Is friends with benefits bad? Some say that FWB relationships are horrible and will never work, some say that there is nothing wrong with having a friend like you have some fun every once in a while and some say it’s just a natural and great way of having fun.
But which side is right? Well, believe it or not, all three sides are actually right. Why? Because right depends on who you ask.
Some people don’t want more than a purely s#xual relationship out of fear that becoming too emotionally attached to their partner would ruin things between them.
Other people seek an emotional connection without being committed to anything serious just because they enjoy s#x without love. Still, others prefer a regular no-strings attached h##kup.
Also read: How long can a friends with benefits relationship last?
And that doesn’t mean they aren’t open to falling in love – what it means is that they know falling for someone new isn’t always something you can control (or plan for).
Most importantly, regardless of your feelings about friends with benefits relationships, one thing everyone can agree on is whether you choose to see an FWB regularly or just hit it off at one time (and then leave each other alone).
Make sure your expectations line up first so neither party ends up disappointed if expectations change over time as most often happens.
s#x may be temporary but when two people share their lives together – s#x comes along with emotions and sometimes trust issues arise especially if someone isn’t careful enough.
Also read: Do guys care about their FWB? (As per research study)
So,
Is friends with benefits bad?
FWBs can be either really good or really bad, depending on how they’re done. There are many people out there who engage in FWBs strictly for pleasure and without any emotional attachment whatsoever.
This type of FWB is completely fine as long as both parties are happy and enjoying themselves! However, it gets problematic when one party starts developing feelings for their FWB.
This can be particularly hard if you’re already involved in another long-term romantic relationship.
Also read: Do guys fall in love with friends with benefits?
Ultimately, there’s no real harm in having a friend-with-benefits – even if you aren’t currently looking for a serious relationship – as long as everyone’s on board and it’s consensual between all parties involved.
It might not seem like your traditional idea of romance but – sometimes rules need to be broken! Just remember: an FWB should never feel forced upon you by your partner, so if that’s what you feel like you’re experiencing – get out now.
You’ll only end up feeling unsatisfied at best and cheated at worst. Friends-with-benefits isn’t supposed to make anyone feel used or objectified – it’s about two people getting together just because they want some fun.
Also read: 30 Friends with benefits rules
Why friends with benefits is bad?
Firstly, there’s nothing inherently bad about FWBs. The best thing about them is that they give you and your partner the freedom to have fun and enjoy yourselves without needing to worry about committing yourself or taking things too seriously.
However, people can definitely make FWBs bad. If either party feels like they’re being taken advantage of or exploited then it’s time for things to come to an end.
Just because you don’t feel any feelings towards your FWB doesn’t mean that they don’t feel anything towards you – if someone starts trying to control you, manipulate you or cheat on you then it’s definitely time for both of you to move on.
That said, being single doesn’t always mean that we want an FWB! You might not necessarily be looking for a serious relationship, but still want to get laid regularly.
Also read: How to be friends with benefits? (12 steps)
Or maybe you are open to casual relationships, but just haven’t had any luck.
As long as everyone’s happy and everyone knows what they’re getting into, I see no problem with having multiple FWBs at once as opposed to being in one monogamous relationship.
It all depends on how you define success; it might sound crazy but some people actually prefer having more than one FWB at once over settling down with only one person ever.
But more importantly: why do friends-with-benefits turn into girlfriends/boyfriends? Usually, when two people have been engaging in casual s#x for a while, their s#x lives become intertwined – even if they originally didn’t intend to develop romantic feelings.
Sooner or later, one of you might say something that makes it clear that you aren’t content with just s#x, prompting your FWB to reconsider their position regarding you. Is he/she falling in love with me?
Also read: What does friends with benefits mean to a guy?
Having s#xual feelings for another person should never be a surprise – after all, we’re human beings and s#x does involve quite a bit of skin-on-skin contact so s#xual attraction is almost guaranteed at some point.
And that means if you’ve decided to start FWBs then there will probably be times where these s#xual thoughts inevitably cross your mind.
Some important questions:
What should I do next?
Should I say something?
