Love can make us do crazy things. Even if you know it’s the wrong thing to do. Sometimes your heart can get in the way of your better judgment and you find yourself falling in love with someone who you know is completely wrong for you.
It’s hard to get over that person when you have to see them at work every day, especially when they are an attractive member of the opposite s#x or are your boss.
Working with someone you have feelings for can be frustrating and stressful, and it’s not uncommon to fall in love with someone at work.
If you work closely with someone you have an affair with or are already in a relationship with and begin to develop feelings for him or her, you might wonder how to get over this person.
Recommended reading for you: How to get over someone you love deeply? (complete guide)
It may be that he or she feels the same way about you or that you just need some time apart from each other, but regardless of your reasons, it’s important to learn how to get over someone you work with if it’s going to negatively affect your career.
Maybe you’re dreading going into work because of the constant reminders of your ex or your crush, or maybe you’re afraid that if something goes wrong at work, it could make you look bad in front of them and others.
Working with someone you’re attracted to can be stressful—and awkward—if you don’t handle it correctly.
It’s important to remember that you’re at work, not at the bar or out on a date, so you need to avoid falling into the trap of flirting too aggressively, being too touchy-feely, or spending time alone with this person if your relationship isn’t appropriate for that level of physical contact or personal interaction.
Recommended reading: How to get over someone you love who doesn’t love you back?
This article will give you the advice you need on how to get over someone you work with without making things awkward at the office.
How to get over someone you work with?
How to get over someone you work with? Working with someone you have dated or been crushing on can be challenging, whether it’s because you don’t want to make things awkward or because they’re simply not your type.
When you see them every day at work, it’s inevitable that you’ll spend more time with them than you would with your friends or family.
For example, you might meet up with your pals on the weekend to go catch a movie, but if you work with someone, chances are that at least one of you will still be at the office during those hours.
Whether you’re trying to make the relationship work or simply move on, it’s important to remember that you can remain friendly without leading them on by letting them know you are not interested in pursuing anything more than friendship.
Take some time to identify why this person appeals to you before you try to get over them.
What is most important when getting over someone you work with?
Moving on from a relationship is never easy, and it’s even harder when there are complications such as working together. Let go of feelings for your co-worker by limiting contact and starting fresh at work.
First, assess how much time you spend with your ex; if you see him or her daily or weekly, then cut down on these interactions as much as possible.
Avoid meeting up for drinks after work and leave other gatherings early so that you won’t be tempted to linger and talk longer than necessary.
Make an effort to socialize more outside of work so that your focus will shift away from romantic relationships.
What are common mistakes people make when getting over someone they work with?
Generally, there are two common mistakes people make when getting over someone they work with. The first mistake is dwelling on why it didn’t last. It’s hard not to think about what went wrong or obsess about why things didn’t work out.
However, ruminating on past mistakes won’t do anything but keep you down—and working alongside your ex can be pretty awkward if he or she is constantly trying to figure out where things went wrong and what happened between your breakup and now.
Dwelling on these things only keeps both of you stuck in a miserable place and prevents any progress from being made at all.
The second mistake is confusing friendship or attraction with love. If your relationship ended, it means that things aren’t working out and there’s a good chance that both of you need time apart from each other. Make sure to give yourself and your partner space.
Talk less about each other and more about everyone else around you. You can still be friends, but if things don’t progress into something more than that again, then allow them to just go back to being friends.
If either one of you doesn’t feel like it would be appropriate for the two of you as co-workers, then at least try not to talk about personal issues during business hours or even take phone calls outside of business hours so as not to distract other employees.
Recommended reading: How to get over someone you never dated?
What are some little things I can do to try and move on from this person more easily?
Acknowledging your feelings is an important first step, but it’s also important not to indulge them. Even if you can’t stop thinking about them, make sure that isn’t coloring how you approach your job. Are they doing something especially annoying or stupid?
