At some point in your life, you may find yourself in this situation. A one-night stand with an attractive person or your boyfriend/girlfriend who has left you with more than just an empty feeling inside.
It’s perhaps not the most embarrassing thing to happen, but it does leave you with an indescribable feeling of emptiness and disappointment in yourself.
And you may wonder how to get over someone you slept with once?
Are you tired of thinking about that one time you hooked up with someone?
Does it feel like you can’t stop thinking about them?
Have they left you heartbroken, wounded, confused?
Has it affected your day-to-day life? If so,
How long does it take to get over someone you have feelings for?
Is there a way to do it effectively and ethically so that you can move on?
The answers to all these questions have led to different ways of approaching the situation, but all without success.
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In this practical guide, you’ll find out how to let go of someone you slept with, why you still think about them, and how to move on from hooking up with them.
- Step 1: Forgive yourself.
- Step 2: Admit you made a mistake.
- Step 3: Face your fears and feelings.
- Step 4: Let go of your attachment to controlling everything.
- Step 5: Know Your Value.
- Step 6: Stop taking it personally.
- Step 7: Focus on self-care.
- Step 8: Learn from past mistakes and move on.
How to get over someone you slept with?
how to get over someone you slept with? It is not impossible, but it’s definitely hard. If you want some magical formula that will have your heart feeling differently about that person tomorrow or next week, there isn’t one.
Because of its complexity and intimacy, s#x tends to bring up intense emotions in people. Most people feel guilty after sleeping with someone they’re not in a relationship with—it’s almost universal.
That feeling doesn’t fade easily or quickly. It takes time for guilt to subside and can come back when triggered by reminders of what happened or when talking about it triggers feelings of rejection, shame, unworthiness, etc.
Research shows that most of the people who have had a one-night stand, feel bad about it afterward—even if they really liked it and wanted to see their partner again.
And the cause of constantly thinking about the person is due to your unhealthy emotional attachment styles.
Why does sex cause emotional attachment?
A love hormone called ‘Oxytocin’ plays a central role in bonding and connection between people, especially emotional attachment.
Those feelings are released through touch – both non-sexual and sexual. As a result, sex with anybody, even a total stranger, can result in feelings of attachment and connection from the very beginning.
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Can we truly ‘get over’ someone we’ve shared an intimate relationship with (such as sexual intercourse) and if so, what does it mean to do so? The answer is ‘yes, in some sense, but usually in a non-intuitive way.
What happens when things don’t work out so smoothly?
What do we do when we feel used, abused, betrayed, or worst of all – heartbroken?
Do we simply let go of our past attachments and try to move on knowing that they’ll never truly leave us because a part of us will always carry around memories of these experiences?
Or can we really ‘get over’ such emotional baggage without hurting ourselves in some way during the process?
The answer varies for each individual. No single person responds to the situation in a similar way.
Some people might be able to get away with just ‘moving on’ without doing any real work beyond simply suppressing their feelings until they go away.
Others might even try delving deeper than just suppressing emotions by venting out their frustrations.
But both of these types of emotional coping strategies are ultimately unsustainable over time. Suppressing doesn’t allow us to learn anything new about ourselves, nor does isolating ourselves in order to temporarily escape our emotions.
Because remember – getting over someone doesn’t necessarily mean forgetting about them.
It means changing how we feel towards them in healthy ways (emotionally/spiritually) – allowing us to engage with life again after experiencing great loss or pain caused by these past relationships.
In other words, it’s about learning from our past experiences so that we can move forward in ways that are healthier and more well-rounded. It’s not easy, but it is possible.
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5 Steps to get over someone you slept with.
Step 1: Forgive yourself.
Only then will you be able to move forward and not waste any more time thinking about it.
It’s easy to point fingers at yourself and use all sorts of excuses for why things didn’t work out, but such self-blame does nothing but perpetuate your pain and keep you stuck in a cycle of negativity.
Yes, it was probably partially your fault or perhaps even fully responsible for what happened – but holding onto guilt will only hold back positive change in your life.
So let go! Let go of everything that has ever happened and look forward to a bright future full of endless possibilities for goodness and love.
Because there certainly are enough people who deserve your time and efforts elsewhere than just here sitting around feeling sorry for yourself.
Step 2: Admit you made a mistake.
The hardest part is getting over someone you slept with is accepting responsibility for your actions. We live in a society where s#x is almost glorified as an achievement rather than acknowledged as intimacy.
Too often, we lose sight of what it means to really care for another person. And when our judgment is clouded by desire, we end up doing things we don’t mean or wouldn’t normally do.
In order to let go of a mistake like this, you have to admit first that it was indeed a mistake – something you regret but also something from which you can learn. Look at why it happened and start taking steps towards improving yourself moving forward.
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Step 3: Face your fears and feelings.
It’s important that we don’t hide from our own emotions, otherwise, they will become a burden that we carry around for a long time.
It is in facing our insecurities, fears, and cluster of emotional attachments that we allow ourselves to see exactly what it is about these relationships that are causing us pain in order to finally let go of them.
When looking inward at these emotions – ask yourself what are my deepest fears.
Why do I feel hurt and angry?
Why do I feel lost or confused?
It’s important that you don’t immediately try to make sense of everything. Just let your feelings be felt and not judged for a little while until you start to see a pattern in what is bothering you emotionally.
Then make a list of all of your desires and wishes for yourself in regard to being able to let go completely of these past attachments that have been plaguing your life.