Should we stop seeing each other? There are really no hard and fast rules here since every situation between two different people is unique.
To determine whether or not you should pursue a romantic relationship, ask yourself 3 key questions:
- Are my needs being met by him/her?
- Do I genuinely care about him/her as a person?
- Can we maintain our friendship outside of our s#x life?
If you answered yes to all three questions then go ahead – tell him/her how you feel! If you answered yes to one or two questions, think it over and try to answer them again later.
Also read: 20 Benefits of friends with benefits
If you answered no to one or all of those questions, then maybe a romantic relationship isn’t for you. Still, that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t find ways to help fill those gaps – for example, buy a new toy and learn a few new tricks.
Maybe now’s also a good time to read up on dating tips before trying out real-life scenarios.
After reading through countless forum posts and articles surrounding friends with benefits situations, my conclusion is that most of us lead fairly busy lives that tend to take priority over everything else – including romance.
Also read: Why friends with benefits is bad?
30 reasons why friends with benefits is bad
1. It is impossible to see if they are really in love with you or not:
There’s just no way of knowing because your FWB can very well be screwing three other people. So, unless you’re happy being someone’s fifth wheel – avoid FWBs at all costs.
It’s better off looking for a man who’ll treat you like his princess than ending up as some random girl he keeps having s#x with when he gets bored.
Think about it, do you want him telling you how much he loves and adores you or your sister?
While there aren’t any laws against FWBs, it’s better not to get emotionally involved if they’re simply using you for their own pleasure. Your heart will only break in the end and that is something that nobody needs.
2. You won’t find your soulmate (unless you settle with your FWB)
All it takes is one FWB fling to realize that they’re not worth all that much. FWBs are not meant for finding love – they’re a way of releasing all your pent-up frustration.
However, if you do happen to meet someone who’s special – then great! Just make sure he knows exactly what kind of relationship you two have before you get too serious and fall in love with him.
You wouldn’t want a guy thinking that you’ll be his wife while you’d prefer staying his FWB forever, right?
3. It makes you lose your self-respect:
All that meaningless s#x with a guy who doesn’t care about you will make you start feeling worthless and as if you’re not enough for anyone to love or even respect.
It might seem like fun at first, but soon enough, it’ll become more like a chore – and nobody deserves that! The best thing to do is just stay away from FWBs altogether.
4. There is a risk of getting an STD:
You have no idea what kind of STDs your FWB might be carrying or even if he’s ever been tested before – making it very easy for you to get infected without him having any clue.
Also, since FWBs are just good for one thing, there’s always a high chance of getting pregnant so be careful.
5. Friends with benefits are emotionally exhausting:
The emotional attachment that you’ll feel for your FWB will only result in heartbreak because there’s a very real chance of getting dumped on a whim.
If you want some fun and nothing serious, then go ahead and have an FWB but don’t do it if you think that one day, he might be the one.
All FWBs eventually turn into casual relationships or actual relationships, so just be prepared for anything that might happen. At least you know exactly what kind of man you’re dealing with.
6. They’re bad for your physical, mental and psychological health:
No one can make you feel like shit more than an FWB, whether it’s intentional or not.
It’s only a matter of time before he makes you feel depressed and worthless because in his head, that is all you are good for – right?
So, unless you want your heart broken and body riddled with disease, try staying away from them.
Make sure he knows how much respect you have for yourself before getting into any kind of relationship so he doesn’t hurt you.
That way, at least there’ll be no surprises in store for either of you. You should never go into a friendship just expecting s#x – because that’s all it will ever be.
Also read: What do friends with benefits do together? (17 Things you should know)
7. They’re not worth your time and efforts:
All in all, FWBs just aren’t worth it.
There are plenty of good men/women out there who’ll actually care about you and treat you like a lady and not just some random girl who can satisfy their needs.
That’s why it’s better to avoid FWBs at all costs unless you just want meaningless s#x and nothing else.
8. You never know when he/she might have enough:
Your FWB will eventually get tired of sleeping around without any commitment or even without ever telling you how he feels
The last thing you want is him getting tired of having s#x with only one person after having had fun for several months – which happens more often than one would think.