Try to focus on their behaviors, not them as a person. Now is not a good time for revenge fantasies—and no one will think less of you if they find out that’s what’s going on in your head. Write them down instead and then put them away for another day when they’ll be more useful.
10 Best ways to get over someone you work with
1. Reexamine your life when you have feelings for someone you work with
What situation are you in your life? Are you single or married? Are they open for relationship or already committed to someone else? Did you fall for their outlook or status or charm? If so, just know that it is possible to develop feelings towards someone because of his/her attractive look, style and attitude.
We can often find ourselves attracted to people at work because of shared interests, hobbies or extracurricular activities. These attractions are very common but don’t do anything about them if they are affecting your performance or have a negative impact on your professional relationships.
As well as being professional in every interaction, remember that there are other priorities in your life besides having fun. If what’s holding you back is fear of hurting someone else or fear of being judged by co-workers or superiors, try not to lose sight of what’s important.
Most people who have done it before will tell you that getting over a relationship is not hard, all it takes is time.
Tips to reevaluate your life to move on from someone you work with.
The first step towards recovering from such an experience is remembering what’s most important in your life and remembering your priorities.
Don’t spend too much time thinking about what could have been or wishing things were different – focus on what matters right now and start putting yourself out there again.
It doesn’t matter how old you are, whether you feel like moving on or if it feels like too late – anyone can move on and find happiness again after a failed relationship.
If you are worried about what other people think, remember that almost everyone has been in your shoes at some point in their life.
So don’t be afraid of being judged for what happened. In fact, knowing that others have overcome similar experiences will help put your own problems into perspective and give you a chance to learn from others’ mistakes.
Sometimes just being able to talk it out can alleviate feelings of confusion or anxiety and help you take a step towards recovery by showing you there is a light at the end of a dark tunnel.
It may sound cliché but life really does go on so try not to feel bad for feeling bad – simply take each day as it comes and embrace your new-found freedom! You will find yourself going out more frequently and trying new things which helps remove feelings of loneliness.
Recommended reading: Is it possible for someone to love you and still cheat on you?
2. Set up Your Relationship Boundaries in the workplace.
People can develop feelings for their coworkers, but it is important not to act on those feelings. The workplace isn’t exactly a dating pool, and even if there’s a mutual attraction, there’s a reason why most people don’t cross that line.
The workplace can be a tricky place when it comes to personal relationships. We all want our coworkers to like us, but some people take things too far—and become more than just friends. You have every right not to date your coworker, but once he/she crosses that line, it’s time for them to know where you stand.
A professional relationship with your coworker could ruin both of your careers or even end up in a s#xual harassment lawsuit.
So, the best way to avoid all the emotional drama is to set up healthy boundaries in your work place. And just look at it simply as a place to help you navigate your personal development and career growth.
5 tips to set up your relationship boundaries in the workplace:
1. Don’t socialize with your coworker outside of work (At least limit them).
2. Keep your conversation professional at all times. Remember, even if you are super friendly or flirtatious, it can be misconstrued as favoritism so tone down your personality a little bit more than usual.
3. Don’t hang out in each other’s personal space (i.e You want to avoid drinking/eating together). Being on your coworkers level will make it harder for you to detach yourself if things start getting weird between you two.
4. Don’t take their kindness for weakness, no matter how friendly they are at first.
5. If your coworker is hitting on you, stand up for yourself and set boundaries.
3. Deal with your emotions when you fell in love with your co-worker.
There is a growing trend of married people having affairs with their co-workers, but if they fall in love, these types of affairs can be very painful. You need to make a clear choice: either break it off or don’t!
If your relationship is very strong and both of you understand your situation and decide to stay together despite all difficulties, there are some steps you need to take. Discuss with your partner all advantages and disadvantages that might happen as a result of your decision.
It will help you stay focused on future and be more careful in your relationships with colleagues at work.
5 tips to deal with your emotions alone to get over someone you work with.
