Relationships are not one-size-fits-all. They are different for every couple.
There is no set of rules for what makes a healthy relationship and there is no magic formula that will make all relationships last.
But there are some key serious relationship questions you can ask yourself and your boyfriend, girlfriend, or partner to determine whether your relationship is healthy and sustainable.
Serious relationship questions
Here are some serious relationship questions to ask yourself and your partner:
1. How do I know If I love my partner?
You have to ask yourself if you feel a strong connection with your partner. You can’t be in love if you don’t feel close to them.
And this doesn’t mean that you have to be constantly physically or emotionally intimate with them — it means that, when you are together, there is a sense of being on the same team, a feeling of home and having each other’s backs.
2. Are there any serious underlying issues in our relationship that we need to address?
This is one of the most serious relationship questions to ask yourself. Red flags are usually obvious, but sometimes they can be hidden under the surface.
For example, if you feel like your partner has been lying to you or hiding something from you, it could be that they’re cheating on you.
You need to ask yourself why this is happening and how it will affect your relationship moving forward.
3. Have you ever cheated on someone?
This is a serious question that is asked in relationships, especially in the early stages.
Some might consider it, a test of trust and loyalty, while others believe it can reveal a whole lot about the other person.
4. What’s your s#xual orientation?
This one can be awkward for some people to answer, but they should know what they are getting into before they get into it.
If you are gay or straight, bis#xual or pans#xual — whatever it may be — let them know so that they know what to expect from this relationship.
5. Are we fulfilling each other needs, wants, desires and fantasies?
There is no right or wrong answer here. You need to figure out what you want out of life and make sure both of you are on the same page when it comes to expectations for yourselves, each other, and your relationship.
If there is a difference in opinion between either of you, then it’s important to talk through those issues until they can be resolved peacefully because if they’re not resolved peacefully, then they’ll undermine your happiness as a couple down the road.
6. Do I need to share my secrets and past mistakes with my partner?
This is such a difficult question to answer because it requires you to be honest with yourself about your past mistakes and shortcomings.
It requires you to look at yourself through your partner’s eyes, which can be a very painful process. But ultimately, it’s worth it because it will help you make better choices moving forward.
7. Do we communicate effortlessly without hiding anything?
You need to communicate openly and honestly with your partner from day one. You’ll want to be able to talk about anything with them without fear of judgment or ridicule — especially when it comes to s#x.
But just because you can talk about s#x doesn’t mean you should.
Remember that there are some things that are just too personal for public consumption, like whether or not someone has a foot fetish or what kind of porn they watch (or if they even watch any at all).
8. How should I handle infidelity with my partner?
This is such an important question because many people enter into relationships with their fair share of baggage from previous relationships or experiences with cheating or infidelity.
If this has happened before, it’s important for both partners to discuss what went wrong and what needs to change going forward if there is another instance of cheating or infidelity in the future.
9. Does your partner make an effort to spend time with friends and family members outside of the relationship, even if they don’t like them very much?
If so, that’s good! This shows independence and self-confidence, which are great qualities in any partner (and signs that this person won’t be clingy in the future).
On the other hand, if your partner doesn’t make an effort to spend time with people outside of the relationship, then this could be a sign that they’re too focused on the two of you being a pair and not interested in branching out on their own (which could affect how many friends they have later on down the road).
10. What do you want from me?
Not only will this question helps you understand what your partner wants from you in the relationship, but also it helps each individual determine if the other person wants something similar out of life as well.
It also allows both individuals room to grow together.
11. Do you believe in monogamy?
It’s important for both partners to be on the same page when it comes to this topic.
Because if one partner is not comfortable with monogamy and another wants it, then there could be some problems down the road when they decide they want more than one partner or vice versa.
12. Is everything okay between us as it appears on the outside?
You need to know where you stand and how your partner feels about the relationship.
You should be able to openly discuss anything that bothers either of you without feeling judged or judged for it.
13. Are kids involved in this relationship? If so, are we raising them correctly?
This is such a serious question that if you have kids together, it needs special attention because it can affect their lives greatly if something were to happen between the two of you later on down the line.
You should discuss this issue at length with your partner so that both of you know where you stand in this relationship.
14. Do we want to buy a house together or are we renting? Are we saving for retirement together or separately?
You need to have an idea of where you are headed as a couple and what your long-term goals are, as well as how much money you need to make it happen.
Getting married doesn’t mean that you have to buy a house right away, but if that is something that you want to do, then make sure you plan ahead.
15. How does money get spent in our household? How much does each person contribute to the monthly budget and how much does each person spend on their own personal spending?
Do we have separate accounts or a joint account for all expenses, or is it a combination of both options?
This is such an important question because it will help determine how much each person contributes towards the household expenses.
If one person makes more than the other and they contribute more towards bills, then there may be resentment if they feel like they are carrying their partner financially.
On the other hand, if both partners contribute equally towards bills regardless of income level, then there may not be any resentment at all!
16. How much respect do we have for each other?
You need to be honest with yourself. Do you feel like your partner is trying to control you or push you around? Do you feel like he/she doesn’t respect you as an individual?
If so, then that’s a problem. You need to talk about it and try to work through it together.
Serious relationship questions for couples
The following are some very serious relationship questions for couples to consider:
1. Is the s#x good? If not, why not? If it’s great, does it make up for everything else that’s wrong in the relationship?