9. FWB relationship can turn into an addiction and can influence unhealthy habits
Yes, having s#x with someone is fun – at least at that moment. However, there are plenty of other things you can do that will be more exciting and interesting.
Having an FWB would only mean losing out on exploring your options and getting bored of one person in no time.
So yes, it is better to stay away from FWBs unless you want s#x without even knowing his/her name.
10. You’ll be stuck in your comfort zone:
The worst thing about FWBs is that they don’t even challenge you in any way.
Sure, being constantly bored is fun and everything but don’t you want more than that?
Don’t you want someone who’ll make you question your morals and beliefs at least once a day?
Someone who will change your life for better or worse? If yes, then stay away from FWBs! They’ll never make you better or worse – only fatter and sadder.
11. You’ll be missing out on something better:
Don’t you think it’s time you stopped clinging onto FWBs and started looking for someone real? All your FWB will ever be is just a friend and nothing more – so let go of him already.
You might actually meet someone who’ll make all that drama in your life worth it in no time if you only stop being a coward and get out there already.
Stop wasting your youth away on FWBs and start living like there’s no tomorrow. Your time will never come again, so why waste it?
There are plenty of good men/women out there who would treat you right but only if you let them.
Also read: Can fwb turn into a relationship?
12. You’ll end up getting hurt:
There is a 99% chance that you’ll get hurt if you stick around your FWB for too long because people change over time and it doesn’t matter how much you love them or try, eventually, they will move on and leave you behind.
However, that doesn’t mean never falling in love – just not with an FWB.
Falling in love with someone who can reciprocate your feelings without even being in a real relationship is pure madness.
So instead of trying something stupid, that might land you right into a pool of tears, go out there and meet some better people.
13. One of the partners can attach emotionally to the other:
For some reason, people always think that FWBs don’t actually have feelings or are incapable of loving anyone – but that’s not true.
So, yes, even your FWB can fall in love with you if you’re so into each other for a long time.
However, there is no future in that kind of love and it’ll only end up hurting both of you more than anything else.
14. You’ll be giving him/her everything they want:
Does having s#x feel like nothing more than an exchange of energy? Like you’re just fulfilling his/her needs and not your own at all?
If yes, then you need to get out there now! Yes, it’s true that he/she is attracted to you but only because he knows that no one else will give him what he wants.
So instead of keeping someone who doesn’t love you back in your life, meet someone who will make all your dreams come true.
15. You’ll never have a good night’s sleep:
Once you start having FWBs, it will be impossible for you to ever have a good night’s sleep.
Sleeping next to someone who is not your partner means that there’ll always be something weighing on your mind and preventing you from falling asleep.
If you can even fall asleep in the first place.
This is especially true when you don’t see each other for several days or weeks at a time. Not only does that make it hard for both of you but also for your real relationship.
16. You’ll lose respect for him/her:
The moment you stop respecting someone, it’s hard to see them as anything other than a stranger.
Since FWBs are never in a real relationship, there is no real commitment on either side and that means that both of you can do whatever you want whenever you want.
So when things start getting more serious between you two, it’s natural that your partner will start saying or doing things that make you angry or upset because he doesn’t have any limits.
So instead of letting that happen, why not break up now?
Also read: Casual friends with benefits vs Committed FWB
17. He/she might hurt you physically:
FWBs are not in a real relationship and that means that there is no commitment.
Since there’s no commitment, your partner doesn’t have any reason to take care of you or think about what he does and says – which can lead him to be abusive.
So instead of letting yourself get hurt physically or emotionally, end things now. It’s better to end things now before they even begin than to go through all that pain later on.
18. You’ll feel guilty:
When you finally decide that it’s time for an FWB relationship to stop, both of you will feel like crap because everything was fun while it lasted – but then things get complicated once feelings start getting involved.
And instead of trying to fix things and make them work out in a healthy way, many people choose just to feel bad about themselves and about their actions even if they were fine with all that before. So don’t go through all that guilt right now.