1. The first thing you should do is face reality and accept that there will be no happy-ever-after relationship; otherwise, it will only leave more scars on your heart. Whether at work or at home.
2. Remember that if it’s not meant to be, no efforts on your part will help it happen. So stop trying! It’s a waste of time and energy that you can use more wisely elsewhere.
3. Concentrate on how good it was while it lasted instead of getting stuck in a whirlwind of regrets and what ifs that will only bring more pain and emptiness into your life.
4. Control your thoughts and feelings, don’t just let them take control of you! Remember that it’s you who are in charge, not your emotions.
5. The more effort we put into an emotional attachment – even one we know is impossible –the harder we try for it, the more painful will be its loss or absence. That’s why monitor your emotions with a rational thought.
Recommended reading: How to get over someone who broke your heart?
4. Don’t share your feelings and avoid being vulnerable around them.
While it might be tempting to open up and tell your crush exactly how you feel, it’s probably not a good idea. Sharing your feelings (especially when they’re not reciprocated) may make things awkward between you and your crush at work.
Plus, let’s face it—in most cases, rejection is inevitable. Save yourself some embarrassment by taking an honest look at your emotions before sharing them with others.
Keep in mind that trying to woo someone who has no interest in you isn’t wise either; if nothing else, give him or her some space if he or she tells you s/he’s seeing someone else already.
If neither of these strategies appeal to you, don’t be afraid to make yourself stubborn and analyze the things objectively and choose your rational mind instead of emotions.
Acknowledge your feelings and make a decision: It may sound like it goes without saying, but step one of getting over someone involves acknowledging your feelings first.
If you refuse to admit how you really feel about another person, you won’t be able to focus on moving forward until they become aware of how you feel about them.
5 psychological tips to avoid being vulnerable
1. If there’s a possibility of rejection, try your best not to get involved in a conversation with him or her.
2. Don’t indulge in self-pity; it’s okay to miss him or her sometimes, but if you’re feeling overwhelmed by your emotions, distract yourself for a while and then come back when your emotions have settled down a bit.
3. Don’t focus on a future that doesn’t include him or her. You can’t force yourself to love another person, and it’s impossible for anyone else to make you feel something that isn’t there.
4. Give yourself time; it takes time for some people to fall in love, and some never do. If he or she isn’t capable of loving you back, they never will be, so give yourself some time before trying again.
5. Be realistic about who you are; if he or she wasn’t right for you, they weren’t right for you, and trying to persuade yourself otherwise is only setting yourself up for more heartache.
Recommended reading: How to get over someone who is cheating on you?
6. Be professional and remind your priorities
Being professional in a workplace setting can be hard. You see your crush everyday, and at times it’s not easy to keep your emotions in check. However, when you do fall for your co-worker, try your best to stay on top of things.
Remind yourself that what happened between you was just physical attraction or temporary infatuation—not love.
It will only become an issue if it compromises your professionalism or morals. Know when enough is enough and keep your distance before things get too messy! No one wants drama at work.
Here are some tips to be professional at work and get over someone you work with.
1. Practice good communication skills at work by being polite and kind. It’s all about how you treat others, even if they are not your significant other.
2. Don’t treat your co-worker any differently than how you would a client or a colleague that is not in a romantic relationship with.
3. Don’t talk about your co-worker or show any signs of romantic feelings towards them in front of others.
4. If your co-worker has asked for personal space or time, respect that and give it to them. Remember not everyone is as open as you are about their relationships.
5. Remember your feelings for your co-worker will not disappear overnight, but try not to let them seep into your workplace relationships, as it can make things very awkward and uncomfortable for all parties involved.
7. Replace interactions with them with other activities
Of course, a friendly reminder isn’t a magic spell that will erase your feelings for your co-worker. You’ll still have those moments when you think about his or her smile or how much he or she seems to genuinely care about what’s going on in your life.