2. Is your partner cheating on you or lying about something important?
3. Does your partner constantly put themselves down and make fun of themselves in front of others (or even just when they think no one is listening)?
4. Do they have an unhealthy addiction that might be affecting their behavior — drinking too much, drugs, gambling, porn, etc.? Is this a problem that can be dealt with or will it always be a problem? Is this a deal breaker for me?
5. Are you more concerned with what other people think than what your partner thinks?
6. Does it seem like your partner doesn’t really care about your feelings and wants to control everything about you?
7. Is it hard for you to get a word in edgewise when talking to your partner?
8. What is the meaning of your relationship?
9. What are the values you share?
10. How do you feel when you’re with this person?
11. What do you want from this relationship?
12. Is there something missing in your life, and do you think this person can fill that void?
13. Do you feel emotionally safe with your partner?
14. Do you feel physically safe with your partner?
15. Do you feel like you can trust your partner to respect your boundaries?
16. Do you feel like your partner is supportive of your goals, dreams, and ambitions?
17. Do you feel like your partner truly understands and appreciates who you are as a person?
18. Can you talk openly with your partner about things that make you uncomfortable or upset?
19. Are you in touch with your feelings?
20. Have you been able to express them?
21. Do you feel like something has changed?
22. Is it a good change or a bad one?
23. Are you still attracted to each other?
24. Do you still trust each other?
25. Are you having fun together?
26. Do you have similar goals and dreams for the future?
27. Are you still happy with your relationship?
28. Has your partner changed?
29. Do you feel like you’ve changed?
30. Do you want to be with this person forever?
31. Do you feel like you can’t talk to each other anymore?
32. Is my partner supportive when things go wrong?
33. Do I feel appreciated for who I am, not just for what I do?
34. Am I happy with the way things are going in my life right now? If not, how can my relationship be improved so that it becomes more healthy and fulfilling for both of us?
35. Do you feel like you’re always apologizing?
36. Do you feel guilty a lot of the time?
37. Does it feel like your partner always has to be right?
38. Do you feel like there’s no compromise in the relationship?
39. Do both of you feel good about the relationship?
40. Do you share common interests and values?
Serious relationship questions to ask him
Here is a list of serious relationship questions to ask your boyfriend or husband:
1. Do you love me?
2. What do you think about marriage? (If he’s interested in marriage, he’ll be more likely to agree.)
3. Are you willing to move in together? (Talking about moving in together is a sure sign that he’s serious about the relationship.)
4. Do you want children? (This is one of the most important questions.)
5. How long do you think we should date before getting engaged or married? (This will show if he has any plans for the future with you.)
6. If we get married, where would you like to live? (If he says anywhere other than your hometown or home country, it may mean he doesn’t really want a long-term relationship with you.)
7. Why did you choose me over all other women?
8. What do you like about my body?
9. What was your first impression of me?
10. What was the craziest thing we’ve ever done together?
11. What is one thing that would surprise me about you?
12. What’s something I don’t know about your childhood?
13. What’s one thing that people don’t know about your job/career/work life but should know?
14. If we could go on a vacation together and not tell anyone where we were going or when we’d return, where would it be?
Also read: 20 Serious questions to ask your boyfriend
Serious relationship questions to ask her
Here is a list of serious relationship questions to ask your girlfriend or wife:
1. Do you believe in soul mates or true love at first sight? If so, how did you know that when/if it happened to you?
2. Is there anything that makes you feel insecure about yourself or life, in general, these days? If so, how do you deal with those feelings and how can I help you to make you feel better?
3. “What does your dream house look like?”
4. “How do you want to be remembered?”
5. “What’s something you never wanted to admit about yourself?”
6. “If you could go back in time, what would you change?”
7. “What is your biggest secret?”
8. “What’s something that makes you feel powerful?”
9. “What do you regret most about your past relationships?”
10. Is communication nonjudgmental and open?
11. Do we have similar expectations for the future?
12. Are you willing to compromise in order to resolve differences?
Serious relationship questions to ask your partner
Here is a list of serious relationship questions to ask your partner:
1. Are there any secrets in your relationship that should be brought out into the open?
2. Do we communicate well?
3. Do we support each other’s goals?
4. Are our finances in order?
5. Are we on the same page about children and marriage?
6. What do you want out of life, especially from this relationship?
7. What is the most important thing in your life right now?
8. What kind of house would we live in and why?
9. Would we have kids and when? If so, how many and why that many (if it’s not yet decided)?
10. What kind of person are you attracted to and why? Are there any types of people who turn you off completely and why (if it’s not yet decided)?
11. What sort of friends do you have now and what type of friends do you want for yourself/us as a couple (if it’s not yet decided)?
Deep and Serious things to say to your partner when you are in a committed relationship
1. I am not afraid of rejection, but I am afraid of losing you.
2. You are a part of my life and it feels right to have you in it.
3. If I had to choose between breathing and loving you, I would use my last breath to say, “I love you.”
4. If I could be anything in the world that I wanted to be, I would be your tear drop because they fall from my eyes every time that I think about you.
5. I’m not perfect and I don’t want you to be perfect either because our imperfections make us perfect for each other!
6. I’m so lucky to have found someone as beautiful inside as they are on the outside…and that person is you.