Step 4: Let go of your attachment to controlling everything.
Realize that it is not possible for us to control everything that happens around us, which means that it isn’t wise or healthy for us to be worrying about every little thing in our lives – including what might happen if we were able to let go of certain relationships.
While we should always stay positive and hopeful, we must allow ourselves room to feel bad sometimes as well because feeling good all of the time can be harmful.
If taking care of yourself is one of your main goals when trying to deal with heartbreak or fear, then try reminding yourself that only by letting go of the past will truly be able to help find out who you are as an individual.
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Step 5: Know Your Value.
I’m talking more here about intrinsic value. To know yourself isn’t just understanding who you are at your core, but who you want to be in life.
If there were any moments in bed that made you uncomfortable, ask yourself why. If there were moments when things felt wrong even while they felt good, realize that perhaps he wasn’t truly right for you after all.
Knowing who you are as a person makes everything easier because instead of focusing on what someone else thinks about you, you’re focusing on yourself. After all, we can be just as happy being alone as we can being around other people.
So don’t use other people as a crutch for your happiness or validation. True happiness comes from within ourselves and how we choose to live our lives every day.
Step 6: Stop taking it personally.
Sometimes knowing your self-worth has little to do with how many people actually desire or love you. Sometimes it has everything to do with how you feel inside regardless of circumstance.
Putting trust in others requires no small amount of courage. When someone betrays that trust, it’s natural to take it personally. But only if you allow yourself to judge him/her based on what they did instead of why they did it.
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Step 7: Focus on self-care.
If there’s one mantra that I’ve learned from countless hours of self-care, it’s that if we cling onto something tightly enough, it will only force us to let go.
In other words, if we try too hard not to think about something – a mistake or a betrayal – it will only make our minds focus more intensely on those thoughts which is why mindfulness is so important in allowing yourself space from difficult emotions.
If you feel like your spouse doesn’t show similar feelings towards you because he/she didn’t value your relationship anymore.
Realize that perhaps they did value it, but were unable to explain their reasons for straying or they didn’t even connect with you from the beginning itself.
Step 8: Learn from past mistakes and move on.
No matter how much experience someone seems to have under their belt, affairs always come down to mistakes made along the way.
One of those mistakes is losing sight of how important your own needs are. As an adult, you should never make another adult do anything against his or her wishes.
And you should never make yourself compromise to accommodate someone else’s needs either.
There are always lessons to be learned, but once you learn them, your next step is putting them to use for a better future.
Now that you’ve put your past behind you, look forward with eager anticipation to what lies ahead. So get over it and move on from someone you slept with.
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Tips on how to get over someone you slept with
Getting over someone you slept with requires patience, focus, and time. But above all else, it requires honesty and self-reflection.
That is, being honest with yourself about what happened, why it happened, and whether or not you’re ready to put your relationship back together again.
Because if you are, then you’ll find that forgiveness is easier than most people think. And if you aren’t, then it will give both of you a chance to move on without regrets…or resentment.
Here are 10 tips for improving yourself to get over someone you slept with:
1. Set better boundaries for yourself – If there’s anything that I’ve learned in my own life, it’s that boundaries are essential when it comes to achieving emotional freedom in all areas of life.
2. Practice radical self-love – Do whatever it takes to learn how to love yourself again because true self-love is at the core of who we are as human beings.
3. Take a step back from your ex-partner and look at them objectively – Forget about all of those sweet things they did for you because that’s all in your head now.
4. Learn from your mistakes – Don’t beat yourself up for things that are in your past, but do try and figure out what went wrong so that you can avoid making similar mistakes again in future relationships.
5. Focus on positivity and looking forward – Do things that make you happy and set a good example for other people in your life.
Because a positive outlook is contagious and can bring great influence upon others who might be going through similar struggles in their own lives.
6. Focus your attention outward – The more we focus our attention on ourselves, especially when we’re going through emotional pain or mental turmoil then it’s a lot harder for us to see things clearly and make sense of things from a bigger picture perspective.
7. Seek out people who inspire you – Connecting with like-minded, positive people can be an excellent way for us to gain some insight into other ways of thinking and ways of living life, which might even help shape our own perspectives.
8. Build something positive for yourself – Even when we feel like our world is falling apart around us, it’s still possible for us to build something positive out of all of our experiences.
9. Look towards finding your purpose – The more we look for ways in which we can gain a sense of meaning or fulfillment in our lives, then it’s likely that we’ll find deeper satisfaction in what we do every day.
10. Take time for yourself to move on– Whether that’s reading a book, going out for a walk, or sitting in silence and introspection, take some time to do things that are positive for your emotional health and well-being.
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My final thoughts on how to get over someone you slept with at work or anywhere is to not make it an issue. Try not to think about them at all; which is easier said than done but do your best.
Remember what you or they did was wrong and make sure it does not happen again by using your mistake as a stepping stone to becoming a better person. Never look back; keep walking forward until you forget that they ever existed.
I believe that it’s never easy to say goodbye but if you know deep down in your heart that it is what is best for both parties involved, then all you can do is try and be strong.
Allow yourself time to grieve because that person has made an impact in your life whether they meant to or not. I hope all of these steps have helped you realize what must be done if it’s possible for things to work out between both parties.
Good luck, my friend. If there are any ways I could help just let me know!
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How to get over someone who cheated and lied?
How to get over someone you never had?
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