In those moments, try distracting yourself by doing something unrelated—read a book, go for a walk, spend time with friends—and give yourself time to move on.
The more distractions and diversions you create, the better chance you’ll have of eventually putting these feelings behind you. This can be at work, in your office, or when they come to visit. If you have something to do, do it.
It doesn’t matter what you are doing; it matters that you are not giving them your attention. All too often we give people our time and energy by default because we like them. So try not to like them for a while.
Get into hobbies or other activities that keep your mind occupied (you should be doing these things anyway).
Try not to flirt or spend time alone if at all possible so you don’t send mixed signals.
Recommended reading: How to get over someone who used you?
If you do find yourself feeling flirty or tempted, walk away.
At times it can be difficult not to act on your feelings, but try your best to distract yourself with your goals or hobbies. You can even talk to a trusted friend if necessary! Everyone needs that support system once in a while.
Think about everything negative about them, like how he/she never gets anything right (even little things). Make yourself believe they’re useless at their job, or doesn’t do much around here even though they seem like an essential part of your team.
Think of any criticism you have towards them; there must be something! Positive thoughts will make it harder for you to get past him/her.
But negativity is key to forgetfulness! It takes time (but keep trying!), but eventually he’ll leave your thoughts after all negative thoughts are gone!
8. Don’t stalk your co-worker on social media
It’s easy to get obsessed over someone you have a crush on. In your case it’s your co-worker. So, your thoughts revolve around them. And you can’t control them and keep on checking your phone, stalking their social media to check what they are up to. And see their favorite pictures over and again.
If you follow this loop you will never get over them. The best way to avoid it is by muting their profile or removing the app itself. And focus your creative energy on something useful that gives fruitful results.
9. Shift your job timings or change your location or replace your job.
In most cases, if you’re crushing on a colleague, it’s best to avoid talking to him or her altogether. After all, your situation is tricky—how do you discuss business when things feel personal?
Still, job-related talk is inevitable sometimes. If that happens, try shifting your schedule so you don’t have as much time to spend together.
Avoiding your crush altogether isn’t feasible if you have a super tight deadline or a big presentation coming up.
In that case, change your location so that at least you’re not always in each other’s presence. (This doesn’t mean it’s time to start working from home; instead, ask for another desk elsewhere.)
If all else fails, consider replacing yourself—if your company is growing and adding new positions, talk to HR about getting transferred elsewhere.
Hopefully things won’t come to that point (and hopefully no one catches on), but it never hurts to be prepared for emergency measures.
10. Be your own best advocate and do what’s best for you
Before you start looking for a new position, focus on what it is that makes you great at your job. Then, identify what it is that will make you great at your next job.
Finally, take some time to really figure out why it’s necessary for you to change jobs (assuming it is).
If things are going well at your current workplace and there are no dire reasons why moving on is necessary, look hard at whether or not leaving might be an act of self-sabotage.
While nothing is guaranteed in life, breaking up with an employer before they break up with you may mean burning bridges before they get a chance to cool off—and without another opportunity waiting for you just around the corner.
If your crush doesn’t reciprocate your feelings and leaves you feeling hopeless about ever being able to be just friends, focus on improving yourself as an employee instead of pining after something that will never happen.
Try joining a networking group outside of work or tackling personal projects at home. You’ll make new friends, stay productive and maybe even meet someone who shares more than just mutual interests with you!
Just listen to your intuition and do what you think is the best option for you. After all, it’s your life and you know who suits best for your personality.
My final thoughts on how to get over someone you work with is that there are really no best ways for each individual situation. When it comes to our emotions, what is best for one person may not be best for another. We all process our emotions differently.
That’s why it’s important to find what works best for you. As I’ve said before, don’t beat yourself up if your recovery process looks different than others’. Take each day as it comes and never forget that recovery is a journey – not a destination. Good luck!
Related resources: How to get over someone you like?
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