19. He/she might cheat on you:
The whole point of having a FWBs is to experience something different from your real relationships without any commitment or responsibility – so why wouldn’t your partner take advantage of it?
If he hasn’t cheated yet, that doesn’t mean he won’t and if he did, then maybe he’ll do it again. So instead of risking that happening and losing your trust in him forever, just end things now.
It’s better to end things now before they even begin than to go through all that pain later on.
20. You’ll feel lonely:
There are only two kinds of people who have FWB relationships: Those who genuinely love s#x and don’t want anything else out of their partner and those who just can’t be committed.
And even if you’re in an FWB relationship because you love s#x, at some point, it will get boring. And when that happens, instead of trying to work things out or make them better, why not just break up now?
21. Your friends will think less of you:
The whole point of FWBs is not letting other people know about your personal life – especially your friends! That way they won’t ask too many questions about what’s going on between you two.
But one day, your friends might figure out that something is going on and then there will be a whole lot of explaining to do.
22. He/she might want a commitment, but not you:
Even if he says he doesn’t want anything else but an FWB relationship, don’t believe him because it will happen eventually.
Even if it doesn’t, eventually you’ll want more out of a partner because s#x alone isn’t enough for any real lasting happiness in a relationship – so why even risk it?
Instead, just end things now! It’s better to end things now before they even begin than to go through all that pain later on.
23. The other person could be using you:
There are times when FWBs can be mutually beneficial and great – but there are also cases where one person is much more into it than another and takes advantage of his position by getting whatever he wants from someone who is into him.
In such situations, people never get what they really want or need out of a relationship and end up feeling empty.
24. You might start loving him/her:
When you’re in an FWB relationship, you’ll most likely make excuses for him/her and even convince yourself that your partner really is a great guy/girl and is worth getting into a real relationship – but you’ll be making a huge mistake.
Because chances are, he isn’t as nice as he makes himself out to be – so why risk your heart? Just end things now. It’s better to end things now before they even begin than to go through all that pain later on.
25. They might change how they feel about you:
This can happen anytime depending on how either of you feels at any point in time, which will leave you wondering what’s going on.
And then one day, if either of you begins to fall for each other or decide it’s time to move on, your whole relationship will crash down around you and that’s bad for your health too.
Also read: 15 Pros and Cons of Friends With Benefits
26. You might regret and ruin your future:
FWBs are never good for your self-esteem. In fact, it can be downright horrible.
You might start questioning whether you’re good enough or even attractive enough for someone else. So how does that make you feel? Not too great, right?
27. He/she could have a better partner and leave you alone suddenly:
You might think you’re it and there’s no one else in his/her life but that can change anytime.
And if someone comes along who is better than you in every way, your partner will dump you without an iota of guilt. So do yourself a favor, it’s better not to start an FWB relationship at all.
28. It can turn your whole life upside down:
Most FWBs work for a time but when things begin to go downhill, you’ll either end up hating yourself or hating your partner.
And that makes it hard for you to focus on anything else in your life. So instead of letting things get out of hand and wrecking your love life entirely, just end things now.
29. They may not know how much you care about them:
Since s#x is always expected in an FWB relationship, people rarely reveal their true feelings – so if they suddenly break up with you, they won’t know how much heartbreak they might have caused.
30. Rarely an FWB really works:
So there are no guarantees that your particular FWB would work out too.
Because, as it happens, some couples who choose to be FWBs turn out to be great together while others don’t and can ruin each other’s lives. It’s like putting your life in someone else’s hands – and trust me, that never works.
So instead of playing with fire and hoping for success.
Final thoughts
In conclusion, if you’re in an FWB situation, what matters most is that you and your partner are honest about where you want things to go.
There’s no black and white answer as everyone has their own version of right and wrong.
But one thing we can say for sure is that people who are upfront from start (and don’t play games) are more likely to be satisfied in every aspect of their lives – including s#x.
So if you’re going into an FWB situation just make sure that both parties know what they’re getting into beforehand.
Whether it works out or not, only time will tell, but at least there won’t be any disappointments when relationships change over time.
After all, it’s better to have loved than never have loved at all.
