship and end your FWB for once and all. And begin a committed relationship.

Also read: How to turn your friends with benefits into a relationship?

11. Have Fun:

The best thing about being FWB is having fun and making each other happy – that’s really it.

There are no hard rules for what you should or shouldn’t do, just as long as you stay honest and make sure not to hurt your friend in any way.

Don’t forget that having FWB relationships isn’t meant to be serious or let either of you down – so don’t take things too seriously when they’re happening.

You can have fun and still remain safe if both of you decide on rules upfront, communicate them clearly and establish boundaries together; remember – safety is more important than anything else.

Just ensure that both of you agree on everything before acting upon it – otherwise, things could go horribly wrong very quickly.

12. Know when to end your Friends with benefits relationship:

Even though many people like to pretend that FWBs relationships never have an ending, you should realize that sooner or later both of you will probably want something more serious.

If that’s not something you’re prepared for, then it’s better for you to just stay as FWB and not do anything stupid.

In any case, even if things don’t go completely downhill, there are situations where FWBs relationships simply don’t work out – either because one of you has developed feelings or is already in a primary relationship but unwilling to let go of it.

Whatever is holding one of you back, it’s best not to continue on and wait until there’s nothing stopping either of you from moving on together.

Also read: 15 pros and cons of friends with benefits

Final thoughts:

In conclusion, in order to be in friends with benefits relationship you need to make sure that you aren’t trying to hide anything from your partner.

It’s also vital that both of you discuss things openly and honestly and not expect your friendship to last for years – after all, there’s no way of knowing whether or not it will.

The important thing is having fun together and treating each other well; if either of you is incapable of doing those two things, then perhaps FWB isn’t for you!


  • Naveen B

    Experienced Psychology and philosophy Writer, self-help and relationship Coach and thought influencer. He has 7 years of experience in Personal development industry. His expertise as a self-help and relationship Coach has been highlighted through his articles in medium and substack to name a few. To be updated with his latest work, connect with him by following his social media accounts.

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Experienced Psychology and philosophy Writer, self-help and relationship Coach and thought influencer. He has 7 years of experience in Personal development industry. His expertise as a self-help and relationship Coach has been highlighted through his articles in medium and substack to name a few. To be updated with his latest work, connect with him by following his social media accounts.

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